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Etiquette

Bridesmaid's Dresses/Make-up/Hair

So, I recently started planning my wedding. And, I know I have plenty of time to think about bridesmaid's dresses (a little over a year), but had a few questions as I start thinking about things. So, I was wondering about Bridesmaid's dresses.

I have some girls in mind, but have not asked them yet (way too early so far). But, have been glancing through pictures to get ideas for what I want things to look like with FI. I have heard a lot of people saying that they like the idea of the bride giving the bridesmaids a lot of give with the dresses and allowing them to pick based on fabric and color.

I don't necessarily like the look where everyone looks different though, but I do want my bridesmaids to have options. So, could I send my bridesmaids a selection of dresses? After, finding out what their budgets are of course. For example, send an email that says please choose from one of these six dresses? or please pick from one of these two dresses?

Also, I plan on getting my bridesmaids matching shawls and jewelry. But, these would not be their thank you gifts. This seems to be the acceptable thing from what I've read :-) Also, just want to double check that I can ask my girls to wear shoes that are "X" color.

My last question is, can I ask my girls to wear their hair a certain way? Not a 100% this is exactly how it should look. But, maybe ask for them to wear it half up, or in some sort of bun? Or ask them to go neutral in their make-up? I do have on friend that loves to wear bright or glittery eye-shadow when she dresses-up and she does apply it very darkly.

Thanks for the help!
«13

Re: Bridesmaid's Dresses/Make-up/Hair

  • LondonLisa, but I would add to number 2, because you seem on the fence about this:

    If you decide that you want your bridesmaids to have matching dresses, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. A lot of people here like it when everyone looks different, but that's not prohibitive to having them all in the same dress. As long as it's within the lowest price range, whether or not they match a matter of taste, not etiquette. 
    SP29STARMOON44AJC430
  • So, I recently started planning my wedding. And, I know I have plenty of time to think about bridesmaid's dresses (a little over a year), but had a few questions as I start thinking about things. So, I was wondering about Bridesmaid's dresses.

    I have some girls in mind, but have not asked them yet (way too early so far). But, have been glancing through pictures to get ideas for what I want things to look like with FI. I have heard a lot of people saying that they like the idea of the bride giving the bridesmaids a lot of give with the dresses and allowing them to pick based on fabric and color.

    I don't necessarily like the look where everyone looks different though, but I do want my bridesmaids to have options. So, could I send my bridesmaids a selection of dresses? After, finding out what their budgets are of course. For example, send an email that says please choose from one of these six dresses? or please pick from one of these two dresses?

    Also, I plan on getting my bridesmaids matching shawls and jewelry. But, these would not be their thank you gifts. This seems to be the acceptable thing from what I've read :-) Also, just want to double check that I can ask my girls to wear shoes that are "X" color.

    My last question is, can I ask my girls to wear their hair a certain way? Not a 100% this is exactly how it should look. But, maybe ask for them to wear it half up, or in some sort of bun? Or ask them to go neutral in their make-up? I do have on friend that loves to wear bright or glittery eye-shadow when she dresses-up and she does apply it very darkly.

    Thanks for the help!
    1.) Your first step should be to speak to each bridesmaid individually and ask what their budget is. Then you can look at dresses that are in the lowest budget amount (example, A says 100 B says 175 C says 500, all of your BMs are getting £100 dresses).

    2.) Fine to pick out a handful of dresses and ask them to pick the style, as long as it is within budget.

    3.) Yes, you can get them jewellery, as long as it isn't part of the gift

    4.) fine to say wear X colour shoes, as long as it is reasonable that most will already own them. "Wear black shoes"=fine "wear yellow shoes with blue spots" =not OK

    5.) If you dictate the hair style, you need to pay for it. 

