Some folks started talking about the importance of living on your own in the other thread, so I have some questions about that. After way too many delays, I am finally moving into my own apartment, AND the dating thing is starting to pick up; so this is a timely topic for one of your resident NEY single ladies.
-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
I feel like I posted some of these questions a while ago, but we have so many new folks that I would love to hear chime in. (Also, apologies, but I probably won't be able to respond again until tomorrow evening, work has been bananas lately!)
ETA: Because grammar and syntax are beautiful things.
Re: S/O: Living on your own
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? What living on my own really did for me was force me to make and keep a tight budget. I went kind of crazy my first Christmas on my own and ended up in a little financial trouble the next January. It turned out okay, but I resolved to not be in that position again.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? I think it would depend a lot on why they'd never lived on their own. If it's a matter of saving up money, paying down debt, etc. while working I'd be more likely to understand it.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home by? Barring extenuating circumstances, I think by early to mid-20s, especially if they're not working or in school. And by "not working" I mean more "has an Xbox-style problem" than "can't find job but looking."
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? First off, I hate the "throwing away money on rent" philosophy. I don't view the money I paid in rent as wasted because I had a roof over my head. That being said ... I'd prefer to rent or live with roommates or both. It's a matter of wanting to establish the independence.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes.
-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
I will be living on my own come April 1! It's something I have always wanted to do and I'm thrilled that it's finally happening.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
Good things I'm anticipating: Self-reliance and self-esteem in ways I haven't had yet. Enjoying my own space and time to myself whenever I need it. Being able to be a hostess or a hermit depending on my mood. Decorating my own space.
Not-so-good things I'm anticipating: Learning to cook for one. Getting used to a new place and being by myself at night (but I probably won't be so nervous after a week or two). I'm not super handy, so any kind of home/car maintenance that I have to perform myself will be challenging. Not having anyone right there to whom I can be like, "Hey, I'm going out, if I'm not back by 10 I've probably been kidnapped by a serial killer."
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
I'm kind of on the fence about this. I'm rather suspicious of people who don't want to get the hell out of their family home by a certain age, but I think that comes from my own obsessive need to do so myself. I just wonder how independent and mature someone is if they don't have the drive to make it on their own. The only exception I can think of would be if someone was living at home to take care of a family member with some sort of illness or condition. I'm curious to see other answers to this question, because I wonder if I'm being too much of a stickler on this.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
I'm gonna say mid-twenties. I feel like that's plenty of time for the average person to figure out a career path they're satisfied with, start getting an education in that field, and learn to manage money and support themselves. Again, I'm curious about other perspectives.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
To be honest, this is a pet peeve of mine (again, that may come from my own situation). In a perfect world, saving money for a solid down payment is ideal, and not everyone feels compelled to escape their family as soon as possible. However, I feel like I've met a lot of people my age who deal with ridiculous rules, family drama, etc. solely because they feel like renting an apartment is a waste of money. To me, having a peaceful place to live is not a waste of money, ever, if your family home doesn't offer that.
Regardless of family situations, I personally like that I will get to rent for a while before buying a home. I'm not the savviest person when it comes to maintenance and repairs and such, so I'm glad I will see what goes into keeping my miniature household running while a landlord is ultimately still responsible for it. Some people are probably naturally better at this stuff, so they may not feel or have the same need I do.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
If everyone is paying their share of living expenses and helping to keep the household running, then yes.
-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
Yes we had we moved in together at the 3 year mark
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
I had to fend for myself and be independent. I loved it nothing sucked
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? I wouldn't no,
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
It really depends, I lived at home, except while in undergrad and grad school until I was 26, but when I moved out I bought my own place. My parents were fine with me staying home since I had a steady job and was building up my savings a lot.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? It worked for me.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes
-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
My H and I both lived on our own before we started dating.
My ex never lived on his own - while I did.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
I learned all the work that was involved with living on my own. Bills - all the cleaning - laundry; basically how to take care of myself. I also feel that it allowed me time to develop as an adult.
What sucked: I lived on my own when I was in college, it was a college town, so summers were lonely.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
I would not date somebody who had no intentions of living on his own. Sure if he was living with a roommate or his parents and planning on getting his own place, then I would date him. If he had no intentions what so ever and just wanted to move in with me, I'd have issues with that.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
I think this is going to vary by person. H didn't move out of his family's home until a little later in life - he saved up and bought his house and then had a lot of work done to it.
I moved out when I was 20 and in college because I needed to have more opportunities for internships and to start thinking about my career. Also, my mom and I were not getting along living under the same roof, so it saved our relationship.
