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Etiquette

Bridesmaid's Dresses/Make-up/Hair

2

Re: Bridesmaid's Dresses/Make-up/Hair

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    You are physically able to tell them they have to get a certain hairstyle, just like you can certainly tell them they have to buy a $500 dress and $200 shoes.  But I completely disagree that it's socially acceptable to do so.  
    Eh, I think it's fine to say "I'd love to pay for you to have your hair done in an updo."
    I disagree.  I know quite a few people who never wear their hair either down or up because they don't feel comfortable with that.  Hair is very personal to some people and an unnecessary and ridiculous thing to micromanage.



  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    Nope nope nope nope. The minute you start making demands about things physically attached to my body is the minute I seriously reconsider our friendship.

    What if I get headaches from wearing my hair up? What if I hate wearing my long hair down because my back/chest skin is prone to breakouts and I'm trying to keep oily hair off of it? What if I just am not comfortable with the way I look with a certain hair style- not in a "ugh not my best look" way but in a "I am going to be so self conscious about this all day" way? 

    To me it's the same as with a BM dress- sure you can "require" me to wear a certaindress, but if I'm truly not comfortable in it I'm going to tell you. And if you don't alter your thinking about that dress being a "requirement" for the people you're supposed to be honoring, I'm going to drop out of your wedding and stop being friends with someone who doesn't care about my comfort, particularly on a day that is presumably among the days I am most seen/noticed and photographed in my life. 

    So I guess the end result is yeah you can require it but don't be surprised if it costs you friends. 
    What if we just trust that most people are normal, and if there's actually some absurd reason you are just too special to wear your hair up for one day, your closest friend will obviously just get over it and make an exception?
    Or how about we assume that it's completely normal to have strongly held feelings about your body and your personal opinion, and not assume that not feeling comfortable with someone else telling you how to do your hair is absurd?



    PrettyGirlLostSP29MyNameIsNothellohkb
  • I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    Nope nope nope nope. The minute you start making demands about things physically attached to my body is the minute I seriously reconsider our friendship.

    What if I get headaches from wearing my hair up? What if I hate wearing my long hair down because my back/chest skin is prone to breakouts and I'm trying to keep oily hair off of it? What if I just am not comfortable with the way I look with a certain hair style- not in a "ugh not my best look" way but in a "I am going to be so self conscious about this all day" way? 

    To me it's the same as with a BM dress- sure you can "require" me to wear a certaindress, but if I'm truly not comfortable in it I'm going to tell you. And if you don't alter your thinking about that dress being a "requirement" for the people you're supposed to be honoring, I'm going to drop out of your wedding and stop being friends with someone who doesn't care about my comfort, particularly on a day that is presumably among the days I am most seen/noticed and photographed in my life. 

    So I guess the end result is yeah you can require it but don't be surprised if it costs you friends. 
    What if we just trust that most people are normal, and if there's actually some absurd reason you are just too special to wear your hair up for one day, your closest friend will obviously just get over it and make an exception?
    Updos actually *do* give some ppl headaches if they are done too tightly. . .that's not an absurd reason to me to refuse one. Lynda's sister feels very uncomfortable and self conscious in an updo because it emphasizes her crooked nose. . .not wanting to actually look and feel like crap on a day when you have to physically be in front of a ton of people and be in scores of pictures is not an absurd reason to me to refuse to wear a hairstyle. What has always and will always seem absurd to me is trying to rationalize it being acceptable for a woman to dictate and micromanage the physical appearance of her closest friends and family, down to their hair and make up, just because she's getting married. Makes.no.sense. I think many of us put up with the bride picking the dress, though that trend is thankfully changing, because it's just what ppl are used to, since the 70's and 80's and we are conditioned to go along with it to "support" the bride on "her" day. But as a BM about 10 times over, my line was my head and hair and face and make up. I sucked it up and wore the ugly dresses that made me feel uncomfortable, but that was it.
    FYI matching bridesmaids dresses were around long before the 70s. I think they came to be post-WW2. However, the blown out of proportion wedding is definitely  a post-80s phenomenon.

  • I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    Nope nope nope nope. The minute you start making demands about things physically attached to my body is the minute I seriously reconsider our friendship.

