A polite way to say no crying babies during the ceremony

flantastic

redoryx said:

nyarmosh said:

Thanks for your input. I come from a culture where in my family weddings are considered adult celebrations with drinking and celebrating not really suitable for kids. My fiancé comes from a family that has everyone invited to the wedding - its a large family reunion style celebration. I was trying to come up with a compromise, parents can choose not bring their child to the wedding, but if they did, then a babysitter could help. For argument's sake, it sounds more rude to completely not invite someone's family member, than to offer an babysitter onsite. If they didn't bring the child, they would be paying for a babysitter themselves anyway (or asking a friend/ relative to help).

Side note about not inviting kids - I don't actually think it's rude - if you are a bride and have chosen to have child free wedding, its your day, your money, your choice!

Happy planning!

****boxes boxes****

That's because not inviting kids isn't rude. Child Free weddings are completely acceptable. What IS rude is inviting the whole family and then having them arrive and say "Oh, sorry, you need to leave Junior with this babysitter here who you quite possibly have never ever met before." 

Right. An invite is an invite, full stop - not an invite only to some parts of the event. If the kids aren't invited, that's fine. Not rude. Mom and Dad will decide whether they can come alone and will arrange their own trusted childcare. If the kids are invited, they need to be fully welcome to all parts of the event.

Knottie87702627

I think the "it's just a rude to not invite children" thing is specific to babies. While a mother is breast feeding she may be a "unit" her and the baby or neither. She cannot have a babysitter at an alternative site because she needs to feed her baby. She is also VERY unlikely to leave her newborn, nursing baby with a stranger. While planning my wedding (before I even sent out invites) I spoke to my friends who are parents and asked them how they felt about "no children except family" this was actually more due to numbers than anything else, I was going to have to give up my dream venue to accommodate all my FIL's extra invites, or cut the kids. I spoke to my friends and they said they would be happy to leave their children at home and have a night off. TALK TO THE PARENTS. They will tell you how they would like to handle their own children. They are your friends and family, ask for their advice on this. There will be a baby at our wedding, as one of our family members will be breast feeding. If the child cries I am sure I can count on someone to calm the baby or take it out of the ceremony space, if not OH WELL. It's pretty simple, parents know how to parent. Ask for their advice and opinions and go from there. Good Luck.

lovegood90

Knottie87702627 said:

I think the "it's just a rude to not invite children" thing is specific to babies. While a mother is breast feeding she may be a "unit" her and the baby or neither. She cannot have a babysitter at an alternative site because she needs to feed her baby. She is also VERY unlikely to leave her newborn, nursing baby with a stranger. While planning my wedding (before I even sent out invites) I spoke to my friends who are parents and asked them how they felt about "no children except family" this was actually more due to numbers than anything else, I was going to have to give up my dream venue to accommodate all my FIL's extra invites, or cut the kids. I spoke to my friends and they said they would be happy to leave their children at home and have a night off. TALK TO THE PARENTS. They will tell you how they would like to handle their own children. They are your friends and family, ask for their advice on this. There will be a baby at our wedding, as one of our family members will be breast feeding. If the child cries I am sure I can count on someone to calm the baby or take it out of the ceremony space, if not OH WELL. It's pretty simple, parents know how to parent. Ask for their advice and opinions and go from there. Good Luck.

But it's not up to the parents; it's up to the bride and groom to determine if they want children at their wedding and no one else. They are not rude if they decide not to invite children, regardless of the parents' circumstances.

flantastic

Knottie87702627 said:

I think the "it's just a rude to not invite children" thing is specific to babies. While a mother is breast feeding she may be a "unit" her and the baby or neither. She cannot have a babysitter at an alternative site because she needs to feed her baby. She is also VERY unlikely to leave her newborn, nursing baby with a stranger. While planning my wedding (before I even sent out invites) I spoke to my friends who are parents and asked them how they felt about "no children except family" this was actually more due to numbers than anything else, I was going to have to give up my dream venue to accommodate all my FIL's extra invites, or cut the kids. I spoke to my friends and they said they would be happy to leave their children at home and have a night off. TALK TO THE PARENTS. They will tell you how they would like to handle their own children. They are your friends and family, ask for their advice on this. There will be a baby at our wedding, as one of our family members will be breast feeding. If the child cries I am sure I can count on someone to calm the baby or take it out of the ceremony space, if not OH WELL. It's pretty simple, parents know how to parent. Ask for their advice and opinions and go from there. Good Luck.

Yep, I'll pretty much be a unit with my baby for a while. If anyone decides to offer an invite that doesn't include baby, I'll probably have to decline it. But that doesn't mean that I think my baby needed to be invited. 