    6.) it is not OK to dictate how they wear their makeup. They are your friends, not props. Why would you want your friends to not look like themselves? 
    Everything LL said, especially the bolded.  You can technically dictate their hairstyles, but as she said, you need to pay for them to have their hair done if you choose to do that.  IMHO, this ventures into dangerous territory - where your photos or vision becomes more important than your friends' comfort.  While I would go along with a request like this for a very close friend or sibling as a bridesmaid, I would hate having to wear my hair half up.  I hate how it looks on me and curls fall flat on my straight hair very quickly if my hair is down.  Just a friendly word of caution that while your besties may not complain about it to your face, they may really hate the way their hair looks in a style you dictate - and I'd hate to worry that one of my bridesmaids is self conscious about how she looks all day/night at my wedding.

    For the makeup, I wouldn't even go there.  Makeup is very personal.  It's on someone's face and can completely change the way someone looks.  You love your BMs and I'm sure want them to feel and look like themselves, because you love them the way they are.  I promise, in terms of your photos, your bridesmaids makeup is so insignificant and not worth worrying about.  Hopefully you will be able to look back on these photos years from now and appreciate the individuality of your closest friends, not the fact that all of their faces looked the same.


    thisismynickname2PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • So, I recently started planning my wedding. And, I know I have plenty of time to think about bridesmaid's dresses (a little over a year), but had a few questions as I start thinking about things. So, I was wondering about Bridesmaid's dresses.

    I have some girls in mind, but have not asked them yet (way too early so far). But, have been glancing through pictures to get ideas for what I want things to look like with FI. I have heard a lot of people saying that they like the idea of the bride giving the bridesmaids a lot of give with the dresses and allowing them to pick based on fabric and color.

    I don't necessarily like the look where everyone looks different though, but I do want my bridesmaids to have options. So, could I send my bridesmaids a selection of dresses? After, finding out what their budgets are of course. For example, send an email that says please choose from one of these six dresses? or please pick from one of these two dresses? Yes, this is fine. Please also keep in mind that people have different body shapes, so you may want to have them try on a few dresses in their budget before you choose your final ones, so you can hear feedback as to what they are comfortable wearing.

    Also, I plan on getting my bridesmaids matching shawls and jewelry. But, these would not be their thank you gifts. This seems to be the acceptable thing from what I've read :-) Also, just want to double check that I can ask my girls to wear shoes that are "X" color. Yes on buying them matching shawls and jewelry. You are right that this can't be their gift! :) Telling them to all wear a dress shoe in "X" color is good, but I would take this one step further and make sure that they have a shoe in mind that they already own (if you are doing this to avoid them purchasing a shoe just for your wedding). i.e. If you tell me to wear a black dress shoe - I have a few to choose from. If you tell me to wear a black dress shoe of the mary jane style, well now I need to go shopping.

    My last question is, can I ask my girls to wear their hair a certain way? Not a 100% this is exactly how it should look. But, maybe ask for them to wear it half up, or in some sort of bun? Or ask them to go neutral in their make-up? I do have on friend that loves to wear bright or glittery eye-shadow when she dresses-up and she does apply it very darkly. If you want their hair and makeup done a certain way, then you should pay to have it done for them. 

    Thanks for the help!
    My answers are in bold above. Congratulations on your engagement and I hope you have a fun time planning your wedding!!

    SP29
  • So, I recently started planning my wedding. And, I know I have plenty of time to think about bridesmaid's dresses (a little over a year), but had a few questions as I start thinking about things. So, I was wondering about Bridesmaid's dresses.

    I have some girls in mind, but have not asked them yet (way too early so far). But, have been glancing through pictures to get ideas for what I want things to look like with FI. I have heard a lot of people saying that they like the idea of the bride giving the bridesmaids a lot of give with the dresses and allowing them to pick based on fabric and color.

    I don't necessarily like the look where everyone looks different though, but I do want my bridesmaids to have options. So, could I send my bridesmaids a selection of dresses? After, finding out what their budgets are of course. For example, send an email that says please choose from one of these six dresses? or please pick from one of these two dresses?

    Yes, you can choose a specific dress, or a few options, as long as the dress(es) meet the agreed upon budget (which would be the lowest budget).

    I think it is a good idea to let your BM's try on a few dresses and then decide. I would also consider having a couple options in mind. Not everyone looks good in the same dress, and personally, it leaves a bad taste when someone is asked to spend a few hundred dollars on a dress they hate (even if the BM agreed to it!). 

