I'm a Grouchy Diva (slight vent)

lovegood90

mrsdee15 said:

Yep, add me to the "finding other accommodations or not going" camp.  And that is BS that your bedroom may have gotten taken by another couple.  Just a big nope all around on this.

Is something like Air B&B a possibility?  Maybe there are privately-owned cabins or some such around.

Definitely will be looking into that this week. BF just never bothers to ask questions, he doesn't even know where these freakin lakehouses are! I'm going to get exact locations tonight and get my butt on Tripadvisor and Air B&B.

We'll both be drinking and since this is in the middle of nowhere we'll most definitely have to drive after the reception if we're staying somewhere else. But I'll totally take one for the team and be designated driver if it means I get my own bed!

loveislouder

As a person who just shared a cabin with 9 other people with one bathroom and a 4 gallon hot water tank, I suggest against it. 

climbingsingle

Oh hell no. I'm 34 and my days of sleeping on couches in those types of situations have long been over. Call me a diva too.

larrygaga

I am the least high maintenance person ever, but I expect to get what I paid for. If I'm going to a wedding, I want a damn bed. Do you even know who you are sharing the house with? Weird. 

allispain

Yeah, no. Definitely no. I would rather drive a little longer after the wedding to get to my accommodations and have a bed, a door, and my own bathroom than sleep on a couch.

Also, that split-it-evenly thing reminds me of beach week in college. Being single, I always got stuck in the room with the bunk beds with 3 other friends - we each had our own little single bed and the four of us would share a bathroom with whomever was stuck out on the fold-out couch. Yet we always paid the exact same amount as the couples who would each have a giant king size bed, private bathroom, and their own balconies. I was too nice then to sock the boat - I would not be so nice about it now.

flbride2015

yogapants said:

There is no way I'd share a single bathroom between 10 people for three nights, bed or not. Not happening.

Especially if you don't actually know some of those 10 people. There's a significant difference between making plans to share a house with some friends, and being "assigned" a house with people you don't know well. You're not being high maintenance at all. That's some BS right there.

mrsdee15

flbride2015 said:

yogapants said:

There is no way I'd share a single bathroom between 10 people for three nights, bed or not. Not happening.

Especially if you don't actually know some of those 10 people. There's a significant difference between making plans to share a house with some friends, and being "assigned" a house with people you don't know well. You're not being high maintenance at all. That's some BS right there.

So, so much this.  

lovegood90

larrygaga said:

I am the least high maintenance person ever, but I expect to get what I paid for. If I'm going to a wedding, I want a damn bed. Do you even know who you are sharing the house with? Weird. 

Sorry, should have clarified. They're all good friends with BF. I'm close with around 4 of them, and the rest I've only hung out with a handful of times in group settings. So that's where a lot of the "nope dis too much" is coming from too.

Wegl13

Just to clarify, wanting to spend 3 nights in a bed and to get dressed in a private space is not high maintenance. That is normal maintenance.


This coming from someone that drove 12 hours and slept in a teepee at a state park (my choice because that's all I could afford at the time) to be at someone's wedding. At least it was my own damn teepee and the door (...flap...) closed.

jacques27

I wouldn't be diva about the couch.  I've shared hotel rooms with family members and friends, socked out on a friend's sofa bed with two other friends after we imbibed too much to drive home - all within the last year.  Is it my preferred arrangement?  Obviously not, but I can deal when I know it's temporary. 

I will not, however, share a bathroom.  I will do it temporarily with one or two people for a night or two, but not three nights with 10.  I will never again even live with someone in an apt/house that only has one bathroom.  I have to go to the bathroom the minute I am semi-conscious in the morning.  There is no kinda waking and then falling back asleep for me.  And if you are in the bathroom that minute when I've woken up - I will cut you.  

flbride2015

jacques27 said:

I wouldn't be diva about the couch.  I've shared hotel rooms with family members and friends, socked out on a friend's sofa bed with two other friends after we imbibed too much to drive home - all within the last year.  Is it my preferred arrangement?  Obviously not, but I can deal when I know it's temporary. 

I will not, however, share a bathroom.  I will do it temporarily with one or two people for a night or two, but not three nights with 10.  I will never again even live with someone in an apt/house that only has one bathroom.  I have to go to the bathroom the minute I am semi-conscious in the morning.  There is no kinda waking and then falling back asleep for me.  And if you are in the bathroom that minute when I've woken up - I will cut you.  

Plus, do you really know the bathroom habits of these people? Like, will they clean up after themselves in there or will you be walking into something gag worthy? I'm cringing just thinking about someone's hair in the shower.

aliwis000

I have never considered myself high maintenance. I am not afraid to go out, get dirty, work my family's farm blah blah blah. But I am almost 30 years old. I have a good job and earn good money and at the end of a day I want my space and a bed. I would not be ok with sharing the house EVEN if we got a bedroom.

The time for sharing homes and sleeping on the floor is long past for me. And then add getting ready for a wedding on top of that...heck no! I need space. I need bathroom counter room. I need to crank the AC way down so I am not a sweaty mess trying to get ready.

FI knows this and we can co-exist while getting ready. Plus I love people but after a night of a big wedding/running around I want to be alone with my FI in our own space. To chill and reset.

So I think your idea of looking for the nearest hotel/rental etc is a great one. Even if you have to drive 45 min after the wedding and be the DD to me that would be worth it.

Good luck!!

Bubblegum5586

I hope you can find a place on airb&b! I don't think you are being a diva at all! I could handle most of these things individually but not ALL together! 

I think its pretty lame you had a room and now that there is a new couple you get booted... hellz no. I tend to be the peace keeper in my family and friends but I still will stand up for myself!

And splitting is all equally?! That is super lame! We have a big family vacation this summer (that I somehow got stuck organizing) and obv everyone wants their own room... but there isn't enough rooms. To make it as fair as possible every room costs the same price and then whomever is in those rooms splits the price. So all the couples that get their own bedroom pay the full price of the room together... while the bunk room (with 4-6 people) gets split 4-6 ways making it super affordable option! (And thank goodness this place as 3 bathrooms!)

Good luck and keep us posted!

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

So we got an invite to a wedding of some friends-yay! It'll be around an 11 hr drive from us, and apparently the only places to stay are these lake houses that the bride and groom reserved for everyone (it's in a very remote location). That's totally fine.

So we are sharing a lake house with three other couples and two singles. Apparently the place has some bedrooms and couches in the living room. I was told we'd be getting one of the bedrooms no problem, but now that an additional couple is staying with us because of the lack of room, we might have to stay on the couches because BF is too nice to fight it out with people.

*buzzer sound* Nope.Nope.Nope.Nope.  This sounds shitty to me already.  Who are these other people that you have to share a house with?  Do you even know them?  I would not care to share a house for a weekend with people I didn't know.

How freaking big is this place?  Counting you and your SO, there's going to be 12 people crammed in there now, and it obviously doesn't have enough bedrooms for that occupancy, so I doubt it's meant for 12 people.  How many bathrooms does this place have?  It's a pain in the ass to try and share a single bathroom with multiple people, all trying to get ready for an event at the same time, let alone trying to share a bathroom or two with 11 other people.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and I stopped crashing on couches and cramming 500 people into a hotel room/condo to save money on vacations once I was out of college.

