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Just Tuesday

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Re: Just Tuesday

  • @untouchablets - Congratulations on the job offer. Offers are negotiable. If you find that the rates are significantly higher at the new job, ask for a raise that covers those costs. Or ask that those costs be taken on by the company. It is rare that an organization's first offer is their best/only offer. As long as you negotiate respectfully and fairly, it cannot hurt to ask.

    @nycgal85 - Ugh. You should really spend some more time on E.
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  • untouchabletsuntouchablets member
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    edited March 2015
    cu97tiger said:

    @untouchablets - Congratulations on the job offer. Offers are negotiable. If you find that the rates are significantly higher at the new job, ask for a raise that covers those costs. Or ask that those costs be taken on by the company. It is rare that an organization's first offer is their best/only offer. As long as you negotiate respectfully and fairly, it cannot hurt to ask.

    The thing is, this is a VERY small business. It's well established, has a GREAT clientele and reputation around town in nearby areas, and I will definitely mention that when we talk, but I understand that there is a limit on what she can offer me in terms of salary. I would be so much happier there though, so I have a LOT to think about.
  • jenjen047jenjen047 Boston member
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     She wants to pay me almost twice my current salary and I'd get insurance too, which is pretty much the only think keeping me at my current job. I would say yes in a HEARTBEAT but the only big question mark is insurance. I pay VERY good rates right now, and so if her insurance is significantly more expensive than mine, I can't accept the job. If it's slightly more, I will take it as long as my take home pay is more than what I make now.

    first off, congrats! this is exciting news! second...if she is willing to pay you double your current salary, as long as her insurance rates are less than 2x what you are currently paying, you will come out ahead right?
  • jenjen047 said:

     She wants to pay me almost twice my current salary and I'd get insurance too, which is pretty much the only think keeping me at my current job. I would say yes in a HEARTBEAT but the only big question mark is insurance. I pay VERY good rates right now, and so if her insurance is significantly more expensive than mine, I can't accept the job. If it's slightly more, I will take it as long as my take home pay is more than what I make now.

    first off, congrats! this is exciting news! second...if she is willing to pay you double your current salary, as long as her insurance rates are less than 2x what you are currently paying, you will come out ahead right?
    YES so that is what I'm counting on :) My insurance is just REALLY cheap right now so it isn't hard to imagine something else costing twice as much.
  • jenjen047jenjen047 Boston member
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    @untouchablets - ahhh ok got it! fingers crossed for you!
    untouchabletsspeakeasy14
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
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    @untouchablets - Look at how much insurance costs, factor in 'where would you be happier at' and given your current bills/situation, could you afford to live off X.  Sometimes it is about where you'll be happier at.  For my current position, I took a pay cut because my quality of life at my old job was non-existent.  It does feel like a step back, but then comes the next question of 'what opportunities could come from this'.  It's great that you were offered the job and it's great that the pay is good (assuming insurance isn't insanely expensive) - but you have to also do what's best for you.


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  • lmcooper86lmcooper86 Toronto member
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    @TwoDimes - Ugh. All I can do when you mention your FMIL's crazy antics is a Lady Mary eyeroll. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, even if it's just through someone else like your FI or his cousin :(

    @bethsmiles - We still got paid, just not on the actual payday. The first time it took, no joke, AN EXTRA WEEK for us to get paid. The pay day was supposed to be Christmas Eve, so there were holidays in the way and whatever other nonsense. But there were also a few business days in there; if it had been the payroll company's fault I think they would have dealt with it first thing on their first business day back. Just was very fishy. And the second time we got paid 2 days late. It was a nightmare, because FI and I weren't very serious yet and I was on a single income, so not getting paid was a huge issue. I should also note that this was 2 pay periods in 3 months. Not okay.

    @eilis1228 - Your wedding is in October? Right? June is maybe a little bit early, BUT if a lot of family is already making a trip and people have a lot of plans over the summer it might be difficult to get another date that works well for all of your VIPs. Also, I'm glad you (probably) don't have strep; that was my first thought when you were talking about your sickness. And FI and I have been watching Better Call Saul! It's good, but there have been a couple of less exciting episodes. I think we'll keep watching because we love the characters.

