What Etiquette rules would you love to break???

Viczaesar

kimmiandkoley said:

Viczaesar  Good because I think it's so rude LOL.  Is Emily Post a bad etiquette guide then too? (serious question because that was the other source I found when researching this).

It depends.  Emily Post is dead and her grandchildren run the show in her name now, and their etiquette advice sucks.  But old school Emily Post (stuff she actually wrote) is pretty good, if a bit conservative.  For modern sources I'd look to Miss Manners over the Emily Post Institute.

kimmiinthemitten

Viczaesar said:

kimmiandkoley said:

Viczaesar  Good because I think it's so rude LOL.  Is Emily Post a bad etiquette guide then too? (serious question because that was the other source I found when researching this).

It depends.  Emily Post is dead and her grandchildren run the show in her name now, and their etiquette advice sucks.  But old school Emily Post (stuff she actually wrote) is pretty good, if a bit conservative.  For modern sources I'd look to Miss Manners over the Emily Post Institute.

Thanks!

lightningsnow

hellohkb said:

Bringing (non-service) dogs everywhere with you can be really obnoxious. Sure, children can be annoying if parents aren't watching them appropriately, but there are people with allergies and legitimate phobias of dogs. 

It also has to do with insurance with the buildings. Insurance for stores and the like usually only covers issues with service animals. If you bring an animal in that is not a certified service animal and it causes a problem, it becomes an insurance nightmare.

The Goodwill I just recently left was so lenient on the service animal rule it drove me mad. In my opinion, if you can't leave your pet for the few hours you need to be away for shopping, don't get one. We had one woman who brought her stupid Pomeranian in on a leash and would claim he was a service animal when asked. While I would give her the benefit of the doubt, your service animal is supposed to be labeled as such so that no one questions it. This means the animal has a vest on it and you have certification for it.

Also there is a difference in service animal and emotional support animals. Service animals are trained and labeled as such. An emotional support animal could be anything you deem but there is no certification for such. I look at it as a way to bypass the regulations for the service animals. It's one thing to label your pet as an emotional support animal so that it can live with you in an apartment or such where they would normally not be able to live. But that does not mean you can take it everywhere you damn please.

Sorry for the long post, but this is one of those things that drove me crazy when I worked in retail.

huskypuppy14

lightningsnow said:

hellohkb said:

Bringing (non-service) dogs everywhere with you can be really obnoxious. Sure, children can be annoying if parents aren't watching them appropriately, but there are people with allergies and legitimate phobias of dogs. 

It also has to do with insurance with the buildings. Insurance for stores and the like usually only covers issues with service animals. If you bring an animal in that is not a certified service animal and it causes a problem, it becomes an insurance nightmare.

The Goodwill I just recently left was so lenient on the service animal rule it drove me mad. In my opinion, if you can't leave your pet for the few hours you need to be away for shopping, don't get one. We had one woman who brought her stupid Pomeranian in on a leash and would claim he was a service animal when asked. While I would give her the benefit of the doubt, your service animal is supposed to be labeled as such so that no one questions it. This means the animal has a vest on it and you have certification for it.

Also there is a difference in service animal and emotional support animals. Service animals are trained and labeled as such. An emotional support animal could be anything you deem but there is no certification for such. I look at it as a way to bypass the regulations for the service animals. It's one thing to label your pet as an emotional support animal so that it can live with you in an apartment or such where they would normally not be able to live. But that does not mean you can take it everywhere you damn please.

Sorry for the long post, but this is one of those things that drove me crazy when I worked in retail.

I agree with you. But legally store owners are not allowed to question what type of service dog a service animal is. So it's not necessary to bring the certification. Basically, if someone says their animal is a service animal, you have to trust that they are telling the truth. It's not the store owners buisness why someone has a service dog. But it does create a situation where people lie.
ETA It is not required to have certification or a vest for a service animal. If a dog does something that the person cannot do on his/her own than its a service dog. The only other question other than" is this a service dog" is " what work does he do?" The answer could be as simple as saying "a medical alert dog" which does not give up any private medical information.

lightningsnow

huskypuppy14 said:

lightningsnow said:

hellohkb said:

Bringing (non-service) dogs everywhere with you can be really obnoxious. Sure, children can be annoying if parents aren't watching them appropriately, but there are people with allergies and legitimate phobias of dogs. 

