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Things that are meant to be a compliment but aren't...

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Re: Things that are meant to be a compliment but aren't...

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Seriously just had this conversation with a co-worker earlier today.  She said she was on a date with a new guy last night, she was telling him the sob story about how she can't find a job (graduating soon and wants a job in her new field).  He "complimented" her by telling her that she should put her picture on her resume.  Her comment to him, "uh, okay."  Her comment to me, "Thanks for calling me pretty, but you're basically saying that people would only hire me for that reason, not because I'm smart or qualified."

    And the "nice butt for a white girl" story reminded me of this.  I was on the L years ago and a much older black gentleman looked me up and down and "complimented" me by telling me that I'm "thick."  I just looked at him and went back to my book, but I wanted to tell him, "hey buddy, that's not necessarily a compliment to a white girl."
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    beachyone15beachyone15 member
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    katiekessler123 said:

    A little off topic- but  how about when someone says to you, "Wow..you look tired today!"  It's basically them telling you that you look like total shit.  Always makes me mad.

    My dad said that to me one day when I had skipped makeup. Thanks, dad.


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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    beachyone15 said:

    katiekessler123 said:

    A little off topic- but  how about when someone says to you, "Wow..you look tired today!"  It's basically them telling you that you look like total shit.  Always makes me mad.

    My dad said that to me one day when I had skipped makeup. Thanks, dad.
    I worked from home Tuesday afternoon because I was still hurting from the dentist that morning. Wednesday morning my assistant asked if I was feeling better and I said yes. "Good, because you LOOK so much better, too!" um... Good to know I looked like shit the other day, thanks for that.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    novella1186novella1186 member
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    climbingwife said:

    "Are you boobs real?" 


    Yes, I've been asked this many times, even by my MIL. If you are not close enough to me to know whether or not my boobs are real, then I'm probably not interested in discussing them with you. 

    And when I answer, it's always followed up with something like, "Wow, they look fake. You're so lucky!" 
    I get asked all the time if my lips are real! One lady just walked right up to me and said "who does your face? I need the name of your plastic surgeon!" Um... for the record my lips are "real" and they're not even that big. So... ?? 
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    princessofgenoviaprincessofgenovia member
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    novella1186 said:

    climbingwife said:

    "Are you boobs real?" 


    Yes, I've been asked this many times, even by my MIL. If you are not close enough to me to know whether or not my boobs are real, then I'm probably not interested in discussing them with you. 

    And when I answer, it's always followed up with something like, "Wow, they look fake. You're so lucky!" 
    I get asked all the time if my lips are real! One lady just walked right up to me and said "who does your face? I need the name of your plastic surgeon!" Um... for the record my lips are "real" and they're not even that big. So... ?? 
    I had someone flat out ask me "Who did your boobs?" so I went "God, mother nature, evolution, really depends on your belief system". Like...this was a total stranger. Just flat out assuming my boobs were fake and also that I'd referrer her to my plastic surgeon who does not exist.
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    novella1186novella1186 member
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    littlepep said:

    princessgracekelly said:

    FUCKING THANK YOU on the "cute" thing. Also, "You look a lot younger than you are!" Yeah, yeah, I know, I'll be "thankful" that I look younger than I am when I'm older, but it comes off as backhanded when

    a.) Alcohol-selling people and their managers have accused my very real ID of being fake

    b.) I still get carded for R-rated movies

    c.) I've been flat-out told by wedding industry people that I look too young to get married

    Not bitter. Not bitter in the least.

    I get this a lot too. They ask to see my ID and then say whoa, I didn't expect you to be old enough! 

    WTF do you want me to say back to that?? HAHA GOTCHA WITH MY TRICKY GENES!!!
    Yesterday I had to go to the post office to get extra postage to send a thank-you to my aunt in Canada. The post office guy looked at my return address and said "Hey! I used to live on your street! But this was a long time ago. Long before you were born. 20 years ago." 
    I said, "I'm 28." And he just gave me a weird look. 
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    poodledoodleooopoodledoodleooo member
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    katiekessler123 said:

    A little off topic- but  how about when someone says to you, "Wow..you look tired today!"  It's basically them telling you that you look like total shit.  Always makes me mad.

    Or worse "you look so well-rested today!" Implying that every other day you look tired and shitty.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    When people I do not have personal relationships with call me "dear," "darling," "honey," "sweetie," "sweetheart," "doll," or other stupid "endearments." (Actually, it annoys me when people I do have personal relationships with call me those things too.)

    It always sounds either heavily sarcastic, patronizing, or infantilizing...never, ever truly affectionate, and when our relationship is not personal, I find it downright inappropriate.
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    emmaaaemmaaa mod
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    Jen4948 said:

    When people I do not have personal relationships with call me "dear," "darling," "honey," "sweetie," "sweetheart," "doll," or other stupid "endearments." (Actually, it annoys me when people I do have personal relationships with call me those things too.)

