Bridesmaid duty

[Deleted User]

speakeasy14 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi said:

First I'm going to say that $805 ($115x7) divided by 30 guests come out to almost $27 a person.  I do not think that is super expensive shower.  Sure I've thrown some for less, but I've thrown some for more.      i also do not think $115 per BM is super crazy either.  It's about normal for what I've spent.  ::shrugs::

Regardless of my feelings on the costs, the bottom line the MOH made assumptions when she should not have.    We all know what happens when you assume.   

I've been a host of plenty of showers. I've always taken on the job myself and appreciate any and all help.  Whether it was time, money or both.  I've had BMs give me $20, others brought food and still others give me $100 + food + time for help with decor and invitations. Sometimes someone just takes on a job and I have no idea how much they spent.   Didn't care either as long as the task was complete. Everyone got full credit and none of the other BM's knew how much or how little the others contributed.     

When I decide to host I know I would be taking care of the costs.  Any help was a bonus.  At no time do I ever spend other people's money.  It crazy to plan something assuming others (often people you are not always close too) are just going to must blindly give you whatever amount you ask.    Exspecially if they are not involved with any of the planning.  That is just crazy.

The MOH is the one who made the assumptions.  Contribute what you can afford and move on.  It's an expensive mistake that I hope the MOH and lurkers reading this will learn.

It wouldn't be expensive if we weren't all providing additional food, drinks, and were not having deli sandwiches my bridal shower was about 50 people.. Fancy Italian catering.. In a large hall and still only cost $1000. If she was going to spend my money I at least wish I was on better food!

speakeasy14

Knottie22105860 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

So not only did this girl not consider people's budgets, she also is not thinking about people who do not drink.  Ugh, I'm sorry.  

[Deleted User]

speakeasy14 said:

Knottie22105860 said:

speakeasy14 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

So not only did this girl not consider people's budgets, she also is not thinking about people who do not drink.  Ugh, I'm sorry.  

I think we will have water bottles too. But that's it.. Nothing nonalcoholic and fancy. I'm just glad I'm not alone in thinking that this is not okay!

onefootinthebayou

Knottie22105860 said:

Knottie22105860 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

So not only did this girl not consider people's budgets, she also is not thinking about people who do not drink.  Ugh, I'm sorry.  

I think we will have water bottles too. But that's it.. Nothing nonalcoholic and fancy. I'm just glad I'm not alone in thinking that this is not okay!

You are definitely not alone - this girl is out of her mind and her passive aggressive closing statement of "Thank you, see you Saturday!" is bullshit.  She just dismissed you summarily.  Fuck that.  I echo PPs and say that you will pay for the amount you previously agreed to and cannot contribute beyond that.  Feel free to add, "Thank you, see you Saturday!" to close.

BTW, change your name & stick around so we get to know you!  You'll get lots of good advice here & in this case, people to back you up!

[Deleted User]

onefootinthebayou said:

Knottie22105860 said:

speakeasy14 said:

Knottie22105860 said:

speakeasy14 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

So not only did this girl not consider people's budgets, she also is not thinking about people who do not drink.  Ugh, I'm sorry.  

I think we will have water bottles too. But that's it.. Nothing nonalcoholic and fancy. I'm just glad I'm not alone in thinking that this is not okay!

You are definitely not alone - this girl is out of her mind and her passive aggressive closing statement of "Thank you, see you Saturday!" is bullshit.  She just dismissed you summarily.  Fuck that.  I echo PPs and say that you will pay for the amount you previously agreed to and cannot contribute beyond that.  Feel free to add, "Thank you, see you Saturday!" to close.

BTW, change your name & stick around so we get to know you!  You'll get lots of good advice here & in this case, people to back you up!

How do I change it?! I'm new here! Haha

madamerwin

PPs have pretty much everything covered, but I wanted to add: What can the MOH do if you DON'T send her a check for the full amount? Nothing. There is nothing she can do. Send her the $45 you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the rest. 

As for changing your name: At the top right corner of the screen, you will see a little icon of a person's head. Click on it, and enter a new name in the Username field.

[Deleted User]

tfmrserwin said:

PPs have pretty much everything covered, but I wanted to add: What can the MOH do if you DON'T send her a check for the full amount? Nothing. There is nothing she can do. Send her the $45 you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the rest. 

As for changing your name: At the top right corner of the screen, you will see a little icon of a person's head. Click on it, and enter a new name in the Username field.

Did it! Thank you!

kimmiinthemitten

BreezyMac100315 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

Yeah but the wine is for you, remember?!

[Deleted User]

kimmiandkoley said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

Yeah but the wine is for you, remember?!


Oh right! Because I drink 3 bottles of wine regularly...

ShesSoCold

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

Yeah but the wine is for you, remember?!

Oh right! Because I drink 3 bottles of wine regularly...

I kind of want you to at this shower. 

Maggie0829

BreezyMac100315 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

Yeah but the wine is for you, remember?!

Oh right! Because I drink 3 bottles of wine regularly...

You may just start after all this.

[Deleted User]

Maggie0829 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

kimmiandkoley said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

Ugh, I was afraid she'd have that reaction.  Pay her what you agreed to, and she can wait forever for the"remainder."  

Also, just because I'm curious, are there other drinks? It sounds like everyone is bringing wine. 