It also has to do with insurance with the buildings. Insurance for stores and the like usually only covers issues with service animals. If you bring an animal in that is not a certified service animal and it causes a problem, it becomes an insurance nightmare.

The Goodwill I just recently left was so lenient on the service animal rule it drove me mad. In my opinion, if you can't leave your pet for the few hours you need to be away for shopping, don't get one. We had one woman who brought her stupid Pomeranian in on a leash and would claim he was a service animal when asked. While I would give her the benefit of the doubt, your service animal is supposed to be labeled as such so that no one questions it. This means the animal has a vest on it and you have certification for it.

Also there is a difference in service animal and emotional support animals. Service animals are trained and labeled as such. An emotional support animal could be anything you deem but there is no certification for such. I look at it as a way to bypass the regulations for the service animals. It's one thing to label your pet as an emotional support animal so that it can live with you in an apartment or such where they would normally not be able to live. But that does not mean you can take it everywhere you damn please.

Sorry for the long post, but this is one of those things that drove me crazy when I worked in retail.

I agree with you. But legally store owners are not allowed to question what type of service dog a service animal is. So it's not necessary to bring the certification. Basically, if someone says their animal is a service animal, you have to trust that they are telling the truth. It's not the store owners buisness why someone has a service dog. But it does create a situation where people lie.
ETA It is not required to have certification or a vest for a service animal. If a dog does something that the person cannot do on his/her own than its a service dog. The only other question other than" is this a service dog" is " what work does he do?" The answer could be as simple as saying "a medical alert dog" which does not give up any private medical information.

And I understand that. I read an article a while back, which I will link to, that describes how easily it is to take advantage of this rule. While I understand that a service animal can be any kind of dog and that must don't wear a vest classifying it as such, most people know that it is what is proper so that no one questions it.

Like I said, I feel some people take advantage of it so that they can take their pets anywhere they damn well please. Here's the link: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/10/20/pets-allowed

IrishPirate60

I was at a funeral recently. The newly deceased's dog jumped into the baptismal pool. "Oh how cute! XX would have loved that!" Not.

Heffalump

drunkenwitch said:

I have another friend who whined on Facebook that a bar wouldn't allow her to bring her baby inside. IT'S A FUCKING BAR!!!! Jesus fucking christ, can't adults have at least a few kid free zones?

thisismynickname2

If it were consequence-free, I would have B-listed. We had a minimum spend to meet and we didn't get there with the number of guests that RSVP'd yes. I had coworkers I would have invited and DH had some classmates. We stuffed our guests silly, but considering what we had to pay, woulda been nice if more people got to attend. 

OH! On that note, requiring RSVPs from VIPs very early (like, at the time of STDs) would have solved that problem!

bizzy592

Just saw this one.. I would LOVE to not invite people that I dislike, but feel obligated to.. Aunts creepy second husband who makes inappropriate comments to any female over the age of 15. FIs gun nut cousin and her conspiracy theorist husband. FIs aunt who keeps trying to recruit relatives as 'customers' for her new 'great business opportunity'. My aunt who enjoys reading peoples auras and energy (without their signing off first).

But instead, we're having a table for the crazies, off in the corner, where they can only bother each other.

justsie

If I could get away with not inviting my mother's father I would. He isn't a grandfather to me. He left my grandmother after she had two kids and my mother for his secretary (my grandmother was 18 when he left) and it wasn't until my mom was in her late 20s that she reconnected with him. He creeps me out, doesn't feel like family and I've never liked him. Hes also a colossal asshole that thinks he has good marriage advice and will talk your ear off about it. He's been married 7 times to 6 different women, this last one threw a knife at him and held a gun up to him. Its a sad situation all around for him right now. 

DaniBites

I would do B-lists in a hot second if it wasn't rude

Oh and I printed the addresses for my invitations on nice clear labels and stuck them on the envelopes.  I'm not even sorry, they looked great.  I couldn't afford a calligrapher and FI and I have horrible handwriting. 

kimmiinthemitten

DaniBites said:

I would do B-lists in a hot second if it wasn't rude

Oh and I printed the addresses for my invitations on nice clear labels and stuck them on the envelopes.  I'm not even sorry, they looked great.  I couldn't afford a calligrapher and FI and I have horrible handwriting. 