    What if I get headaches from wearing my hair up? What if I hate wearing my long hair down because my back/chest skin is prone to breakouts and I'm trying to keep oily hair off of it? What if I just am not comfortable with the way I look with a certain hair style- not in a "ugh not my best look" way but in a "I am going to be so self conscious about this all day" way? 

    To me it's the same as with a BM dress- sure you can "require" me to wear a certaindress, but if I'm truly not comfortable in it I'm going to tell you. And if you don't alter your thinking about that dress being a "requirement" for the people you're supposed to be honoring, I'm going to drop out of your wedding and stop being friends with someone who doesn't care about my comfort, particularly on a day that is presumably among the days I am most seen/noticed and photographed in my life. 

    So I guess the end result is yeah you can require it but don't be surprised if it costs you friends. 
    What if we just trust that most people are normal, and if there's actually some absurd reason you are just too special to wear your hair up for one day, your closest friend will obviously just get over it and make an exception?
    Updos actually *do* give some ppl headaches if they are done too tightly. . .that's not an absurd reason to me to refuse one. Lynda's sister feels very uncomfortable and self conscious in an updo because it emphasizes her crooked nose. . .not wanting to actually look and feel like crap on a day when you have to physically be in front of a ton of people and be in scores of pictures is not an absurd reason to me to refuse to wear a hairstyle. What has always and will always seem absurd to me is trying to rationalize it being acceptable for a woman to dictate and micromanage the physical appearance of her closest friends and family, down to their hair and make up, just because she's getting married. Makes.no.sense. I think many of us put up with the bride picking the dress, though that trend is thankfully changing, because it's just what ppl are used to, since the 70's and 80's and we are conditioned to go along with it to "support" the bride on "her" day. But as a BM about 10 times over, my line was my head and hair and face and make up. I sucked it up and wore the ugly dresses that made me feel uncomfortable, but that was it.

    This.

    How about we just get rid of the word "requirement" and start using request. You can request your BMs wear a certain dress (within their budget) or hairstyle (at your expense). They can say no. You are honoring your friends. Your friends. Not hired models.
    Exactly. Having "requirements" is where I lose all sense of honoring someone, whether that requirement is a dress, hairdo, whatever. 

    And as for not wanting to wear your hair a certain way making you "absurd" and "special"? Uh no. I literally know a half dozen people who avoid wearing their hair up for the headache reason alone so it's not like it's a rare thing. But the larger point was, it's obnoxious to think of anything having to do with anyone's appearance as a "requirement", regardless of if you are willing to make exceptions for excuses you deem "not absurd."

    I guess for those of you who think requiring certain make-up and hair is okay, I'm genuinely curious where the line is. I assume most of you would not be cool with requiring semi-permanent changes like dying your hair... what about requiring spray tans? What about requiring acrylic nails? Teeth whitening? I just don't see where it ends when we get in the business of dictating this sort of stuff.


    kimmiinthemittenPrettyGirlLosthellohkb






  • I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!

    Nope nope nope nope. The minute you start making demands about things physically attached to my body is the minute I seriously reconsider our friendship.

    What if I get headaches from wearing my hair up? What if I hate wearing my long hair down because my back/chest skin is prone to breakouts and I'm trying to keep oily hair off of it? What if I just am not comfortable with the way I look with a certain hair style- not in a "ugh not my best look" way but in a "I am going to be so self conscious about this all day" way? 

    To me it's the same as with a BM dress- sure you can "require" me to wear a certaindress, but if I'm truly not comfortable in it I'm going to tell you. And if you don't alter your thinking about that dress being a "requirement" for the people you're supposed to be honoring, I'm going to drop out of your wedding and stop being friends with someone who doesn't care about my comfort, particularly on a day that is presumably among the days I am most seen/noticed and photographed in my life. 

    So I guess the end result is yeah you can require it but don't be surprised if it costs you friends. 


    What if we just trust that most people are normal, and if there's actually some absurd reason you are just too special to wear your hair up for one day, your closest friend will obviously just get over it and make an exception?
    Updos actually *do* give some ppl headaches if they are done too tightly. . .that's not an absurd reason to me to refuse one.

    Lynda's sister feels very uncomfortable and self conscious in an updo because it emphasizes her crooked nose. . .not wanting to actually look and feel like crap on a day when you have to physically be in front of a ton of people and be in scores of pictures is not an absurd reason to me to refuse to wear a hairstyle.

