I'm a Grouchy Diva (slight vent)

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lovegood90 said:

banana468 said:

If there's already a deposit made but everyone gets a room, I'm not seeing the issue with just backing out.

What if some of the people are early risers and you want to sleep?   What if you need to fart?   

The issue is that people are counting the couches as a "room" too (so stupid), so this price would be split between 8 people instead of 10 people if we back out. I don't really care because I agreed to this under the premise that we would have our own room. So I say it's their fucking fault, too bad for assuming. 

Wait, counting you and your BF, aren't there supposed to be 12 ppl staying in this house?

You and BF (2) + 3 other couples (6) + two singles (2) + that additional couple that fucked you out of your room (2)= 12 people.

That's 10 people that can split the cost of this cluster, if when you guys back out.

Yeah to be honest I don't even KNOW the correct numbers/people anymore because this is such a cluster. It's so stupid because we're all working professionals- 2 people backing out of a 10 or whatever person house shouldn't be breaking the bank for these people. (I'm not trying to judge others' financial situation, my point was more that we're not broke college students anymore).

Even if it did break their banks, it would be the bride and groom's responsibility to help them make it work since they are the ones that took it upon themselves to book these houses.

Plus, you found other accommodations.  That means these people can as well.  SO if they can't afford to stay at the lake house, then they can book elsewhere.  If you can't afford the on site lodging and you have to stay off site, then you can't afford to get drunk and stumble back to your room, you have to suck it up and drive.

lyndausvi

Adults are allowed to change their minds.   True story.

And yes it might cause others to increase the amount they pay, but for all you know they might be having a sigh of relief that 2 people are no longer sharing the bathroom.

I know I would rather pay a few dollars more if that meant I had 2 less people to share a bathroom with.

Heffalump

I'm no math whiz, but I do know that the difference between splitting something 10 ways and 12 ways is minimal.  (If I were a math whiz, I could tell you exactly how minimal, but since I'm not, just trust me on this.)

The scenario you describe is like my worst nightmare.  We actually did this with DH's extended family once, and it was the quintessential Never Again.  (His uncle invited everyone to his "cabin" on the river, and it turned out to be a trailer.  Which, nothing against trailers, but 12 people in a 2 bedroom doublewide with one bathroom was horrific.  DH and I were on an air mattress in the living room, which was like 5 feet from the kitchen, where people were playing cards until fucking 2:00 in the morning.  When we woke up, the mattress was 90% deflated.  People kept leaving the door open, so there were mosquitoes.  You had to go through one of the bedrooms to get to the bathroom, and I walked in on BIL and his then-GF having sex in the middle of the afternoon, just because I really had to pee and I thought they were out.  Which, yay for middle of the afternoon nookie, but not when you're holding the only bathroom hostage.  And there were foreign pubes in the shower, it made my skin crawl.  I lasted one night and told DH I'd call him from the nearest place with Hilton points.  He ended up going with me.)

As bad as this idea sounds now, I guarantee that the reality will be worse.  Other accommodations are a great idea.  In addition to airbnb, VRBO (Vacation Rentals By Owner) is a good site I've used for vacation-type rentals.  I hope one of these options works out for you, good luck.

Wegl13

How much is this place anyways with one bathroom?

lovegood90

Wegl13 said:

How much is this place anyways with one bathroom?

Cheap enough that I would totally rent one out just for me, myself and I if there were any more available, haha. Which makes it even more ridiculous.

huskypuppy14

lovegood90 said:

Wegl13 said:

How much is this place anyways with one bathroom?

Cheap enough that I would totally rent one out just for me, myself and I if there were any more available, haha. Which makes it even more ridiculous.

Would you be willing to stay there if you had a room? Because, I'd have your BF tell his friends, that you guys are going to get other accommodations if you don't get your own room. If it's the money that is a problem for anyone, than they should be willing to take the couch. 

And like everyone else said, one bathroom for 10 people will be a cluster fuck. You better make the bathroom schedule, because not everyone can take a shower 2 hours before the wedding. What time is the wedding at btw?

lovegood90

huskypuppy14 said:

lovegood90 said:

Wegl13 said:

How much is this place anyways with one bathroom?

