"It's the Bride's Day" makes me stabby

drunkenwitch

Anyone else immediately want to slap anyone who says that?

1. Last time I checked a wedding did require TWO
   people saying vows.  Does the groom just
   not matter? Is he some guy that got kidnapped off the street and shoved into a
   tux so some Princess could “Her Day”

2. What if it’s two women? How do you decide which
   bride gets to have “The Day”? Coin flips? Cage match? Beauty contest? HOW?

3. What if it’s two men?  Do they just sit around the entire reception
   staring at each other and hope a woman in a veil runs in, throws down a bouquet
   and starts screaming that the centerpieces only have 49 blue dahlias and she
   wanted 50?

What the hell does that phrase even mean? Does it come with
a national holiday named after you?  A
key to the city? A brand new car? A pony? WHAT? (okay a national holiday named
after you would be pretty awesome).

I am sure this has been ranted about before, but I believe
it should be ranted about again and again until we stomp that phrase out of
every precious little princesses mouth.

 WHO’S WITH ME???!!!

lovemesomemonster

I'm on the flip side of that as well! I am sick of people telling me "it's your day, do whatever you want".. no, it's not MY day, it's a day for me and my man to celebrate with family so the next person that tells me "it's your day" may get punched in the face. 

VulgarGirl

We played strip poker to figure out whose day it was.

But then we were both naked so we just had crazy lesbian sex and kind of forgot. 

Though SIL (who is 7) stated at one point to her dads "It's my special day I can have two pieces of cake". So apparenlty it was the flower girl's day.

drunkenwitch

@magicink I was hoping you would clear that up for me!  Thank you.

NowIamMrsKlein

I almost snapped at the woman in the suit store over the 'brides day' opinion.

FI and I went to look at suits on our own before we got all the guys together. I mainly was tagging along so FI had company because suits is his deal. I mean, he didn't get a say in my dress, why should I get one in his suit?

Anyways FI is chatting with the sales woman and I'm hanging back just kinda meandering. FI tells her what he is looking for and she turns to me and says 'And what is it that the Bride wants?'

I told her that I just wanted FI to be happy and to get whatever he wanted. Saleswoman comments to FI about how he's got to be careful when the bride says 'do whatever' because they usually still have an opinion.

Grawr. I tried realllllly hard not to be too snippy when I said that FI was a grown man capable of making his own decisions, and that it was as much of his day as it was mine.

We wont be using that sales lady when we go to purchase.

anrforanr

I bet I know what thread this rant is coming from...and it's so wonderful.

@lovemesomemonster - I agree completely. Even though, I feel like people constantly tell me why my ideas are bad, but then say "but it's your day, so do what you want". Like thanks, that's super helpful.

lovemesomemonster

@anrforanr that sounds like super advice! I just keep telling my BMs "long navy dress, black shoes" and they keep coming back with "so, do you want us all int he same? Are you sure? Flat shoes or heels? How do you want our hair? It's your day so you get to decide" Um.. Once again.. I DON'T CARE! Whatever you are comfortable in!

drunkenwitch

anrforanr , I will neither confirm nor deny.

Dreamergirl8812

I'm going to start a new business that includes birth control with all BM dresses.

I'm rich bitches!!

drunkenwitch

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I'm going to start a new business that includes birth control with all BM dresses.

I'm rich bitches!!

And diet pills so your props umm I mean bridesmaids look good in the pictures

littlepep

MagicInk said:

We played strip poker to figure out whose day it was.

But then we were both naked so we just had crazy lesbian sex and kind of forgot. 

Though SIL (who is 7) stated at one point to her dads "It's my special day I can have two pieces of cake". So apparenlty it was the flower girl's day.

Two pieces of cake is always a good choice. No matter whose day it is. 

JaniV123

I so much agree with this post. 

photokitty

drunkenwitch said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I'm going to start a new business that includes birth control with all BM dresses.

I'm rich bitches!!

And diet pills so your props umm I mean bridesmaids look good in the pictures

Better have a selection of natural color hair dye as well.

blabla89

Is it just me or is the whole "it's the bride's day" thing a lot of pressure on the bride? Personally, I want to get married and then just hang out while my guests have a good time. I generally don't like things to be all about me and my wedding won't be an exception.

FI keeps telling me it's my day. I know he means well but it's kind of frustrating when I really want his input on the wedding and he says, "It's your day, and I want you to be happy, so pick whatever you think looks pretty and I'll be happy with it." DAMN IT FI I NEED YOU TELL ME WHAT COLOR TABLECLOTHS WE WANT. IT'S YOUR DAY TOO. Right now he's on a crusade to make sure that FSIL "doesn't ruin my day" but that's another story.

twoleighs

GRR if I hear that one more time I'll probably scream.  Plus, it's the only thing anyone wants to talk about.  Ever.  My life is fine thanks for asking.  