    What has always and will always seem absurd to me is trying to rationalize it being acceptable for a woman to dictate and micromanage the physical appearance of her closest friends and family, down to their hair and make up, just because she's getting married.

    Makes.no.sense.

    I think many of us put up with the bride picking the dress, though that trend is thankfully changing, because it's just what ppl are used to, since the 70's and 80's and we are conditioned to go along with it to "support" the bride on "her" day. But as a BM about 10 times over, my line was my head and hair and face and make up. I sucked it up and wore the ugly dresses that made me feel uncomfortable, but that was it.


    This.

    How about we just get rid of the word "requirement" and start using request. You can request your BMs wear a certain dress (within their budget) or hairstyle (at your expense). They can say no. You are honoring your friends. Your friends. Not hired models.



    Exactly. Having "requirements" is where I lose all sense of honoring someone, whether that requirement is a dress, hairdo, whatever. 

    And as for not wanting to wear your hair a certain way making you "absurd" and "special"? Uh no. I literally know a half dozen people who avoid wearing their hair up for the headache reason alone so it's not like it's a rare thing. But the larger point was, it's obnoxious to think of anything having to do with anyone's appearance as a "requirement", regardless of if you are willing to make exceptions for excuses you deem "not absurd."

    I guess for those of you who think requiring certain make-up and hair is okay, I'm genuinely curious where the line is. I assume most of you would not be cool with requiring semi-permanent changes like dying your hair... what about requiring spray tans? What about requiring acrylic nails? Teeth whitening? I just don't see where it ends when we get in the business of dictating this sort of stuff.






    Ugh srsly? There's a difference btwn washing out hairspray and chemically altering your teeth.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!
    Nope nope nope nope. The minute you start making demands about things physically attached to my body is the minute I seriously reconsider our friendship.

    What if I get headaches from wearing my hair up? What if I hate wearing my long hair down because my back/chest skin is prone to breakouts and I'm trying to keep oily hair off of it? What if I just am not comfortable with the way I look with a certain hair style- not in a "ugh not my best look" way but in a "I am going to be so self conscious about this all day" way? 

    To me it's the same as with a BM dress- sure you can "require" me to wear a certaindress, but if I'm truly not comfortable in it I'm going to tell you. And if you don't alter your thinking about that dress being a "requirement" for the people you're supposed to be honoring, I'm going to drop out of your wedding and stop being friends with someone who doesn't care about my comfort, particularly on a day that is presumably among the days I am most seen/noticed and photographed in my life. 

    So I guess the end result is yeah you can require it but don't be surprised if it costs you friends. 
    What if we just trust that most people are normal, and if there's actually some absurd reason you are just too special to wear your hair up for one day, your closest friend will obviously just get over it and make an exception?
    Updos actually *do* give some ppl headaches if they are done too tightly. . .that's not an absurd reason to me to refuse one. Lynda's sister feels very uncomfortable and self conscious in an updo because it emphasizes her crooked nose. . .not wanting to actually look and feel like crap on a day when you have to physically be in front of a ton of people and be in scores of pictures is not an absurd reason to me to refuse to wear a hairstyle. What has always and will always seem absurd to me is trying to rationalize it being acceptable for a woman to dictate and micromanage the physical appearance of her closest friends and family, down to their hair and make up, just because she's getting married. Makes.no.sense. I think many of us put up with the bride picking the dress, though that trend is thankfully changing, because it's just what ppl are used to, since the 70's and 80's and we are conditioned to go along with it to "support" the bride on "her" day. But as a BM about 10 times over, my line was my head and hair and face and make up. I sucked it up and wore the ugly dresses that made me feel uncomfortable, but that was it.

    This.

    How about we just get rid of the word "requirement" and start using request. You can request your BMs wear a certain dress (within their budget) or hairstyle (at your expense). They can say no. You are honoring your friends. Your friends. Not hired models.
    Exactly. Having "requirements" is where I lose all sense of honoring someone, whether that requirement is a dress, hairdo, whatever. 

    And as for not wanting to wear your hair a certain way making you "absurd" and "special"? Uh no. I literally know a half dozen people who avoid wearing their hair up for the headache reason alone so it's not like it's a rare thing. But the larger point was, it's obnoxious to think of anything having to do with anyone's appearance as a "requirement", regardless of if you are willing to make exceptions for excuses you deem "not absurd."