    One of my old coworkers was in a good friend's wedding. The bride had all 3 maids in the same dress. The other 2 women were very thin and quite tall, where as my coworker is a bit shorter and curvy (more athletic build). The bride chose a dress that was $300 and while my coworker agreed to it, she hated the dress and felt really subconscious in it- I felt bad for her about this, because I don't think anyone should ever feel bad about them self in an outfit, but particularly when they are "on display" at the front of the ceremony.

    Also, I plan on getting my bridesmaids matching shawls and jewelry. But, these would not be their thank you gifts. This seems to be the acceptable thing from what I've read :-) Also, just want to double check that I can ask my girls to wear shoes that are "X" color.

    This is fine, as long as it isn't their gift, and you are paying for it. 

    As for shoes, this is also OK, but I would keep it pretty basic and a neutral, i.e. please wear a black/nude/silver shoe. 

    I think if you start getting too particular, then you (general you) should pay for the shoes. 

    My last question is, can I ask my girls to wear their hair a certain way? Not a 100% this is exactly how it should look. But, maybe ask for them to wear it half up, or in some sort of bun? Or ask them to go neutral in their make-up? I do have on friend that loves to wear bright or glittery eye-shadow when she dresses-up and she does apply it very darkly.

    If you dictate hair or make-up, then you need to pay for it. I think it is *OK* to let your BM's know you'd like them to get their hair and make up professionally done, as long as you are paying for it. 

    However, personally, I don't care, and at the end of the day you shouldn't either. Again, not everyone looks good in the same hairstyle or make up, not everyone feels comfortable wearing the same make up. I would trust your friends to act like adults and realize that a wedding is not the time to dress/style for da club. However, again realizing that some people are a lot more comfortable with make up, accept your friends for the people they are and let them have some personality. 

    As you can read, I'm part of the "BM's don't need to match" wagon. I told my BM's "midnight blue, cocktail dress from David's bridal". One ended up in a calf length satin dress with straps, the other in a strapless knee-length cotton dress. One wore nude heels, the other wore sparkly silver. They wore their own jewelry. One did her own hair and make up, the other got her hair done but did her own make up. They both looked lovely and very appropriate for the day. 

    Giving your BM's more freedom can help them feel more comfortable, both in what they are wearing and what they are spending and it takes a lot of the stress off of you, because all you care is that they show up on time the day of ;)

    Thanks for the help!

    Pupatella
  • bb2016bb2016 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    I really think telling your bridesmaids to wear neutral makeup is pretty ridiculous. I had a bride do this to me and yes I had to go buy new makeup to fit her style. She did it because she wanted to wear red lipstick and I assume she was afraid one of her BMs was going to outshine her in someway if they wore bold colored makeup. I thought it was really ridiculous to demand this from us.

    OP I don't know what your reasoning is for wanting to dictate that your BM wear neutral makeup (other than the one girl that likes to wear bold colors), but this is just an example of how people might feel when you make these demands.

    Edit for spelling

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    kimmiinthemittenMyNameIsNot
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Asking for a particular hairstyle or makeup even if you are paying for it, is going to far. If you want professional makeup and hair, that's fine, but you need to pay for it. But dictating specifics is saying you care more about the look of your wedding than your friends, and that is not cool. 
    image
    image

    image


    cotton8744MyNameIsNotPrettyGirlLost
  • Fair enough. Thanks for all the advice :-)
  • MobKaz said:
    SunnyRDays said:
    Fair enough. Thanks for all the advice :-)

    ****BOXES****
    I will add one more qualifier.  Those brides that still place photos over friendship need to consider something else.  Your BM's may bite their tongues in the name of friendship and agree with all your (the general "your") inconsiderate demands.  However, if I were forced to wear a dress, make up and hair style that I found uncomfortable and unflattering, it would show in the pictures.  While you can clone a "vision", you cannot mask the "I hate the way I look", look.  I'll take confident smiles over vision any day of the week!


