TL:DR: My FMIL is an enabler and I'm terrified. She has told my FI to quit school, keep a part time job with little pay and shitty benefits, just because he's "stressed". We're getting married in less than 9 months, & there is literally no possible way we can survive on just my salary + his part time pay.
Okay, here goes.
Back story: My FI had epilepsy for 10 years. It started when he was 16 & lasted until he was 26 (he had brain surgery almost 3 years ago & they fixed him! It's honestly a huge miracle and I'm really thankful for that. He'll be 3 years seizure free in May!). So, he's lived with his parent's basically all his life, he lived in an apartment with one of his friends for a couple of months before we met, but it didn't work out. He'd always have to depend on his parents or friends to drive him around before his surgery and I know that made him feel really shitty. So since he's finally getting to go to college & paying for it himself, he's still living at home. Which I'm totally okay with bc that saves us a lot of money in the long run.
He's the youngest of the 3 brothers, and the other 2 have had REALLY rough lives. His oldest brother killed himself in 2007 & his other brother has had drug addiction problems & has been in & out of jail for like 10 years now. So he's kinda like the "golden" child, & I think his mom is having a hard time letting him go. So, I guess my point is that FI's mom has been taking care of him for his WHOLE life, and he's depended on her for so much, up until the last 2 years, and I think it's bothering her that he doesn't need her anymore, so she's regressing back into baby-ing him.
FI graduates from his X Ray program in May, so right now, he's in school 4 days a week, then works 10hrs a day on the weekends. He's currently on the hunt for an X Ray position for when he graduates. He's had 1 interview & didn't get the job, and I think that's getting him down a bit, so I'm trying to encourage him and tell him that there's more jobs out there, he just has to be persistent & keep looking.
His MOTHER, on the other hand, is killing me. When he was in his 2nd semester of school, he was stressed bc he had a lot of tests & stuff (you know, like you do in regular school, duh), and FMIL told him to QUIT. SHE TOLD HIM TO QUIT SCHOOL. I was like wtf, ma?! Don't tell him that! He's finally getting to go back to school! Don't tell him to QUIT! I was so frigging pissed off. But luckily, he didn't take her advice.
NOW, as I mentioned, he's job hunting. He's bummed about that 1 job he didn't get, but he's got some really good connections with like 3 different hospitals, so I'm trying to be encouraging, bc I know how hard & discouraging job hunting can be. AND NOW, his mother is telling him to KEEP his part time position and give up hunting for a full time job. WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN NOVEMBER WOMAN! I cannot fucking believe she even had that thought come across her mind! I totally understand him keeping the job UNTIL he finds a full time job, but not just saying "what the hell, forget it", & not searching for a full time job. He's BARELY making enough money to pay his car payment/insurance (which are his only debts thank god), but seriously, no. I'm making a decent salary, and have a really good stable position at my job right now, but I need his help! I can't be the only one working. I already work about 50 hours a week and I'm using my overtime pay to pay for our wedding. If we got married and he didn't have a full time job, I can't imagine how many hours a week I'd have to work to keep paying the bills. Holy fuck I'm stressing just thinking about it.
My FI is not lazy, his work ethic could use some tweaking, but he's in school & working when he can, but I feel like if my FMIL keeps sticking these thoughts in his head, he'll start thinking she's right and he'll end up thinking "Oh, khugz can work her ass off, and I'll just hang around working my 20 hours a week, no big deal". And it's not like I'm cracking my whip saying "No bitch, you'll work just as hard as me or we aren't doing this marriage thing", but I really don't think it's okay for my FMIL to think that I'll handle all the work and just let FI do whatever the fuck he wants.
I don't think he'll take her advice to heart, because I'm totally talking him out of it, but I know he wouldn't have even mentioned it to me if he hadn't already kind of entertained the idea of it. I'm just worried that she'll keep doing stuff like this when we're married.
Sorry this is so long, and if you've read this far, I commend you (& also send you lots of hugs), but I'm just freaked the fuck out.