NWR How often do you call your parents?

CMGragain

My daughter calls me about once a week.  My son calls less than once a month.  I wish he would call more often, but I don't want to be the nagging mother who puts guilt trips on her son because he doesn't phone.
Those of you who are separated by distance from your parents, how often do you call?

NowIamMrsKlein

Not as much now as I used to. My parents travel a lot and are rarely at home. I thankfully got my mum into texting and we probably text every 2nd day or so if theres something to say. I probably call every  2-3 weeks if they are at home. And I definitely call every 'holiday' (birthday, mothers/fathers day, thanksgiving etc)

AddieCake

Not as much as I should. Probably every few months. We text a little more often. I really need to do better with that.

julieanne912

During this wedding planning, almost daily, usually on my drive home from work (have bluetooth in the car so it's all hands free).  Before that, every few days/once a week maybe.

FI is in the once a month or two crowd with his mom.  

novella1186

Hardly ever. I used to call my mom every few weeks (and even now we text all the time), but then she insists on putting my dad on the phone because she has this delusion that forcing me to talk to him will somehow mean we have a relationship. And since I don't get along with my dad, I don't call at all unless I have to. 

TrixieJess

When I have to. I try not to call my mother unless I absolutely have to, once every two weeks or so. Or when she calls me. I hate talking on the phone and my mother is the worst person to talk to because she doesn't get to the point of the phone call quickly. I don't have time for chit-chat, tell me what you want and let me get back to what I'm doing. 

With my stepmom, I text her all the time. The only time we talk on the phone is if it's something that absolutely cannot be conveyed by text, but she'll text me when a good time to call is and the conversations are usually to convey quick info and get off the phone.

Maybe your son is like me and hates to talk on the phone. Some people are not chit-chatters. Have you given him another outlet to converse with you? Through Facebook, IM, text? Maybe he just wants a quick, to the point conversation. You could always ask.

lyndausvi

I call my parents aboung 2-3 times a month. Sometimes more, sometimes less. 

  When I was 18 and before cell phones with cheap long distance, my parents moved overseas.  Actually they spent 8 out of 10 years out of the country.  Then when they returned I moved to the islands.   Between time differences, me working weird hours, LD costs we just didn't call each other often.   They also travel a lot.  Never know where you are going to find them.

DH calls his mom almost everyday.     Although he has backed off a little.  He is annoyed that she never calls him or has visited him. She waits for his call.   Actually he just told me today that yesterday he told his mom if she wants to see us in Oct she has to come to us.  He is tired of always making the effort.   She apparently wasn't happy to hear he isn't come to visit her.   Somehow I think he will cave.   

There is something very annoying about US always having to go to her.  We are once again flying across country (we have been doing it twice a year for a while now).  All we are asking her to do is come into the city (22 miles away).  We will see if she does or will just complain how horrible we are for flying so close but not stopping by.  

[Deleted User]

Also in the "not as much as I should" boat.  Don't speak to my dad at all but need to do a better job of calling my mom.  Probably once every month to 6 weeks.   Texting is more frequent

It's hard to have the peace and quiet for a call with a crazy toddler some times, and I'm on the phone a lot as a recruiter, so it's rare that I feel like having a personal phone call!

ShesSoCold

I've never lived far away from my family, but I used to talk to my mom all the time. Several times a week. I try to call my dad once a month.

labro

We call my H's in-laws every couple of weeks or so. More often if we're about to come up for a visit or there's just a lot going on. When I was in college I called my parents weekly, mostly just to talk to my mom.

Trying texting your son. Some people are just more texters and they don't notice the passage of time or think "Have I called my mom lately". And honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "I wish I heard from you more often" or "I miss hearing from you" during your next phone call with each other. Your son may not realize you just want to talk to him more often.

PS The phone goes both ways. We used to jokingly complain to my SIL that we never heard from her but she reminded us we didn't try to call her much either. He may just be waiting for you to call too. Unless you are always the one who initiates?

lyndausvi

My sister and I text almost daily (she lives across the country).  My brothers I rarely talk to.   1 brother every other month.  The other I can go a year or more.

CMGragain

TrixieJess said:

When I have to. I try not to call my mother unless I absolutely have to, once every two weeks or so. Or when she calls me. I hate talking on the phone and my mother is the worst person to talk to because she doesn't get to the point of the phone call quickly. I don't have time for chit-chat, tell me what you want and let me get back to what I'm doing. 

With my stepmom, I text her all the time. The only time we talk on the phone is if it's something that absolutely cannot be conveyed by text, but she'll text me when a good time to call is and the conversations are usually to convey quick info and get off the phone.

Maybe your son is like me and hates to talk on the phone. Some people are not chit-chatters. Have you given him another outlet to converse with you? Through Facebook, IM, text? Maybe he just wants a quick, to the point conversation. You could always ask.