I about had an all out brawl with my BMs about dresses.  Constant "what do you want?!" Me: "I LITERALLY DO NOT CARE JUST PICK A DRESS YOU WANT".  Apparently since I'm a bride I now will have a color/style *vision* even though I never have before.  

I also paid for the dresses.  You'd thought I robbed a bank.  Seriously they tried to argue with me.  I don't argue with people trying to pay for things.  Good Grief.  

tpwkalyn

I 100% agree with this.

If my mother tells me one more time "THIS IS YOUR DAY!", I might have to throw some punches.
It's OUR day. This is about TWO people getting MARRIED. Not just me, I kinda have to have someone else to do the whole marriage thing.

Where did the whole "This is the bride's day" attitude come from anyway????

novella1186

I'm pretty sure no one can take ownership of any particular day. I mean, the fucking Queen of England didn't even pull that card for her 50 years on the throne day. So..... 

I don't even think of it as *our*  Big Special Day. Isn't it everyone's day? I mean yeah, the 20 minute ceremony is pretty much focused on FI and I cuz that's the important part, so that's about us I guess, but the entire reception is really more about our guests. 

When we first started talking about wedding plans we were never like "this is our big day!" We were more like "Yes, we get to throw the greatest party for everyone we love!" 

I think the whole "It's my day" mentality is what opens the door to horrendously rude behaviors like cash bars and honeyfunds. The bride is entitled to those things, and it's ok to treat her guests like garbage, cuz it's all about her, cuz it's her day. 

amelisha

Two of my good friends are getting married in November, and every time they go together to do anything for the wedding, they get asked, "Oh, where is the bride?" like these two dudes standing in front of them asking about flowers and bridesmaid dresses are just going to have a chick in a white dress pop out from behind them.

The more outgoing half of this couple keeps threatening to walk in in a big tiara and purple feather boa, shouting "IT'S MY DAY!" so that people get the point.

littlepep

amelisha said:

Two of my good friends are getting married in November, and every time they go together to do anything for the wedding, they get asked, "Oh, where is the bride?" like these two dudes standing in front of them asking about flowers and bridesmaid dresses are just going to have a chick in a white dress pop out from behind them.

The more outgoing half of this couple keeps threatening to walk in in a big tiara and purple feather boa, shouting "IT'S MY DAY!" so that people get the point.

I want to do this for every meeting now. 

SCbride007

blabla89 said:

Is it just me or is the whole "it's the bride's day" thing a lot of pressure on the bride? Personally, I want to get married and then just hang out while my guests have a good time. I generally don't like things to be all about me and my wedding won't be an exception.

FI keeps telling me it's my day. I know he means well but it's kind of frustrating when I really want his input on the wedding and he says, "It's your day, and I want you to be happy, so pick whatever you think looks pretty and I'll be happy with it." DAMN IT FI I NEED YOU TELL ME WHAT COLOR TABLECLOTHS WE WANT. IT'S YOUR DAY TOO. Right now he's on a crusade to make sure that FSIL "doesn't ruin my day" but that's another story.

This has been FI for weeks. Every question I ask the answer is "whatever makes you happy" or "it's your day/wedding". I finally asked if he was planning to come because if so it was his wedding too.

mrsdee15

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I almost snapped at the woman in the suit store over the 'brides day' opinion.

FI and I went to look at suits on our own before we got all the guys together. I mainly was tagging along so FI had company because suits is his deal. I mean, he didn't get a say in my dress, why should I get one in his suit?

Anyways FI is chatting with the sales woman and I'm hanging back just kinda meandering. FI tells her what he is looking for and she turns to me and says 'And what is it that the Bride wants?'

I told her that I just wanted FI to be happy and to get whatever he wanted. Saleswoman comments to FI about how he's got to be careful when the bride says 'do whatever' because they usually still have an opinion.

Grawr. I tried realllllly hard not to be too snippy when I said that FI was a grown man capable of making his own decisions, and that it was as much of his day as it was mine.

We wont be using that sales lady when we go to purchase.

The bolded is my new favorite anger word.  

People at FI's work keep telling him the same "Oh, just go with what the bride wants!  It's her way or nothing!"  And then I imagine them all laughing like this (I don't know why):

It makes me ragey.  This has never been "my" day, it's been both of us working to properly host everyone invited to the wedding.  FI has been involved in every decision.  Andplusalso I'm pretty sure no one else on the planet stops existing for the day, so it's definitely not my day alone.  Plenty of people still have days.  

littlepep

Related but slightly off topic: My mom is so laid back about wedding stuff. She's honestly just so excited she doesn't care to make demands. As long as the wedding happens, she will be happy. She's contributing money but hasn't asked to have a say in anything. She just looks at stuff and is like ooh pretty! ooh I love it! 