    Yeah, when it comes time to get my bridesmaids together, then I will not say anything about hair or make-up. I was just overthinking it a bit this morning after looking through bridal party photos and trying to start to get a mental image of what I want my own wedding to look like.
    MobKazPupatellaInLoveInQueensbb2016
  • MobKaz said:
    SunnyRDays said:
    Fair enough. Thanks for all the advice :-)

    ****BOXES****
    I will add one more qualifier.  Those brides that still place photos over friendship need to consider something else.  Your BM's may bite their tongues in the name of friendship and agree with all your (the general "your") inconsiderate demands.  However, if I were forced to wear a dress, make up and hair style that I found uncomfortable and unflattering, it would show in the pictures.  While you can clone a "vision", you cannot mask the "I hate the way I look", look.  I'll take confident smiles over vision any day of the week!


    Yeah, when it comes time to get my bridesmaids together, then I will not say anything about hair or make-up. I was just overthinking it a bit this morning after looking through bridal party photos and trying to start to get a mental image of what I want my own wedding to look like.
    If you are planning to have your hair/makeup professionally done, once you find your stylist(s) for the day, book them, and know their pricing for BMs (often less expensive than the bride), you can mention to your BMs that you are having your hair/MU done on the day at X salon, etc. and let them know they are welcome to also book appointments with your stylists and give them pricing info.  This will leave it totally up to each girl as to whether she wants to participate in the pro services.


    mollybarker11
  • Viczaesar said:
    So, I recently started planning my wedding. And, I know I have plenty of time to think about bridesmaid's dresses (a little over a year), but had a few questions as I start thinking about things. So, I was wondering about Bridesmaid's dresses.

    I have some girls in mind, but have not asked them yet (way too early so far). But, have been glancing through pictures to get ideas for what I want things to look like with FI. I have heard a lot of people saying that they like the idea of the bride giving the bridesmaids a lot of give with the dresses and allowing them to pick based on fabric and color.

    I don't necessarily like the look where everyone looks different though, but I do want my bridesmaids to have options. So, could I send my bridesmaids a selection of dresses? After, finding out what their budgets are of course. For example, send an email that says please choose from one of these six dresses? or please pick from one of these two dresses?

    Also, I plan on getting my bridesmaids matching shawls and jewelry. But, these would not be their thank you gifts. This seems to be the acceptable thing from what I've read :-) Also, just want to double check that I can ask my girls to wear shoes that are "X" color.

    My last question is, can I ask my girls to wear their hair a certain way? Not a 100% this is exactly how it should look. But, maybe ask for them to wear it half up, or in some sort of bun? Or ask them to go neutral in their make-up? I do have on friend that loves to wear bright or glittery eye-shadow when she dresses-up and she does apply it very darkly.

    Thanks for the help!
    1.) Your first step should be to speak to each bridesmaid individually and ask what their budget is. Then you can look at dresses that are in the lowest budget amount (example, A says 100 B says 175 C says 500, all of your BMs are getting £100 dresses).

    2.) Fine to pick out a handful of dresses and ask them to pick the style, as long as it is within budget.

    3.) Yes, you can get them jewellery, as long as it isn't part of the gift

    4.) fine to say wear X colour shoes, as long as it is reasonable that most will already own them. "Wear black shoes"=fine "wear yellow shoes with blue spots" =not OK

    5.) If you dictate the hair style, you need to pay for it. 

    6.) it is not OK to dictate how they wear their makeup. They are your friends, not props. Why would you want your friends to not look like themselves? 
    Everything LL said, especially the bolded.  You can technically dictate their hairstyles, but as she said, you need to pay for them to have their hair done if you choose to do that.  IMHO, this ventures into dangerous territory - where your photos or vision becomes more important than your friends' comfort.  While I would go along with a request like this for a very close friend or sibling as a bridesmaid, I would hate having to wear my hair half up.  I hate how it looks on me and curls fall flat on my straight hair very quickly if my hair is down.  Just a friendly word of caution that while your besties may not complain about it to your face, they may really hate the way their hair looks in a style you dictate - and I'd hate to worry that one of my bridesmaids is self conscious about how she looks all day/night at my wedding.