This arrangement sounds hellish already.

So here are my issues: We are carpooling with people and everyone wants to leave 2 days before, so we'd be spending 3 nights on this couch  SO.MUCH.NOPE AND I'd be taking 2.5 days off work for this. Hell No.  Not to mention apparently everything is being split down the middle so we'd be paying the same price that people who get real bedrooms are paying. NOPE, although if it costs X to rent the house it makes the most sense to split it evenly by the total number of people staying there.  I mean, when I've shared a hotel room with people and they used the pull out couch, they didn't get a discount on the total cost of the room just because they were on a pullout.  We divided the rate evenly.  Also, this wedding is "formal attire" (sigh) and we'd all be sharing a bathroom.  12 people sharing a single bathroom?  Fuck No!  It sounds like your friend is cramming ppl into this place past the actual occupancy of the house. . . which would be against fire code.  Not a good idea.

I sound super high maintenance, but sorry- I did the whole "sleep on the couch, the floor, wherever in a shared house" thing in my high school and university days. I'm too old for this shit now- I just want my own bed! PREACH!  With a freaking door! And sorry but I can share 1 bathroom with 10 other people if it's a cottage/camping, but if we're expected to look nice for a "formal" wedding, then really?

I told BF that he needs to draw straws or something instead of just being the "nice guy" and taking the couch. And if we end up with the couch we will drive up ourselves so we only have to stay there 1 day, not 3, I agree with this  AND we negotiate a cheaper price so that people with actual beds pay more.  Meh, that's a stretch, I think.   He thinks I'm being kind of a diva and I TOTALLY am. I know I sound like an awful person but, I'm seriously just considering staying home that weekend. I would.  Get the shits, anything to get out of this shitty wedding weekend.  Sorrynotsorry, these arrangements blow.  I would not take 3 days off of work to drive 11 hours for a wedding to sleep on a couch for 3 nights and share a single bathroom with 11 other people.  Not even for my siblings.  If I couldn't fly or drive out with my DH on our own time, and if I couldn't find a better place to stay, I'd just send a gift and a card.  No one's wedding is so awesome to outweigh that aggravation, lol.    I would go through these arrangements if these people were like, in my immediate family or a BFF, but they're not. (Also I'm not even super close to the people we're housing with).

Anyway that was a super long FWP vent. Are you guys more "high maintenance" as you get older too?

It's not "high maintenance" to say, "Fuck it, I don't want to waste my personal time, money, and comfort on shitty arrangements."

It's not high maintenace to want and expect to sleep in a bed if I am paying to stay somewhere.

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

redoryx said:

Is there any chance they are sofa beds? 

Unfortunately nope. Even if they were, that shit is uncomfortable! Also I think my biggest hang-up  is the lack of privacy- I don't want to wake up in the middle of a living room where everyone can see my greasy makeup-less face. Especially when 3/4 of the people I'm staying with I don't even know that well.

So much this.

lovegood90

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

So we got an invite to a wedding of some friends-yay! It'll be around an 11 hr drive from us, and apparently the only places to stay are these lake houses that the bride and groom reserved for everyone (it's in a very remote location). That's totally fine.

So we are sharing a lake house with three other couples and two singles. Apparently the place has some bedrooms and couches in the living room. I was told we'd be getting one of the bedrooms no problem, but now that an additional couple is staying with us because of the lack of room, we might have to stay on the couches because BF is too nice to fight it out with people.

*buzzer sound* Nope.Nope.Nope.Nope.  This sounds shitty to me already.  Who are these other people that you have to share a house with?  Do you even know them?  I would not care to share a house for a weekend with people I didn't know.

How freaking big is this place?  Counting you and your SO, there's going to be 12 people crammed in there now, and it obviously doesn't have enough bedrooms for that occupancy, so I doubt it's meant for 12 people.  How many bathrooms does this place have?  It's a pain in the ass to try and share a single bathroom with multiple people, all trying to get ready for an event at the same time, let alone trying to share a bathroom or two with 11 other people.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and I stopped crashing on couches and cramming 500 people into a hotel room/condo to save money on vacations once I was out of college.

This arrangement sounds hellish already.

So here are my issues: We are carpooling with people and everyone wants to leave 2 days before, so we'd be spending 3 nights on this couch  SO.MUCH.NOPE AND I'd be taking 2.5 days off work for this. Hell No.  Not to mention apparently everything is being split down the middle so we'd be paying the same price that people who get real bedrooms are paying. NOPE, although if it costs X to rent the house it makes the most sense to split it evenly by the total number of people staying there.  I mean, when I've shared a hotel room with people and they used the pull out couch, they didn't get a discount on the total cost of the room just because they were on a pullout.  We divided the rate evenly.  Also, this wedding is "formal attire" (sigh) and we'd all be sharing a bathroom.  12 people sharing a single bathroom?  Fuck No!  It sounds like your friend is cramming ppl into this place past the actual occupancy of the house. . . which would be against fire code.  Not a good idea.

I sound super high maintenance, but sorry- I did the whole "sleep on the couch, the floor, wherever in a shared house" thing in my high school and university days. I'm too old for this shit now- I just want my own bed! PREACH!  With a freaking door! And sorry but I can share 1 bathroom with 10 other people if it's a cottage/camping, but if we're expected to look nice for a "formal" wedding, then really?

I told BF that he needs to draw straws or something instead of just being the "nice guy" and taking the couch. And if we end up with the couch we will drive up ourselves so we only have to stay there 1 day, not 3, I agree with this  AND we negotiate a cheaper price so that people with actual beds pay more.  Meh, that's a stretch, I think.   He thinks I'm being kind of a diva and I TOTALLY am. I know I sound like an awful person but, I'm seriously just considering staying home that weekend. I would.  Get the shits, anything to get out of this shitty wedding weekend.  Sorrynotsorry, these arrangements blow.  I would not take 3 days off of work to drive 11 hours for a wedding to sleep on a couch for 3 nights and share a single bathroom with 11 other people.  Not even for my siblings.  If I couldn't fly or drive out with my DH on our own time, and if I couldn't find a better place to stay, I'd just send a gift and a card.  No one's wedding is so awesome to outweigh that aggravation, lol.    I would go through these arrangements if these people were like, in my immediate family or a BFF, but they're not. (Also I'm not even super close to the people we're housing with).

Anyway that was a super long FWP vent. Are you guys more "high maintenance" as you get older too?

It's not "high maintenance" to say, "Fuck it, I don't want to waste my personal time, money, and comfort on shitty arrangements."

It's not high maintenace to want and expect to sleep in a bed if I am paying to stay somewhere.

Thank you! Yes, I know everyone but I'm only close with around 4 of them- this is mainly BFs crowd. So I'm REALLY not comfortable sleeping out in the open and having people I've only hung out with in group situations see me in my pj's, no makeup, trying to get ready, etc. He's really close to the bride and groom and really wants to go. If it were my friends I'd totally be like "nope sorry there is NO ONE on this earth I'd do this shit for." So I'm really, really considering just staying home with Netflix and my own freaking space instead.

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

So we got an invite to a wedding of some friends-yay! It'll be around an 11 hr drive from us, and apparently the only places to stay are these lake houses that the bride and groom reserved for everyone (it's in a very remote location). That's totally fine.

