Wedding Etiquette Forum

Confused and Disappointed

2

Re: Confused and Disappointed

  • adk19- Melanie is that you?  My sister.  Think you may be my sister too!  Thanks for the laugh!
  • adk19- Melanie is that you?  My sister.  Think you may be my sister too!  Thanks for the laugh!

    It's helpful when you hit "quote" under somebody's post so we know what you're referring to.  I had to scroll up and up to see what the hell I posted that would get such a laugh.  Yes, I was born to fetch beers and change the channels.  It was always super exciting when I'd get to use the bottle opener to pop off the tops of bottles, and when mom would give me a tiny taste of her wine coolers.
  • OP seems adept at understanding only half of what is written and confusing/disappointing herself for no good reason.

    Girl, calm down, have a drink, read through everything again slowly. If you've been reading these boards and they confused you over these issues, you haven't fully understood what's being said in those places and why. People have been nice enough to explain everything in detail here, so take your time and be sure you see what people are saying. I'm hoping that'll help.

  • cl2623 said:

    I've been reading forums all over the place and I have found some things interesting and others not so interesting. We are not asking for gifts or registering anywhere. We are financially stable and we have two homes to combine and get rid of stuff. We can buy anything we need. I'm wondering, why do I have to give favors to my guest. You don't have to. Who says that you do? They are wrong. We are paying for the wedding. We are inviting them to join in and enjoy our party. Why should I care what kind of invites I send, evites, emails, or printed. I have an unpopular opinion on this, but I really dont give a fuck. I'm sure PPs have outlined why paper invites are more appropriate, though. I've been seriously thinking about printed. They are trashed. Why would I spend a fortunate or any amount of money on a printed invitation that will go in the trash once its read and placed on their calendar. Why should I care what they think? Um, because they are the people you love? Don't be a dick to people you love. And please help me understood why there are a bridal shower, lingerie party and bachelorette parties. None of these things are required... just dont fucking have them. What's the difference. I would be inviting the same people and they would be spending money for each event? Some of these traditions are just ridiculous. Maybe, I'm just tired of seeing so many brides say, you need to do this or that in following tradition. Does anyone think about the bride and groom and the obscene amount of money that they are spending to host THEIR wedding. No. And do you know why? Because the only requirement to get married is a license and a legal officiant. If you CHOOSE to spend an obscene amount of money, that is 100% on you. Just sayin

    Um, you are really fucking all over the place. You seem really hostile for some unknown reason. Like, do you even want to have a big wedding with guests? Because it really seems like you should just go to the courthouse and call it a day. Or elope. Just sayin'.
  • Holy Jesus, I'm gonna need you to learn how the fuck to do paragraphs before I read any of this wall of text stuff.

    But yeah, if you don't give a shit about these people, don't fucking invite them. Just elope. Bada-bing, done. 
  • If you don't enjoying hosting, and don't care what anybody thinks, and are stressed out by spending money on a big hoopla, and resent having to deal with menus and guests..why the hell are you doing it?  
    Elope. That solves all issues at once. 
  • Once upon a time, back in 2004, I got married for the first time. I didn't want to make a big deal out of the wedding, but my family thought otherwise. I ended up throwing a six figure event with all of the trimmings. I properly hosted everyone and it was a gorgeous event, but it wasn't me.

    Fast forward to 2010. I divorced back in 2006 and got engaged to my now-H. I cringed at the thought of having another big wedding. While we could afford to throw another large event, it was just about the last thing my H and I wanted to do. So, we planned our wedding in Australia and didn't invite anyone. We spent our money how we saw fit, didn't have to worry about pleasing anyone but ourselves, and had an amazing time!! It was a perfect day for us and we're still very much married.

     







  • cl2623 said:
    Thanks for asking that questions. I think I'm struggling with providing them with gifts for attending [you don't need to do that], trying to provide a entire variety of food choices to accommodate vegans, gluten free etc. [you don't need to do that either, but there are many simple options that would accommodate them], trying to decide on having children at the reception (I don't want to feel like I have to worry about the kids and what they are doing or not doing and provide separate meals and tables for them) [you don't need to do any of that, parents can worry about their own kids and kids can eat regular meals & sit at regular tables].Both our immediate families have little ones and enjoy children. Its just overwhelming right now thinking about all the little things. Trying to decide on what kind of reception I want to have basically. I really want to have a party like atmosphere, lots of dancing and wine and beer for guest if they want it. I just want us to have a great time that is dancing and fun activities. I believe that is the real reason behind my concerns. I want a party for US to enjoy and remember for the rest of our lives. I don't want to worry about having beer and wine and then have children too. I can't see having children around beer and wine. I'm a mom of a 16 and 27 year old. So, I know moms.
    You do seem confused and overwhelmed and unsure of where to start planning. These forums are a great resource, you'll find lots of people who've been in your shoes and have tips for organizing a plan and hosting a nice event. Keep the elopement suggestions in mind - you may find that would be a weight off your shoulders! If you do want to have a wedding complete with party-like atmosphere, you're perfectly within etiquette to have one after suppertime so that a meal is not expected (just nibbles & hopefully cake)! As others have shown, the vast majority of children will have been in the same room as alcohol before your wedding -- that would not scandalize any moms I know -- but again, you're perfectly within etiquette to not invite any children if you do not want to.
  • And I know it may seem like there's a mile-long list of things every wedding "must" have, but here it is, really:
    - couple, officiant, witnesses
    - food & drink appropriate for the time of day
    - seats & tables at which to enjoy the food & drink
    - washrooms in which to expel the food & drink
    End of list.
    This. That mile-long list had me broken down into tears weekly because of a lot of the same reasons you mentioned. Our wedding is being pulled together on a shoestring, and everything I found was a billion billion dollars and I just do not have it.