He told me that he did not want me to be his Facebook friend because he didn't want me to read some of the things he posted.  I'm OK with that.  I respect his privacy.
We communicate verbally very well.  I am the one he turns to when he has a problem that he wants to talk about.  He has more trouble talking to his Dad.  They talk engineering stuff, though.
Mostly, I just worry about him.  He lives alone.  At this point, I'm sending him e-mails, requesting that he call.  He forgets to charge his phone, or leaves it in the car.  I'm just being a worried MOTHER.

AprilH81

On average I talk to my parents about twice a week, sometime more, sometimes less.  My mom and I are really close.

We talk to DH's parents once every 2-3 months on the phone, I keep in touch with his mom via Facebook Messenger (she doesn't text).

DH is horrible about calling his parents and talking on the phone in general.

lyndausvi

labro said:

We call my H's in-laws every couple of weeks or so. More often if we're about to come up for a visit or there's just a lot going on. When I was in college I called my parents weekly, mostly just to talk to my mom.

Trying texting your son. Some people are just more texters and they don't notice the passage of time or think "Have I called my mom lately". And honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "I wish I heard from you more often" or "I miss hearing from you" during your next phone call with each other. Your son may not realize you just want to talk to him more often.

PS The phone goes both ways. We used to jokingly complain to my SIL that we never heard from her but she reminded us we didn't try to call her much either. He may just be waiting for you to call too. Unless you are always the one who initiates?

yep it does.  My parents sometimes complain they have not heard from me.  Umm, you know you can call me too right?   

My parents are from a similar generation at CMG.  They kind-of expect the kids to call them.  Plus my parents think we are so busy that they do not want to call and interrupt us or catch us at a bad time. At least my mom thinks if we call that means we have the time to actually talk.

ET A- I think there is a perception of sorts that if a parent calls too much they are being too involved with their kids lives. Too much is subjective, of course, but it's such a fine line.    

So that might be why parents defer to their kids calling them.  

CMGragain

I have tried calling him at home.  Either his phone isn't charged, or he doesn't have it with him.  I leave messages.  I would NEVER call him at work!
I miss my big baby boy!

[Deleted User]

I am a weirdo and I talk to my mom daily. She texts me pretty much constantly, but we are also really close, so I don't mind. I also still live at home part time when I am commuting back and forth. When I'm not at their house, I usually don't call my dad unless I need to ask him something. FI talks to his parents maybe a few times a month, unless there is something important to talk about. His mom has actually told me she wishes he talked to her more, but she doesn't tell him, so...

labro

@lyndausvi That makes sense to me. When I think about it, H and I are definitely the ones who initiate most calls to his parents. But I think if it's been long enough (however long that is), they'll give us a call.

PandaNikki

I try to call every other day (not this week though because both my mom and I are traveling for work this week). Sometimes it's every 3 days, but it's never less than once per week. And I visit (1.5 hr drive one way) one weekend per month usually. My mom still complains that I don't see her and talk to her enough, at one point my sister said that I should call my mom daily! I did that for like a week but we had nothing to talk about.. we chat on Facebook and use Skype sometimes too, but not frequently. She says she feels "disconnected" from me.

DH rarely talks to his mom on the phone, but they use Google Talk (or Hangouts or whatever they call it now) all the time- mostly when she needs help with her computer. ILs don't really complain that they don't hear from him- they complain more that they don't think he talks to his brothers.

littlemushroom

I have lunch with my parents pretty much every work day since they live 5 minutes from my work and are retired. Since I see them all the time, I don't call unless I need something specific pretty immediately.

My DH calls his parents every work day on his 40 minute commute home from work. They are disabled and he doesn't get to see them as often as he would like. They live an hour and a half away and we see them once or twice a month.

lyndausvi

labro said:

@lyndausvi That makes sense to me. When I think about it, H and I are definitely the ones who initiate most calls to his parents. But I think if it's been long enough (however long that is), they'll give us a call.

I've heard of people complaining about parents calling them, especially a mom to a son. It's  automatically assumed she is too involved or he is a mama's boy.  

 I can't say I've really ever heard anyone complaining about their spouse calling their parents too often or a parent complaining their kid calls too much.    

Even moms calling their daughters is more acceptable then a mom calling her son the same amount.

luckya23

DH teases me because I still use AIM and I talk to my mom and BFF all day every work day on there. 

But I haaaaattteeee the phone.  I also hate for my mom to call me because I often miss it, and she will leave a message like "Call me right away!" and I start thinking someone died, and she doesn't pick up, and when we finally get to speak she usually wants me to walk her dogs next week or something! ARGGG!  TEXT MEEEEEEEE

I also live under 2 miles from my parents and grandparents, so I see them just about every week.  We do Sunday dinners.  Last week I had dinner at my parents' house on Saturday, at my grandparents' house on Sunday, and met up with my dad in NYC on Monday.