If a person is 40 and living at home - never moving out, I think there might be something wrong with that. I understand if your 40 and move back in because of job loss or something. I just wouldn't want a 'Get A Life' Chris Peterson situation (if anybody else has seen the show).
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
I'm fine with those who wish to purchase a house/condi instead of going the apartment route. H did that route. I did apartment until I settled on a general area of where I was going to live.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
I did not. I did not want to have to deal with another person putting in the same amount of rent or me having to 'float' them or any of the 'fridge stealing' that sometimes goes along with roommates.
Here's the story of my ex and what has shaped my opinion:
Honestly - my ex moved from parent's home to college to in with me. I did not want him moving in with me but he just didn't care about how I felt and saw the financial benefits to us living together instead of separately. Obviously here he didn't have respect for my view point and I let him walk all over me (so you can tell there's issues right there).
My ex would always yell at me for not cleaning and taking care of the house. All the pets were my responsibility, all the laundry and general cleaning. He expected me to thoroughly clean the bathroom daily and would constantly point out that his mom did this for their family (she was a stay-at-home mom). He wanted the 'traditional' roles where he would mow - but then he started not even doing that, so I was doing all the housework.
Financially my ex did not support the house. Our 'deal' was he would pay for the utilities while I would cover the rent/mortgage. All in all, he was still paying quite a bit less than I was. It started that he would go out and buy something for his benefit (a video game, something for his car, etc) and he would hand me a bill and say 'I cannot cover this - you have to'. So he was able to go out and have a life outside the relationship, I could not because I was not able to afford to.
Obviously there were MANY MANY other issues from him living a long, but a lot of it did stem from him not being a responsible adult. After we broke up and I kicked him out, he did admit that he didn't understand all the work involved with living on your own. It didn't make up for the horrible treatment though and we just weren't right for each other.
-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
We both lived on our own prior to moving in together.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
I learned how to run a household on my own and really depend on myself. I don't think it sucked, but it was sort of lonely living in an apartment all by myself.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
I guess that depends on how we're defining "living on your own." I'm 27 next week, and I would only consider dating someone (if I were single) that was my age or older. So, if the dude was 27+ and had NEVER moved out of his parents' place, that'd give me major pause. If they guy moved out for college and moved back in with his folks due to the economy, I might be more forgiving. In general, though, I'd never date anyone who still acted like a child.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
Probably 22-23. If there's a financial/economic crisis, and you're forced to move back home, I'm more forgiving of that...because at least you left the nest initially.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
Well, for the very brief time period, I'm sort of in that boat. DH and I moved back to Boston from Chicago one month ago. We've been staying with my in-laws while we've been looking for a place to rent. (The move happened sort of quickly and we didn't have the time to find a place before the move.) We pay the mortgage on my MIL's house, paid to have a door to the downstairs installed (with a lock), and we pay for our share of the food and utilities. So we've tried REALLY hard not to mooch. I am VERY pleased to say that we found a new place, which we'll be moving in to in 10 days!
So, the short answer? I feel like it's fine as long as you are financially contributing at LEAST your own half of things and you have a timeline to get out on your own, which the owner of the house agrees with.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
As long as you are each paying your own rent, utilities, etc., then yes, I do.
-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
Before moving in together, I lived with a friend in an apartment in NYC for two years. FI had been living with two other roommates for about 4-5 years.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
It was awesome. I had so much freedom, and had the experience of living in some of the best neighborhoods in the best city in the world. Other than paying a ridiculous amount of money on rent, nothing sucked.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
At my age now? No, I don't think so unless that person had a REALLY good reason to still be living at home. A few years ago though, yes, I would have. A good (male) friend of mine didn't move out of his parents' home until he moved in with his GF. He didn't want to "waste" money on rent, and instead, used his money to travel all over the world as much as he could. Though I never would have been happy living at home for as long as he did, I'm definitely a bit jealous of all of his traveling, and I know he wouldn't trade those experiences for anything.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
I don't think this is something we can put an age limit on, since people keep living at home/move back home for a variety of reasons.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
My best friend and her BF both fall into this category. I can agree with it up to an extent, but I think that the argument kind of goes out the window unless the person is actively working towards home ownership. I don't understand people who live with their parents indefinitely. I also get really annoyed at people who consider paying rent to be "throwing money away." Uhh, no. I'm paying money so that my FI and I have a place to live, and we're renting because while this is a great area for us to live in right now, we aren't sure this is where we want to stay. How in the world is that "throwing money away"?