    @Swazzle - I totally thought I'd gotten a flat from a pothole last week. The roads in Toronto are brutal this time of year because of the freeze/thaw/freeze cycle, and there are a couple of nasty ones if I drive to work. The one I hit actually hurt.

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  • edited March 2015
    @Eilis1228 I have a polar HRM too- it worked right for about a year and then started doing exactly what yours is doing. I just don't use it anymore since it's such a PITA. Buying a new one isn't high on my priority list right now so I haven't looked into other ones yet.

    @nycgal85 I don't mean to jump all over you too but yeah - no B-listing and invite everyone's SO by name. We did not give actual plus 1s to truly single guests but I checked with every single unmarried guest to see if they were dating someone and asked for their name to add to the invite. Leave a little room in your guest count for SOs too. Our guest list increased when I was getting ready to address invites and found out some people had SOs that I wasn't aware of. We still had extra room so it's not an issue.
     




  • nycgal85 said:


    @bethsmiles - we have already cut kids under 18 (with the exception of FI's two first cousins who will be 16 and 13 and our flower girl, best friend's little girl, and ring bearer, the boy I pretty much raised as a nanny). We also are only giving +1s to couples married, engaged, living together, or serious LTR. In terms of who's contributing both our parents are giving us a significant amount of money, so that makes it hard. We are already planning a second event in Ohio for all our family/friends who can't come to NY.   There's also this drama with FI's family, they're very close-knit extended family and it could mean destroying family ties if we don't invite these people.



    Oh my god, don't do this either! This is the one big etiquette faux pas that really makes me see red. You can't invite people to come celebrate your relationship and then not even recognize theirs. You seriously need to go lurk on the etiquette board.

    I missed the second bolded...is the second event a PPD??
     




    [Deleted User]AuroraRose41
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
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    nycgal85 said:


    @bethsmiles - we have already cut kids under 18 (with the exception of FI's two first cousins who will be 16 and 13 and our flower girl, best friend's little girl, and ring bearer, the boy I pretty much raised as a nanny). We also are only giving +1s to couples married, engaged, living together, or serious LTR. In terms of who's contributing both our parents are giving us a significant amount of money, so that makes it hard. We are already planning a second event in Ohio for all our family/friends who can't come to NY.   There's also this drama with FI's family, they're very close-knit extended family and it could mean destroying family ties if we don't invite these people.



    Oh my god, don't do this either! This is the one big etiquette faux pas that really makes me see red. You can't invite people to come celebrate your relationship and then not even recognize theirs. You seriously need to go lurk on the etiquette board.

    I missed the second bolded...is the second event a PPD??
    I read it more as an AHR which is technically etiquette approved but I still think they are pretty unnecessary.


  • lmcooper86lmcooper86 Toronto member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    nycgal85 said:


    @bethsmiles - we have already cut kids under 18 (with the exception of FI's two first cousins who will be 16 and 13 and our flower girl, best friend's little girl, and ring bearer, the boy I pretty much raised as a nanny). We also are only giving +1s to couples married, engaged, living together, or serious LTR. In terms of who's contributing both our parents are giving us a significant amount of money, so that makes it hard. We are already planning a second event in Ohio for all our family/friends who can't come to NY.   There's also this drama with FI's family, they're very close-knit extended family and it could mean destroying family ties if we don't invite these people.



    Oh my god, don't do this either! This is the one big etiquette faux pas that really makes me see red. You can't invite people to come celebrate your relationship and then not even recognize theirs. You seriously need to go lurk on the etiquette board.

    I missed the second bolded...is the second event a PPD??



    Yeah...I was looking at that and didn't know if I wanted to go there...but...

    @nycgal85 - What's the plan for this second event in Ohio? Is it just going to be a big party for anyone who couldn't come to NY for your wedding? Or are you planning on wearing your wedding dress/saying vows/having a bridal party/any of the other wedding things?

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  • nycgal85 said:


    @bethsmiles - we have already cut kids under 18 (with the exception of FI's two first cousins who will be 16 and 13 and our flower girl, best friend's little girl, and ring bearer, the boy I pretty much raised as a nanny). We also are only giving +1s to couples married, engaged, living together, or serious LTR. In terms of who's contributing both our parents are giving us a significant amount of money, so that makes it hard. We are already planning a second event in Ohio for all our family/friends who can't come to NY.   There's also this drama with FI's family, they're very close-knit extended family and it could mean destroying family ties if we don't invite these people.



