Emma Sulkowicz aka Mattress Girl

VulgarGirl

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

beachyone15

Wow, I hadn't heard this story. What a badass! I don't know if I'd have the guts to do that but I think it's pretty amazing.

novella1186

I'd been following that story for a while, and I was really glad to hear that she carried the mattress at graduation too. She was dedicated as hell, and I thought it was an amazing way to bring attention to colleges sweeping rape and related issues under the rug. 

The thing I loved about the original story was that other students would see her carrying the mattress around campus and they would sometimes start carrying it for her, or help her carry it, and they'd go around campus with her for a little while. It was a sweet story and a horrible story at the same time. 

TrixieJess

I think she did a great thing. I've been following the story since it came out and was glad to hear that she stood up for herself through it all. 

Unfortunately, as with most victims of Rape and sexual assault, she has been re-victimised speaking up. Fortunately, she has found a way to make herself heard and isn't backing down from fighting the systems. 

One of the things that always strikes me when it's a college/university involved, is that it's not a "problem" from their end. Yes, yes it is. You need to address the behaviour of the culture of your campuses that says that it's okay for something like this to happen, then to push blame on the victims and not the perpetrators.

redoryx

I love it. So powerful but so simplistic -- she let the mattress, and the literal weight of carrying it around all that time -- do all the talking. She's my new Shero. 

thespeshulestsnowflake

TrixieJess said:

I think she did a great thing. I've been following the story since it came out and was glad to hear that she stood up for herself through it all. 

Unfortunately, as with most victims of Rape and sexual assault, she has been re-victimised speaking up. Fortunately, she has found a way to make herself heard and isn't backing down from fighting the systems. 

One of the things that always strikes me when it's a college/university involved, is that it's not a "problem" from their end. Yes, yes it is. You need to address the behaviour of the culture of your campuses that says that it's okay for something like this to happen, then to push blame on the victims and not the perpetrators.

I agree with this. My university had the emergency stations things where if you pushed the blue button, campus police would be there in less than a minute, or something like that. Not thinking about it, I thought, cool safe campus. Thinking about it now, why did they have to put those things around campus in the first place?

bethsmiles

I think she's an amazing young woman. I admire her bravery and strength.

I'm disgusted but not at all surprised by the negativity of way to many people in response to her taking a stand. People don't want to believe rape culture is real. They'd prefer to blame the victim, say they making it up or that they really wanted or any other bullshit argument they can come up with rather than address the fact that rape is a very real problem in our society.

falsara

I've been following this story. I know about a month ago the guy and his parents were trying to get the administration to not let her walk in graduation. He was trying to say that it was a form of harassment and that him and his family were having a "hard time", and that she shouldn't be allowed to do that to him. He deserves every bit of harassment at this point. I'm glad the administration let her walk, but I'm still deeply troubled by their failure to actually punish the dude.

novella1186

falsara said:

I've been following this story. I know about a month ago the guy and his parents were trying to get the administration to not let her walk in graduation. He was trying to say that it was a form of harassment and that him and his family were having a "hard time", and that she shouldn't be allowed to do that to him. He deserves every bit of harassment at this point. I'm glad the administration let her walk, but I'm still deeply troubled by their failure to actually punish the dude.

Aaaw poor baby! Boohoo I'm so sad for him. What a whiny little bitch. My psycho ex used to attack me (physically) at school and get away with it, and say anything he could possibly think of to humiliate me in front of my classmates (like screaming that I was a "Jewish Whore" and that I had herpes and whatever the fuck else). Never got punished for it, of course. 

One day, a dude who hated my psycho ex for obvious reasons went on the morning announcements that played for the entire school under the guise of rallying school spirit for the upcoming volleyball games. As soon as he was on camera, he held up a teabag and announced that psycho ex had been tea-bagged that weekend (this was true; he was passed out drunk at a party and totally got tea-bagged). 

Psycho ex ran out of the class crying, stormed straight to the principal's office, threw the tantrum to end all tantrums, called his dad, and got the guy suspended from school. 

Bitch could dish it out but he sure couldn't take it. 

VulgarGirl

falsara said:

I've been following this story. I know about a month ago the guy and his parents were trying to get the administration to not let her walk in graduation. He was trying to say that it was a form of harassment and that him and his family were having a "hard time", and that she shouldn't be allowed to do that to him. He deserves every bit of harassment at this point. I'm glad the administration let her walk, but I'm still deeply troubled by their failure to actually punish the dude.