Cheap enough that I would totally rent one out just for me, myself and I if there were any more available, haha. Which makes it even more ridiculous.

Would you be willing to stay there if you had a room? Because, I'd have your BF tell his friends, that you guys are going to get other accommodations if you don't get your own room. If it's the money that is a problem for anyone, than they should be willing to take the couch. 

And like everyone else said, one bathroom for 10 people will be a cluster fuck. You better make the bathroom schedule, because not everyone can take a shower 2 hours before the wedding. What time is the wedding at btw?

We talked through it again last night and I've decided I'm just going to stay if we end up getting a room. They're drawing straws or whatever "fair" way they get to decide this week. So if we get the couch then we're staying somewhere else.

He apparently wants to pay the difference of the room if we end up backing out. I refuse, but they're his friends so if he wants to spend his money that way then whatever, I can't really stop him.

The wedding is in the evening so at least we have all day. I'll just wake up early enough to get the best dibs. Still really sucks though. But it'll most likely just be for 1 or 2 nights now since he agreed to drive up separately. So baby steps, lol. Will still be a cluster for sure though.

dolewhipper

Drawing straws?

And if you get the short straw, no way would I be on a bed sofa. When we visit my and H's parents, we have to choose the lesser of two evils: MILs back breaking sofa bed or my parents house which they keep at 80 degrees in the Miami weather

But yea, I understand BFs not wanting to rock the boat, but I agree he needs a backbone. Just because he doesn't care doesn't mean you don't. Hell, even if you got a bedroom, I would rather stay in my own place. That bathroom situation is just no.

May the odds be ever in your favor!

redoryx

This reminds me that we used to do this sort of thing over a weekend with my family years ago for our family reunions. Like 30-40 people in my aunt and uncle's house. There were 3 bedrooms -- well, technically only 2 for guests as my aunt and uncle used their own obviously. Everyone else was stuck on the floor or couches or put up tents in the backyard and camped. 

Only two bathrooms. 

At 13 I thought this was awesome and the only time I ever saw my out of state cousins. I also spent the whole weekend in my bathing suit and shorts so what did I care about the shower/getting ready situation? 

My mom stopped going after a few years because she wasn't guaranteed a bed. At the time my sis and I didn't get it and thought it had to do with her not liking my dad's family or something stupid. 

SORRY MOM. I TOTALLY GET IT NOW.

PrettyGirlLost

I still think it sounds like you and BF + 10 other people in that house. . .ugh. I wouldn't stay there and share a single bathroom with 10 other people.

I hope you guys get the couch straw so you can stay elsewhere.

lovegood90

PrettyGirlLost said:

I still think it sounds like you and BF + 10 other people in that house. . .ugh. I wouldn't stay there and share a single bathroom with 10 other people.

I hope you guys get the couch straw so you can stay elsewhere.

Yes! I'm hoping for the couch straw actually. I just don't trust the binding contract of a straw if we get our own room...what's stopping people from just "dibs"-ing it if they arrive first? And if we get mad they can be all "whatever it was just a straw it didn't count."

I think I'm looking too far into it though. BF says to have some faith in his friends...and it's true, they're not assholes or anything so I'm hoping they would respect The Straw.

banana468

You are far more patient than I would be in this!   

loveislouder

Heffalump said:

I'm no math whiz, but I do know that the difference between splitting something 10 ways and 12 ways is minimal.  (If I were a math whiz, I could tell you exactly how minimal, but since I'm not, just trust me on this.)

The scenario you describe is like my worst nightmare.  We actually did this with DH's extended family once, and it was the quintessential Never Again.  (His uncle invited everyone to his "cabin" on the river, and it turned out to be a trailer.  Which, nothing against trailers, but 12 people in a 2 bedroom doublewide with one bathroom was horrific.  DH and I were on an air mattress in the living room, which was like 5 feet from the kitchen, where people were playing cards until fucking 2:00 in the morning.  When we woke up, the mattress was 90% deflated.  People kept leaving the door open, so there were mosquitoes.  You had to go through one of the bedrooms to get to the bathroom, and I walked in on BIL and his then-GF having sex in the middle of the afternoon, just because I really had to pee and I thought they were out.  Which, yay for middle of the afternoon nookie, but not when you're holding the only bathroom hostage.  And there were foreign pubes in the shower, it made my skin crawl.  I lasted one night and told DH I'd call him from the nearest place with Hilton points.  He ended up going with me.)