So we are sharing a lake house with three other couples and two singles. Apparently the place has some bedrooms and couches in the living room. I was told we'd be getting one of the bedrooms no problem, but now that an additional couple is staying with us because of the lack of room, we might have to stay on the couches because BF is too nice to fight it out with people.

*buzzer sound* Nope.Nope.Nope.Nope.  This sounds shitty to me already.  Who are these other people that you have to share a house with?  Do you even know them?  I would not care to share a house for a weekend with people I didn't know.

How freaking big is this place?  Counting you and your SO, there's going to be 12 people crammed in there now, and it obviously doesn't have enough bedrooms for that occupancy, so I doubt it's meant for 12 people.  How many bathrooms does this place have?  It's a pain in the ass to try and share a single bathroom with multiple people, all trying to get ready for an event at the same time, let alone trying to share a bathroom or two with 11 other people.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and I stopped crashing on couches and cramming 500 people into a hotel room/condo to save money on vacations once I was out of college.

This arrangement sounds hellish already.

So here are my issues: We are carpooling with people and everyone wants to leave 2 days before, so we'd be spending 3 nights on this couch  SO.MUCH.NOPE AND I'd be taking 2.5 days off work for this. Hell No.  Not to mention apparently everything is being split down the middle so we'd be paying the same price that people who get real bedrooms are paying. NOPE, although if it costs X to rent the house it makes the most sense to split it evenly by the total number of people staying there.  I mean, when I've shared a hotel room with people and they used the pull out couch, they didn't get a discount on the total cost of the room just because they were on a pullout.  We divided the rate evenly.  Also, this wedding is "formal attire" (sigh) and we'd all be sharing a bathroom.  12 people sharing a single bathroom?  Fuck No!  It sounds like your friend is cramming ppl into this place past the actual occupancy of the house. . . which would be against fire code.  Not a good idea.

I sound super high maintenance, but sorry- I did the whole "sleep on the couch, the floor, wherever in a shared house" thing in my high school and university days. I'm too old for this shit now- I just want my own bed! PREACH!  With a freaking door! And sorry but I can share 1 bathroom with 10 other people if it's a cottage/camping, but if we're expected to look nice for a "formal" wedding, then really?

I told BF that he needs to draw straws or something instead of just being the "nice guy" and taking the couch. And if we end up with the couch we will drive up ourselves so we only have to stay there 1 day, not 3, I agree with this  AND we negotiate a cheaper price so that people with actual beds pay more.  Meh, that's a stretch, I think.   He thinks I'm being kind of a diva and I TOTALLY am. I know I sound like an awful person but, I'm seriously just considering staying home that weekend. I would.  Get the shits, anything to get out of this shitty wedding weekend.  Sorrynotsorry, these arrangements blow.  I would not take 3 days off of work to drive 11 hours for a wedding to sleep on a couch for 3 nights and share a single bathroom with 11 other people.  Not even for my siblings.  If I couldn't fly or drive out with my DH on our own time, and if I couldn't find a better place to stay, I'd just send a gift and a card.  No one's wedding is so awesome to outweigh that aggravation, lol.    I would go through these arrangements if these people were like, in my immediate family or a BFF, but they're not. (Also I'm not even super close to the people we're housing with).

Anyway that was a super long FWP vent. Are you guys more "high maintenance" as you get older too?

It's not "high maintenance" to say, "Fuck it, I don't want to waste my personal time, money, and comfort on shitty arrangements."

It's not high maintenace to want and expect to sleep in a bed if I am paying to stay somewhere.

Thank you! Yes, I know everyone but I'm only close with around 4 of them- this is mainly BFs crowd. So I'm REALLY not comfortable sleeping out in the open and having people I've only hung out with in group situations see me in my pj's, no makeup, trying to get ready, etc. He's really close to the bride and groom and really wants to go. If it were my friends I'd totally be like "nope sorry there is NO ONE on this earth I'd do this shit for." So I'm really, really considering just staying home with Netflix and my own freaking space instead.

Yeah you just have to have a come to Jesus talk with your BF.

Try to find alternate lodging then talk to him.  Tell him that, number 1, you can't take that much time off work, so you can't car pool out to the wedding as early as his other friends want to.  You are willing to go with him to this wedding, but you'd both have to drive out the day before, and btw you found alternative lodging at X place, and that's where you want to stay- not at the lake house.  Offer to be the DD if he wants to drink at the reception.

If he gives push back, tell him you're more than happy to drive out to his friend's wedding with him, but that you cannot leave until the day before and that you are not going to be crashing on a couch in that lake house and trying to share a single bathroom with 10 other people you don't know well.  You'd like some privacy and space to get ready, and so you found another place to stay.  If your BF doesn't want to compromise with you, then tell him he's free to attend solo, and wish him Godspeed.

julieanne912

A friend posted a picture on Instagram last night of her seating chart and "cabin assignment" planning (it was a bunch of post its on the wall).  Made me think of this thread.  I don't think it's the same wedding but apparently this is now a thing?

And uh yeah, hell to the no to sleeping on any couch at my age, especially if I'm paying for it.  Sleeping on a couch is what you do when you're broke and have nowhere to stay. 

lovegood90

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

So we got an invite to a wedding of some friends-yay! It'll be around an 11 hr drive from us, and apparently the only places to stay are these lake houses that the bride and groom reserved for everyone (it's in a very remote location). That's totally fine.

So we are sharing a lake house with three other couples and two singles. Apparently the place has some bedrooms and couches in the living room. I was told we'd be getting one of the bedrooms no problem, but now that an additional couple is staying with us because of the lack of room, we might have to stay on the couches because BF is too nice to fight it out with people.

*buzzer sound* Nope.Nope.Nope.Nope.  This sounds shitty to me already.  Who are these other people that you have to share a house with?  Do you even know them?  I would not care to share a house for a weekend with people I didn't know.

How freaking big is this place?  Counting you and your SO, there's going to be 12 people crammed in there now, and it obviously doesn't have enough bedrooms for that occupancy, so I doubt it's meant for 12 people.  How many bathrooms does this place have?  It's a pain in the ass to try and share a single bathroom with multiple people, all trying to get ready for an event at the same time, let alone trying to share a bathroom or two with 11 other people.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and I stopped crashing on couches and cramming 500 people into a hotel room/condo to save money on vacations once I was out of college.

This arrangement sounds hellish already.

So here are my issues: We are carpooling with people and everyone wants to leave 2 days before, so we'd be spending 3 nights on this couch  SO.MUCH.NOPE AND I'd be taking 2.5 days off work for this. Hell No.  Not to mention apparently everything is being split down the middle so we'd be paying the same price that people who get real bedrooms are paying. NOPE, although if it costs X to rent the house it makes the most sense to split it evenly by the total number of people staying there.  I mean, when I've shared a hotel room with people and they used the pull out couch, they didn't get a discount on the total cost of the room just because they were on a pullout.  We divided the rate evenly.  Also, this wedding is "formal attire" (sigh) and we'd all be sharing a bathroom.  12 people sharing a single bathroom?  Fuck No!  It sounds like your friend is cramming ppl into this place past the actual occupancy of the house. . . which would be against fire code.  Not a good idea.

