NWR How often do you call your parents?

madamerwin

I rarely call my mom, but she lives a mile from me and we text and see each other once every week or two at the longest. I try to remember to call my dad at least once a month, and we usually email or text once a month or so. My dad only calls me if we haven't spoken in over a couple of months... I am pretty sure he thinks kids are supposed to be the ones to reach out to their parents, so he doesn't call me often (I am not sure where that came from, but I remember him mentioning it in the context of my sister and how rarely he sees my nephews).

I also have three sisters - I see and talk to the one who lives near me every week, I text or talk to another one 2-3x/week, and I rarely call or text with the other one. I try calling and texting her, but she almost never replies... Though I think her sons use her phone a lot and probably don't tell her when she misses a call or a text, they just hit ignore.

CMGragain

FeeleyToBe said:

@CMGragrain, I'm not trying to be insensitive with this question, but could your son be distancing himself now in preparation for loss?  Or has he always been a "non-talker?" 

I second the phone thing too- I am on the phone 6 hours a day at work- I don't want to talk any more when I get home.

I hadn't thought about that.  I don't think so.  I do know that he has depression problems, and he has been on medication for it since high school.  That is part of why I worry.
At work, I believe that he is mostly working on a computer in his cubicle.  Not a lot of phone work.

(PS.  The good news is that I don't need more surgery on my eye.  The cancer is under control.  The bad news is that I don't need surgery on my eye.  It won't help my vision.)

princessleia22

I call my mom maybe once a month... she hates talking on the phone. But, we facebook message or e-mail maybe every 2 weeks. 

My dad loves to talk.  He calls me maybe 3-4 times a month.  And I'll call him maybe 1-2 times a month in addition to that.  He used to call me at least 3-4 times a week, but cut back after DH and I started dating and even more after we got married.  He figured that I didn't need him as much, since I had a new man in my life.  I've told him that he's no less important to me and can call anytime.  But, I also think that calling me 4 times a week for a one hour discussion about nothing was a bit overkill, so once a week is nice.

pinkcow13

Not as often as I should I guess. Honestly, less than once a week. I text with my dad more often but my mom doesn't text. Usually we speak, because they call. I just hate speaking on the phone. I know that is a terrible excuse. But yea, I really don't call or speak to my parents much. I saw them last weekend for my birthday (Saturday) and have not spoken to them since. Probably will not until next week.

princessleia22

CMGragain said:

FeeleyToBe said:

@CMGragrain, I'm not trying to be insensitive with this question, but could your son be distancing himself now in preparation for loss?  Or has he always been a "non-talker?" 

I second the phone thing too- I am on the phone 6 hours a day at work- I don't want to talk any more when I get home.

I hadn't thought about that.  I don't think so.  I do know that he has depression problems, and he has been on medication for it since high school.  That is part of why I worry.
At work, I believe that he is mostly working on a computer in his cubicle.  Not a lot of phone work.

(PS.  The good news is that I don't need more surgery on my eye.  The cancer is under control.  The bad news is that I don't need surgery on my eye.  It won't help my vision.)

On a similar note, when you do talk to him, do you often talk about or mention your health problems?  If so, he may be avoiding calling because he doesn't want to hear about it.  If you mention it every time you talk, he may get sick of hearing about it (even though it may be updates you think he should be interested in hearing). I know your cancer is much more serious, but my dad has blood clots and I honestly get sick of hearing about it every time he calls... because he mentions it every time and says the same thing every time.  I like to hear brief updates if there is some significant change in the status, but otherwise I don't care to hear about it. Or your son may just be scared about your condition and prefer to live in ignorance and denial of your condition. And regular phone calls remind him of it and make him face up to it. Just possibilities.

CMGragain

princessleia22 said:

CMGragain said:

FeeleyToBe said:

@CMGragrain, I'm not trying to be insensitive with this question, but could your son be distancing himself now in preparation for loss?  Or has he always been a "non-talker?" 