    I guess for those of you who think requiring certain make-up and hair is okay, I'm genuinely curious where the line is. I assume most of you would not be cool with requiring semi-permanent changes like dying your hair... what about requiring spray tans? What about requiring acrylic nails? Teeth whitening? I just don't see where it ends when we get in the business of dictating this sort of stuff.


    Ugh srsly? There's a difference btwn washing out hairspray and chemically altering your teeth.
    some people would say that chemically altering your teeth and wearing makeup are the same.  There are plenty of people who are allergic to makeup.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    [Deleted User]
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    This is in response to everyone who thinks it's okay to ask for a low chignon with 1cm brown but not black eyeliner and salmon lips (intended exaggeration):

    It's not about the amount of work, money or chemicals that go into the look you're desiring - it's about honoring your nearest and dearest, bury a body at midnight, loved ones by allowing them to dress and style themselves in a way that makes them feel best.

    My best friend has tattoos, a purple streak in her hair and asked if she should get a dress with sleeves to cover it up?  I said only if you like it best of all of the dresses you try on.  She's already also stated she'd rather do her own hair - great!

    FFIL asked if he should plan for a tux or his own suit.  Our response:  whichever you'll feel better in.  If you have a suit that you feel dapper in, rock it!  If you'd like coordinate with your two sons, rent a tux.

    FSMIL asked how formal her gown should be.  We said, that's up to you - wear something that makes you feel beautiful and if that resembles a MOG gown, then that's what you should wear.

    It's a wedding - not the Rockette's Christmas Spectacular!
    image
    PrettyGirlLostLiatris2010TheCheeseWench[Deleted User]
  • This is in response to everyone who thinks it's okay to ask for a low chignon with 1cm brown but not black eyeliner and salmon lips (intended exaggeration):


    It's not about the amount of work, money or chemicals that go into the look you're desiring - it's about honoring your nearest and dearest, bury a body at midnight, loved ones by allowing them to dress and style themselves in a way that makes them feel best.

    My best friend has tattoos, a purple streak in her hair and asked if she should get a dress with sleeves to cover it up?  I said only if you like it best of all of the dresses you try on.  She's already also stated she'd rather do her own hair - great!

    FFIL asked if he should plan for a tux or his own suit.  Our response:  whichever you'll feel better in.  If you have a suit that you feel dapper in, rock it!  If you'd like coordinate with your two sons, rent a tux.

    FSMIL asked how formal her gown should be.  We said, that's up to you - wear something that makes you feel beautiful and if that resembles a MOG gown, then that's what you should wear.

    It's a wedding - not the Rockette's Christmas Spectacular!
    A) you aren't have a Christmas Spectacular themed wedding? Lame.
    lyndausvi said:









    I think you can certainly require a hairstyle if you're paying for it!

    Nope nope nope nope. The minute you start making demands about things physically attached to my body is the minute I seriously reconsider our friendship.

    What if I get headaches from wearing my hair up? What if I hate wearing my long hair down because my back/chest skin is prone to breakouts and I'm trying to keep oily hair off of it? What if I just am not comfortable with the way I look with a certain hair style- not in a "ugh not my best look" way but in a "I am going to be so self conscious about this all day" way? 

    To me it's the same as with a BM dress- sure you can "require" me to wear a certaindress, but if I'm truly not comfortable in it I'm going to tell you. And if you don't alter your thinking about that dress being a "requirement" for the people you're supposed to be honoring, I'm going to drop out of your wedding and stop being friends with someone who doesn't care about my comfort, particularly on a day that is presumably among the days I am most seen/noticed and photographed in my life. 

    So I guess the end result is yeah you can require it but don't be surprised if it costs you friends. 


    What if we just trust that most people are normal, and if there's actually some absurd reason you are just too special to wear your hair up for one day, your closest friend will obviously just get over it and make an exception?
    Updos actually *do* give some ppl headaches if they are done too tightly. . .that's not an absurd reason to me to refuse one.

    Lynda's sister feels very uncomfortable and self conscious in an updo because it emphasizes her crooked nose. . .not wanting to actually look and feel like crap on a day when you have to physically be in front of a ton of people and be in scores of pictures is not an absurd reason to me to refuse to wear a hairstyle.