    It always sounds either heavily sarcastic, patronizing, or infantilizing...never, ever truly affectionate, and when our relationship is not personal, I find it downright inappropriate.

    I call people sweetie and honey a lot. Not sarcastically. I have better words for that.

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    princessgracekellyprincessgracekelly member
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    edited April 2015
    SoontobeMrsKlein said:

    littlepep said:

    princessgracekelly said:

    FUCKING THANK YOU on the "cute" thing. Also, "You look a lot younger than you are!" Yeah, yeah, I know, I'll be "thankful" that I look younger than I am when I'm older, but it comes off as backhanded when

    a.) Alcohol-selling people and their managers have accused my very real ID of being fake

    b.) I still get carded for R-rated movies

    c.) I've been flat-out told by wedding industry people that I look too young to get married

    Not bitter. Not bitter in the least.

    I get this a lot too. They ask to see my ID and then say whoa, I didn't expect you to be old enough! 

    WTF do you want me to say back to that?? HAHA GOTCHA WITH MY TRICKY GENES!!!

    I get ID'D every flipping time I am not out with my FI. The legal drinking age in Alberta is 18.  They ask my ID. Then chuckle as in 'haha, yea right' and then it eventually leads to them saying something along the lines of 'wishing they looked like me when they were my age' or 'You'll appreciate it when you are older'

    I am almost 29 years old. I get it. I look young. But I DO NOT LOOK 17!!!! For crying out loud. I get so irritated. Just give me my damn wine.

    Then I go out with FI and he looks his 30 years, especially with some scruff. And I get ID'd. And its like. Really? You think he's my dad or something? That he's engaged to a teenager? Really?

    /End Rant.

    Now I'm all worked up! haha



    Just this Sunday, actually, I was buying beer and a wedding magazine to consume at the same time and the cashier joked, "You don't look old enough for either of those things!"image



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    mklammklam member
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    Mine is when clients at my work (which is me and a bunch of men in their 30s) come into the office and look at me and say "Oh, I see what you got hired".

    Excuse me... I'm pretty smart, I'm not in my job cause I'm a young woman with boobs.
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    ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    emmaaa said:

    Jen4948 said:

    When people I do not have personal relationships with call me "dear," "darling," "honey," "sweetie," "sweetheart," "doll," or other stupid "endearments." (Actually, it annoys me when people I do have personal relationships with call me those things too.)

    It always sounds either heavily sarcastic, patronizing, or infantilizing...never, ever truly affectionate, and when our relationship is not personal, I find it downright inappropriate.

    I call people sweetie and honey a lot. Not sarcastically. I have better words for that.
    I usually go with "sugar".
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    anjemonanjemon member
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    SoontobeMrsKlein said:

    littlepep said:

    princessgracekelly said:

    FUCKING THANK YOU on the "cute" thing. Also, "You look a lot younger than you are!" Yeah, yeah, I know, I'll be "thankful" that I look younger than I am when I'm older, but it comes off as backhanded when

    a.) Alcohol-selling people and their managers have accused my very real ID of being fake

    b.) I still get carded for R-rated movies

    c.) I've been flat-out told by wedding industry people that I look too young to get married

    Not bitter. Not bitter in the least.

    I get this a lot too. They ask to see my ID and then say whoa, I didn't expect you to be old enough! 

    WTF do you want me to say back to that?? HAHA GOTCHA WITH MY TRICKY GENES!!!

    I get ID'D every flipping time I am not out with my FI. The legal drinking age in Alberta is 18.  They ask my ID. Then chuckle as in 'haha, yea right' and then it eventually leads to them saying something along the lines of 'wishing they looked like me when they were my age' or 'You'll appreciate it when you are older'

    I am almost 29 years old. I get it. I look young. But I DO NOT LOOK 17!!!! For crying out loud. I get so irritated. Just give me my damn wine.

    Then I go out with FI and he looks his 30 years, especially with some scruff. And I get ID'd. And its like. Really? You think he's my dad or something? That he's engaged to a teenager? Really?

    /End Rant.

    Now I'm all worked up! haha
    They do this to me and my FI too. It drives me crazy! I don't really look that young, but I guess I look youngish? FI shaves his head and has facial hair.  One time we went to a restaurant and I realized I forgot my ID at the hotel (post plane travel). So I waited until FI ordered a drink, and the waitress didn't card him. So the next time she came by I ordered a drink, and she asked me for my ID. Argh. Of course then I had to pretend look for it and apologize for not being able to find it. Argh.
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    madamerwinmadamerwin member
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    I recently had a co-worker tell me I looked like I lost "a ton of weight." First, I have not lost (much) weight recently, and second, I'm not terribly thin as-is. I take it as "you looked like a whale before." 