I second the phone thing too- I am on the phone 6 hours a day at work- I don't want to talk any more when I get home.

I hadn't thought about that.  I don't think so.  I do know that he has depression problems, and he has been on medication for it since high school.  That is part of why I worry.
At work, I believe that he is mostly working on a computer in his cubicle.  Not a lot of phone work.

(PS.  The good news is that I don't need more surgery on my eye.  The cancer is under control.  The bad news is that I don't need surgery on my eye.  It won't help my vision.)

On a similar note, when you do talk to him, do you often talk about or mention your health problems?  If so, he may be avoiding calling because he doesn't want to hear about it.  If you mention it every time you talk, he may get sick of hearing about it (even though it may be updates you think he should be interested in hearing). I know your cancer is much more serious, but my dad has blood clots and I honestly get sick of hearing about it every time he calls... because he mentions it every time and says the same thing every time.  I like to hear brief updates if there is some significant change in the status, but otherwise I don't care to hear about it. Or your son may just be scared about your condition and prefer to live in ignorance and denial of your condition. And regular phone calls remind him of it and make him face up to it. Just possibilities.

I understand why you are thinking this, but no.  I only talk about my health if he asks, which he always does.  Just lately, it has been good news.  We have even planned another cruise for 2016 - riverboat down the Rhone River in Provence.  Yay! 
I don't like pity parties.  I mostly talk about it with other breast cancer patients.  I'm good at giving pep talks.  I have been known to take a frightened lady, just diagnosed, into the ladies room and show her what it looks like.  It is amazing what plastic surgery can do.  Statistically, I should have been dead two years ago.  Nobody really knows, and having cancer is not much different from having diabetes.  Either one will kill you if you ignore it.  At least I get to eat dessert.
Mostly when I talk to my son, we are discussing music, movies, theater, history, etc.  He is a classic movie buff, like me.  I try not to ask prying questions about his private life.  I tell him that I love him, which I think does make him uncomfortable, but too bad.  I'm still going to say it.

[Deleted User]

princessleia22 said:

CMGragain said:

FeeleyToBe said:

@CMGragrain, I'm not trying to be insensitive with this question, but could your son be distancing himself now in preparation for loss?  Or has he always been a "non-talker?" 

I second the phone thing too- I am on the phone 6 hours a day at work- I don't want to talk any more when I get home.

I hadn't thought about that.  I don't think so.  I do know that he has depression problems, and he has been on medication for it since high school.  That is part of why I worry.
At work, I believe that he is mostly working on a computer in his cubicle.  Not a lot of phone work.

(PS.  The good news is that I don't need more surgery on my eye.  The cancer is under control.  The bad news is that I don't need surgery on my eye.  It won't help my vision.)

On a similar note, when you do talk to him, do you often talk about or mention your health problems?  If so, he may be avoiding calling because he doesn't want to hear about it.  If you mention it every time you talk, he may get sick of hearing about it (even though it may be updates you think he should be interested in hearing). I know your cancer is much more serious, but my dad has blood clots and I honestly get sick of hearing about it every time he calls... because he mentions it every time and says the same thing every time.  I like to hear brief updates if there is some significant change in the status, but otherwise I don't care to hear about it. Or your son may just be scared about your condition and prefer to live in ignorance and denial of your condition. And regular phone calls remind him of it and make him face up to it. Just possibilities.


*sigh...boxes*

Fiance is the same way with his dad's health problems.

lyndausvi

FeeleyToBe said:

CMGragain said:

FeeleyToBe said:

@CMGragrain, I'm not trying to be insensitive with this question, but could your son be distancing himself now in preparation for loss?  Or has he always been a "non-talker?" 

I second the phone thing too- I am on the phone 6 hours a day at work- I don't want to talk any more when I get home.

I hadn't thought about that.  I don't think so.  I do know that he has depression problems, and he has been on medication for it since high school.  That is part of why I worry.
At work, I believe that he is mostly working on a computer in his cubicle.  Not a lot of phone work.