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
I absolutely do. I can't imagine that living without a roommate would have made me any more responsible than living with a roommate did.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? I honestly can't think of any actual bad things that came of it. Yeah, money was tighter, but the benefits outweighed all of that. I got to be independent, keep my own schedule. It was MY responsibility if the dishes weren't done/laundry wasn't clean/apartment was dirty/etc. and not the fault of some roommate. It was my space to do what I wanted with it, and not have to consider other people's preferences.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? At my age now, absolutely not. I strongly feel that by the time you've hit your mid to late 20s that you absolutely need to have spent some time outside of your parent's house. When I first started college, sure I'd definitely date someone who was living in the dorms/living at their parents house, but beyond that, never. I know there are some people out there who continue to live with their parents after college for the sake of saving money, but I feel really uncomfortable with that. At least move out and find a roommate or two instead!
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? I don't really agree with this. I think you should at least move out and move in with roommates or friends and not continue living with your parents. I know I've already touched on this a bit earlier...but I feel like there are valuable experiences you gain by being a working, independent adult, that you don't get living with your parents.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes. Although I think it's really valuable to live by yourself as well (if you're able too, I know some major cities have an exorbitant cost of living that can make this impossible). My one caveat is living in a dorm with roommates doesn't count as "living on your own".
-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had? With my current bf, yes, we both lived on our own. With my ex, we had both only lived with our parents when we moved in together.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? Independence, for me, was a great thing. I also only had one person to cook for and clean up after. I really liked being able to do what I wanted without worrying about bothering other people (like getting up at 4:30 am to go to the gym). The bad part, though, was that I was responsible for all of my bills by myself.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? No.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home? I would say 25. In my city, housing is really expensive even for crappy places. Most of my friends (who are nearing late 20s) are still living with family or friends.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? I don't see anything wrong with it. If my parents had room, I would have probably moved back in with them when me and my ex divorced.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? No. Living on your own means being responsible for the bills, cleaning, maintenance, etc of your home. When you have roommates, it can be easy to be lazy and not really help around at all, or feel like you don't have to be as responsible with your money (because your mates can help pay the bills when you're short).
I lived on my own for college, but XH had not.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
I had to learn to take care of myself (if I didn't do it, it didn't get done and budgeting). Worse part for me was missing my family and being able to have dinners together like we do every night.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
I did before with XH and it was a disaster. I did it with FI, but he ran the house as his dad worked out of state/country alot so it's like being on his own.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
I think it depends on goals and circumstances.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
To each their own. I didn't think renting was a waste because I was on my own and loved the independence. But we live in Fi's dad's house now and it's working for us (strict boundaries).
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
Depends on the roommates. I've had some where I was their parent practically and that sucked. I was on my own, but they didn't.
Yes, we both lived on our own. To me, 'on your own' means not with your parents or a significant other. If you were responsible for utilities, rent, cooking, etc, then I consider that living on your own, even if you had roommates that split some of these tasks with you.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
When I truly lived by myself, I was pretty lonely. Most of my adult life, I lived with roommates or an SO. The best thing that came from that is knowing that I was capable of living on my own. I can't imagine if I had gone straight from my parents house to living with an SO for years. How terrifying it would be to think that if we broke up, it would be the first time I'd be on my own. It's such a secure feeling knowing that even though I don't HAVE to do that right now, I could if I needed to.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
Eh, I feel like this is very circumstantial depending on age. When I was 32, nope, I probably wouldn't have dated someone who had lived with their parents continuously since college. Maybe if they were taking care of a sick parent, but I think there would be some red flags at that age if that wasn't the case.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
22 unless there are extenuating circumstances (getting a masters/still in school, sick parent, saving to buy a house)
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
Yes, see my first response.
Still here and still fabulous!
The only time I lived alone was when I had a sucky roommate that moved out without communicating her plans to move home. So I didn't realize she wasn't living there until it had already been a few weeks. I used to want to live on my own... wait, is this a question about moving out of your parents' place? If so, I did after college and so did my H. I also moved back in with my parents when I went back to school later in my 20s.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
Good: Independence. Lots of life lessons. Privacy.
Bad: Rent. Utilities. Meal planning. Certain roommates.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
I think I did... I can't say what circumstances. I know it would(did?) bother me when they are taken care of by their parents. Like they don't know how to prepare a meal for themselves, do their own laundry, and they seem to take that all for granted.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
Hm... no specific age... When you have your own decent income and you are clearly able to live on your own-- move out.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
I was thinking of such folks as I answered above. I mean, I get that philosophy. Renting can feel like throwing money away after awhile... But again, how much are you really saving at home? If you are actually saving up, I can't judge. But I might judge you if you aren't...