I sound super high maintenance, but sorry- I did the whole "sleep on the couch, the floor, wherever in a shared house" thing in my high school and university days. I'm too old for this shit now- I just want my own bed! PREACH!  With a freaking door! And sorry but I can share 1 bathroom with 10 other people if it's a cottage/camping, but if we're expected to look nice for a "formal" wedding, then really?

I told BF that he needs to draw straws or something instead of just being the "nice guy" and taking the couch. And if we end up with the couch we will drive up ourselves so we only have to stay there 1 day, not 3, I agree with this  AND we negotiate a cheaper price so that people with actual beds pay more.  Meh, that's a stretch, I think.   He thinks I'm being kind of a diva and I TOTALLY am. I know I sound like an awful person but, I'm seriously just considering staying home that weekend. I would.  Get the shits, anything to get out of this shitty wedding weekend.  Sorrynotsorry, these arrangements blow.  I would not take 3 days off of work to drive 11 hours for a wedding to sleep on a couch for 3 nights and share a single bathroom with 11 other people.  Not even for my siblings.  If I couldn't fly or drive out with my DH on our own time, and if I couldn't find a better place to stay, I'd just send a gift and a card.  No one's wedding is so awesome to outweigh that aggravation, lol.    I would go through these arrangements if these people were like, in my immediate family or a BFF, but they're not. (Also I'm not even super close to the people we're housing with).

Anyway that was a super long FWP vent. Are you guys more "high maintenance" as you get older too?

It's not "high maintenance" to say, "Fuck it, I don't want to waste my personal time, money, and comfort on shitty arrangements."

It's not high maintenace to want and expect to sleep in a bed if I am paying to stay somewhere.

Thank you! Yes, I know everyone but I'm only close with around 4 of them- this is mainly BFs crowd. So I'm REALLY not comfortable sleeping out in the open and having people I've only hung out with in group situations see me in my pj's, no makeup, trying to get ready, etc. He's really close to the bride and groom and really wants to go. If it were my friends I'd totally be like "nope sorry there is NO ONE on this earth I'd do this shit for." So I'm really, really considering just staying home with Netflix and my own freaking space instead.

Yeah you just have to have a come to Jesus talk with your BF.

Try to find alternate lodging then talk to him.  Tell him that, number 1, you can't take that much time off work, so you can't car pool out to the wedding as early as his other friends want to.  You are willing to go with him to this wedding, but you'd both have to drive out the day before, and btw you found alternative lodging at X place, and that's where you want to stay- not at the lake house.  Offer to be the DD if he wants to drink at the reception.

If he gives push back, tell him you're more than happy to drive out to his friend's wedding with him, but that you cannot leave until the day before and that you are not going to be crashing on a couch in that lake house and trying to share a single bathroom with 10 other people you don't know well.  You'd like some privacy and space to get ready, and so you found another place to stay.  If your BF doesn't want to compromise with you, then tell him he's free to attend solo, and wish him Godspeed.

Yeah, I had a Come to Deity talk with him last night and I found some alternate places in the area. I also offered to be DD. He fully understands my feelings on this but now he feels obligated to stay in the house...because apparently someone already put their credit card down on it. This is such a cluster. I can tell he's trying to make me happy while not rocking the boat with his friends. But I think it's ridiculous that us finding our own room is "rocking the boat"? Sigh. I'll keep y'all posted!

luckya23

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

So we got an invite to a wedding of some friends-yay! It'll be around an 11 hr drive from us, and apparently the only places to stay are these lake houses that the bride and groom reserved for everyone (it's in a very remote location). That's totally fine.

So we are sharing a lake house with three other couples and two singles. Apparently the place has some bedrooms and couches in the living room. I was told we'd be getting one of the bedrooms no problem, but now that an additional couple is staying with us because of the lack of room, we might have to stay on the couches because BF is too nice to fight it out with people.

*buzzer sound* Nope.Nope.Nope.Nope.  This sounds shitty to me already.  Who are these other people that you have to share a house with?  Do you even know them?  I would not care to share a house for a weekend with people I didn't know.

How freaking big is this place?  Counting you and your SO, there's going to be 12 people crammed in there now, and it obviously doesn't have enough bedrooms for that occupancy, so I doubt it's meant for 12 people.  How many bathrooms does this place have?  It's a pain in the ass to try and share a single bathroom with multiple people, all trying to get ready for an event at the same time, let alone trying to share a bathroom or two with 11 other people.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and I stopped crashing on couches and cramming 500 people into a hotel room/condo to save money on vacations once I was out of college.

This arrangement sounds hellish already.

So here are my issues: We are carpooling with people and everyone wants to leave 2 days before, so we'd be spending 3 nights on this couch  SO.MUCH.NOPE AND I'd be taking 2.5 days off work for this. Hell No.  Not to mention apparently everything is being split down the middle so we'd be paying the same price that people who get real bedrooms are paying. NOPE, although if it costs X to rent the house it makes the most sense to split it evenly by the total number of people staying there.  I mean, when I've shared a hotel room with people and they used the pull out couch, they didn't get a discount on the total cost of the room just because they were on a pullout.  We divided the rate evenly.  Also, this wedding is "formal attire" (sigh) and we'd all be sharing a bathroom.  12 people sharing a single bathroom?  Fuck No!  It sounds like your friend is cramming ppl into this place past the actual occupancy of the house. . . which would be against fire code.  Not a good idea.

I sound super high maintenance, but sorry- I did the whole "sleep on the couch, the floor, wherever in a shared house" thing in my high school and university days. I'm too old for this shit now- I just want my own bed! PREACH!  With a freaking door! And sorry but I can share 1 bathroom with 10 other people if it's a cottage/camping, but if we're expected to look nice for a "formal" wedding, then really?

I told BF that he needs to draw straws or something instead of just being the "nice guy" and taking the couch. And if we end up with the couch we will drive up ourselves so we only have to stay there 1 day, not 3, I agree with this  AND we negotiate a cheaper price so that people with actual beds pay more.  Meh, that's a stretch, I think.   He thinks I'm being kind of a diva and I TOTALLY am. I know I sound like an awful person but, I'm seriously just considering staying home that weekend. I would.  Get the shits, anything to get out of this shitty wedding weekend.  Sorrynotsorry, these arrangements blow.  I would not take 3 days off of work to drive 11 hours for a wedding to sleep on a couch for 3 nights and share a single bathroom with 11 other people.  Not even for my siblings.  If I couldn't fly or drive out with my DH on our own time, and if I couldn't find a better place to stay, I'd just send a gift and a card.  No one's wedding is so awesome to outweigh that aggravation, lol.    I would go through these arrangements if these people were like, in my immediate family or a BFF, but they're not. (Also I'm not even super close to the people we're housing with).

Anyway that was a super long FWP vent. Are you guys more "high maintenance" as you get older too?

It's not "high maintenance" to say, "Fuck it, I don't want to waste my personal time, money, and comfort on shitty arrangements."

It's not high maintenace to want and expect to sleep in a bed if I am paying to stay somewhere.

Thank you! Yes, I know everyone but I'm only close with around 4 of them- this is mainly BFs crowd. So I'm REALLY not comfortable sleeping out in the open and having people I've only hung out with in group situations see me in my pj's, no makeup, trying to get ready, etc. He's really close to the bride and groom and really wants to go. If it were my friends I'd totally be like "nope sorry there is NO ONE on this earth I'd do this shit for." So I'm really, really considering just staying home with Netflix and my own freaking space instead.