(PS.  The good news is that I don't need more surgery on my eye.  The cancer is under control.  The bad news is that I don't need surgery on my eye.  It won't help my vision.)

On a similar note, when you do talk to him, do you often talk about or mention your health problems?  If so, he may be avoiding calling because he doesn't want to hear about it.  If you mention it every time you talk, he may get sick of hearing about it (even though it may be updates you think he should be interested in hearing). I know your cancer is much more serious, but my dad has blood clots and I honestly get sick of hearing about it every time he calls... because he mentions it every time and says the same thing every time.  I like to hear brief updates if there is some significant change in the status, but otherwise I don't care to hear about it. Or your son may just be scared about your condition and prefer to live in ignorance and denial of your condition. And regular phone calls remind him of it and make him face up to it. Just possibilities.

*sigh...boxes* Fiance is the same way with his dad's health problems.

Every time I talk to my mom it's all about her and her health problems.   She just repeats herself over and over again.  It's gets pretty old.

Not sure if CMG does that or not, just commenting on my own experience.

lovesclimbing

I try to call my mom about once a week. In the summer, it's much less due to the work they do. It ranges from once a week to once a month. I rarely talk to my dad. Usually only if he picks up the phone (which isn't often, maybe once out of every 20-30 calls.) I love my dad, I just don't think about specifically calling him and he doesn't either. He talks to his parents a few times a year.

HarlequinMarlin

CMGragain said:

FeeleyToBe said:

@CMGragrain, I'm not trying to be insensitive with this question, but could your son be distancing himself now in preparation for loss?  Or has he always been a "non-talker?" 

I second the phone thing too- I am on the phone 6 hours a day at work- I don't want to talk any more when I get home.

I hadn't thought about that.  I don't think so.  I do know that he has depression problems, and he has been on medication for it since high school.  That is part of why I worry.
At work, I believe that he is mostly working on a computer in his cubicle.  Not a lot of phone work.

(PS.  The good news is that I don't need more surgery on my eye.  The cancer is under control.  The bad news is that I don't need surgery on my eye.  It won't help my vision.)

Towards the end of my mother's life I had limited contact with her because of her addictions- nothing I could do about it but take care of myself. Despite that, I made sure to tell her I loved her at least once a week or so, usually at the end of a conversation about safe topics that weren't likely to upset either of us. It was one of my comforts when she passed away that it was the last thing I said to her.

I know you worry about intruding, but maybe you could find a neutral subject that isn't emotionally difficult to text or gchat him about. A quick "Hey did you watch the game last night?" or "I saw a cute cat/baby sloth video" message is a lot less intimidating than a big conversation about life. I think wanting to talk to him more than once a month is reasonable. 

My dad I talk to probably 3-4 times a week. We are very close and he gets anxious if he doesn't hear from me or my siblings. 

CMGragain

I'm kind of the opposite of my late mother.  She was diagnosed with the beginnings of breast cancer at the age of 86.  She insisted on a lumpectomy, even though she was told that at her age, it wasn't necessary.  After her surgery she milked it to the hilt, telling everyone, over and over again, about how much pain she was in.  She had no chemo or radiation.
When she died from kidney failure due to diabetes, the ladies in her building thought she died from breast cancer.  They had not heard that I had stage 4 metastatic breast cancer and had undergone a mastectomy plus chemo and radiation.  (I didn't tell them, either.)
I talk about it here because I don't talk about it in my real life unless I think it will help someoone.  You ladies are wonderful, anonymous strangers.

themosthappy91

Wow, I'm amazed at how infrequently some of y'all talk to your parents! Not that I don't understand, some relationship are much happier with less communication.

I live in the same town (as in, within a ten minute drive) of both my parents and in-laws. I communicate with my parents every day- with my mom it's in-person, phone calls and text, with my dad it's in-person, phone calls and e-mail. Judging from this thread it seems like the fact that I'm in constant touch with my mom is far less unusual than the fact that I'm equally communicative with my dad, which I guess is kind of interesting.