Totally agree!  My handwriting is illegible!  I'm surprised my mail ever makes it anywhere LOL.  Who gets offended by whether or not the person took the time to hand write their address? 

[Deleted User]

Hand writing the names and addresses on envelopes

loveislouder

B listing for sure. Our minimum was 150, we invited 180 and only like... 120 or something RSVP'd yes. 

TNDancer

kimmiandkoley said:

DaniBites said:

I would do B-lists in a hot second if it wasn't rude

Oh and I printed the addresses for my invitations on nice clear labels and stuck them on the envelopes.  I'm not even sorry, they looked great.  I couldn't afford a calligrapher and FI and I have horrible handwriting. 

Totally agree!  My handwriting is illegible!  I'm surprised my mail ever makes it anywhere LOL.  Who gets offended by whether or not the person took the time to hand write their address? 

Same here. I'm bribing my sister to write them for me. She can have the wine After she finishes with the prettiness.

julieanne912

B-listing here too.  And you know what?  We will probably end up doing it.  

We moved into a new house in February, got engaged the day we moved in.  Sent out STDs to the entire guest list a few weeks later.  The guest list had the maximum amount of people the venue could hold.  Since then, we've become good friends with 2 sets of neighbors in our new neighborhood.  But since I sent out STDs to everyone, we can't invite the neighbors.  They've been asking about coming (which I know isn't OK, but these are really nice people that we now hang out with often).  FI told them that as long as we have room, they can.  If we can't, we plan on having them all over for a neighborhood BBQ party after the wedding.

In hindsight, I would have only done STDs to VIPs.  And, I feel rude as hell for not being able to give the neighbors an actual invite now.

ShesSoCold

I know this isn't a rule, but a friend of mine helped out a lot with our wedding and she wasn't invited (it was supposed to be a very small DW - she wouldn't have come even if she were invited). She had volunteered to help and we went jewelry and shoe shopping together for the wedding. Another friend's sister did my hair and makeup and she wasn't invited. Both of these friends helped a lot with my shower, voluntarily and knowing that they weren't invited to the wedding. When we cancelled the DW and got married at home, I really wish I could have invited these two. But we already had guest list issues and adding people would have caused a lot of drama with other people we didn't invite. 

I sent them both cards and gift cards and took them to dinner. I still feel like I wish they'd come to the wedding.  

[Deleted User]

If nobody gets butthurt, I'd totally limit the guest list to only people we both actually LIKE.  So, not 2 of my aunts or 5 of my cousins.  Not some of the kids of our friends, but kids of other friends from the same circle.

hashtag43016

I absolutely hate, hate, HATE when this is done, so I would never do it...

But I wish I could have a gap. I really want to be there for cocktail hour so I can hang out with my guests, eat the appetizers while they are hot and listen to the cocktail hour music that I picked out. I don't want FI to see me before the ceremony so pictures before our out of the question. But man do I wish I could be there for cocktail hour. 

MesmrEwe

If no one would side-eye or get butt-hurt...  Silly as it sounds - when it comes to the "and SO" invites where it's expected for etiquette and decorum based on the social circle/event/gala to attend along with the hubby (think Abigail Adams if you will where one attends as "the wife") - if I could "just stay home!" instead of having to go!  By the time I get the kids organized, off to a sitter, or even if they're to come along, it'd be just so much easier to just stay the heck home and in some cases, more enjoyable. 

lovemesomemonster

Not one I want to break for myself but I wish others would just break it already! 

As a guest I wish we would do away with the "you can't put your registry on the invite" thing, I don't like hunting for it, and would love it if it was just THERE on the front of the invite, so when I get it I can hit up that store and be done with the shopping. Just such a pain in the rear to be digging for info that yes, most guests would like to know.

MandyMost

I would love to be able to tell people what to wear. I mean, I'd pretty much like to tell people what to wear every day of my life for any occasion, but for the wedding in particular would have been nice. Only a couple people were truly "under dressed' that I noticed, but overall I just wish my family was more into getting dressed up for occasions!

marie2785

hashtag42316 said:

I absolutely hate, hate, HATE when this is done, so I would never do it...

But I wish I could have a gap. I really want to be there for cocktail hour so I can hang out with my guests, eat the appetizers while they are hot and listen to the cocktail hour music that I picked out. I don't want FI to see me before the ceremony so pictures before our out of the question. But man do I wish I could be there for cocktail hour. 