    And yes, I know, that may sound completely neurotic. But I don't like people telling me I look like I have lost weight, even if/when I have. It just rubs me the wrong way.

    Also, when people find out my age, I get "WHAT?! You look so much younger than that!!" Usually it comes from older women, and I know they mean to tell me I am aging well, but it bugs me. Don't tell me I look like I'm 17.
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    madamerwinmadamerwin member
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    FiancB said:


    My friend and my MIL say I look like I've lost weight literally almost every time they see me. It's nice I guess, but at least half the time I've actually gained a significant amount of weight since they last saw me, so...
    YES - I have a friend who does this too... Like, EVERY time I see her, which is often. It comes across as completely fake. And when I tell her thanks, but I really haven't, she refuses to believe me. But thanks for the compliment, I guess? 
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    hellohkbhellohkb mod
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    edited April 2015
    This guy who works at a restaurant I go to every once in awhile comments on my weight every single time he sees me. I obviously gained a significant amount of weight and he'll ask if I lost weight, that I look nice, etc. I'm 23 and gained about 35 lbs when I was like... 19 or so. Since I'm 5'1" the weight really shows. I've lost 15 lbs since then and want to lose another 15-20. My weight gain is a MAJOR sore spot for me so for anyone to bring up my weight makes me uncomfortable. I try to avoid him when if I go to that restaurant.

    Also, FH is terrible at giving compliments to people he's close with. I'll try my hardest to look really hot and he'll pretty much just say "you look good". When you're trying to look really killer and you only get a "good" or "fine" (and not in a "Damn girl, you're FINE"), it can be really hurtful... Even when it's not meant to be.


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    lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    I actually get many people assuming I'm older than I am. I think that's because I'm married at what most people consider to be a fairly young age, and I graduated from high school a year early and then finished my bachelor's in four years. Most of my friends right now are anywhere from two to eight years older than me.  At this point in my life, I actually like people to think I'm older than I am.

    I did go to a lunch for work the other day and was sitting down at a table with a group of people. The guy across the table, who I see for work on a regular basis but don't ever actually talk to, asked "So you're out of high school right?" and I said "Yes, and college."

    I had a co-worker once ask, "You look so pretty, what'd you do?"  Then everyone else who was around kind of gaped at her, and she started apologizing and saying she didn't mean it like that.  And I know she didn't, she just phrased it wrong.
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    kvrunskvruns member
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    ShesSoCold said:

    @shessocold I posted this a week or so ago but I once had a coworker tell me that my eyebrows were my best feature. I genuinely believe she was trying to compliment my eyebrows and not backhandedly tell me I'm ugly. 

    I had a guy at a bar say that to me last summer.  I was all, wtf my eyebrows?! I think I was like gee what's wrong with the rest of me
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    arrippaarrippa member
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    tfmrserwin said:

    I recently had a co-worker tell me I looked like I lost "a ton of weight." First, I have not lost (much) weight recently, and second, I'm not terribly thin as-is. I take it as "you looked like a whale before." 


    And yes, I know, that may sound completely neurotic. But I don't like people telling me I look like I have lost weight, even if/when I have. It just rubs me the wrong way.

    Also, when people find out my age, I get "WHAT?! You look so much younger than that!!" Usually it comes from older women, and I know they mean to tell me I am aging well, but it bugs me. Don't tell me I look like I'm 17.
    I am the same way. I hate when people comment on my body. Even if it's asking if I lost weight.
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    kvrunskvruns member
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    edited April 2015
    princessgracekelly said:

    FUCKING THANK YOU on the "cute" thing. Also, "You look a lot younger than you are!" Yeah, yeah, I know, I'll be "thankful" that I look younger than I am when I'm older, but it comes off as backhanded when

    a.) Alcohol-selling people and their managers have accused my very real ID of being fake

    b.) I still get carded for R-rated movies

    c.) I've been flat-out told by wedding industry people that I look too young to get married

    Not bitter. Not bitter in the least.

    I was at the post office last week and these two women came in to apply for passports.  One had a short hair cut w/ a backwards hat on and then woman working the desk said "how old are you honey", and the woman goes uhhhh 37.  The lady working must have thought it was a mother/daughter applying and the girl in the hat was like 16 or something.  I didn't get a good look at her face, but just from standing in line behind them I knew it was 2 adults!
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    dolewhipperdolewhipper member
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    A guy at work last week told me, "Did you gain weight? It looks good on you." WTF douchecanoe? I know I'm relatively slender but I am well within my normal BMI. I told him to f off and never say that to a woman for the rest of his life. How does he know I didn't have an eating disorder/body image issue now or in the past? (Which, I did.) Ugh.


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