H talks to his mom probably twice a week and his dad once every two weeks. We see them WAY less frequently than we see my family though, despite us all living in the same town (my family is probably 2-3 in-person visits a week, his is a visit every 3-4 weeks). 

IrishPirate60

I think I went through at least 15 years of phone conversations with my mom that consisted of running down the list of siblings (6 of us) and what we were all doing. I finally said, "Look, we're all adults. Each of us has a separate relationship with you. I'm not the messenger any more." That worked. For a while. Then Mom moved near me --and far from everyone else--and she'd complain, "They never write, they never call." My four brothers didn't, but my sister did. I told her we'd been having the same conversation for 30 years. She looked annoyed for half a minute, then laughed.

Cookie Pusher

My mom lives a mile away, and we rarely call or text. I usually drop by her house once a week or so to check-in and/or pick up some staggling mail that still ends up there. I haven't talked to my father in over a decade and have no plans to change that. I mean, we never talked much even when we lived in the same house, so why would that change just because we don't live together anymore?

mrscomposer

Oh gracious.  My parents and I will talk on the phone... maybe once a month?  None of us like the phone.  We'll have big text conversations every couple of weeks.

My sister and I will text/Snapchat almost every day.

J, on the other hand, will talk to his parents on the phone every week, for a couple of hours at a time.

natswild

I talk with my parents at least once or twice a week. We live 14 hours away, so can only visit once or twice a year.  (4 more days, and we're on our way to visit them!)

huskypuppy14

themosthappy91 said:

Wow, I'm amazed at how infrequently some of y'all talk to your parents! Not that I don't understand, some relationship are much happier with less communication.

I live in the same town (as in, within a ten minute drive) of both my parents and in-laws. I communicate with my parents every day- with my mom it's in-person, phone calls and text, with my dad it's in-person, phone calls and e-mail. Judging from this thread it seems like the fact that I'm in constant touch with my mom is far less unusual than the fact that I'm equally communicative with my dad, which I guess is kind of interesting.

H talks to his mom probably twice a week and his dad once every two weeks. We see them WAY less frequently than we see my family though, despite us all living in the same town (my family is probably 2-3 in-person visits a week, his is a visit every 3-4 weeks). 

How do you have time for that? I barely see my husband 3x a week! (We work different shifts).

 I call my mom when I have something to tell her, and I always call her back if she calls me. We also converse on facebook, so we are in contact.You can have a good relationship with your parents without talking to them everyday. My dad isn't really a phone talker, but my mom keeps us up to date. 

My husband usually emails with his mom once a week, and they live in the next town over so we see them every couple of weeks. 

ETA: There is not really anyone I want to talk to everyday. My best friend (who lives about 1.5 hours from me) is also not a phone talker, we usually text. But we sometimes go months without talking. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with our relationship.

southernbelle0915

I text, mostly. My dad is local, my mom just moved about 2 hours away, so we'll see how much we talk versus see each other.

My FI's folks live a long ways away from us. He talks to them about once a week or every other week. They're prety close though. If they weren't as close, he'd probably talk to them every month or so. That's about how often he talks to his sister - once every month or two.

themosthappy91

huskypuppy14 said:

themosthappy91 said:

Wow, I'm amazed at how infrequently some of y'all talk to your parents! Not that I don't understand, some relationship are much happier with less communication.

I live in the same town (as in, within a ten minute drive) of both my parents and in-laws. I communicate with my parents every day- with my mom it's in-person, phone calls and text, with my dad it's in-person, phone calls and e-mail. Judging from this thread it seems like the fact that I'm in constant touch with my mom is far less unusual than the fact that I'm equally communicative with my dad, which I guess is kind of interesting.

H talks to his mom probably twice a week and his dad once every two weeks. We see them WAY less frequently than we see my family though, despite us all living in the same town (my family is probably 2-3 in-person visits a week, his is a visit every 3-4 weeks). 