Yeah you just have to have a come to Jesus talk with your BF.

Try to find alternate lodging then talk to him.  Tell him that, number 1, you can't take that much time off work, so you can't car pool out to the wedding as early as his other friends want to.  You are willing to go with him to this wedding, but you'd both have to drive out the day before, and btw you found alternative lodging at X place, and that's where you want to stay- not at the lake house.  Offer to be the DD if he wants to drink at the reception.

If he gives push back, tell him you're more than happy to drive out to his friend's wedding with him, but that you cannot leave until the day before and that you are not going to be crashing on a couch in that lake house and trying to share a single bathroom with 10 other people you don't know well.  You'd like some privacy and space to get ready, and so you found another place to stay.  If your BF doesn't want to compromise with you, then tell him he's free to attend solo, and wish him Godspeed.

Yeah, I had a Come to Deity talk with him last night and I found some alternate places in the area. I also offered to be DD. He fully understands my feelings on this but now he feels obligated to stay in the house...because apparently someone already put their credit card down on it. This is such a cluster. I can tell he's trying to make me happy while not rocking the boat with his friends. But I think it's ridiculous that us finding our own room is "rocking the boat"? Sigh. I'll keep y'all posted!

The fact that you are still considering this makes you anything but a diva in my book, and IMO he needs to get that straight in his mind immediately!

banana468

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

So we got an invite to a wedding of some friends-yay! It'll be around an 11 hr drive from us, and apparently the only places to stay are these lake houses that the bride and groom reserved for everyone (it's in a very remote location). That's totally fine.

So we are sharing a lake house with three other couples and two singles. Apparently the place has some bedrooms and couches in the living room. I was told we'd be getting one of the bedrooms no problem, but now that an additional couple is staying with us because of the lack of room, we might have to stay on the couches because BF is too nice to fight it out with people.

*buzzer sound* Nope.Nope.Nope.Nope.  This sounds shitty to me already.  Who are these other people that you have to share a house with?  Do you even know them?  I would not care to share a house for a weekend with people I didn't know.

How freaking big is this place?  Counting you and your SO, there's going to be 12 people crammed in there now, and it obviously doesn't have enough bedrooms for that occupancy, so I doubt it's meant for 12 people.  How many bathrooms does this place have?  It's a pain in the ass to try and share a single bathroom with multiple people, all trying to get ready for an event at the same time, let alone trying to share a bathroom or two with 11 other people.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and I stopped crashing on couches and cramming 500 people into a hotel room/condo to save money on vacations once I was out of college.

This arrangement sounds hellish already.

So here are my issues: We are carpooling with people and everyone wants to leave 2 days before, so we'd be spending 3 nights on this couch  SO.MUCH.NOPE AND I'd be taking 2.5 days off work for this. Hell No.  Not to mention apparently everything is being split down the middle so we'd be paying the same price that people who get real bedrooms are paying. NOPE, although if it costs X to rent the house it makes the most sense to split it evenly by the total number of people staying there.  I mean, when I've shared a hotel room with people and they used the pull out couch, they didn't get a discount on the total cost of the room just because they were on a pullout.  We divided the rate evenly.  Also, this wedding is "formal attire" (sigh) and we'd all be sharing a bathroom.  12 people sharing a single bathroom?  Fuck No!  It sounds like your friend is cramming ppl into this place past the actual occupancy of the house. . . which would be against fire code.  Not a good idea.

I sound super high maintenance, but sorry- I did the whole "sleep on the couch, the floor, wherever in a shared house" thing in my high school and university days. I'm too old for this shit now- I just want my own bed! PREACH!  With a freaking door! And sorry but I can share 1 bathroom with 10 other people if it's a cottage/camping, but if we're expected to look nice for a "formal" wedding, then really?

I told BF that he needs to draw straws or something instead of just being the "nice guy" and taking the couch. And if we end up with the couch we will drive up ourselves so we only have to stay there 1 day, not 3, I agree with this  AND we negotiate a cheaper price so that people with actual beds pay more.  Meh, that's a stretch, I think.   He thinks I'm being kind of a diva and I TOTALLY am. I know I sound like an awful person but, I'm seriously just considering staying home that weekend. I would.  Get the shits, anything to get out of this shitty wedding weekend.  Sorrynotsorry, these arrangements blow.  I would not take 3 days off of work to drive 11 hours for a wedding to sleep on a couch for 3 nights and share a single bathroom with 11 other people.  Not even for my siblings.  If I couldn't fly or drive out with my DH on our own time, and if I couldn't find a better place to stay, I'd just send a gift and a card.  No one's wedding is so awesome to outweigh that aggravation, lol.    I would go through these arrangements if these people were like, in my immediate family or a BFF, but they're not. (Also I'm not even super close to the people we're housing with).

Anyway that was a super long FWP vent. Are you guys more "high maintenance" as you get older too?

It's not "high maintenance" to say, "Fuck it, I don't want to waste my personal time, money, and comfort on shitty arrangements."

It's not high maintenace to want and expect to sleep in a bed if I am paying to stay somewhere.

Thank you! Yes, I know everyone but I'm only close with around 4 of them- this is mainly BFs crowd. So I'm REALLY not comfortable sleeping out in the open and having people I've only hung out with in group situations see me in my pj's, no makeup, trying to get ready, etc. He's really close to the bride and groom and really wants to go. If it were my friends I'd totally be like "nope sorry there is NO ONE on this earth I'd do this shit for." So I'm really, really considering just staying home with Netflix and my own freaking space instead.

Yeah you just have to have a come to Jesus talk with your BF.

Try to find alternate lodging then talk to him.  Tell him that, number 1, you can't take that much time off work, so you can't car pool out to the wedding as early as his other friends want to.  You are willing to go with him to this wedding, but you'd both have to drive out the day before, and btw you found alternative lodging at X place, and that's where you want to stay- not at the lake house.  Offer to be the DD if he wants to drink at the reception.

If he gives push back, tell him you're more than happy to drive out to his friend's wedding with him, but that you cannot leave until the day before and that you are not going to be crashing on a couch in that lake house and trying to share a single bathroom with 10 other people you don't know well.  You'd like some privacy and space to get ready, and so you found another place to stay.  If your BF doesn't want to compromise with you, then tell him he's free to attend solo, and wish him Godspeed.

Yeah, I had a Come to Deity talk with him last night and I found some alternate places in the area. I also offered to be DD. He fully understands my feelings on this but now he feels obligated to stay in the house...because apparently someone already put their credit card down on it. This is such a cluster. I can tell he's trying to make me happy while not rocking the boat with his friends. But I think it's ridiculous that us finding our own room is "rocking the boat"? Sigh. I'll keep y'all posted!

So he'd rather rock the boat with you??

I never understand the logic that people would rather treat the closest ones to them like shit because they're afraid of the argument with those that aren't as close. 

lovegood90

banana468 said:

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

So we got an invite to a wedding of some friends-yay! It'll be around an 11 hr drive from us, and apparently the only places to stay are these lake houses that the bride and groom reserved for everyone (it's in a very remote location). That's totally fine.