One way to avoid the difficulites faced with being accused of rape is to just go ahead and not motherfucking rape people.

littlepep

novella1186 said:

falsara said:

I've been following this story. I know about a month ago the guy and his parents were trying to get the administration to not let her walk in graduation. He was trying to say that it was a form of harassment and that him and his family were having a "hard time", and that she shouldn't be allowed to do that to him. He deserves every bit of harassment at this point. I'm glad the administration let her walk, but I'm still deeply troubled by their failure to actually punish the dude.

Aaaw poor baby! Boohoo I'm so sad for him. What a whiny little bitch. My psycho ex used to attack me (physically) at school and get away with it, and say anything he could possibly think of to humiliate me in front of my classmates (like screaming that I was a "Jewish Whore" and that I had herpes and whatever the fuck else). Never got punished for it, of course. 

One day, a dude who hated my psycho ex for obvious reasons went on the morning announcements that played for the entire school under the guise of rallying school spirit for the upcoming volleyball games. As soon as he was on camera, he held up a teabag and announced that psycho ex had been tea-bagged that weekend (this was true; he was passed out drunk at a party and totally got tea-bagged). 

Psycho ex ran out of the class crying, stormed straight to the principal's office, threw the tantrum to end all tantrums, called his dad, and got the guy suspended from school. 

Bitch could dish it out but he sure couldn't take it. 

Always the case with shit like that. 

doeydo

She took a stand and shed a light on to her rape as well as rape in general, especially on campuses.  She rocks. 

thisismynickname2

MagicInk said:

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

---------box----------

Just to this point, SMH because who the hell would want to carry around a mattress and pretend to have been raped, for attention? Really? REALLY? 

I applaud her. 

[Deleted User]

No one would carry a mattress around that long if there wasn't a good reason. The school didn't handle this well.

Good for her- she brought attention to something pretty damn important.

VulgarGirl

FeeleyToBe said:

No one would carry a mattress around that long if there wasn't a good reason. The school didn't handle this well. Good for her- she brought attention to something pretty damn important.

They didn't just not handle it well. They didn't handle it at all. 

Her rapist was allowed to stay in school and I don't believe any criminal charges were brought against him. 

FiancB

Was there any sort of response from Columbia?

She's awesome. When I first heard about it I thought it was kind of strange but as I read more about it, I think it's genius, and go her for seeing it through. Sucks that all these months later that she HAS to carry it through, though. My impression is that the school pretty much ignored her, as campuses do nationwide every year. 

LOL at whiny pissy baby.

sassercake12

MagicInk said:

falsara said:

I've been following this story. I know about a month ago the guy and his parents were trying to get the administration to not let her walk in graduation. He was trying to say that it was a form of harassment and that him and his family were having a "hard time", and that she shouldn't be allowed to do that to him. He deserves every bit of harassment at this point. I'm glad the administration let her walk, but I'm still deeply troubled by their failure to actually punish the dude.

One way to avoid the difficulites faced with being accused of rape is to just go ahead and not motherfucking rape people.

I'll never understand why we don't teach people this. Don't rape. End of story. 

AlexisA01

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

They are saying there is no rape at all because of the text messages she sent to the guy and that she completely made it up. The court transcript provided more information on what happened. I linked it if anybody would like to read it here

A very complicated case though I am glad she had the help of her friends to help her carry her mattress at her graduation.

Fran1985

AlexisA01 said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

They are saying there is no rape at all because of the text messages she sent to the guy and that she completely made it up. The court transcript provided more information on what happened. I linked it if anybody would like to read it here

A very complicated case though I am glad she had the help of her friends to help her carry her mattress at her graduation.

Hello dear! I don't know if you know but I must always be positive now - I certainly do no want to contribute to an air of negativity! However, when you link to the guys complaint (meaning in its his words, and presents his side of the story,) and call it the COURT TRANSCRIPT which is NOT TRUE it makes me very, very negative! I think this is anger I am feeling? Trying to say this positively is extremely hard! But I am trying to say as gently as possible that that is really maybe not the most positive thing to do and maybe its actually the worst thing to do but I am not saying you are the worst! Its just that linking his own defense in a thread about his victim is not the best its certainly is still fine and everything is fine. 

Chain smoking & a double whiskey, 

Mrs. Frances 

esstee33

***Removed for TOS violation***

sarahufl

MagicInk said:

FeeleyToBe said:

No one would carry a mattress around that long if there wasn't a good reason. The school didn't handle this well. Good for her- she brought attention to something pretty damn important.

They didn't just not handle it well. They didn't handle it at all. 