    What has always and will always seem absurd to me is trying to rationalize it being acceptable for a woman to dictate and micromanage the physical appearance of her closest friends and family, down to their hair and make up, just because she's getting married.

    Makes.no.sense.

    I think many of us put up with the bride picking the dress, though that trend is thankfully changing, because it's just what ppl are used to, since the 70's and 80's and we are conditioned to go along with it to "support" the bride on "her" day. But as a BM about 10 times over, my line was my head and hair and face and make up. I sucked it up and wore the ugly dresses that made me feel uncomfortable, but that was it.


    This.

    How about we just get rid of the word "requirement" and start using request. You can request your BMs wear a certain dress (within their budget) or hairstyle (at your expense). They can say no. You are honoring your friends. Your friends. Not hired models.

    Exactly. Having "requirements" is where I lose all sense of honoring someone, whether that requirement is a dress, hairdo, whatever. 

    And as for not wanting to wear your hair a certain way making you "absurd" and "special"? Uh no. I literally know a half dozen people who avoid wearing their hair up for the headache reason alone so it's not like it's a rare thing. But the larger point was, it's obnoxious to think of anything having to do with anyone's appearance as a "requirement", regardless of if you are willing to make exceptions for excuses you deem "not absurd."

    I guess for those of you who think requiring certain make-up and hair is okay, I'm genuinely curious where the line is. I assume most of you would not be cool with requiring semi-permanent changes like dying your hair... what about requiring spray tans? What about requiring acrylic nails? Teeth whitening? I just don't see where it ends when we get in the business of dictating this sort of stuff.






    Ugh srsly? There's a difference btwn washing out hairspray and chemically altering your teeth.


    some people would say that chemically altering your teeth and wearing makeup are the same.  There are plenty of people who are allergic to makeup.


    B) those people would be on crack. Idk why we always need to look for the extreme. Nearly everyone can actually wear make up for a day. It's fine to ask that. And if you really can't, you explain that and say no. And it's also fine.
    japrincess24
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited September 2015
    @starmoon44 we thought it was too cliche for a weekend before Christmas so we toned it down and our theme is now "White Christmas ala Bing Crosby not the Broadway musical."  I think that's specific enough so everyone will totes know what I mean;).

    ETA:  Invisible sarcastic font, just in case
    image
    STARMOON44SP29hellohkb
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    All you people that think it's ok to dictate your bridesmaids appearance, why don't you just hire models to be your Bm? Then you'll have the look that is so important.You are not queen of the world because you are getting married.
    image
    image

    image


    kimmiinthemittenhellohkb
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    B) those people would be on crack. Idk why we always need to look for the extreme. Nearly everyone can actually wear make up for a day. It's fine to ask that. And if you really can't, you explain that and say no. And it's also fine.
    No, it's not fine to ask your friends and family to wear make-up for your wedding, especially - but not only - if they don't wear make-up as a rule.



    [Deleted User]
  • I have a friend who went through a period of her 20s when she didn't wear shoes. Ever. I'm not even talking like she wore flipflops, she was barefoot all the time. She was asked to be a wedding as a BM. The bride knew this about my friend and still insisted she not only wear shoes, she wear heels. My friend brought up the fact that their (matching) dresses are all long, nobody will see her feet, can she go barefoot. No. Absolutely not. Okay, could she wear like sandals or something. Nope, had to be the heels. My friend sucked it up, because she loves the bride, though she hated every single minute of that wedding. 

    Later, the bride told my friend "You know what? I should have just let you go barefoot, nobody would have noticed or cared."  
    image
    kimmiinthemitten
  • All you people that think it's ok to dictate your bridesmaids appearance, why don't you just hire models to be your Bm? Then you'll have the look that is so important.You are not queen of the world because you are getting married.

    But if I hire models to be in my WP then no one will notice meeeeeeee because they're all gonna look at the models!

    Unless there's an ugly modeling agency. Where can I hire ugly models who will do what I say, and get tanned and whiter teeth and get sewn-in extensions and all get their hair dyed the exact Pantone shade of pink to match their $900 dresses? Oh and tattoos. I want them to have eyeliner tattooed on. No one likes smudgy uneven eyeliner.

    kimmiinthemittenlnixon8PupatellaTheCheeseWench
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Can anyone explain to me why bridesmaids have to be coordinated in the first place? (Excluding the historical tradition of dressing like the bride to confuse evil spirits.)

