Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Slideshow at ceremony?

I'm open to all feedback here because I know you guys are always honest!

I'm considering playing our slideshow at the ceremony instead of the reception. My original plan was to play it during dinner (after everyone has gone to buffet line), but our reception site doesn't really have the best set up or equipment for it. So, would it be weird to have it played during the ceremony?

It's just a short five minute thing, filled with funny baby photos and a few pictures of us. Our ceremony is already going to be pretty short, not doing any unity things or having any readings - just saying vows. So what do you guys think?
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Re: Slideshow at ceremony?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    edited April 2015
    Skip it. People attend weddings to see the couple get married, not to look at baby and kid pictures, however funny you think they are. Also, wedding ceremonies are not the time for comedy. That belongs, if it has a place at all, at the reception.

    If you do a slide show at all, put it on a loop and run it in the background, not as part of the agenda. In addition to the ceremony, presumably you're doing an entrance, a receiving line and/or table visits, spotlight dances, toasts, and a cake/dessert cutting. Your guests are not going to appreciate being treated as a captive audience for anything else.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    I'm open to all feedback here because I know you guys are always honest!


    I'm considering playing our slideshow at the ceremony instead of the reception. My original plan was to play it during dinner (after everyone has gone to buffet line), but our reception site doesn't really have the best set up or equipment for it. So, would it be weird to have it played during the ceremony?

    It's just a short five minute thing, filled with funny baby photos and a few pictures of us. Our ceremony is already going to be pretty short, not doing any unity things or having any readings - just saying vows. So what do you guys think?
    Sorry, but five minutes of baby photos and silly pics of you and your FI is not anywhere close to feeling short for your guests.

    So no, this is a really bad idea.  And please don't show this at the reception either.  Your guests don't want to sit through 5 minutes of rando pictures of you and your FI.  They really don't.  This is the kind of thing that you might do at the RD, but not at the wedding.

  • ElcaBElcaB
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
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    A friend of mine played the photo slideshow before the ceremony, while guests were arriving. TBH, I'm not a fan of slideshows at weddings, no matter when they play. But, if you are 100% set on doing one, I would play it on a loop as guests arrive rather than devote a portion of the ceremony or reception to it. 
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    saric83
  • ElcaB said:

    A friend of mine played the photo slideshow before the ceremony, while guests were arriving. TBH, I'm not a fan of slideshows at weddings, no matter when they play. But, if you are 100% set on doing one, I would play it on a loop as guests arrive rather than devote a portion of the ceremony or reception to it. 

    I like that idea. I know slideshows aren't very well liked around here, and I can most definitely respect that. However, I've actually had a lot of requests from family and friends to have one. It was just a question as to when would be the best possible time. I thought during dinner since it doesn't seem like their obligated to watch and can just eat their food if they like, but I like your idea a lot! Thanks :)
  • ElcaB said:

    A friend of mine played the photo slideshow before the ceremony, while guests were arriving. TBH, I'm not a fan of slideshows at weddings, no matter when they play. But, if you are 100% set on doing one, I would play it on a loop as guests arrive rather than devote a portion of the ceremony or reception to it. 

    This is sort of what we are doing. I know our guests don't want to be stuck looking at a slideshow of us growing up. Our venue has a large tv when you walk in to go upstairs. For weddings they play a slideshow of your engagement pictures on loop. We figured that way, anyone who cared to look at them can do that while signing the guest list. Our immediate family who has already seen it can skip it. 

    I vote not playing it at the ceremony. I would probably find it odd. 
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  • I could see playing it on a loop prior to the ceremony. As in, while everyone is finding their seats and whatnot before the processional starts. That way they're not so much a captive audience and they can fiddle with their phones or get up and go to the restroom or whatever.
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  • Personally I wouldnt do a slide show at all until at least well into the reception.  
  • Put it on a loop at the reception. Maybe near a dessert table or the guest book. Ppl can look when/if/however long they want but they don't ever have to. Slide shows at weddings really suck when you're forced to watch it.

    I agree with PP's that it wouldn't be too bad having it on a loop while people are arriving at the ceremony. Especially if there is music too.


  • I'm sorry but it just boggles my mind that people are actually requesting a slide show.  I mean why are people dying to see pictures of you and your FI as babies?  I just don't get it.

    Tbh, it kind of boggles my mind that everyone is so against them here. I completely understand all your opinions on cash bars, PPD's, honey funds and what not. But this is one thing I really don't see the harm in. 