    But the micro-list that Molly posted is all you need. Heck, if you elope - really and truly elope, I mean, with no guests - you don't even need the last three things.

    These boards have helped me immensely. Hang out, lurk on some of the older posts, and you'll be okay. If you want to run away, that's fine! If you want a small shendig, that's fine! If you want to throw a huge party with all the bells and whistles, that's fine! You just need to figure out what's going to be good for you and your FI.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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  • cl2623cl2623 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited May 2015
    @julieanne912 Your reply was the most loving and passionate I have seen thus far. You must be a Christian person. You've seem to have captured me without me telling you. I never felt overwhelmed and dismayed until I read the forums yesterday. I read responses that were mean and just disappointing. I wasn't expecting such use of bad language and down right meanness from people that were on a wedding website. It was my first time reading forums and my last time. I was in great spirits just looking at the how to's and ideas on wedding websites. I'll stay with that format. Thank you again and may God bless you in all that you do. I will not be back after this message. 
  • You've "been reading forums all over the place" since the "first and last times [you] read forums... Yesterday"...?

    The advice on here can be blunt.
    Very blunt.

    It probably won't be what you want to hear half the time.

    When you get a rude response from these old married hags that have nothing better to do than hang around years after their own weddings, read it.
    Read it again.

    Then go read a thread about something completely different.

    Maybe have a glass of wine.

    Then come back and read the responses to your questions again.

    Those mean responses actually aren't mean at all. They're to the point, yes.
    Good.
    This is what you asked, this is what the answer is.
    Why do you need more than that?

    Each response here has given you suburb advice about the questions you asked, and what is and isn't required for a wedding.
    Slow your roll, think about what you want to achieve from your wedding, ask more questions.
    These ladies will help you throw a beautiful event that you will love and your guests will remember for all the right reasons.
  • cl2623 said:

    @julieanne912 Your reply was the most loving and passionate I have seen thus far. You must be a Christian person. You've seem to have captured me without me telling you. I never felt overwhelmed and dismayed until I read the forums yesterday. I read responses that were mean and just disappointing. I wasn't expecting such use of bad language and down right meanness from people that were on a wedding website. It was my first time reading forums and my last time. I was in great spirits just looking at the how to's and ideas on wedding websites. I'll stay with that format. Thank you again and may God bless you in all that you do. I will not be back after this message. 

    This is just a weird thing to say... Why would you assume someone's religion based on the fact that they sound kind? Believe it or not, there are loving, passionate people of all religions, and loving and passionate atheists. There are also a whole lot of shitty Christians out there.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • cl2623 said:

    @julieanne912 Your reply was the most loving and passionate I have seen thus far. You must be a Christian person. You've seem to have captured me without me telling you. I never felt overwhelmed and dismayed until I read the forums yesterday. I read responses that were mean and just disappointing. I wasn't expecting such use of bad language and down right meanness from people that were on a wedding website. It was my first time reading forums and my last time. I was in great spirits just looking at the how to's and ideas on wedding websites. I'll stay with that format. Thank you again and may God bless you in all that you do. I will not be back after this message. 



    I grew up going to church and was raised very Jesusy, but I'm not a religious person and do not attend church.... just believe in the religion of "be a good person".  I don't go to church because I find a lot of the people there to be sort of awful and hypocritical.  But I'm glad you found my response helpful! 

    I will also say, these boards can be VERY overwhelming at first.  I had my own issues here when I first started posting.  But if you can get past the delivery of how many people here convey their opinions (which yes, can be really harsh sometimes), and actually read the guts of their message, you'll find a lot of it to be very good advice.   Best of luck!

    Married 9.12.15
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  • WTF?

    I was rude or nasty at all in any of my responses.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I think it's cause I mentioned my mom got married in a church.  So apparently that means my response was valid and loving and everyone else's is bullshit. :-D

    Does this mean I'm doing something wrong by not leading off every response with "I have two degrees in the theology and teach the people who teach Sunday School"? People would listen to me more if I did?
  • I think it's cause I mentioned my mom got married in a church.  So apparently that means my response was valid and loving and everyone else's is bullshit. :-D

    I personally had a full catholic wedding mass, but clearly I was being a hethen bitch in my responses!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    My cousin is a priest and this agnostic attended his ordination without getting struck by lightning.

    Do I get a special prize? 
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  • Oyyy. 

    The best advice I can offer anyone who is having a wedding (based on my experience) is that you don't "have to" do anything except follow basic etiquette, as others have stated. I didn't do favors OR a bouquet toss OR get a wedding cake (though we did have dessert) OR go on a honeymoon. If you don't want to do something JUST DON'T – unless it relates to your guests' comfort. That you must see to.

    Decline any showers/parties you are offered if you don't want them.

    The second-best advice is that you don't have to make every decision yourself - farm them out to the experts when you can. If you decide to invite kids to the wedding you don't have to worry about them! Leave the child care decisions to their parents and tell your caterer that X number of children are attending...you don't have to plan a child's party menu on top of everything else.
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