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
Yes. Living by yourself seems like a less common experience. Renting is expensive. I used to really want me own place to decorate and come home to, but once H got his own apartment I was there 6 out of 7 nights a week. By invitation. He wanted his own place so we could have our own space. As soon as I had a job I moved in with him and paid my half of our space.
-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
We both did prior to meeting each other for a long time and after meeting each other for a little over a year.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
Making decisions without having to consider any one else, responsibility, confidence in myself. No sharing of chores sort of sucks though.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
I'd honestly be a little wierded out dating someone who had never lived on their own unless they had a really, really good reason. Then again, I'm in my 30s.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
18 for me. I guess it depends on the person and the circumstances. I could see someone living with their parents during college if the college was nearby. H and I moved in with my mom for a few months after my temporary housing was up for my new job and we hadn't yet found a home. Because of our dog, we couldn't really go anywhere else and she was very gracious about it but it was hard when we were so used to living on our own together....whole new dynamic.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
I think living on your own is important to do before you move into a house of your own. It teaches you both the responsibility of caring for a house to some extent (and if you are ready to do so) and what you WANT in a house.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
Sort of but not really. Living on your own to me means being solely responsibile for the bills and chores. It really is different to live completely on your own vs having a back up for those sort of things.
What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? I date people because I have an interest in them. I don't have a mental checklist of what is and isn't acceptable and under what circumstances. So yeah, if there was a guy I really liked and he happened to live at home I'm not going to blow him off just because of that.
By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home? I don't think there is an answer to this. Everyone's life is so different there just isn't a way to put a number on it. I think it has more to do with your situation - do you have a full-time job and can support yourself financially? You probably don't need to be living at home.
How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? Personally, I don't understand this philosophy but I would hate living at home. Besides, it kind seems like, I don't know a good word for it but cheating? to live with your parents so you can save up for a house while they pay for expenses you, as an adult, should be paying for.
Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes. Denver is so damn expensive to live in these days, a lot of people probably couldn't afford to rent an apartment without at least one roommate.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? I was already pretty independent, but living alone made me rely on no one but myself. I couldn't get mad at anyone else for the dirty dishes in the sink, or if the shower was dirty, or if there were tumbleweeds of animal hair floating around. I had to formulate and stick to a budget (not that I always did a great job, but that was part of the learning process too). What sucked? All of the above.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? I think it depends. If they just had never moved out of their parent's house, probably not. If there were extenuating circumstances, probably. I can't make a generalized answer one way or the other.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home by? Barring extenuating circumstances, I would say early to mid-20s.
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? I think "throwing away money" on rent is a shitty excuse/reason. That does not equal "extenuating circumstances to me.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes and no. While you are independent & paying bills with roommates, it was actually living ALONE that taught me the most about myself. I do realize, however, that not all areas of the country allow that to happen due to cost of living. I feel lucky that I live in an area of the country that allowed me to have the experience of living alone.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked? You learn so much about yourself! Growing up, I was a huge slob and never would have thought I'd be a clean freak. That all changed when I had my own place. It taught me how to be self sufficient-- I learned how to do laundry, budget, cook, properly clean, etc. It sucks because with roommates, there's always drama. It's unavoidable. However, it helps you learn conflict resolution as well and how to pick your battles.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances? Hmm... this is tricky. I guess it would depend on the circumstances. As in, do they have a full-time job or are they in school at least? Are they financially independent but living at home to save money/pay off debt quickly? As long as they aren't aimless, I think it would be OK.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home? 25
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)? Everyone has their own views on rent vs. a mortgage. As long as they have goals in mind and aren't just mooching off their parents, then it's not a red flag.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own? Yes. You're responsible for the bills getting paid, and in many places it's too expensive to live completely alone.
I think I'm going to have different answers than what most of you have said, based on one particular experience with living completely alone.
Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
I had lived with roommates and by myself. He had only lived with roommates. He actually had his dad move in with him for a couple of months one summer during his parents' trail separation. Talk about backwards!
What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
The first would be self confidence. I moved for a job after living with an ex (plus extra roommates), with the plans that he would move in with me once his lease ended and he found a new job. The thing was, once I was finally living by myself I realized how much better I felt about myself without him around, and almost immediately broke up with him. I haven't regretted it for a moment to this day.
I also appreciated that I got to dictate how clean everything was. I never had roommates that weren't disgusting. But living with my parents felt like living in a hospital sometimes, with how much my mom cleaned.......
The only thing that sucked was that sometimes I was so bored I would just go to bed at 8. Got 10 hours of sleep a night or so. But because I moved and then immediately lived alone, I didn't have a lot to do in the evenings initially.
Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
Yes, but probably only if they lived at home during college and we met then. If they were satisfied living with their parents while they had all kinds of other independence, I would find that red flag-ish.
By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
I think if you have a full time job and aren't in school, you shouldn't continue to be living with your parents. No age requirements for me.
Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
No. Living with roommates taught me a lot, but I learned the most about adult-ing once I finally lived on my own completely. I never even had any bills in my name when I had roommates. Someone else always took care of it.
-Did you/your SO live on your own? If not, do you wish you had?
I did, briefly, when I was 17. He did not. I don't think I gained anything really. My mom and I were in a tough spot, so it gave us some space. My lease was up after 6 months, and the rental situation is so tight where I live, I wasn't able to find another place in budget. So I moved back home. The only good thing that came from it that my mother and I didnt kill each other. eta - We now live together. We purchased a home together and moved in last june.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
I was broke and lonely. I was very isolated, and had some bad times.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
If right now, at 25 SO and I broke up, and I started dating someone else, I probably wouldn't date someone who still lived at home. Unless he was actively saving up to purchase a house within the next year or so. I just don't want to have to deal with parents and that sort of thing anymore.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
I think 25 is a good age, however I know everyone has different circumstances. For example, BIL moved out for a good 5 years, ran out of money and then lived at home while getting his life back together. He moved out at 27/28, but was actively saving for a home and working on his career. Grad school and that is a whole nother story!
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
See above comments. I think in general it is okay, but they have to be actively saving and TRYING. Not just using mom and dad for free rent so they can blow their money on other stuff.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
95% yes. You are still mostly on your own. I consider living 'on your own' to be not with family taking care of you. I think there is still a difference of actually living by yourself though (ie, I hated it lol).
We both lived on our own before moving in together.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
Now living with BF, it's a pretty phenomenal feeling to walk into the house after a long day at work and know that this is the home that we're building together. Sometimes I get goosebumps about it.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home by?
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
-How do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar philosophies)?
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
I live on my own. I didn't have that experience until I was 32 - I went right from living with my mom to living with my SO at 16, then getting married at 18. I don't recommend that. When I left my exH and had to face living on my own for the first time ever with two pre-teen kids, I was TERRIFIED. I had no idea how I was going to do it.
-What good things came from living on your own? What sucked?
For me, I feel that I did not have the chance to really get to know myself on my own terms and without the influence of someone else's view of me until I lived on my own. I wasn't my mom's daughter or my X's wife, I was just *me*, and I got to decide what that meant. I got to decide what I liked, how I spent my time, if the house was clean enough, how bills got prioritized, etc. etc. etc. This has helped tremendously in learning what I want/need in my life, including what I want/need in a relationship.
There are times where I feel very lonely, and that does suck. I also feel very vulnerable sometimes, and that also sucks. But the former has taught me how to be OK with my own company, and the latter has helped me become stronger and more confident in myself, so despite sucking they have been valuable experiences.
-Would you date someone who had never lived on his/her own before? If so, under what circumstances?
At this point, honestly, probably not.
-By what age do you feel someone should move out of their family's home?
This is a tough one because there are a lot of external factors that can influence it, but I would say mid 20's at the latest.
-How
do you feel about working adults who live with family until they can
afford a house (instead of "throwing away money" on rent or similar
philosophies)?
I don't agree with this really. Living on your own and taking care of your own place, even if it is a rental, prepares you for owning your own place. I also think there is something valuable in having to find ways to save towards the purchase of a home while also figuring out how to pay your monthly bills, including rent. This is something you'll have to do once you own - money has to be set aside for emergencies or repairs or whatever - so getting in that habit asap is a good step. Also, I think it can be difficult to know exactly what you want/need/can handle in your own home without actually having lived in one without your family.
-Do you consider living with roommates to be living on your own?
Yes and no. It sort of depends on the roommate situation. I do think that people should have the experience of living completely alone, without a roommate, for an extended period of time at some point.
I have technically lived on my own almost 2 years now. Both times I have had roommates. The problem is, cost of living here is insane. If I tried to get a studio even on my own, I wouldn't be saving any money at all for incidentals and emergencies. It's just not a good way to live financially.
That being said, FI currently lives with his parents still, but that's 100% financial based. The second he gets a decent paying job, he's out of there.
HOWEVER what I disagree with is what his brother is doing. His brother is upper 20s, makes over 75k a year and simply won't move out. Claims he's "saving for a house." Umm...get out of the house. He works in the same town as FI's parents live and sees it as worthless for him to get his own place when he could just live at home. He technically pays rent to his parents, but it's less than what I even pay for a room to rent in a condo! That doesn't help growing up and development whatsoever.