    From my perspective, I love seeing slideshows at weddings. It gives me a chance to see the couple at every phase of their lives. It's just that extra personal touch that makes the wedding really emotional to me.

    Maybe my guests are coming up to me and requesting this because they'd actually want to see it. I mean...of course our guests would love to see our baby pictures and our pictures growing as a couple. They are coming to celebrate us joining in marriage, so seeing something that is broadcasting US (the people that they are coming to see) doesn't make sense to me why it would be so offensive to see.

    And again, it's only 5 minutes. I can see if it was a never ending loop of pictures that would be annoying. But 5 minutes, really? You're honestly telling me that it's against etiquette?

    I guess I'm just trying to get a better grasp on why you guys hate it so much. Sometimes it seems, because of little things like this, you guys might be a little burnt out on weddings.
    spockforprez
  • minttobemrsbminttobemrsb
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited April 2015

    I'm sorry but it just boggles my mind that people are actually requesting a slide show.  I mean why are people dying to see pictures of you and your FI as babies?  I just don't get it.

    Tbh, it kind of boggles my mind that everyone is so against them here. I completely understand all your opinions on cash bars, PPD's, honey funds and what not. But this is one thing I really don't see the harm in. 

    From my perspective, I love seeing slideshows at weddings. It gives me a chance to see the couple at every phase of their lives. It's just that extra personal touch that makes the wedding really emotional to me.

    Maybe my guests are coming up to me and requesting this because they'd actually want to see it. I mean...of course our guests would love to see our baby pictures and our pictures growing as a couple. They are coming to celebrate us joining in marriage, so seeing something that is broadcasting US (the people that they are coming to see) doesn't make sense to me why it would be so offensive to see.

    And again, it's only 5 minutes. I can see if it was a never ending loop of pictures that would be annoying. But 5 minutes, really? You're honestly telling me that it's against etiquette?

    I guess I'm just trying to get a better grasp on why you guys hate it so much. Sometimes it seems, because of little things like this, you guys might be a little burnt out on weddings.
    For the record, I do not hate slideshows (obv, because I am also having one), however I do not think that the ceremony is the place to do it. If you're going to do it at all, it should be during the reception. Also, many of us have mentioned playing it somewhere on loop where people can choose to watch it, rather than be forced to watch it. 

    ETA: I actually don't understand the baby pictures, though. The weddings I've been to with slideshows have just included pictures of the couple and their relationship. Our is only of our engagement pictures and it's being displayed on a tv in the hallway for people to look at if they wish. I don't care to see your new husband naked in a bathtub or you picking dandelions as a child, however cute it might be. 

    This is my personal opinion. Clearly, we can all agree to disagree. No harm, no foul. 
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    [Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    edited April 2015

    I'm sorry but it just boggles my mind that people are actually requesting a slide show.  I mean why are people dying to see pictures of you and your FI as babies?  I just don't get it.

    Tbh, it kind of boggles my mind that everyone is so against them here. I completely understand all your opinions on cash bars, PPD's, honey funds and what not. But this is one thing I really don't see the harm in. 

    From my perspective, I love seeing slideshows at weddings. It gives me a chance to see the couple at every phase of their lives. It's just that extra personal touch that makes the wedding really emotional to me.

    Maybe my guests are coming up to me and requesting this because they'd actually want to see it. I mean...of course our guests would love to see our baby pictures and our pictures growing as a couple. They are coming to celebrate us joining in marriage, so seeing something that is broadcasting US (the people that they are coming to see) doesn't make sense to me why it would be so offensive to see.

    And again, it's only 5 minutes. I can see if it was a never ending loop of pictures that would be annoying. But 5 minutes, really? You're honestly telling me that it's against etiquette?

    I guess I'm just trying to get a better grasp on why you guys hate it so much. Sometimes it seems, because of little things like this, you guys might be a little burnt out on weddings.
    Unless every single one of your guests want to see you and your FI as a baby then showing a slideshow and basically 'forcing' your guests to sit through it (like showing it in the middle of your ceremony or having a special spot in your reception where everything stops just to then have a 5 minute slideshow play is just over the top AWish.