As bad as this idea sounds now, I guarantee that the reality will be worse.  Other accommodations are a great idea.  In addition to airbnb, VRBO (Vacation Rentals By Owner) is a good site I've used for vacation-type rentals.  I hope one of these options works out for you, good luck.

I can't get over the fact they thought this was a good idea, knowing the only way to the bathroom was through their room. Awkward.

KatieinBkln

So let me get this straight--the whole house is cheap enough that you would have considered paying for it yourself, had there been multiple houses available. Originally, 10 people were going to split the cost. The new couple makes it 12.

As @heffalump said, this is a minimal cost. Your BF is being a weirdo about offering to pay his "share" if you two back out. It's like zero dollars. Also, you aren't necessarily getting the bedroom you were promised, so fuck it. Does he really think he's going to lose 10 friends over this? Tell him to sack the fuck up.

I have zero patience with this kind of thing. Your BF is being a wuss about it, frankly. No one is going to be financially ruined by this. If they hold a grudge about $20 (that's probably what it is, right? Tell me I'm right) then they are assholes.

lyndausvi

I do not see the point is drawing straws and the backing out if you get the short straw.     It seems counter productive.    Just remove yourself for the cabin and be done with it.

I would not think you are diva for backing out before the drawing of the straws. However,  I would think poorly at someone volunteering to draw straws to be "fair" and when they drew the short straw they back out.

Just back out, get a room with your own bathroom and call it a day.

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226

I find that I get way more high maintenance as I get older. I won't go out late, I like to drive myself, I don't sleep anywhere that's not my own bed, etc. I sound like an old lady!

lovegood90

@KatieinBkln and @kyndausvi: Oh I totally agree! It's counterproductive and he still needs a backbone. He doesn't want to "rock the boat" unless he has to. So he's of the mindset of, let's do what we said we would unless/until it becomes a problem- ie unless we get the couch.

My patience and understanding for this is null as well, but since he works with most of these people too I'm just trying to let him navigate as he sees fit. Either way we are NOT sleeping on a couch and we are NOT staying there for 3 nights, so I feel we've made more progress than before.

KatieinBkln

lovegood90 said:

@KatieinBkln and @kyndausvi: Oh I totally agree! It's counterproductive and he still needs a backbone. He doesn't want to "rock the boat" unless he has to. So he's of the mindset of, let's do what we said we would unless/until it becomes a problem- ie unless we get the couch.

My patience and understanding for this is null as well, but since he works with most of these people too I'm just trying to let him navigate as he sees fit. Either way we are NOT sleeping on a couch and we are NOT staying there for 3 nights, so I feel we've made more progress than before.

You tell him!

hellosweetie1015

I do not see the point is drawing straws and the backing out if you get the short straw.     It seems counter productive.    Just remove yourself for the cabin and be done with it.

I would not think you are diva for backing out before the drawing of the straws. However,  I would think poorly at someone volunteering to draw straws to be "fair" and when they drew the short straw they back out.

Just back out, get a room with your own bathroom and call it a day.

This.

If you back out before drawing straws, that's all fine, well and good. I'm not going to be bothered by someone backing out of a sleeping situation like that; hell, I'd probably back out of it myself.

But if you back out after drawing straws, it seems kind of like when a bunch of kids are out playing tag - you're that sore loser that quits when they have to be it. You know?

loveislouder

Heffalump said:

Double post because TK hates me.

lovegood90

hellosweetie1015 said:

I do not see the point is drawing straws and the backing out if you get the short straw.     It seems counter productive.    Just remove yourself for the cabin and be done with it.

I would not think you are diva for backing out before the drawing of the straws. However,  I would think poorly at someone volunteering to draw straws to be "fair" and when they drew the short straw they back out.