    For the makeup, I wouldn't even go there.  Makeup is very personal.  It's on someone's face and can completely change the way someone looks.  You love your BMs and I'm sure want them to feel and look like themselves, because you love them the way they are.  I promise, in terms of your photos, your bridesmaids makeup is so insignificant and not worth worrying about.  Hopefully you will be able to look back on these photos years from now and appreciate the individuality of your closest friends, not the fact that all of their faces looked the same.
    I disagree; I don't think dictating hairstyle is acceptable, regardless of who is paying for it.
    TBH, I would never dictate a hairstyle and I think it's a shitty thing to do, regardless of who is paying.  However, I thought that you (general) could *technically* require professional hair or dictate style (up, down, half up, etc) if you paid for it... even though it sucks.  If not, I stand corrected.  


    SP29
  • I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2015
    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!

    We always warn that when money is involved, strings are often attached.  We suggest that brides turn down money and pay for their own weddings when planning becomes complicated or mandates are dictated that the couple do not like/want.

    Is a BM afforded the same opportunity?  Can she turn down hair/make up monetary offers from the bride and "do her own thing" as well?  (This is not necessarily directed toward you, @STARMOON44, but this debate has certainly made me wonder why the advice could not apply here as well.)
  • I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    Can you? Yes.

    But it's likely to hurt or piss off your nearest and dearest, so it's a really terrible idea.
    image
    frenchiekinPrettyGirlLostlc07hellohkb
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    Can you? Yes.

    But it's likely to hurt or piss off your nearest and dearest, so it's a really terrible idea.
    For hair, I think it is OK to say something general like you would prefer up or down (if you are paying for it), but not to say a curled side poneytail with a sideswept fringe. For example, some hair doesn't hold a curl, so if you just say down, some people would look better with it dried straight and nicely, and others better with a curl. It is best to let the BMs handle this and decide how they would feel the most confident. This is also very much with the caveat that if they would prefer to have it not professionally done that they are free to do it in their own style.  

    JediElizabeth
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    A word of general advice to the OP-- when you're looking at bridesmaid pictures (presumably on Pinterest or StyleMePretty or similar)-- keep in mind that just because the BMs are matching doesn't mean the bride forced them to match. Some hairstyles are timeless, or trendy.

    I wanted a low, side-swept, loosely curled updo, which has been fairly trendy. When my three BMs came to the salon they all asked what I was doing, thought it was pretty, and chose to do the same thing (not identical, but all to the side, low and curled up).  So while we all appear to have coordinating hair, I swear on my life I didn't ask them to do that. They wanted it. 

    Hair is also likely to go with the dresses. If you choose something strapless, they may choose to wear their hair down. If you choose something with a high neck or illusion or something, they may choose updos to show off the neckline. The bottom line is to trust their judgement on their personal style and you'll have a beautiful bridal party! 
    ________________________________


  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I read this whole thing hoping someone would explain what neutral makeup is.  
    image
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    You are physically able to tell them they have to get a certain hairstyle, just like you can certainly tell them they have to buy a $500 dress and $200 shoes.  But I completely disagree that it's socially acceptable to do so.  



    artbyallielc07hellohkb
  • Viczaesar said:



    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!

    You are physically able to tell them they have to get a certain hairstyle, just like you can certainly tell them they have to buy a $500 dress and $200 shoes.  But I completely disagree that it's socially acceptable to do so.  



    Eh, I think it's fine to say "I'd love to pay for you to have your hair done in an updo."
  • I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    You are physically able to tell them they have to get a certain hairstyle, just like you can certainly tell them they have to buy a $500 dress and $200 shoes.  But I completely disagree that it's socially acceptable to do so.  
    Eh, I think it's fine to say "I'd love to pay for you to have your hair done in an updo."
    I think as long as you're not being insane about it I agree with you.

    Because a Bridezilla could say, "I'm paying for it so I want you to grow your hair so you can have it in a low bun."

    The not-so insane bride would say, "How about wearing your hair up?   My treat!" 