    Like some have said, show it on a loop prior to your ceremony as guests arrive, or have it off to the side near your cake or something at your reception.  But to have it run, especially during the reception which is for your guests and not the couple, is AWish.  Look, if I am a guest at your wedding I am very happy for you and want to celebrate the fact that you just got married.  I don't need to see pictures of you in the bathtub when you were 2 to be able to do that.  That is what I don't get.  Seeing pictures of the couple as babies and young kids just doesn't make sense.  I mean I assumed that yes they were once babies and little kids and they weren't just born into the world as they are now.  But I am not celebrating the fact that you grew up.  I am celebrating the fact that you got married and watching a 5 minute slideshow does nothing to make this milestone of your life any more meaningful to me.

    And honestly, making your guests watch a 5 minute slideshow is the same as having someone give a 5 minute toast.  It is just over kill.

    ETA:  And I am not burnt out on weddings, I just know, as a guest to many weddings, what is and is not really liked.  And these types of slideshows are pretty much a big eye-roll for many of your guests and are mainly liked by the parents and super close friends but that is it.  Which is why I suggested showing this slideshow at your RD.

  • If you want to do one, go ahead. BUT, have it playing off in a corner somewhere and don't make it a mandatory viewing where you're basically taking advantage of a captive audience. 

    That way, the people who are requesting one (really?) can watch it and the people who don't care (probably most of your guests) can socialize.
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  • Can you answer me this though, and I'm really not trying to argue just trying to understand, is it honestly against etiquette?

    It might not be a personal preference of some, but then again I think there's a lot of things at weddings that wouldn't be someones personal preference that they are still going to have to sit through. Someone might not like the father/daughter and mother/son dance but they still sit through it. Someone might not like the readings we chose, or the vows we say..but they're still going to sit through it. I guess I just fail to see how it's different, that's all. We can agree to disagree.
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    edited April 2015

    Can you answer me this though, and I'm really not trying to argue just trying to understand, is it honestly against etiquette?


    It might not be a personal preference of some, but then again I think there's a lot of things at weddings that wouldn't be someones personal preference that they are still going to have to sit through. Someone might not like the father/daughter and mother/son dance but they still sit through it. Someone might not like the readings we chose, or the vows we say..but they're still going to sit through it. I guess I just fail to see how it's different, that's all. We can agree to disagree.



    No one here is saying at all that it's against etiquette. People are just giving their opinions that they're AWish and unnecessary.

    The way I see it- people are watching you commit your love to and join your life with someone. Then they are celebrating you and this person for several hours after at a party. You're saying in this day and age with facebook, that it's REALLY necessary to subject people to a slideshow about you when the entire day is already about you, just because a few people want to see pics of you as a kid?

    People are not saying it's on the level as a cash bar or honeyfund, they're just saying that it's really not necessary to do this when these people are basically your captive audience for several hours, spending almost their whole day celebrating you already.

    People have given great advice to have it playing off to the side if, for some reason, you really can't stand the thought of people not seeing baby pics of you.

    ETA: As for the "we can agree to disagree" comment- well of course we can! You're the one who asked for our opinions though, so I don't get why you're getting so defensive when the opinions you got aren't to your liking.

    Formerly martha1818

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    Maggie0829esstee33
  • edited April 2015

    Can you answer me this though, and I'm really not trying to argue just trying to understand, is it honestly against etiquette?


    It might not be a personal preference of some, but then again I think there's a lot of things at weddings that wouldn't be someones personal preference that they are still going to have to sit through. Someone might not like the father/daughter and mother/son dance but they still sit through it. Someone might not like the readings we chose, or the vows we say..but they're still going to sit through it. I guess I just fail to see how it's different, that's all. We can agree to disagree.
    Is it written down in a wedding etiquette book somewhere? No, probably not. Mainly because slideshows are a recent thing and the most commonly cited/reputable etiquette gurus, Emily Post (who is dead) and Miss Manners (alive, but mostly retired) haven't really addressed it head on.

    But it's important to view "etiquette" as more than a finite set of "rules". It's a concept. And the concept is to treat people well and with respect and to put their comfort first (as your guests). This isn't just for weddings, this is for treatment of guests in general. Some brides think the rules change because a wedding and reception = the ME show. The whole idea about "etiquette" is that the rules of treating people well don't change for any situation. Even if it's someone's super special, ME show day.

    In your case, you say you've had a few people ask for this. Have the vast majority of your guests come up to you, unsolicited (e.g. you didn't start the convo or say "hey, is this a good idea?"), and asked that you have a slide show? I would find that statistically intriguing and a very unlikely anomaly (i.e. I would call bullshit). 