How do you have time for that? I barely see my husband 3x a week! (We work different shifts).

 I call my mom when I have something to tell her, and I always call her back if she calls me. We also converse on facebook, so we are in contact.You can have a good relationship with your parents without talking to them everyday. My dad isn't really a phone talker, but my mom keeps us up to date. 

My husband usually emails with his mom once a week, and they live in the next town over so we see them every couple of weeks. 

ETA: There is not really anyone I want to talk to everyday. My best friend (who lives about 1.5 hours from me) is also not a phone talker, we usually text. But we sometimes go months without talking. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with our relationship.

Haha I know, most people would go crazy visiting their parents that often! It's honestly just so routine now that I don't think much of it... we're usually have dinner with them one weekend night and drinks with them one weekday afternoon. I have an "old dad" (he was 48 when I was born) so we end up running by the house pretty frequently to help him with little things too. But the trade-off is even for dinner visits we tend not to stay more than two hours.

kvruns

Once a week - usually Sundays. My parents and I live in the same area but still talk once a week and may not see each other but once a month. H dad is across the country and they talk every 1-3 weeks just depends. He still has some bitterness from his dad moving away and will wait for him to call instead of reaching out himself

hellohkb

I talk to my mom or see her every day or almost everyday, especially now that she recently got laid off from her job and has free time. I love that she's not working now and we have time to do stuff. We're going to a tea room and then shopping at one of the biggest malls in the country on Wednesday. We also text a lot. We have an ongoing group text involving her, my aunt, and my grandma.

My dad, I speak to him at least twice a week but he usually calls. I thought of this thread and gave him a call today. He talked to me for awhile about little league world series and then told me I should wear whatever I want to my shower.

redwoodoriginal

I call my parents every other day to every 3-4 days. I text w them every day that I don't call them. Part of it is my mom does a nice guilt trip if more than a few days goes between calls and she does the whole " I know you're busy so I don't want to bother you" and part of it is bc i worry about them bc they're older with a myriad of health issues - my dad is 74, so I like to check in on them and make sure they're doing ok. I secretly love it when they go on one of their vacations so they can only iMessage me and no phone calls bc I hate the phone- it's exhausting AND not a lot to talk about when you are in contact every. Single. Day. But I know my mom gets lonely and she tells me the same stories over and over but I just let her talk bc my dad is a quiet guy so I know she needs an outlet to complain about him / her sisters / my sister / etc.

TheCheeseWench

Call, about every other day. Sometimes more with wedding stuff. Txt or fb msg pretty much daily. Also, since my accident (got out of the hospital mid May) I started going back to my hometown (1.5 hours away) for physical therapy every week, and would usually stay with her a night or 2 each time since my wheelchair was a PITA to get in and out of my house there. Now that I am no longer wheelchair bound, I still go back but don't always stay with her.

My "Dad" (really my former step dad but he was around for 15 years while I was growing up and I don't have a relationship with bio dad) and I talk every 2 or 3 days.

RosieC18

My parents live overseas and travel from November-April so we don't talk that often. When they're at home in Switzerland we Skype maybe once every couple weekends, and when they're travelling we have (expensive) phone calls on holidays/birthdays and a few times in between. We also don't email that often. I have a very good relationship with my parents and really enjoy seeing them when we can (usually works out to once or twice a year), but I don't feel like we miss out by not talking more. Maybe that will change when we have kids? I don't feel like we have that much to say... I've never really been one to talk on the phone unless I have something specific to tell someone.

ETF auto correct.

Maggie0829

Well my Mom is my best friend so I call her like 2-3 times a day.  My Dad isn't a big phone talker but I typically talk to him 5 times a week (or more) since I call their house on a daily basis.

I have always called my Mom a lot even when I still lived at home but was at college all day (I commuted).  Whenever I had a long break I would call her and shoot the shit.  She calls me a lot as well.  If something ridiculous or silly happens she calls me up or vice versa.  Sometimes it is just a "oh I just remembered something silly" or "I was looking at Southern Living and there was this sofa in there that I think you would love" or some other randomness.