    I have plenty of pictures with regular guests at my wedding. We are all smiling and happy. Nobody matches. Why the bridal party has to be coordinated is beyond me.  I mean yeah, I told my BMs to wear black. In hindsight they could have worn any color they wanted, really. Many non-bridal party members work black dresses and suits too. 

    I want to see a bridal party where one woman's in hot pink, another is in blue with white polka dots, and another is in a 70s flower pattern. 
    ________________________________


    lc07Viczaesarhellohkb[Deleted User]
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Can anyone explain to me why bridesmaids have to be coordinated in the first place? (Excluding the historical tradition of dressing like the bride to confuse evil spirits.)

    I have plenty of pictures with regular guests at my wedding. We are all smiling and happy. Nobody matches. Why the bridal party has to be coordinated is beyond me.  I mean yeah, I told my BMs to wear black. In hindsight they could have worn any color they wanted, really. Many non-bridal party members work black dresses and suits too. 

    I want to see a bridal party where one woman's in hot pink, another is in blue with white polka dots, and another is in a 70s flower pattern. 

    QFT. This came up with one of my mom's friends who was asking about our plans. I asked my bridesmaids to wear floral sundresses, any color. (I don't have wedding colors, just want a general springy, country look.) She asked what happens if the guests also wear floral sundresses (as it is a popular summertime garment, obvs). Umm... they'll wear sundresses and look awesome? "But they will be dressed the same as the BM's!" Sure, but they won't be carrying flowers or walking down the aisle, sooo... 

    Then she suggested having them wear cowboys boots. Well, actually 3 of my 4 BM's grew up on farms and have horses (and my wedding is on my parents' farm), so sure, if they want to wear their boots then fine, but I'm not making a shoe requirement and definitely not for the sole - ha - purpose of distinguishing them from guests. 

    Not to mention sundress + cowboy boots is still a popular style of dress and a guest might come like that! And if they did, IT WOULD BE FINE, LADY, OK????
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    thisismynickname2[Deleted User]SP29kimmiinthemitten
  • redoryx said:
    I have a friend who went through a period of her 20s when she didn't wear shoes. Ever. I'm not even talking like she wore flipflops, she was barefoot all the time. She was asked to be a wedding as a BM. The bride knew this about my friend and still insisted she not only wear shoes, she wear heels. My friend brought up the fact that their (matching) dresses are all long, nobody will see her feet, can she go barefoot. No. Absolutely not. Okay, could she wear like sandals or something. Nope, had to be the heels. My friend sucked it up, because she loves the bride, though she hated every single minute of that wedding. 

    Later, the bride told my friend "You know what? I should have just let you go barefoot, nobody would have noticed or cared."  
    I do think it's crazy to force someone to wear heels, but I am curious...why was this person not wearing shoes at all? Did she stop going into public places?
    image
  • abcdevonn said:


    redoryx said:

    I have a friend who went through a period of her 20s when she didn't wear shoes. Ever. I'm not even talking like she wore flipflops, she was barefoot all the time. She was asked to be a wedding as a BM. The bride knew this about my friend and still insisted she not only wear shoes, she wear heels. My friend brought up the fact that their (matching) dresses are all long, nobody will see her feet, can she go barefoot. No. Absolutely not. Okay, could she wear like sandals or something. Nope, had to be the heels. My friend sucked it up, because she loves the bride, though she hated every single minute of that wedding. 

    Later, the bride told my friend "You know what? I should have just let you go barefoot, nobody would have noticed or cared."  

    I do think it's crazy to force someone to wear heels, but I am curious...why was this person not wearing shoes at all? Did she stop going into public places?

    Was her name Agador?
    [Deleted User]frenchiekinMobKaz
  • When I said I thought it was OK for a bride to request hair and make up, I meant "Hey ladies, I would like everyone to get their hair and make up professionally done, so I'm going to pay for it and would like you to come with me to the salon the day of". At the same time, I would leave the styling up to the professionals. I think that's much different than saying, "you all need to wear high buns with red lips and dark cat-eye mascara". A lot of posters saying it's completely wrong are taking things to the extreme. 

    I also agree that if there is something the bride (or groom) requests, that the members of the WP can speak up if they don't like something. 

    I do like the sentiments on making requests, and not demands. Though I feel like that's what a normal, reasonable, adult would do. But I know that's not what we see here ;).