So we are sharing a lake house with three other couples and two singles. Apparently the place has some bedrooms and couches in the living room. I was told we'd be getting one of the bedrooms no problem, but now that an additional couple is staying with us because of the lack of room, we might have to stay on the couches because BF is too nice to fight it out with people.

*buzzer sound* Nope.Nope.Nope.Nope.  This sounds shitty to me already.  Who are these other people that you have to share a house with?  Do you even know them?  I would not care to share a house for a weekend with people I didn't know.

How freaking big is this place?  Counting you and your SO, there's going to be 12 people crammed in there now, and it obviously doesn't have enough bedrooms for that occupancy, so I doubt it's meant for 12 people.  How many bathrooms does this place have?  It's a pain in the ass to try and share a single bathroom with multiple people, all trying to get ready for an event at the same time, let alone trying to share a bathroom or two with 11 other people.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and I stopped crashing on couches and cramming 500 people into a hotel room/condo to save money on vacations once I was out of college.

This arrangement sounds hellish already.

So here are my issues: We are carpooling with people and everyone wants to leave 2 days before, so we'd be spending 3 nights on this couch  SO.MUCH.NOPE AND I'd be taking 2.5 days off work for this. Hell No.  Not to mention apparently everything is being split down the middle so we'd be paying the same price that people who get real bedrooms are paying. NOPE, although if it costs X to rent the house it makes the most sense to split it evenly by the total number of people staying there.  I mean, when I've shared a hotel room with people and they used the pull out couch, they didn't get a discount on the total cost of the room just because they were on a pullout.  We divided the rate evenly.  Also, this wedding is "formal attire" (sigh) and we'd all be sharing a bathroom.  12 people sharing a single bathroom?  Fuck No!  It sounds like your friend is cramming ppl into this place past the actual occupancy of the house. . . which would be against fire code.  Not a good idea.

I sound super high maintenance, but sorry- I did the whole "sleep on the couch, the floor, wherever in a shared house" thing in my high school and university days. I'm too old for this shit now- I just want my own bed! PREACH!  With a freaking door! And sorry but I can share 1 bathroom with 10 other people if it's a cottage/camping, but if we're expected to look nice for a "formal" wedding, then really?

I told BF that he needs to draw straws or something instead of just being the "nice guy" and taking the couch. And if we end up with the couch we will drive up ourselves so we only have to stay there 1 day, not 3, I agree with this  AND we negotiate a cheaper price so that people with actual beds pay more.  Meh, that's a stretch, I think.   He thinks I'm being kind of a diva and I TOTALLY am. I know I sound like an awful person but, I'm seriously just considering staying home that weekend. I would.  Get the shits, anything to get out of this shitty wedding weekend.  Sorrynotsorry, these arrangements blow.  I would not take 3 days off of work to drive 11 hours for a wedding to sleep on a couch for 3 nights and share a single bathroom with 11 other people.  Not even for my siblings.  If I couldn't fly or drive out with my DH on our own time, and if I couldn't find a better place to stay, I'd just send a gift and a card.  No one's wedding is so awesome to outweigh that aggravation, lol.    I would go through these arrangements if these people were like, in my immediate family or a BFF, but they're not. (Also I'm not even super close to the people we're housing with).

Anyway that was a super long FWP vent. Are you guys more "high maintenance" as you get older too?

It's not "high maintenance" to say, "Fuck it, I don't want to waste my personal time, money, and comfort on shitty arrangements."

It's not high maintenace to want and expect to sleep in a bed if I am paying to stay somewhere.

Thank you! Yes, I know everyone but I'm only close with around 4 of them- this is mainly BFs crowd. So I'm REALLY not comfortable sleeping out in the open and having people I've only hung out with in group situations see me in my pj's, no makeup, trying to get ready, etc. He's really close to the bride and groom and really wants to go. If it were my friends I'd totally be like "nope sorry there is NO ONE on this earth I'd do this shit for." So I'm really, really considering just staying home with Netflix and my own freaking space instead.

Yeah you just have to have a come to Jesus talk with your BF.

Try to find alternate lodging then talk to him.  Tell him that, number 1, you can't take that much time off work, so you can't car pool out to the wedding as early as his other friends want to.  You are willing to go with him to this wedding, but you'd both have to drive out the day before, and btw you found alternative lodging at X place, and that's where you want to stay- not at the lake house.  Offer to be the DD if he wants to drink at the reception.

If he gives push back, tell him you're more than happy to drive out to his friend's wedding with him, but that you cannot leave until the day before and that you are not going to be crashing on a couch in that lake house and trying to share a single bathroom with 10 other people you don't know well.  You'd like some privacy and space to get ready, and so you found another place to stay.  If your BF doesn't want to compromise with you, then tell him he's free to attend solo, and wish him Godspeed.

Yeah, I had a Come to Deity talk with him last night and I found some alternate places in the area. I also offered to be DD. He fully understands my feelings on this but now he feels obligated to stay in the house...because apparently someone already put their credit card down on it. This is such a cluster. I can tell he's trying to make me happy while not rocking the boat with his friends. But I think it's ridiculous that us finding our own room is "rocking the boat"? Sigh. I'll keep y'all posted!

So he'd rather rock the boat with you??

I never understand the logic that people would rather treat the closest ones to them like shit because they're afraid of the argument with those that aren't as close. 

No, he definitely doesn't want to rock the boat with me either. He feels really bad because he didn't understand how uncomfortable I would be. Because to him, it's no big deal- it takes him 2 mins to get ready and he doesn't care about privacy because he knows all these people well. He also can sleep in the middle of a hurricane so the couch thing didn't bother him. It's not that he didn't care about my feelings, he just didn't consider that any of this would be an issue for me.

We've done our fair share of "roughing it"- at cottages/camping, travelling in South America, Asia, etc. So he just didn't consider that a WEDDING, and with people I'm not BFFs with, is a whole other animal in terms of vacation days/privacy/proper bed/bathroom, if that makes sense.

I can tell he's trying but it's frustrating too.

banana468

If there's already a deposit made but everyone gets a room, I'm not seeing the issue with just backing out.

What if some of the people are early risers and you want to sleep?   What if you need to fart?   

lovegood90

banana468 said:

If there's already a deposit made but everyone gets a room, I'm not seeing the issue with just backing out.

What if some of the people are early risers and you want to sleep?   What if you need to fart?   

The issue is that people are counting the couches as a "room" too (so stupid), so this price would be split between 8 people instead of 10 people if we back out. I don't really care because I agreed to this under the premise that we would have our own room. So I say it's their fucking fault, too bad for assuming. 

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

So we got an invite to a wedding of some friends-yay! It'll be around an 11 hr drive from us, and apparently the only places to stay are these lake houses that the bride and groom reserved for everyone (it's in a very remote location). That's totally fine.

So we are sharing a lake house with three other couples and two singles. Apparently the place has some bedrooms and couches in the living room. I was told we'd be getting one of the bedrooms no problem, but now that an additional couple is staying with us because of the lack of room, we might have to stay on the couches because BF is too nice to fight it out with people.

*buzzer sound* Nope.Nope.Nope.Nope.  This sounds shitty to me already.  Who are these other people that you have to share a house with?  Do you even know them?  I would not care to share a house for a weekend with people I didn't know.