Just back out, get a room with your own bathroom and call it a day.

This.

If you back out before drawing straws, that's all fine, well and good. I'm not going to be bothered by someone backing out of a sleeping situation like that; hell, I'd probably back out of it myself.

But if you back out after drawing straws, it seems kind of like when a bunch of kids are out playing tag - you're that sore loser that quits when they have to be it. You know?

Totally! I tried explaining this to him how it doesn't make a difference. But after all this aggravation this week I've decided to just wash my hands of it - he has until the end of the week to confirm if we get our own room or if we're staying somewhere else.

I've had my Come to Deity talk with him about not making decisions WITHOUT me that AFFECT me in the future, I've shortened our trip to 1-2 nights, and ensured we rent our own car. So from there I'm just letting him deal with the last bit of ensuring our own room how he wants, even if it's really dumb and illogical

lyndausvi

Who even allowed the 2 extras anyway?

I'm curious who thinks having a cabin that sleeps up to 12 people and only 1 bathroom is a good idea?   I'm sure that same person doesn't have a hot water heater larger enough for 12 people to take showers roughly at the same time to get ready.

My parents have a beach house.  I think the most we have had there was 17 people.  Parents have 4 bedrooms, a game room with a door and a study with a door.    Now if you sleep in the game room (normally my 5 nieces do) you are sleeping on air mattress or the futon.  Study is also an air mattress.  But at least you have privacy.   

There is also a sofa bed in the family room at the top of the stairs.   Normally one of my nieces or nephews stays there.  Unless all 4 of us kids are there (it's happened like 3 times in the last 10 years), then one of the adult couples have to sleep there.  Not ideal, but worth it since we do not get together very often.

My parents have 5 bathrooms.   3 full (2 upstairs, 1 in the down stairs master) and 2 half baths.   There is also an outside private shower which gets used pretty often.

We have never had an issue using the bathroom.  Showers are a little tricker, but not horrible. My parents have an instant hot water heater so no one runs out of hot water.

I can't even imagine a home sleeping 10-12 people and only 1 bathroom?  We rented a cabin in Texas that slept about 12 (there was 6 of us) and it still had 2 bathrooms. I've shared houses at the beach in NJ and they all had at least 2 bathrooms.      

1 bathroom and all those people scares me.  I just imagine the toilet getting stopped up and then you have none.

Sorry for my random post.   I do not mind sharing houses, but it has to be the right people in the right house.

frenchiekin

lovegood90 said:

I still think it sounds like you and BF + 10 other people in that house. . .ugh. I wouldn't stay there and share a single bathroom with 10 other people.

I hope you guys get the couch straw so you can stay elsewhere.

Yes! I'm hoping for the couch straw actually. I just don't trust the binding contract of a straw if we get our own room...what's stopping people from just "dibs"-ing it if they arrive first? And if we get mad they can be all "whatever it was just a straw it didn't count."

I think I'm looking too far into it though. BF says to have some faith in his friends...and it's true, they're not assholes or anything so I'm hoping they would respect The Straw.

To the bolded - it's going to be a lot easier for them to do this to you if everyone else is doing 3 nights and getting there a day before you.  If you draw a bedroom, and everyone knows it's going to be vacant for the first night or 2 until you arrive (this is assuming you are shortening the beginning of the trip and just staying the night of the wedding and maybe the night before, and everyone else is getting there 2 days before the wedding) - you KNOW the couple that got stuck with the couch is going to use the bed "just until you get there"... because, "what a waste of a bed".  When you do arrive and all of their shit is everywhere in the bedroom, unless they are awesome and decent humans and gladly move to the couch for you, it's going to be way too easy for them to just keep it and you guys get stuck with the couch anyway.  Considering your BF wants to avoid drama with his friends, I'd think that rocking the boat once you get to the house by demanding your bedroom back might not be something he's willing to do...

TL;DR - back out now.

lovegood90

frenchiekin said:

lovegood90 said:

I still think it sounds like you and BF + 10 other people in that house. . .ugh. I wouldn't stay there and share a single bathroom with 10 other people.

I hope you guys get the couch straw so you can stay elsewhere.