    So given that only a minority of your guests have mentioned this to you, it doesn't make logical sense to think that 100% of your guest list wants to sit through a slide show of your lives. I would argue that continuing the "ME show" after the wedding ceremony is, in a way, against etiquette, because you're asking a captive audience to stop everything they're doing and watch more of the ME show. When you have a perfectly golden opportunity to do both - set it up in a corner where the requesters and anyone else who wants to can watch it, but anyone who doesn't want to doesn't have to.
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    Maggie0829esstee33[Deleted User]
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    In my mind, this is one of those things where the reasons not to do it are that it can be obnoxious to some guests and is pretty much unrelated to the fact that you two got married, and the only reason to do it as a "feature event" rather than on a loop in the background boils down to "Because we want to have everyone see these pictures of us, even if they don't care to."

    I don't understand why the last one would ever trump the first two.

    Anniversary

    Maggie0829esstee33
  • And furthermore, your actual question was:

    I'm open to all feedback here because I know you guys are always honest!.......So, would it be weird to have it played during the ceremony?.....So what do you guys think?

    If you want actual etiquette advice, you can always XP to the etiquette board.
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    Maggie0829
  • No, I do not think that it goes against any set etiquette rule. It's just about personal preference and not boring your guests that maybe do not want to watch a slideshow of your life. The idea of sitting and looking at your baby pictures reminds me of high school graduation (Did anyone else do this or is it a local thing??) 

    And yes people sit through your vows, but they WANT to, hence why they came to your wedding! They came to see you get married! Your baby pictures do not have anything to do with you getting married. 
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    lovegood90Maggie0829[Deleted User]
  • Slideshows are boring as hell. Sorry, but it's true. Aside from perhaps the handful of people who have actually known you at every stage of your life (close family, pretty much), the pictures will not have any relation to how your guests know you now. Skip it or time it so people are not being forced to watch it but can choose to if/when they're actually interested. Which is why I suggested looping it prior to the ceremony. People can look away and do other shit without feeling guilty.
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    polly212
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I don't think they're technically against etiquette, but I prefer not to have them unless they're on a loop.  I'm pretty much fine with anything under 3 minutes, but I've been to weddings where the slideshow is 10-20.  Not okay.


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  • Do you dislike these people? Slideshows are terrible, and I LOVE photos --- when I can watch them on my own time.

    I've never understood how baby photos from when you didn't even know each other were even remotely relevant to a wedding. Not everything is a super special "journey" that needs to be commemorated.

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    minttobemrsbthespeshulestsnowflake
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope.
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
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    I watch a lot of old TV shows. One of my favorite things is when the characters make jokes about slideshows being a punishment.

    Because they are. They really, really are.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    artbyallieohannabelle
  • NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    theartistformerlyknownas
  • Sorry this turned into such a big discussion! 

     I know I didn't originally ask for etiquette advice, I was honestly just curious what everyones thoughts were regarding etiquette after I saw all the responses.

    I'm not offended or anything, please don't think that! I most definitely appreciate your opinions.
    If I came off as defensive I apologize, I truly didn't mean to. It's hard to portray things on the internet. I like a good debate every once in awhile, so really I'm not offended.

    Don't take me as one of those me me me brides either. Of course I don't want to make my guests do anything they don't want to do. I know it's hard to believe, but yes slideshows are actually a pretty big thing in both of our families. FI's dad has made one for several of their family weddings, and lots of my family have made comments when talking about the wedding (and no, I did not bring it up) saying: Oh I just can't wait to see what you've come up with for your slideshow!

    I'm sorry it seems weird to you guys..I'm not gonna claim the regional thing. I'll just say I guess it's a big deal in our families? And I was really just trying to get perspective from the other side, because I like debating and all that. But, thank you for your advice. I appreciate the honest opinions, and I'm sorry if I seemed defensive and sparked a heated debate.
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    @beethery - you're reading my mind. Back in the day, people dreaded visiting friends who just returned from vacation. They knew they would be subjected to a lengthy slide show. So how has this turned into a treat for wedding guests? Seriously, the only people who want to look at your baby pictures are your moms and grandmothers.



    I've said this before and I'll say it again.

    We had a slideshow, about 5 minutes, at our rehearsal dinner because even though we said explicitly that we didn't want one, MIL did and she was hosting.