How freaking big is this place?  Counting you and your SO, there's going to be 12 people crammed in there now, and it obviously doesn't have enough bedrooms for that occupancy, so I doubt it's meant for 12 people.  How many bathrooms does this place have?  It's a pain in the ass to try and share a single bathroom with multiple people, all trying to get ready for an event at the same time, let alone trying to share a bathroom or two with 11 other people.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and I stopped crashing on couches and cramming 500 people into a hotel room/condo to save money on vacations once I was out of college.

This arrangement sounds hellish already.

So here are my issues: We are carpooling with people and everyone wants to leave 2 days before, so we'd be spending 3 nights on this couch  SO.MUCH.NOPE AND I'd be taking 2.5 days off work for this. Hell No.  Not to mention apparently everything is being split down the middle so we'd be paying the same price that people who get real bedrooms are paying. NOPE, although if it costs X to rent the house it makes the most sense to split it evenly by the total number of people staying there.  I mean, when I've shared a hotel room with people and they used the pull out couch, they didn't get a discount on the total cost of the room just because they were on a pullout.  We divided the rate evenly.  Also, this wedding is "formal attire" (sigh) and we'd all be sharing a bathroom.  12 people sharing a single bathroom?  Fuck No!  It sounds like your friend is cramming ppl into this place past the actual occupancy of the house. . . which would be against fire code.  Not a good idea.

I sound super high maintenance, but sorry- I did the whole "sleep on the couch, the floor, wherever in a shared house" thing in my high school and university days. I'm too old for this shit now- I just want my own bed! PREACH!  With a freaking door! And sorry but I can share 1 bathroom with 10 other people if it's a cottage/camping, but if we're expected to look nice for a "formal" wedding, then really?

I told BF that he needs to draw straws or something instead of just being the "nice guy" and taking the couch. And if we end up with the couch we will drive up ourselves so we only have to stay there 1 day, not 3, I agree with this  AND we negotiate a cheaper price so that people with actual beds pay more.  Meh, that's a stretch, I think.   He thinks I'm being kind of a diva and I TOTALLY am. I know I sound like an awful person but, I'm seriously just considering staying home that weekend. I would.  Get the shits, anything to get out of this shitty wedding weekend.  Sorrynotsorry, these arrangements blow.  I would not take 3 days off of work to drive 11 hours for a wedding to sleep on a couch for 3 nights and share a single bathroom with 11 other people.  Not even for my siblings.  If I couldn't fly or drive out with my DH on our own time, and if I couldn't find a better place to stay, I'd just send a gift and a card.  No one's wedding is so awesome to outweigh that aggravation, lol.    I would go through these arrangements if these people were like, in my immediate family or a BFF, but they're not. (Also I'm not even super close to the people we're housing with).

Anyway that was a super long FWP vent. Are you guys more "high maintenance" as you get older too?

It's not "high maintenance" to say, "Fuck it, I don't want to waste my personal time, money, and comfort on shitty arrangements."

It's not high maintenace to want and expect to sleep in a bed if I am paying to stay somewhere.

Thank you! Yes, I know everyone but I'm only close with around 4 of them- this is mainly BFs crowd. So I'm REALLY not comfortable sleeping out in the open and having people I've only hung out with in group situations see me in my pj's, no makeup, trying to get ready, etc. He's really close to the bride and groom and really wants to go. If it were my friends I'd totally be like "nope sorry there is NO ONE on this earth I'd do this shit for." So I'm really, really considering just staying home with Netflix and my own freaking space instead.

Yeah you just have to have a come to Jesus talk with your BF.

Try to find alternate lodging then talk to him.  Tell him that, number 1, you can't take that much time off work, so you can't car pool out to the wedding as early as his other friends want to.  You are willing to go with him to this wedding, but you'd both have to drive out the day before, and btw you found alternative lodging at X place, and that's where you want to stay- not at the lake house.  Offer to be the DD if he wants to drink at the reception.

If he gives push back, tell him you're more than happy to drive out to his friend's wedding with him, but that you cannot leave until the day before and that you are not going to be crashing on a couch in that lake house and trying to share a single bathroom with 10 other people you don't know well.  You'd like some privacy and space to get ready, and so you found another place to stay.  If your BF doesn't want to compromise with you, then tell him he's free to attend solo, and wish him Godspeed.

Yeah, I had a Come to Deity talk with him last night and I found some alternate places in the area. I also offered to be DD. He fully understands my feelings on this but now he feels obligated to stay in the house...because apparently someone already put their credit card down on it. This is such a cluster. I can tell he's trying to make me happy while not rocking the boat with his friends. But I think it's ridiculous that us finding our own room is "rocking the boat"? Sigh. I'll keep y'all posted!

Oh well, too bad.  Not your fucking problem.

Those who stay at the house, pay for the house. . . it's that simple. . . and typically how things work.  And if the bride and groom were dumb enough to be telling these 10 other people, "Oh it's only going to be $X per person because 12 of you are staying there" then that's their issue.  Again, not your problem.  Bride and groom can pay the extra because they promised their friends a certain rate.

Your BF needs to get a bit of a backbone and realize that his friends created this mess and it's not on him to fix it or accommodate them. . .and that doesn't make him the bad guy.  If they get pissy because they paid for shit without thinking it through, meh.  They will get over it.

Let me talk to your BF.  I will straighten him out.

PrettyGirlLost

banana468 said:

If there's already a deposit made but everyone gets a room, I'm not seeing the issue with just backing out.

What if some of the people are early risers and you want to sleep?   What if you need to fart?   

I'd just take the biggest shit of all shits in the SINGLE bathroom and then walk out like, "yeah?  What?  What are you going to do about it?"

lovegood90

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

So we got an invite to a wedding of some friends-yay! It'll be around an 11 hr drive from us, and apparently the only places to stay are these lake houses that the bride and groom reserved for everyone (it's in a very remote location). That's totally fine.

So we are sharing a lake house with three other couples and two singles. Apparently the place has some bedrooms and couches in the living room. I was told we'd be getting one of the bedrooms no problem, but now that an additional couple is staying with us because of the lack of room, we might have to stay on the couches because BF is too nice to fight it out with people.

*buzzer sound* Nope.Nope.Nope.Nope.  This sounds shitty to me already.  Who are these other people that you have to share a house with?  Do you even know them?  I would not care to share a house for a weekend with people I didn't know.

How freaking big is this place?  Counting you and your SO, there's going to be 12 people crammed in there now, and it obviously doesn't have enough bedrooms for that occupancy, so I doubt it's meant for 12 people.  How many bathrooms does this place have?  It's a pain in the ass to try and share a single bathroom with multiple people, all trying to get ready for an event at the same time, let alone trying to share a bathroom or two with 11 other people.

And I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my 30's and I stopped crashing on couches and cramming 500 people into a hotel room/condo to save money on vacations once I was out of college.

This arrangement sounds hellish already.