So the other day we were discussing how to do seating for the ceremony because my parents are divorced and she was like I'm sorry to be difficult but it's really important to me that I send on the end of the row. She was like I swear it's the only thing I'll ask for and I'm sorry to cause problems. 

I was like mom, if that's your biggest diva moment we will be alright. 

littlepep

SCbride007 said:

blabla89 said:

Is it just me or is the whole "it's the bride's day" thing a lot of pressure on the bride? Personally, I want to get married and then just hang out while my guests have a good time. I generally don't like things to be all about me and my wedding won't be an exception.

FI keeps telling me it's my day. I know he means well but it's kind of frustrating when I really want his input on the wedding and he says, "It's your day, and I want you to be happy, so pick whatever you think looks pretty and I'll be happy with it." DAMN IT FI I NEED YOU TELL ME WHAT COLOR TABLECLOTHS WE WANT. IT'S YOUR DAY TOO. Right now he's on a crusade to make sure that FSIL "doesn't ruin my day" but that's another story.

This has been FI for weeks. Every question I ask the answer is "whatever makes you happy" or "it's your day/wedding". I finally asked if he was planning to come because if so it was his wedding too.

I've actually been really surprised at how much stuff my FI cares about. Things like flowers, he was like was like nah don't care. He was super opinionated on the STD though and what wedding colors we picked. And music obviously. 

He's really anti-showers/parties though. He doesn't like being center of attention so he doesn't want to go to them. Anyone else's FI like that?

lovemesomemonster

littlepep said:

SCbride007 said:

blabla89 said:

Is it just me or is the whole "it's the bride's day" thing a lot of pressure on the bride? Personally, I want to get married and then just hang out while my guests have a good time. I generally don't like things to be all about me and my wedding won't be an exception.

FI keeps telling me it's my day. I know he means well but it's kind of frustrating when I really want his input on the wedding and he says, "It's your day, and I want you to be happy, so pick whatever you think looks pretty and I'll be happy with it." DAMN IT FI I NEED YOU TELL ME WHAT COLOR TABLECLOTHS WE WANT. IT'S YOUR DAY TOO. Right now he's on a crusade to make sure that FSIL "doesn't ruin my day" but that's another story.

This has been FI for weeks. Every question I ask the answer is "whatever makes you happy" or "it's your day/wedding". I finally asked if he was planning to come because if so it was his wedding too.

I've actually been really surprised at how much stuff my FI cares about. Things like flowers, he was like was like nah don't care. He was super opinionated on the STD though and what wedding colors we picked. And music obviously. 

He's really anti-showers/parties though. He doesn't like being center of attention so he doesn't want to go to them. Anyone else's FI like that?

Yes! FIs mom wants to throw a little party for us in his home town because she knows not everyone will be able to make the wedding. She called and asked if X date would work for us so i said I would talk to her son (he's such a good communicator she has to call me).

Problem 1: It's in the middle of summer, his busy time at work and the reason we aren't getting married in the summer

Problem 2: He doesn't want to even have it so the idea of spending his vacation time traveling for an entire day to get there sounds like death to him

He cared that we had booze, food, a good DJ, and didn't want the party to stop early so we extended our time at the venue. His other concern was that I didn't bargain shop for a dress and get what I really wanted. Anything beyond this is pretty much a NOPE on his radar. 

ChemFanatic25

I'm actually sick of seeing things like that as well. I frequent Reddit a lot and there are more and more posts about the bridesmaid is upset at the bride for demanding so much. I want to scream. Why do so many people think they are entitled to spend other people's money? Why?!?!?!?

 

Also, "No" is NOT a 4 letter word. I feel if you are close to this person you should be able to say no. Just because they are getting married does not mean they get a one way ticket to treating other people like shit.

 

I am so sick of reading those posts because I feel so bad for the groomsmen and bridesmaid I'm unsubscribing from the subreddit. It's just crazy.

 

Okay, off my soapbox.

anjemon

littlepep said:

SCbride007 said:

blabla89 said:

Is it just me or is the whole "it's the bride's day" thing a lot of pressure on the bride? Personally, I want to get married and then just hang out while my guests have a good time. I generally don't like things to be all about me and my wedding won't be an exception.

FI keeps telling me it's my day. I know he means well but it's kind of frustrating when I really want his input on the wedding and he says, "It's your day, and I want you to be happy, so pick whatever you think looks pretty and I'll be happy with it." DAMN IT FI I NEED YOU TELL ME WHAT COLOR TABLECLOTHS WE WANT. IT'S YOUR DAY TOO. Right now he's on a crusade to make sure that FSIL "doesn't ruin my day" but that's another story.