    Oh my god, don't do this either! This is the one big etiquette faux pas that really makes me see red. You can't invite people to come celebrate your relationship and then not even recognize theirs. You seriously need to go lurk on the etiquette board.

    I missed the second bolded...is the second event a PPD??
    I read it more as an AHR which is technically etiquette approved but I still think they are pretty unnecessary.
    Agree. If people can't make it to the actual wedding they'll get over it.
     




  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest member
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    @lmcooper86 Yep, wedding is in October, so June is a little early for a shower. I think my mom's logic with saving our OOT family a trip is solid, and I don't really get a say in the shower anyway. I guess I'll just keep all of the gifts in the garage until after the wedding? That's the only downside to the earlier-than-normal shower. Also, yeah, I'm really hoping it's not strep. It still hurts to swallow, but no where near as bad as it did yesterday. I also don't think my fever is high enough for strep, but we'll see. With Better Call Saul, we're maybe 3 episodes behind? But yes, I agree that so far there have been a few really slow episodes. We love the characters too, so we've continued watching. 

    @lavenderfields13 That's about as long as I've had my polar. Very interesting! I'm glad it's not just me. 


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  • jenjen047jenjen047 Boston member
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    @nycgal85 - agreed about 2nd event in ohio. also isnt this going to discourage OH guests from making the trip to NY for the wedding? if i were planning on flying from OH to NY for your wedding and then found out you were hosting an event in OH, id prob feel like whats the point when i can just wait for the OH event?
    invite the people you want at your wedding to your wedding. if they can come, they will come. if they have to miss it, they have to miss it. you wouldnt throw 2 birthday parties for your kid just because some of their friends couldnt make the first one.

    lavenderfields13AuroraRose41
  • cu97tiger said:

    @untouchablets - Congratulations on the job offer. Offers are negotiable. If you find that the rates are significantly higher at the new job, ask for a raise that covers those costs. Or ask that those costs be taken on by the company. It is rare that an organization's first offer is their best/only offer. As long as you negotiate respectfully and fairly, it cannot hurt to ask.

    The thing is, this is a VERY small business. It's well established, has a GREAT clientele and reputation around town in nearby areas, and I will definitely mention that when we talk, but I understand that there is a limit on what she can offer me in terms of salary. I would be so much happier there though, so I have a LOT to think about.
    There is always a limit on what someone can offer you. I'm just saying that part of the reason (not the whole reason, but definitely part) why women are paid less than men is because we don't ask for more. Above, you sound like you're saying that you are so grateful for what they are offering you that you would hate to ask for more. Like I said, if you conduct the conversation respectfully and fairly, asking for what you want or know you need will get you one of three things: 1) what you asked for, 2) not quite what you asked for but more than you were getting before or 3) no change in the offer. It's a win/win situation to ask.
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  • @swazzle Boo for having to work on Friday I figured you would be off since the market is closed.

    The mini pig thing is actually pretty bad when you really dive into it.  It's my current thing I'm annoying my husband about.  I think 2 months ago I had a serious conversation with him on justified reasons why I should quit my job and why I would succeed being a circus performer. 

    I'd be pretty hurt and offended if before H & I were married someone determined for us how serious our relationship was by not inviting one of us to their wedding. 

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  • jenjen047jenjen047 Boston member
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    The mini pig thing is actually pretty bad when you really dive into it.  It's my current thing I'm annoying my husband about.  I think 2 months ago I had a serious conversation with him on justified reasons why I should quit my job and why I would succeed being a circus performer.

    im confused....have you decided against a mini pig then, or are you really just annoying H in jest?
  • AlPacina said:

    TwoDimes said:




    nycgal85 said:




    @bethsmiles - we have already cut kids under 18 (with the exception of FI's two first cousins who will be 16 and 13 and our flower girl, best friend's little girl, and ring bearer, the boy I pretty much raised as a nanny). We also are only giving +1s to couples married, engaged, living together, or serious LTR. In terms of who's contributing both our parents are giving us a significant amount of money, so that makes it hard. We are already planning a second event in Ohio for all our family/friends who can't come to NY.   There's also this drama with FI's family, they're very close-knit extended family and it could mean destroying family ties if we don't invite these people.