Yes! I'm hoping for the couch straw actually. I just don't trust the binding contract of a straw if we get our own room...what's stopping people from just "dibs"-ing it if they arrive first? And if we get mad they can be all "whatever it was just a straw it didn't count."

I think I'm looking too far into it though. BF says to have some faith in his friends...and it's true, they're not assholes or anything so I'm hoping they would respect The Straw.

To the bolded - it's going to be a lot easier for them to do this to you if everyone else is doing 3 nights and getting there a day before you.  If you draw a bedroom, and everyone knows it's going to be vacant for the first night or 2 until you arrive (this is assuming you are shortening the beginning of the trip and just staying the night of the wedding and maybe the night before, and everyone else is getting there 2 days before the wedding) - you KNOW the couple that got stuck with the couch is going to use the bed "just until you get there"... because, "what a waste of a bed".  When you do arrive and all of their shit is everywhere in the bedroom, unless they are awesome and decent humans and gladly move to the couch for you, it's going to be way too easy for them to just keep it and you guys get stuck with the couch anyway.  Considering your BF wants to avoid drama with his friends, I'd think that rocking the boat once you get to the house by demanding your bedroom back might not be something he's willing to do...

TL;DR - back out now.

Ugh, you make an excellent point that I actually hadn't thought of. You're totally right. No one in their right mind would leave a vacant bed and sleep on a couch until the day they had to move.

BF now knows my no-tolerance stance on needing my own room though, and he said he's willing to stand up for our space if we end up getting pushed around. I trust him and trust that he wouldn't intentionally put me in a position where I would be uncomfortable. Now that he knows what would make me uncomfortable, I have to trust that he will put my needs first if it comes to that.

There's just too much to consider and everyone has brought up excellent points. I'll see how The Straw goes today and I think I want to book somewhere else as a backup anyway (BF said he would support that decision too...not that I need his approval ) 

PrettyGirlLost

lovegood90 said:

@KatieinBkln and @kyndausvi: Oh I totally agree! It's counterproductive and he still needs a backbone. He doesn't want to "rock the boat" unless he has to. So he's of the mindset of, let's do what we said we would unless/until it becomes a problem- ie unless we get the couch.

My patience and understanding for this is null as well, but since he works with most of these people too I'm just trying to let him navigate as he sees fit. Either way we are NOT sleeping on a couch and we are NOT staying there for 3 nights, so I feel we've made more progress than before.

I'd say we are now in the "I have to rock the boat" time.

His friends, the bride and groom included, thought it was fine to cram 12 people like roaches into a house that doesn't have the occupancy for 12 people- it doesn't have enough bedrooms or bathrooms for 12 people.

That's fucking insane.

It's also insane that your BF feels he can't tell these people, who are supposed to be his friends, "Hey guys, we are just going to stay in another hotel."  There should be no retribution or hard feelings on his friends' part.

And the fact that he works with these ppl too?  Even more incentive to get out of there and get your own room.  That's super awkward for you both, I think.  I wouldn't want to be in such close quarters with no privacy and a common bathroom with co-workers.  Just has the potential for too many awkward and uncomfortable moments.

PrettyGirlLost

lyndausvi said:

Who even allowed the 2 extras anyway?

I'm curious who thinks having a cabin that sleeps up to 12 people and only 1 bathroom is a good idea?   I'm sure that same person doesn't have a hot water heater larger enough for 12 people to take showers roughly at the same time to get ready.

My parents have a beach house.  I think the most we have had there was 17 people.  Parents have 4 bedrooms, a game room with a door and a study with a door.    Now if you sleep in the game room (normally my 5 nieces do) you are sleeping on air mattress or the futon.  Study is also an air mattress.  But at least you have privacy.   

There is also a sofa bed in the family room at the top of the stairs.   Normally one of my nieces or nephews stays there.  Unless all 4 of us kids are there (it's happened like 3 times in the last 10 years), then one of the adult couples have to sleep there.  Not ideal, but worth it since we do not get together very often.

My parents have 5 bathrooms.   3 full (2 upstairs, 1 in the down stairs master) and 2 half baths.   There is also an outside private shower which gets used pretty often.