Her rapist was allowed to stay in school and I don't believe any criminal charges were brought against him. 

She declined to press charges through the NYPD. Columbia cleared him of the charges through whatever their student conduct process is and she didn't want to proceed with it past the University level.

I am a bit shocked this hasn't come up here on these boards yet because I feel like it has become such a hot topic. It may be because I work at Columbia and I actually see her all the time and it is all over the news here- but you can't avoid it lately. It is pretty cool, because a lot of other students stop to help her. I once saw about 5 other folks carrying it - I will say that it brings a lot of (much needed) attention to the topic.

Now, before anyone jumps on me for victim blaming, I do know that he is suing the University, not her or her family. He was cleared of all the charges and she didn't continue to press them, and she was allowed to get course credit for the mattress project by her thesis advisor. So he is saying that the University basically allowed her to smear his reputation in a VERY public manner even after he was cleared of the charges. (Again, just facts- no opinions) 

The University was widely criticized for being fairly tone-deaf about the whole thing. Some time late last year, they implemented a pretty poorly constructed Sexual Behavior program where all students were required to attend seminars or do art projects, take quizzes and attend movie screenings focusing on sexual behavior. It was made a graduation requirement like, 2 weeks before graduation and it was pretty basic - it really came across as some sort of Action By The University without  content- just to say they did it.

Anyway, I volunteer as a rape crisis counselor at a local ER and I also work in the administration at the University so it has been interesting seeing the reactions to the whole thing from different stand points.

AlexisA01

esstee33 said:

AlexisA01 said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

They are saying there is no rape at all because of the text messages she sent to the guy and that she completely made it up. The court transcript provided more information on what happened. I linked it if anybody would like to read it here

A very complicated case though I am glad she had the help of her friends to help her carry her mattress at her graduation.

******************

I had consensual sex with my ex probably a hundred times before he raped me. 

Sorry to hear that. I posted it because that is why they are trying discredit her. They are using their past relationship and their messages as a way of hurting her and saying how she is trying to ruin his reputation. Or doing it for attention. So now people are saying she wasn't raped because of their past relationships. It's really awful that she has to face that.

sarahufl

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

Also, just another point (because I know we discuss language a lot here....)

When working with people who are facing sexual or domestic violence, the term "victim" isn't supposed to be used. When I got my certification as a counselor through the state of New York, we were taught to use "survivor" instead- because victim becomes more of a label and....victimizes the person. Survivor is a more positive term.

AlexisA01

Fran1985 said:

AlexisA01 said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

They are saying there is no rape at all because of the text messages she sent to the guy and that she completely made it up. The court transcript provided more information on what happened. I linked it if anybody would like to read it here

A very complicated case though I am glad she had the help of her friends to help her carry her mattress at her graduation.

Hello dear! I don't know if you know but I must always be positive now - I certainly do no want to contribute to an air of negativity! However, when you link to the guys complaint (meaning in its his words, and presents his side of the story,) and call it the COURT TRANSCRIPT which is NOT TRUE it makes me very, very negative! I think this is anger I am feeling? Trying to say this positively is extremely hard! But I am trying to say as gently as possible that that is really maybe not the most positive thing to do and maybe its actually the worst thing to do but I am not saying you are the worst! Its just that linking his own defense in a thread about his victim is not the best its certainly is still fine and everything is fine. 

Chain smoking & a double whiskey, 

Mrs. Frances 

Sorry about that. As I mentioned above, transcript wasn't the correct word but his testimonial, on why they are trying to discredit her.

esstee33

***Removed for TOS violation***

sarahufl

esstee33 said:

sarahufl said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

Also, just another point (because I know we discuss language a lot here....)

When working with people who are facing sexual or domestic violence, the term "victim" isn't supposed to be used. When I got my certification as a counselor through the state of New York, we were taught to use "survivor" instead- because victim becomes more of a label and....victimizes the person. Survivor is a more positive term.

**************

I would call myself a victim before I'd call myself a survivor. I don't think it's the sort of thing you can say "this is the correct way of talking about it." 

Totally fair point. Interesting to hear from different points of view, for sure. 

justsie

esstee33 said:

sarahufl said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

Also, just another point (because I know we discuss language a lot here....)

When working with people who are facing sexual or domestic violence, the term "victim" isn't supposed to be used. When I got my certification as a counselor through the state of New York, we were taught to use "survivor" instead- because victim becomes more of a label and....victimizes the person. Survivor is a more positive term.