I'd do a gap too if it wasn't rude. Instead we have a 60-75 min cocktail hour with tons of appetizers and drinks which FI and I won't get to enjoy. 

FI and I are both introverts, and the ceremony is going to be an intense hour long Catholic mass, and I know my emotions will be going crazy. We aren't doing pictures together ahead of time either and that's not an option for us, so during cocktail hour it will be photos of us, us with wedding party, us with families etc. So there will be no time to "collect ourselves" and be alone together for a minute before the reception, or to enjoy the cocktail hour and the really good appetizers that we're ordering...

As a guest I detest the gap though, so we're suffering so they don't have to. 

NowIamMrsKlein

MandyMost said:

I would love to be able to tell people what to wear. I mean, I'd pretty much like to tell people what to wear every day of my life for any occasion, but for the wedding in particular would have been nice. Only a couple people were truly "under dressed' that I noticed, but overall I just wish my family was more into getting dressed up for occasions!

Ha! I hear you on that. I know I wont notice it, and I know it really doesn't matter at all. But I know some of my uncles will most likely show up in ripped jeans and dirty workshirts, simply because that's what they wear, to everything. And a little tiny part of me wishes I could ask them to dressup a bit. 

But like I said. I won't notice. It doesnt matter and doesn't affect anything.

perdj182xxxx

JellyBean52513 said:

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us. Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

I completely agree with opening presents at bridal shower. I am extremely introverted and hate being the center of attention. I did not even want to have a bridal shower and the whole experience was extremely awkward. Having 50+ people watch me as I open presents was a stressful thing for me to do. But I did appreciate everyone being there for me and giving me gifts. Just wish I could have opened the presents without everyone watching.

julieanne912

perdj182xxxx said:

JellyBean52513 said:

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us. Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

I completely agree with opening presents at bridal shower. I am extremely introverted and hate being the center of attention. I did not even want to have a bridal shower and the whole experience was extremely awkward. Having 50+ people watch me as I open presents was a stressful thing for me to do. But I did appreciate everyone being there for me and giving me gifts. Just wish I could have opened the presents without everyone watching.

If you didn't want to have a bridal shower than you should have declined whoever was offering to host it for you.

insertusernamehere

julieanne912 said:

perdj182xxxx said:

JellyBean52513 said:

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us. Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

I completely agree with opening presents at bridal shower. I am extremely introverted and hate being the center of attention. I did not even want to have a bridal shower and the whole experience was extremely awkward. Having 50+ people watch me as I open presents was a stressful thing for me to do. But I did appreciate everyone being there for me and giving me gifts. Just wish I could have opened the presents without everyone watching.

If you didn't want to have a bridal shower than you should have declined whoever was offering to host it for you.

(box? I think?) 

Not having a shower wasn't an option for me. I had zero control over the entire thing.

insertusernamehere

I hate that you have to invite people with their significant other, no matter how briefly they've been dating. A couple of my friends were invited as a couple, but they weren't serious, and being invited to a wedding together forced them to have that discussion, and wonder if they would still be together for the wedding.

I understand inviting serious couples, but new couples is so awkward.

snakeylady

Apparently the Best Man wanted to invite some people to the bachelor party who aren't invited to the wedding. He's a good guy though and my response of "It'd be wrong to ask someone to celebrate our wedding without inviting them to the wedding, you know?" was enough.

As for rules I wish I could break, I wish I could tell Fiance's cousin's wife that her kids aren't fucking invited and she needs to stop harassing FMIL about it.

perdj182xxxx

insertusernamehere said:

julieanne912 said:

perdj182xxxx said:

JellyBean52513 said:

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us. Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

I completely agree with opening presents at bridal shower. I am extremely introverted and hate being the center of attention. I did not even want to have a bridal shower and the whole experience was extremely awkward. Having 50+ people watch me as I open presents was a stressful thing for me to do. But I did appreciate everyone being there for me and giving me gifts. Just wish I could have opened the presents without everyone watching.

If you didn't want to have a bridal shower than you should have declined whoever was offering to host it for you.

(box? I think?) 

Not having a shower wasn't an option for me. I had zero control over the entire thing.

Same here. I'm having an intimate ceremony with immediate family only. My other family members were disappointed so my Mom wanted to have a shower for me. I told her multiple times that I didn't want to have one, but she took complete control and threw one for me anyway.