    Oh my god, don't do this either! This is the one big etiquette faux pas that really makes me see red. You can't invite people to come celebrate your relationship and then not even recognize theirs. You seriously need to go lurk on the etiquette board.

    I missed the second bolded...is the second event a PPD??
    B-listing, excluding SO's who aren't "serious" enough, a PPD... what's next, a cash bar?




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    That's just how people do it in *such and such a place*! It's all normal and acceptable THERE!
    Confession: I was definitely one of those people who thought cash bars were totally normal because well..they are pretty normal in my circle. I honestly never thought of it as rude since I had never been to a wedding with an open bar up until a couple of years ago. People have said we're insane for even considering an open bar (so I stopped talking about it- I had only talked about it with close family) that's how common cash is. I didn't get why it was rude until I headed over to E so I definitely encourage people to read the E board!

    We decided to do beer and wine for our wedding since that's what we could afford and venue told us we could do whatever type of bar we wanted. Stupid me, I thought they would take down all other alcohol and didn't realize that since they're a country club they will not remove what we're not paying for and people can still purchase it if they'd like. We'll be making a sign listing what we're hosting but I feel crappy about the whole thing now- I was actually trying to do it the right way. 99% of our guests have all had cash bars themselves so won't think anything of it but it's the principle to me now :(   You can flame me now and take some heat off nygal 
     




  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
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    @lavenderfields13 - From what I've read on E, you aren't doing anything against etiquette. It would actually be rude of your guests to choose to pay for a drink not listed on your sign indicating what is hosted.



    AuroraRose41
  • @lavenderfields13 - From what I've read on E, you aren't doing anything against etiquette. It would actually be rude of your guests to choose to pay for a drink not listed on your sign indicating what is hosted.

    Yeah I did go to E when I had the dilemma too and the general consensus was the sign listing what's hosted is good enough. I guess I was just disappointed that the venue couldn't take the alcohol down so it would be more obvious! Oh well, you live and learn.

     




  • nycgal85nycgal85 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    Woah woah woah.....this must be me being naive but I didn't in ANY WAY shape or form assume that +1 meant that their name wasn't on the invite!! I just meant a couple/SO.

    In terms of the thing in Ohio, this is to placate my mother and grandmother who want us to invite people we can't afford to. It was my grandmother's idea because she has friends that could no way come to NY and are not invited to the wedding to see us and celebrate. I'm thinking of probably something at my parents house, maybe getting food catered as a treat. It's in NO WAY a replacement for the wedding.

    And in all honesty, and please don't all pounce on me, but I don't give a f*ck about etiquette. 

    We're content with our decisions on SOs. We are going to try to cut down the guest list to something we can afford, and I'm trying to deal with my own very delicate and dysfunctional family situation on top of FI's massive family.  If I had known that I was going to create some sort of uproar here.....

    ETA: I don't know what the hell any of these acronyms (PPD ARH) are either, so I give up. I'm already stressed out enough, now I'm literally having a panic attack because of all of this.
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  • TwoDimes said:

    @lavenderfields13, it's the same way where I am: cash bars are very very common. I've been to more weddings with a cash bar than with an open bar (or limited bar, or no bar, etc). Obviously, just because it's common doesn't mean it's right. We have also had quite a few relatives comment on how it's "crazy" that we are hosting the bar all night at our wedding. Well, go ahead and think I'm crazy. Why do you care...? YOU'RE GETTING FREE DRINKS! Haha


    I'm sure there will be quite an uproar when we don't do the dollar dance too.... another thing that's common around here.

    SITB

    I know - this is what gets me! I'd be excited about going to a wedding with open bar since they're so rare! lol
     




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  • jenjen047 said:

    The mini pig thing is actually pretty bad when you really dive into it.  It's my current thing I'm annoying my husband about.  I think 2 months ago I had a serious conversation with him on justified reasons why I should quit my job and why I would succeed being a circus performer.

    im confused....have you decided against a mini pig then, or are you really just annoying H in jest?
    Annoying H in jest :-)

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