    Also, when I said it's OK, I meant from an etiquette standpoint- it would be OK to request professional hair and make up, as long as you are paying for it. Same thing we say if the bride wants the WP to wear specific jewelry or carry a clutch. It's OK, as long as you pay for it and it is not considered a gift. 

    However, that doesn't mean that is what I would personally do, or did (so no, just because it's OK to ask doesn't mean that I needed to hire models for my WP, because my WP didn't match). My friends wore different dresses, and different coloured shoes. One got her hair professionally done, but did her own make up. The other did both her own hair and make up. 
    PrettyGirlLostMaggie0829STARMOON44
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer


    Viczaesar said:



    B) those people would be on crack. Idk why we always need to look for the extreme. Nearly everyone can actually wear make up for a day. It's fine to ask that. And if you really can't, you explain that and say no. And it's also fine.

    No, it's not fine to ask your friends and family to wear make-up for your wedding, especially - but not only - if they don't wear make-up as a rule.

    Actually I do think it's fine to ask. I know a lot of people on here view any sort of asking/suggesting/requesting as an imposition that "might force BMs into an uncomfortable position where they feel like they can't say no" but I think that's BS and can not fathom how a grown adult would feel hesitant about speaking up about something they truly do not want to do.

    Really?

    How many posts each day across these boards are basically just drama because someone couldn't say no to their FI, mother, FMIL, sister, friend, etc?

    Many, many people are not assertive or just down right passive aggressive. I think that's why some ppl suggest not asking things of ppl because for whatever reason they might feel pressured to agreeing when they don't really want to. Remember, we are heavily conditioned to going along with bridal demands because it's Her Day.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    huskypuppy14MobKaz
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    SP29 said:
    When I said I thought it was OK for a bride to request hair and make up, I meant "Hey ladies, I would like everyone to get their hair and make up professionally done, so I'm going to pay for it and would like you to come with me to the salon the day of". At the same time, I would leave the styling up to the professionals. I think that's much different than saying, "you all need to wear high buns with red lips and dark cat-eye mascara". A lot of posters saying it's completely wrong are taking things to the extreme. 

    I also agree that if there is something the bride (or groom) requests, that the members of the WP can speak up if they don't like something. 

    I do like the sentiments on making requests, and not demands. Though I feel like that's what a normal, reasonable, adult would do. But I know that's not what we see here ;).

    Also, when I said it's OK, I meant from an etiquette standpoint- it would be OK to request professional hair and make up, as long as you are paying for it. Same thing we say if the bride wants the WP to wear specific jewelry or carry a clutch. It's OK, as long as you pay for it and it is not considered a gift. 

    However, that doesn't mean that is what I would personally do, or did (so no, just because it's OK to ask doesn't mean that I needed to hire models for my WP, because my WP didn't match). My friends wore different dresses, and different coloured shoes. One got her hair professionally done, but did her own make up. The other did both her own hair and make up. 
    Okay to offer, not okay to require, on any of those.



  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lc07 said:
    I say we cut all this crap once and for all and have bridesmaids dress themselves like any other guest would. 
    I hope this thread makes it into a Knot newsletter or something and the next thing you know, the hot new trend is, "Let your bridal party look like regular guests! Because everyone will know they're honored guests because they're literally standing up there with you, so it's all good!" 
    ________________________________


    kimmiinthemittenLiatris2010huskypuppy14lc07
  • abcdevonn said:
    redoryx said:
    I have a friend who went through a period of her 20s when she didn't wear shoes. Ever. I'm not even talking like she wore flipflops, she was barefoot all the time. She was asked to be a wedding as a BM. The bride knew this about my friend and still insisted she not only wear shoes, she wear heels. My friend brought up the fact that their (matching) dresses are all long, nobody will see her feet, can she go barefoot. No. Absolutely not. Okay, could she wear like sandals or something. Nope, had to be the heels. My friend sucked it up, because she loves the bride, though she hated every single minute of that wedding. 

    Later, the bride told my friend "You know what? I should have just let you go barefoot, nobody would have noticed or cared."  
    I do think it's crazy to force someone to wear heels, but I am curious...why was this person not wearing shoes at all? Did she stop going into public places?

    She was just going through some phase. She may have kept flip flops or whatever for those times when she was required to wear shoes.
    image
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