My Mom was the same way with her Mom.  They would see each other every day in person but they would still talk daily on the phone.

julieanne912

Maggie0829 said:

Well my Mom is my best friend so I call her like 2-3 times a day.  My Dad isn't a big phone talker but I typically talk to him 5 times a week (or more) since I call their house on a daily basis.

I have always called my Mom a lot even when I still lived at home but was at college all day (I commuted).  Whenever I had a long break I would call her and shoot the shit.  She calls me a lot as well.  If something ridiculous or silly happens she calls me up or vice versa.  Sometimes it is just a "oh I just remembered something silly" or "I was looking at Southern Living and there was this sofa in there that I think you would love" or some other randomness.

My Mom was the same way with her Mom.  They would see each other every day in person but they would still talk daily on the phone.

I like that I'm not the only one who considers their Mom one of their best friends  If they lived closer I'd be seeing her at least once a week too!  

Maggie0829

julieanne912 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Well my Mom is my best friend so I call her like 2-3 times a day.  My Dad isn't a big phone talker but I typically talk to him 5 times a week (or more) since I call their house on a daily basis.

I have always called my Mom a lot even when I still lived at home but was at college all day (I commuted).  Whenever I had a long break I would call her and shoot the shit.  She calls me a lot as well.  If something ridiculous or silly happens she calls me up or vice versa.  Sometimes it is just a "oh I just remembered something silly" or "I was looking at Southern Living and there was this sofa in there that I think you would love" or some other randomness.

My Mom was the same way with her Mom.  They would see each other every day in person but they would still talk daily on the phone.

I like that I'm not the only one who considers their Mom one of their best friends  If they lived closer I'd be seeing her at least once a week too!  

If I lived closer then I would probably be seeing her all the time!  H would be happy because then I wouldn't be dragging him out to Home Goods or Ikea or other stores he has no interest in.

julieanne912

Maggie0829 said:

julieanne912 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Well my Mom is my best friend so I call her like 2-3 times a day.  My Dad isn't a big phone talker but I typically talk to him 5 times a week (or more) since I call their house on a daily basis.

I have always called my Mom a lot even when I still lived at home but was at college all day (I commuted).  Whenever I had a long break I would call her and shoot the shit.  She calls me a lot as well.  If something ridiculous or silly happens she calls me up or vice versa.  Sometimes it is just a "oh I just remembered something silly" or "I was looking at Southern Living and there was this sofa in there that I think you would love" or some other randomness.

My Mom was the same way with her Mom.  They would see each other every day in person but they would still talk daily on the phone.

I like that I'm not the only one who considers their Mom one of their best friends  If they lived closer I'd be seeing her at least once a week too!  

If I lived closer then I would probably be seeing her all the time!  H would be happy because then I wouldn't be dragging him out to Home Goods or Ikea or other stores he has no interest in.

Bahahaha yes, FI won't even go with me to those stores.  If he does, he pouts and makes the whole thing unfun.  My mom was here for a week for my shower and we went shopping the day after, and she told me how much she loves it.  She wants to move into my basement when I have a baby so she can take care of it while I work, which I think woudl be awesome, but then my stepdad would have to come too.  I like him, he's actually escorting me down the aisle, but god he can be annoying, he talks way too much.  

Heffalump

I call my mom every 1-2 weeks, unless we've recently seen each other, and we email/text in between.  I only call my dad every few months, but we email in between too.  (And text, rarely, but he's not much of a texter.)  My brother and I usually text/email multiple times a day during the work week, and he's on vacation now so I'm sort of in withdrawal, but also enjoying his FB posts.

emmaaa

I call my dad almost everyday and go see him at least once a week, if not more. DH talks with his parent's about every day or so and we go see them once a week. We live within five miles of my dad and his parents. I call my mom at least once a week and see her at least once a month, I try to every other week though. She lives about 40 minutes away.