DH hasn't spoken to his parents since the 4th of July, when they wanted to start planning an engagement party / 1st anniversary party for BIL / us NEXT SUMMER.  I've had enough of my ILs now that the wedding is over, so I'm waiting to see how long it takes them to get in contact.

NowIamMrsKlein

I always have to tease FI about him calling his parents. He rarely speaks to his dad on the phone because his dad is a very 'strong silent' type and getting him to have a conversation is like pulling teeth. But when FI and his mom get talking, I might as well clear out because I'll lose him for a minimum an hour, more likely two.

They talk at least once a week. I love that they have such a great relationship, but at times it can get annoying, simply because its impossible for them to have a quick conversation. 'Oh I'll just phone mum quick and get those address we were looking for' An hour and a half later I'll have made supper, ate supper and be doing some other chore while his dinner sits cold on the counter. She's retired now so he's started to try calling her on his days off while I am at work so they can yak all afternoon without cutting into time that we were supposed to be doing other things.

Such a mumma's boy;) 

luckya23

CMGragain said:

I have tried calling him at home.  Either his phone isn't charged, or he doesn't have it with him.  I leave messages.  I would NEVER call him at work!
I miss my big baby boy!

Maybe he would be into GChat through Gmail? 

[Deleted User]

Holidays (and not all),some birthday's, mother's day, father's day, and maybe 1-2 times a year for chit chat.

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi said:

I call my parents aboung 2-3 times a month. Sometimes more, sometimes less. 

  When I was 18 and before cell phones with cheap long distance, my parents moved overseas.  Actually they spent 8 out of 10 years out of the country.  Then when they returned I moved to the islands.   Between time differences, me working weird hours, LD costs we just didn't call each other often.   They also travel a lot.  Never know where you are going to find them.

DH calls his mom almost everyday.     Although he has backed off a little.  He is annoyed that she never calls him or has visited him. She waits for his call.   Actually he just told me today that yesterday he told his mom if she wants to see us in Oct she has to come to us.  He is tired of always making the effort.   She apparently wasn't happy to hear he isn't come to visit her.   Somehow I think he will cave.   

There is something very annoying about US always having to go to her.  We are once again flying across country (we have been doing it twice a year for a while now).  All we are asking her to do is come into the city (22 miles away).  We will see if she does or will just complain how horrible we are for flying so close but not stopping by.  

If it's so close (and 22 miles IS close all things considered) then it's no big deal for her to make the trip either.

thespeshulestsnowflake

I talk to my mom 3-4 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, depending. We are really close. We usually talk on our way home from work, since we are driving around the same time. I also just moved out of her house this May, so some of it is not seeing her most days. I was spending about half the time at her house and half the time at BF's place.

My dad I almost never talk on the phone with. He texts me about once a month or so to see if we can go out to dinner, usually the day before. We usually have plans by that point so we don't see him much. Then he tells my brother that we don't prioritize him. *eyeroll*

[Deleted User]

@CMGragrain, I'm not trying to be insensitive with this question, but could your son be distancing himself now in preparation for loss?  Or has he always been a "non-talker?" 

I second the phone thing too- I am on the phone 6 hours a day at work- I don't want to talk any more when I get home.

novella1186

FeeleyToBe said:

@CMGragrain, I'm not trying to be insensitive with this question, but could your son be distancing himself now in preparation for loss?  Or has he always been a "non-talker?" 

I second the phone thing too- I am on the phone 6 hours a day at work- I don't want to talk any more when I get home.

I don't usually talk on the phone at work, but I'm usually tired when I get home and just want to be left alone to have a minute of "me" time to decompress, or I have tons and tons of stuff to do (laundry, errands, blah blah blah). In either of those scenarios, the last thing I want is to chat on the phone. That's definitely not an expression of how I feel about my mom. I just hate talking on the phone in general. 

wandajune6

I usually call my parents once a week, often 2-3 times. That said, we text all the time. We also tend to get a decent amount of email.

My parents don't like to call without having a reason. I think they worry about getting in the way. They'll call with a random tidbit of info, texts with random pictures, etc., and emails with interesting links.

My sister calls a lot more often but mainly because she's constantly trying for free childcare.

STARMOON44

Nearly every day- prob on average 5 days a week, sometimes more than once a day on weekends. I really like my parents and I'm a big phone person. I never email them.

redheadbride15

I don't talk to my parents much on the phone at all. We email a lot more. I see my father in person at least 2-3 times per month but we rarely speak on the phone. If my dad ever calls me then I know it's because something is wrong. I speak to my mother maybe once every 2-3 months. Sometimes we go longer than that... up to 6 months. But she travels a lot and doesn't like talking on the phone. Plus, we're not that close.