The only time we'll run into issues is if the hosts would then be upset/take offense at my decline. If they can't imagine their day without me, they'll also have to imagine it with my kid. But if I'm not a VIP, that's fine too.

twitterbird

There were 2 kids at my ceremony. The first was the flower girl who was 2 and can't sit still. The priest who married us is awesome and said at the rehearsal to let her wander and be herself. She was doing that and I didn't really notice but her mom wasn't having it and brought her to the car. My maid of honor's daughter who is 4 also came. She didn't understand why her mommy wasn't sitting with her and her daddy and was crying softly through most of the ceremony. I didn't even notice. Eventually she came up front with her mom. Poor thing had been so upset and was trying so hard to stop.

These are both actually great memories from the day. Also the 2 girls have the same name and were very confused when they met. Also an awesome memory lol.

drunkenwitch

crackktheskyy said:

I really don't understand why people so liberally claim that such insignificant things could "ruin" a wedding ceremony.

If your SO leaves you at the alter, then your ceremony is ruined.

A crying baby won't negate the vows that bind you and your SO in marriage. I would put some things in perspective.

so I am reading this thread to BF and we came up with several things that could "ruin" a wedding.

1. The church burns down before you can finish the ceremony
2. The caterers give everyone food poisoning
3. It's on a carnival cruise line...nuff said
4. You have a beach wedding and a tsunami hits
5. Nickelback crashes your reception and "performs a set"
6. Pirates steal your wedding dress and or your bridesmaids
7. Hunter seekers emerge from the flower arrangements and try to kill your guests

I would agree, your wedding was, in fact, ruined.

jenijoyk

mollybarker11 said:

I've heard my mother complain several times over the years about how her flower girl acted up during her father's toast at her wedding reception. FG's mom did not remove her from the room or try to calm her down. And my mother, the bride, did notice (and she remembered, that wedding was over a quarter of a century ago).

So my advice is not "don't worry the babies probably won't cry and even if they do cry the moms will remove them and if they don't remove them you won't even notice!" That simply may not be the case. My advice is to recognize that even if a riot breaks out among your guests at the ceremony, there's nothing you can do to prevent it. That might sound harsh but you should look at it as freeing. Whatever will be will be and all that.

If crying babies are your only concern, you can certainly choose not to invite any babies (or their older siblings). You CANNOT invite them but sequester them away from their parents, that's ridiculous and rude as hell and also adds more work for you.

As someone else mentioned, an adult guest may take into a coughing fit in the middle of your vows. Life happens. Your planning will be much smoother if you accept that and let it be a weight off your shoulders

I totally agree with this so much. There will be something about your wedding that you will not like. Maybe it's a crying baby with a rude parent who doesn't bother to stand up and take the screamer outside. Maybe it's your FMIL showing up in a floor length white gown. Maybe it's your cousin showing up in jeans. Maybe it's your single neighbor who decided to bring an uninvited plus one. Maybe it's your coworker who RSVPed "yes" for him and his entire family, and then no shows. A lot of crazy shit will go wrong! The only thing you can do is control how you react. And your goal should always be to react with class, calm, and respect (even if you're not getting it in return). 

I'd far more prefer my guests think, "Wow that parent who didn't take their screaming child out was really fucking rude, but how classy of the bride to just smile on through like she didn't notice - or maybe she really didn't notice because she's on Cloud 9 right now, how sweet!!!" 

As opposed to, "I can't believe bridezilla made me coat check my baby." 

adettma32

mollybarker11 said:

I've heard my mother complain several times over the years about how her flower girl acted up during her father's toast at her wedding reception. FG's mom did not remove her from the room or try to calm her down. And my mother, the bride, did notice (and she remembered, that wedding was over a quarter of a century ago).

So my advice is not "don't worry the babies probably won't cry and even if they do cry the moms will remove them and if they don't remove them you won't even notice!" That simply may not be the case. My advice is to recognize that even if a riot breaks out among your guests at the ceremony, there's nothing you can do to prevent it. That might sound harsh but you should look at it as freeing. Whatever will be will be and all that.

If crying babies are your only concern, you can certainly choose not to invite any babies (or their older siblings). You CANNOT invite them but sequester them away from their parents, that's ridiculous and rude as hell and also adds more work for you.

As someone else mentioned, an adult guest may take into a coughing fit in the middle of your vows. Life happens. Your planning will be much smoother if you accept that and let it be a weight off your shoulders

The bolded - yes.

I was a maid of honor in my cousin's wedding. I had a coughing fit while standing during the ceremony. I tried holding my breath, thinking of other things, but I just COULDN'T get the tickle out of my throat until I let out a couple BIG coughs. Threw something in my toast during dinner about it, everyone laughed, and as far as I know, it definitely didn't ruin their wedding.