So here are my issues: We are carpooling with people and everyone wants to leave 2 days before, so we'd be spending 3 nights on this couch  SO.MUCH.NOPE AND I'd be taking 2.5 days off work for this. Hell No.  Not to mention apparently everything is being split down the middle so we'd be paying the same price that people who get real bedrooms are paying. NOPE, although if it costs X to rent the house it makes the most sense to split it evenly by the total number of people staying there.  I mean, when I've shared a hotel room with people and they used the pull out couch, they didn't get a discount on the total cost of the room just because they were on a pullout.  We divided the rate evenly.  Also, this wedding is "formal attire" (sigh) and we'd all be sharing a bathroom.  12 people sharing a single bathroom?  Fuck No!  It sounds like your friend is cramming ppl into this place past the actual occupancy of the house. . . which would be against fire code.  Not a good idea.

I sound super high maintenance, but sorry- I did the whole "sleep on the couch, the floor, wherever in a shared house" thing in my high school and university days. I'm too old for this shit now- I just want my own bed! PREACH!  With a freaking door! And sorry but I can share 1 bathroom with 10 other people if it's a cottage/camping, but if we're expected to look nice for a "formal" wedding, then really?

I told BF that he needs to draw straws or something instead of just being the "nice guy" and taking the couch. And if we end up with the couch we will drive up ourselves so we only have to stay there 1 day, not 3, I agree with this  AND we negotiate a cheaper price so that people with actual beds pay more.  Meh, that's a stretch, I think.   He thinks I'm being kind of a diva and I TOTALLY am. I know I sound like an awful person but, I'm seriously just considering staying home that weekend. I would.  Get the shits, anything to get out of this shitty wedding weekend.  Sorrynotsorry, these arrangements blow.  I would not take 3 days off of work to drive 11 hours for a wedding to sleep on a couch for 3 nights and share a single bathroom with 11 other people.  Not even for my siblings.  If I couldn't fly or drive out with my DH on our own time, and if I couldn't find a better place to stay, I'd just send a gift and a card.  No one's wedding is so awesome to outweigh that aggravation, lol.    I would go through these arrangements if these people were like, in my immediate family or a BFF, but they're not. (Also I'm not even super close to the people we're housing with).

Anyway that was a super long FWP vent. Are you guys more "high maintenance" as you get older too?

It's not "high maintenance" to say, "Fuck it, I don't want to waste my personal time, money, and comfort on shitty arrangements."

It's not high maintenace to want and expect to sleep in a bed if I am paying to stay somewhere.

Thank you! Yes, I know everyone but I'm only close with around 4 of them- this is mainly BFs crowd. So I'm REALLY not comfortable sleeping out in the open and having people I've only hung out with in group situations see me in my pj's, no makeup, trying to get ready, etc. He's really close to the bride and groom and really wants to go. If it were my friends I'd totally be like "nope sorry there is NO ONE on this earth I'd do this shit for." So I'm really, really considering just staying home with Netflix and my own freaking space instead.

Yeah you just have to have a come to Jesus talk with your BF.

Try to find alternate lodging then talk to him.  Tell him that, number 1, you can't take that much time off work, so you can't car pool out to the wedding as early as his other friends want to.  You are willing to go with him to this wedding, but you'd both have to drive out the day before, and btw you found alternative lodging at X place, and that's where you want to stay- not at the lake house.  Offer to be the DD if he wants to drink at the reception.

If he gives push back, tell him you're more than happy to drive out to his friend's wedding with him, but that you cannot leave until the day before and that you are not going to be crashing on a couch in that lake house and trying to share a single bathroom with 10 other people you don't know well.  You'd like some privacy and space to get ready, and so you found another place to stay.  If your BF doesn't want to compromise with you, then tell him he's free to attend solo, and wish him Godspeed.

Yeah, I had a Come to Deity talk with him last night and I found some alternate places in the area. I also offered to be DD. He fully understands my feelings on this but now he feels obligated to stay in the house...because apparently someone already put their credit card down on it. This is such a cluster. I can tell he's trying to make me happy while not rocking the boat with his friends. But I think it's ridiculous that us finding our own room is "rocking the boat"? Sigh. I'll keep y'all posted!

Oh well, too bad.  Not your fucking problem.

Those who stay at the house, pay for the house. . . it's that simple. . . and typically how things work.  And if the bride and groom were dumb enough to be telling these 10 other people, "Oh it's only going to be $X per person because 12 of you are staying there" then that's their issue.  Again, not your problem.  Bride and groom can pay the extra because they promised their friends a certain rate.

Your BF needs to get a bit of a backbone and realize that his friends created this mess and it's not on him to fix it or accommodate them. . .and that doesn't make him the bad guy.  If they get pissy because they paid for shit without thinking it through, meh.  They will get over it.

Let me talk to your BF.  I will straighten him out.

Hahaha! I totally should!

It's funny because a few years ago before we lived together, I was dealing with a ton of roommate drama and he would always tell me to grow a backbone and stand up for myself instead of getting bulldozed.

Well yesterday I was all "see I have my backbone, I'm taking a stand...it's just against you this time," haha. It looks like the tables have turned and he needs to take his own advice now!

banana468

lovegood90 said:

banana468 said:

If there's already a deposit made but everyone gets a room, I'm not seeing the issue with just backing out.

What if some of the people are early risers and you want to sleep?   What if you need to fart?   

The issue is that people are counting the couches as a "room" too (so stupid), so this price would be split between 8 people instead of 10 people if we back out. I don't really care because I agreed to this under the premise that we would have our own room. So I say it's their fucking fault, too bad for assuming. 

I agree.   I'd take that to the extreme: OK, the couch is a room?   Then no one else sits on it.   It stores your suitcases and pillows and you retain all rights.   People don't want to see you naked or changing in the living room by the couch?   Too bad.   That's your room.   People walk in there in the morning?   No no no no no - that's your room.   You don't get to sleep in the other beds or use them for relaxing - they don't get to use your couch.

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

banana468 said:

If there's already a deposit made but everyone gets a room, I'm not seeing the issue with just backing out.

What if some of the people are early risers and you want to sleep?   What if you need to fart?   

The issue is that people are counting the couches as a "room" too (so stupid), so this price would be split between 8 people instead of 10 people if we back out. I don't really care because I agreed to this under the premise that we would have our own room. So I say it's their fucking fault, too bad for assuming. 

Wait, counting you and your BF, aren't there supposed to be 12 ppl staying in this house?

You and BF (2) + 3 other couples (6) + two singles (2) + that additional couple that fucked you out of your room (2)= 12 people.

That's 10 people that can split the cost of this cluster, if when you guys back out.

lovegood90

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

banana468 said:

If there's already a deposit made but everyone gets a room, I'm not seeing the issue with just backing out.

What if some of the people are early risers and you want to sleep?   What if you need to fart?   

The issue is that people are counting the couches as a "room" too (so stupid), so this price would be split between 8 people instead of 10 people if we back out. I don't really care because I agreed to this under the premise that we would have our own room. So I say it's their fucking fault, too bad for assuming. 

Wait, counting you and your BF, aren't there supposed to be 12 ppl staying in this house?

You and BF (2) + 3 other couples (6) + two singles (2) + that additional couple that fucked you out of your room (2)= 12 people.

That's 10 people that can split the cost of this cluster, if when you guys back out.

Yeah to be honest I don't even KNOW the correct numbers/people anymore because this is such a cluster. It's so stupid because we're all working professionals- 2 people backing out of a 10 or whatever person house shouldn't be breaking the bank for these people. (I'm not trying to judge others' financial situation, my point was more that we're not broke college students anymore).