This has been FI for weeks. Every question I ask the answer is "whatever makes you happy" or "it's your day/wedding". I finally asked if he was planning to come because if so it was his wedding too.

I've actually been really surprised at how much stuff my FI cares about. Things like flowers, he was like was like nah don't care. He was super opinionated on the STD though and what wedding colors we picked. And music obviously. 

He's really anti-showers/parties though. He doesn't like being center of attention so he doesn't want to go to them. Anyone else's FI like that?

That's totally my FI. He's not excited about having to stand in front of everyone for a whole ceremony. Luckily for him we aren't doing any couples parties - most of his family is out of town and his Mom didn't seem interested in throwing a party in another city. So he gets to avoid most of it until the actual wedding day.

I was totally surprised about my FI's strong opinions on music. He didn't really say anything about it until I started talking about non-traditional options. Then I found out he just assumed we'd be going traditional. Which is cool with me, less work, but still a surprise.

Heffalump

Do you know why this bothers me?  Because it's a little too close for comfort to the idea that a woman's sole objective in life was snagging a husband.  "It's the bride's day!" feels too much like "She won the game, now here's her prize."

lovemesomemonster

Heffalump said:

Do you know why this bothers me?  Because it's a little too close for comfort to the idea that a woman's sole objective in life was snagging a husband.  "It's the bride's day!" feels too much like "She won the game, now here's her prize."

I see it a little differently.. she gets "her" day because after that day she gets to learn "yes dear, enjoy your beer sweetie, dinner is ready, I washed all of your clothes" say it, learn it, repeat.. it sounds like after her ONE day the rest are his! Nope nope nope!

littlepep

Heffalump said:

Do you know why this bothers me?  Because it's a little too close for comfort to the idea that a woman's sole objective in life was snagging a husband.  "It's the bride's day!" feels too much like "She won the game, now here's her prize."

Gah those stupid things where the bride is dragging the groom make me so ragey. Or like the new where it's like "the hunt is over" and the bride snags the groom. HAHA I FORCED SOMEONE TO MARRY ME!!! 

littlepep

anjemon said:

littlepep said:

SCbride007 said:

blabla89 said:

Is it just me or is the whole "it's the bride's day" thing a lot of pressure on the bride? Personally, I want to get married and then just hang out while my guests have a good time. I generally don't like things to be all about me and my wedding won't be an exception.

FI keeps telling me it's my day. I know he means well but it's kind of frustrating when I really want his input on the wedding and he says, "It's your day, and I want you to be happy, so pick whatever you think looks pretty and I'll be happy with it." DAMN IT FI I NEED YOU TELL ME WHAT COLOR TABLECLOTHS WE WANT. IT'S YOUR DAY TOO. Right now he's on a crusade to make sure that FSIL "doesn't ruin my day" but that's another story.

This has been FI for weeks. Every question I ask the answer is "whatever makes you happy" or "it's your day/wedding". I finally asked if he was planning to come because if so it was his wedding too.

I've actually been really surprised at how much stuff my FI cares about. Things like flowers, he was like was like nah don't care. He was super opinionated on the STD though and what wedding colors we picked. And music obviously. 

He's really anti-showers/parties though. He doesn't like being center of attention so he doesn't want to go to them. Anyone else's FI like that?

That's totally my FI. He's not excited about having to stand in front of everyone for a whole ceremony. Luckily for him we aren't doing any couples parties - most of his family is out of town and his Mom didn't seem interested in throwing a party in another city. So he gets to avoid most of it until the actual wedding day.

I was totally surprised about my FI's strong opinions on music. He didn't really say anything about it until I started talking about non-traditional options. Then I found out he just assumed we'd be going traditional. Which is cool with me, less work, but still a surprise.

Yeah my FI just hates dancing so he doesn't like any first dance songs that are more upbeat. We have a few potential options now, but we'll see what he'll actually agree to.

Our DJ gave us a list of the top 200 requested songs at weddings and some of them I was like wtf why would you request this?? But he showed me an example from a bride and she had crossed off all the ones I considered good songs. I was like well you can go ahead and put Love Shack on my DEFINITELY PLAY list. FI hates that song, but I love it. And marriage is about compromise right?! I was like ok well you can go take a 3 minute bathroom break while it's on

novella1186

littlepep said:

Heffalump said:

Do you know why this bothers me?  Because it's a little too close for comfort to the idea that a woman's sole objective in life was snagging a husband.  "It's the bride's day!" feels too much like "She won the game, now here's her prize."

Gah those stupid things where the bride is dragging the groom make me so ragey. Or like the new where it's like "the hunt is over" and the bride snags the groom. HAHA I FORCED SOMEONE TO MARRY ME!!! 

Or shit like this: 

Because wedding signs weren't dumb and obnoxious enough already