Sangria.. I was bringing wine and also we were all asked to bring a case of beer

Yeah but the wine is for you, remember?!

Oh right! Because I drink 3 bottles of wine regularly...



You may just start after all this.



________
So true!!!!

drunkenwitch

Excuse me while I pick up my jaw.  PP's have it covered, I'll just add GIFS for moral support

Jen4948

Jeez. 

[Deleted User]

I think I'd tell her "yes I agreed to the $45 which is the only for sure dollar amount I heard. I'm sorry you've already spent the money, I could have given you my $45 before you went shopping but you didn't ask us in advance for the money."

Sucks to Suck.

What a crappy thing to do. And yea $115 from each person. NO.

[Deleted User]

I'm proud of myself for my response ... Since I'm usually a major push over..

Maggie0829

So you actually gave in and are giving her the full amount?

[Deleted User]

nnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooo you're paying her the rest? I was hoping you wouldn't

Liatris2010

Noooooo

[Deleted User]

Kinda have in But in turn am not going to the Bach party ... Which will make bride unhappy .. Plus I plan on paying in all $1 bills just to be an ass. (i got 100 1s for my bridal shower so I will put them to good use). I wasn't looking forward to the Bach anyways so this is an easy out!

madamerwin

You gave in to her ridiculous demand?! I was loving your response until that point!

ETA: If you don't go to the bachelorette party, at least don't let her demand that you contribute to it... And tell the bride why you aren't attending.

lyndausvi

Maggie0829 said:

So you actually gave in and are giving her the full amount?

RachelLee83 said:

nnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooo you're paying her the rest? I was hoping you wouldn't

I was hoping you would not give in either.  

Although there seems to be a lot of assumptions going on on both sides.     

For any of your lurkers out there communication is key.    Had the MOH communicated better the OP would have known the "expectations".  On the flip side, I think the OP could have asked more questions herself.    

Planning a party with others is tough enough.  Planning a party with people you do not know every well is even harder.  Communication AND not making assumptions will help make the process a little smoother.

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi said:

Maggie0829 said:

So you actually gave in and are giving her the full amount?

RachelLee83 said:

nnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooo you're paying her the rest? I was hoping you wouldn't

I was hoping you would not give in either.  

Although there seems to be a lot of assumptions going on on both sides.     

For any of your lurkers out there communication is key.    Had the MOH communicated better the OP would have known the "expectations".  On the flip side, I think the OP could have asked more questions herself.    

Planning a party with others is tough enough.  Planning a party with people you do not know every well is even harder.  Communication AND not making assumptions will help make the process a little smoother.

To clarify.. I asked a lot of questions but wasn't given answers. I asked numerous times what I could help with and was told nothing it was all set

Maggie0829

BreezyMac100315 said:

Kinda have in But in turn am not going to the Bach party ... Which will make bride unhappy .. Plus I plan on paying in all $1 bills just to be an ass. (i got 100 1s for my bridal shower so I will put them to good use). I wasn't looking forward to the Bach anyways so this is an easy out!

I still don't think you should have given in.  You didn't have to do anything.

And if you really want to be a pain in the ass, you pay her in pennies.  Kind of like the scene from Confessions of a Shopaholic.

[Deleted User]

I'm not going to stir shit up because the bride herself is very.... Idk the word.. But if there's drama she would probably side against me. I will pay it but i made my points known. I won't be punishing the bride by not going to the Bach.. She will have 20 others there with her..

Maggie0829

BreezyMac100315 said:

I'm not going to stir shit up because the bride herself is very.... Idk the word.. But if there's drama she would probably side against me. I will pay it but i made my points known. I won't be punishing the bride by not going to the Bach.. She will have 20 others there with her..

Then that makes her a not so great friend.

[Deleted User]

Maggie0829 said:

BreezyMac100315 said:

Kinda have in But in turn am not going to the Bach party ... Which will make bride unhappy .. Plus I plan on paying in all $1 bills just to be an ass. (i got 100 1s for my bridal shower so I will put them to good use). I wasn't looking forward to the Bach anyways so this is an easy out!

I still don't think you should have given in.  You didn't have to do anything.

And if you really want to be a pain in the ass, you pay her in pennies.  Kind of like the scene from Confessions of a Shopaholic.

I wish I could do this! Haha honestly the only cash I have to give right now is that money from my shower and I'm not going to add more stress on myself by going somewhere to get 20s instead of 1s. Im not doing it just to be an ass.. More so because that's the only money I have.

[Deleted User]

scribe95 said:

You are punishing the bride. And making your points known doesn't matter if you fold.

Not how I look at it. I may still go to the Bach party just not spend the night (it's not far away anyways and I'll save money if I don't but drinks).. Is be saving $60 Since of course it has to be a top of the line hotel.

[Deleted User]

scribe95 said:

At least this time be clear whether you are staying or not so if they are counting on you to split the hotel you don't cancel and throw everything off at the last minute. And plan to pay some of the bride's expenses too. But you aren't going anyway so oh well.

They were upfront about the Bach party costs, unlike the shower. Whether I go or not, I would contribute to the bride's stuff because that's solely for her. I'm what the money for the shower is going to and I don't know this girl enough to know if I trust it's for something good! My FH is very against drama so I discussed it with him before emailing back and he said to just pay it and we will figure it out.