    Because even w/ paying for it, you could find someone who says that she prefers her hair down / up and would really prefer not to have to go the other way even if it's being financed by someone else. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    You are physically able to tell them they have to get a certain hairstyle, just like you can certainly tell them they have to buy a $500 dress and $200 shoes.  But I completely disagree that it's socially acceptable to do so.  
    Eh, I think it's fine to say "I'd love to pay for you to have your hair done in an updo."
    My sister was in a wedding where the BM insisted on an updo hairstyle and she was paying.  My sister looks utter crap in an updo.  She looks  HORRIBLE.   She has a crooked nose and it's VERY noticeable in an updo.  Thus making her VERY uncomfortable.   Thus making the pictures of her not as nice.    

    Of course she sucked it up, but no she didn't look good at all.

    Sure, go ahead, pick a certain  hairstyle.  Just remember that not all hairstyles look good on ALL people.     

    That goes for makeup too.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer

    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!

    And if the bride chose a style I found to be shitty or unflattering, I'd decline her offer and schedule and pay for my own stylist.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    Dictating a specific hairstyle (that the bride pays for) is on the exact same level as dictating a specific dress (within the bridesmaids' budgets) imo.

    The bride can tell all her BMs to all wear a strapless fuchsia dress and that's "allowed" even though it may make some of them uncomfortable. So I don't get how telling all her BMs to wear their hair in a braided updo is any different. In both cases they may feel self-conscious about what they're wearing, whether it's on their bodies or their heads. How is one worse than the other?

    This type of thing falls on a spectrum. Letting your BMs wear whatever they want on their bodies, heads & faces is on one end. Making your BMs take out their piercings or dye their hair or cover up their tattoos is on the 'completely unacceptable' end. Telling them to wear a bun and no glitter is in the middle. Lots of friends have different tastes & styles, so having a BM wear something she sees as unflattering isn't some unforgivable act of cruelty (though it will probably make her pissed off at you).

    JediElizabethSP29MandyMostAJC430
  • I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    Nope nope nope nope. The minute you start making demands about things physically attached to my body is the minute I seriously reconsider our friendship.

    What if I get headaches from wearing my hair up? What if I hate wearing my long hair down because my back/chest skin is prone to breakouts and I'm trying to keep oily hair off of it? What if I just am not comfortable with the way I look with a certain hair style- not in a "ugh not my best look" way but in a "I am going to be so self conscious about this all day" way? 

    To me it's the same as with a BM dress- sure you can "require" me to wear a certaindress, but if I'm truly not comfortable in it I'm going to tell you. And if you don't alter your thinking about that dress being a "requirement" for the people you're supposed to be honoring, I'm going to drop out of your wedding and stop being friends with someone who doesn't care about my comfort, particularly on a day that is presumably among the days I am most seen/noticed and photographed in my life. 

    So I guess the end result is yeah you can require it but don't be surprised if it costs you friends. 
    PrettyGirlLost


  • I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!

    Nope nope nope nope. The minute you start making demands about things physically attached to my body is the minute I seriously reconsider our friendship.

    What if I get headaches from wearing my hair up? What if I hate wearing my long hair down because my back/chest skin is prone to breakouts and I'm trying to keep oily hair off of it? What if I just am not comfortable with the way I look with a certain hair style- not in a "ugh not my best look" way but in a "I am going to be so self conscious about this all day" way? 

    To me it's the same as with a BM dress- sure you can "require" me to wear a certaindress, but if I'm truly not comfortable in it I'm going to tell you. And if you don't alter your thinking about that dress being a "requirement" for the people you're supposed to be honoring, I'm going to drop out of your wedding and stop being friends with someone who doesn't care about my comfort, particularly on a day that is presumably among the days I am most seen/noticed and photographed in my life. 

    So I guess the end result is yeah you can require it but don't be surprised if it costs you friends. 




    What if we just trust that most people are normal, and if there's actually some absurd reason you are just too special to wear your hair up for one day, your closest friend will obviously just get over it and make an exception?
    JediElizabeth[Deleted User]SP29japrincess24
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