**************

I would call myself a victim before I'd call myself a survivor. I don't think it's the sort of thing you can say "this is the correct way of talking about it." 

100% agree. It is important to ALWAYS use the terms that a client uses for themselves in a situation like this. The only exception being if they are in a place where they can handle confrontation or need the correction, the first counselor visit for someone that has been raped (or really, someone going through any tragic event) is not the place for that.  

If I went to someone and told them I was a victim of something and they smiled and went "Oh NO Honey, You're a survivor" I'd punch them in the face. 

sarahufl

justsie said:

esstee33 said:

sarahufl said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

Also, just another point (because I know we discuss language a lot here....)

When working with people who are facing sexual or domestic violence, the term "victim" isn't supposed to be used. When I got my certification as a counselor through the state of New York, we were taught to use "survivor" instead- because victim becomes more of a label and....victimizes the person. Survivor is a more positive term.

**************

I would call myself a victim before I'd call myself a survivor. I don't think it's the sort of thing you can say "this is the correct way of talking about it." 

100% agree. It is important to ALWAYS use the terms that a client uses for themselves in a situation like this. The only exception being if they are in a place where they can handle confrontation or need the correction, the first counselor visit for someone that has been raped (or really, someone going through any tragic event) is not the place for that.  

If I went to someone and told them I was a victim of something and they smiled and went "Oh NO Honey, You're a survivor" I'd punch them in the face. 

FTR, I would never, in 1 million years, say that to someone's face.

Just sharing what the State of New York thinks we need to know.

justsie

sarahufl said:

justsie said:

esstee33 said:

sarahufl said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

Also, just another point (because I know we discuss language a lot here....)

When working with people who are facing sexual or domestic violence, the term "victim" isn't supposed to be used. When I got my certification as a counselor through the state of New York, we were taught to use "survivor" instead- because victim becomes more of a label and....victimizes the person. Survivor is a more positive term.

**************

I would call myself a victim before I'd call myself a survivor. I don't think it's the sort of thing you can say "this is the correct way of talking about it." 

100% agree. It is important to ALWAYS use the terms that a client uses for themselves in a situation like this. The only exception being if they are in a place where they can handle confrontation or need the correction, the first counselor visit for someone that has been raped (or really, someone going through any tragic event) is not the place for that.  

If I went to someone and told them I was a victim of something and they smiled and went "Oh NO Honey, You're a survivor" I'd punch them in the face. 

FTR, I would never, in 1 million years, say that to someone's face.

Just sharing what the State of New York thinks we need to know.

Curiosity, how would you go about correcting someone over the word they are using to describe themselves? 

sarahufl

justsie said:

sarahufl said:

justsie said:

esstee33 said:

sarahufl said:

MagicInk said:

I don't think we've discussed this. But I'm assuming most of you are aware of the Columbia rape vicitim who protested the way her school dealt with her rape (by not dealing with it at all and allowing her rapist to remain in school with her) but carrying her mattress (that the rape occured on) with her all year.

She graduated a week or so ago and carried her mattress (with the help of her friends) accross the stage. Such an awesome video to see. 

Of course, because people are shitty, there people saying there was no rape, she's just doing for attention, blah de blah. 

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2015/05/20/emma_sulkowicz_ends_her_performance_piece_carry_that_weight_carries_a_mattress.html

So, what do we all think? 

Also, just another point (because I know we discuss language a lot here....)

When working with people who are facing sexual or domestic violence, the term "victim" isn't supposed to be used. When I got my certification as a counselor through the state of New York, we were taught to use "survivor" instead- because victim becomes more of a label and....victimizes the person. Survivor is a more positive term.

**************

I would call myself a victim before I'd call myself a survivor. I don't think it's the sort of thing you can say "this is the correct way of talking about it." 

100% agree. It is important to ALWAYS use the terms that a client uses for themselves in a situation like this. The only exception being if they are in a place where they can handle confrontation or need the correction, the first counselor visit for someone that has been raped (or really, someone going through any tragic event) is not the place for that.  

If I went to someone and told them I was a victim of something and they smiled and went "Oh NO Honey, You're a survivor" I'd punch them in the face. 

FTR, I would never, in 1 million years, say that to someone's face.

Just sharing what the State of New York thinks we need to know.

Curiosity, how would you go about correcting someone over the word they are using to describe themselves? 

I wouldn't and I didn't. 

OP was not talking about herself, she was talking about someone else.

Blergbot

I think both terms can be very charged. I identify as a survivor, but it also took me awhile before I could slap any sort of word on it.