We have never had an issue using the bathroom.  Showers are a little tricker, but not horrible. My parents have an instant hot water heater so no one runs out of hot water.

I can't even imagine a home sleeping 10-12 people and only 1 bathroom?  We rented a cabin in Texas that slept about 12 (there was 6 of us) and it still had 2 bathrooms. I've shared houses at the beach in NJ and they all had at least 2 bathrooms.      

1 bathroom and all those people scares me.  I just imagine the toilet getting stopped up and then you have none.

Sorry for my random post.   I do not mind sharing houses, but it has to be the right people in the right house.  SO.MUCH.THIS!!!

I don't think the cabin actually sleeps that many people.  I just think the bride and groom are cramming people into this place because it's the only on site option, and since they are all friends everyone is like, "Oh, whatever!  I can crash on the floor!"

To me, if a cabin or condo is advertised as having accommodations for 12 people, that means it has, at a minimum, enough bedrooms with actual beds (could include pullouts) for 6 couples, and multiple bathrooms.  Like a bathroom in every bedroom, or a combination of some common, shared bathrooms and smaller bathrooms in some rooms.

lyndausvi

At my parent's house it's kind-of first come first serve.   Say my sister and I are coming down the same day. We will talk about who is getting what room in advance.   However,  if she is arriving a day before us she gets to pick whatever room she wants.  

 Now my sister lives closer (3 hour drive to our 5 hour flight+2 hour drive).   We tend to stay longer then she does.  So even if she arrives a day ahead, she will often give us the better room knowing we are staying longer on the back end.   Not always, but we are flexible.

No way would I sleep on a couch when there is an empty bed.  No way I would move after spending a night or 2 there.   Even if I did, unless you are bringing your own sheets (or washing sheets), kind-of gross no?

Your BF is being unreasonable.  Sorry.  Drawing straws is not really fair if you are showing up a few days later anyway.  He needs to just suck it up and tell his friends you are finding other accommodations. 

ETA - anyone else believe there are 1-5 other couples having this exact same argument with their SO's, yet no one wants to "rock the boat"?

julieanne912

I'd also wonder how big the water heater is in this house.  Sounds like someone is going to end up with a last minute cold shower. 

PrettyGirlLost

lyndausvi said:

At my parent's house it's kind-of first come first serve.   Say my sister and I are coming down the same day. We will talk about who is getting what room in advance.   However,  if she is arriving a day before us she gets to pick whatever room she wants.  

 Now my sister lives closer (3 hour drive to our 5 hour flight+2 hour drive).   We tend to stay longer then she does.  So even if she arrives a day ahead, she will often give us the better room knowing we are staying longer on the back end.   Not always, but we are flexible.

No way would I sleep on a couch when there is an empty bed.  No way I would move after spending a night or 2 there.   Even if I did, unless you are bringing your own sheets (or washing sheets), kind-of gross no?

Your BF is being unreasonable.  Sorry.  Drawing straws is not really fair if you are showing up a few days later anyway.  He needs to just suck it up and tell his friends you are finding other accommodations. 

ETA - anyone else believe there are 1-5 other couples having this exact same argument with their SO's, yet no one wants to "rock the boat"?

Well, 4 other couples and 2 rando singles based on the OP.

I'd bet at least 1 or 2 of the other SO's are saying, "Fuck no!" unless the SO's are all part of this same friend/co-worker circle.

The more I think about it, the more I'd personally just stay at home and skip the entire wedding.

lovegood90

@lyndausvi @PrettyGirlLost - oh, definitely not a true house for 10 or 12 or however many people they planned! I hate this "sleeps 10" crap- NO it does not "sleep 10" if half the fucking people are on the couch.

Also totally agree about sleeping on other people's sheets. And I totally bet the other girlfriends in the house that I'm also close with are probably having this same argument. But again, since they're mainly BFs crew I have to kind of step back.

I agree that something has to give. We'll see how it pans out, but I'm getting more and more frustrated with this situation; it seems like the only way I can ensure I'll be 100% comfortable without any issues is to just book our own freaking room right now.