    I, the bride, didn't really love seeing the pictures of H as a child. I wasn't there for those things, didn't know the backstory, and there wasn't time as they were sliding by for him to explain what was going on in that picture and where. I'm sure MIL didn't really care about the baby pictures of me, but she figured it needed to be balanced. When we got to pictures of us in our relationship, there wasn't an opportunity (nor would most have cared) for our WP to explain what was happening at that time to those who weren't there. No one ever commented that "That slideshow really helped us understand your H/your relationship/etc. and we loved it!"

    Flashing pictures without the full knowledge of or opportunity for the story behind them are pretty much useless, and if people care to hear about the backstory (most don't), they'll ask to see your photo album from childhood/Hawaii trip/etc. Just because some people want to see the few photos that make them feel like an insider in your life - "I know where that was!" - doesn't mean it's kind to make everyone else sit through them.

    Anniversary

    [Deleted User]
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited April 2015

    Sorry this turned into such a big discussion! 


     I know I didn't originally ask for etiquette advice, I was honestly just curious what everyones thoughts were regarding etiquette after I saw all the responses.

    I'm not offended or anything, please don't think that! I most definitely appreciate your opinions.
    If I came off as defensive I apologize, I truly didn't mean to. It's hard to portray things on the internet. I like a good debate every once in awhile, so really I'm not offended.

    Don't take me as one of those me me me brides either. Of course I don't want to make my guests do anything they don't want to do. I know it's hard to believe, but yes slideshows are actually a pretty big thing in both of our families. FI's dad has made one for several of their family weddings, and lots of my family have made comments when talking about the wedding (and no, I did not bring it up) saying: Oh I just can't wait to see what you've come up with for your slideshow!

    I'm sorry it seems weird to you guys..I'm not gonna claim the regional thing. I'll just say I guess it's a big deal in our families? And I was really just trying to get perspective from the other side, because I like debating and all that. But, thank you for your advice. I appreciate the honest opinions, and I'm sorry if I seemed defensive and sparked a heated debate.
    Slideshows used to be a big thing in my family too.  The guys would go up to Alaska every year and river raft and fish in the middle of nowhere for a month.  Then they would come back with their catch, and we'd have a huge dinner and then watch a 45 minute slideshow, complete with commentary.  I do remember it being really enjoyable, but just with my family.  I hated watching slideshows of any one else's vacation/school slideshows/pretty much any other slideshow.  I'm also pretty sure the rest of my family felt the same.  It was special for that occasion alone, but I know even my family would be all "hell no" to a long slideshow at a wedding. 

    ETA: Words


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  • Sorry this turned into such a big discussion! 


     I know I didn't originally ask for etiquette advice, I was honestly just curious what everyones thoughts were regarding etiquette after I saw all the responses.

    I'm not offended or anything, please don't think that! I most definitely appreciate your opinions.
    If I came off as defensive I apologize, I truly didn't mean to. It's hard to portray things on the internet. I like a good debate every once in awhile, so really I'm not offended.

    Don't take me as one of those me me me brides either. Of course I don't want to make my guests do anything they don't want to do. I know it's hard to believe, but yes slideshows are actually a pretty big thing in both of our families. FI's dad has made one for several of their family weddings, and lots of my family have made comments when talking about the wedding (and no, I did not bring it up) saying: Oh I just can't wait to see what you've come up with for your slideshow!

    I'm sorry it seems weird to you guys..I'm not gonna claim the regional thing. I'll just say I guess it's a big deal in our families? And I was really just trying to get perspective from the other side, because I like debating and all that. But, thank you for your advice. I appreciate the honest opinions, and I'm sorry if I seemed defensive and sparked a heated debate.
    So even if both your entire families love the things, and you know there's a pretty good certainty all of your friends will hate the things, are you still going to do it?

    Even if people like them, doesn't mean they'll be upset if there ISN'T one. I mean, I love crab cakes. Love when they have them at weddings. If I show up and find crudite and pot stickers, I still have a good time. 

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    [Deleted User]
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    ugh, I really dislike slideshows that you are forced to watch.

    Slide show in a corner, near the bar.   Totally fine. I can choose to watch as little or much as I want.   To be forced to focus on a slide show is torture for me.     

    Especially if you are the random guest who might be a co-worker or just doesn't know a lot of other people.  Often slide shows have inside jokes or situations for some people and are completely lost on others.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    [Deleted User]charlotte989875
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