Single Friends vs. Married Friends

Maggie0829

lyndausvi said:

AJC430 said:

lyndausvi said:

AJC430 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status.  But rather by who that person is on the inside.  H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married.  We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status.  There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it.  If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples. 

Why?  What do you think they provide in means of friendships that single friends don't?

Frankly, my single friends discuss things that I don't want to discuss - topics that I think are inappropriate and I don't want to have those kinds of discussions anymore. 

I have no idea what that means?   What would be considered an inappropraite topic to a married person. 

This.  You apparently found it appropriate or just fine when you weren't married so what could they possibly talk about now that you find inappropriate?  Having random sex with a guy they picked up at the bar?  You know you can still laugh and talk about this stuff when you are married, you just can't offer up any current personal examples.

AJC430

hellohkb said:

hellohkb said:

My advice is to stop giving advice when not asked.

If you read the original note it said, "when asked." Not sure if you missed that.

I know it's frustrating when people become "askholes"- They ask for advice and then never take it! But I would try and brush it off.

Thanks I appreciate it. I do love my friends, but I they already know not to ask me something if they don't want my honest answer.

AJC430

Maggie0829 said:

lyndausvi said:

AJC430 said:

lyndausvi said:

AJC430 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status.  But rather by who that person is on the inside.  H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married.  We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status.  There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it.  If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples. 

Why?  What do you think they provide in means of friendships that single friends don't?

Frankly, my single friends discuss things that I don't want to discuss - topics that I think are inappropriate and I don't want to have those kinds of discussions anymore. 

I have no idea what that means?   What would be considered an inappropraite topic to a married person. 

This.  You apparently found it appropriate or just fine when you weren't married so what could they possibly talk about now that you find inappropriate?  Having random sex with a guy they picked up at the bar?  You know you can still laugh and talk about this stuff when you are married, you just can't offer up any current personal examples.

That's really all I mean. Why would anyone assume that married people don't talk about sex? Of course they do. 

climbingsingle

Let me see if I understand. Your single friends talk about dating and sex, and now that you're married, you just can't be listening to that kind of stuff. 

Do your single friends a favor and stop being friends with them. 

I find you completely ridiculous. I have married friends and single friends. 4 of my very best friends are single women. I would never entertain the idea of no longer hanging with them because I'm a married woman now. We still talk about all of the same things we talked about previously. Literally NOTHING has changed. 

Are you 18? You're 18, aren't you?

MairePoppy

That doesn't make sense. Some of my friends are now divorced or widowed. They are still the same interesting people they were when they were married. They needed support through the rough times, but that's what friends are for, right?

AJC430 said:

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who exhausting.  Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen! 

Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are. 

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic). 

TrixieJess

AJC430 said:

lovegood90 said:

AJC430 said:

lovegood90 said:

Yeah, that's super fucking offensive.

As a newly single person who has universally attached friends, I would be incredibly hurt if they stopped wanting to hang out with me just because I'm single now.

Way to judge an entire "group" of people as dramatic, and way to place you and your attached friends on pedestals. Sounds like you're the one who needs to grow up.

Not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to grow with married couples. Thanks for the help.

Excuse me? What the fuck does "trying to grow with married couples" mean? As in us lowly singles can't possibly have the mental capacity to grow as people? Seriously, screw you.

You really can't be serious. 

No really, what does it mean? My best married friend and I act like 12 year old boys together. I don't want to grow with her, it would mean losing the penis and fart jokes!

lovemesomemonster

I am super confused about this entire post. How does being married or single change who the person is? Either you like having them around or you don't, regardless of if they are married or not. And as for inappropriate topics, I'm confused by this as well, what all of a sudden became inappropriate now that you are married? Did you "mature" over night when you said your vows and are now "above" particular types of conversations? I would say if you and your single friends used to have orgies every weekend for fun, then yes, you probably shouldn't do that anymore, but them talking about their sexcapades shouldn't be damaging to your married ears. 

kimmiinthemitten

I have a quick solution for this:

Tell your single friends that you find them dramatic and now that you're married you're no longer interested in their drivel about dating and one night stands.  They'll drop you fast and your H's friends wives is all that will be left.

AJC430

MairePoppy said:

That doesn't make sense. Some of my friends are now divorced or widowed. They are still the same interesting people they were when they were married. They needed support through the rough times, but that's what friends are for, right?

AJC430 said:

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who exhausting.  Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen! 

Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are. 

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic). 

climbingwife said:

Let me see if I understand. Your single friends talk about dating and sex, and now that you're married, you just can't be listening to that kind of stuff. 

Do your single friends a favor and stop being friends with them. 

I find you completely ridiculous. I have married friends and single friends. 4 of my very best friends are single women. I would never entertain the idea of no longer hanging with them because I'm a married woman now. We still talk about all of the same things we talked about previously. Literally NOTHING has changed. 

Are you 18? You're 18, aren't you?

You are truly assuming that I'm 18? You are truly assuming the worst about me because of my post? You are assuming that I'm immature - because of course, you know everything about me?

This has been an enlightening experience.  

AJC430

lovemesomemonster said:

I am super confused about this entire post. How does being married or single change who the person is? Either you like having them around or you don't, regardless of if they are married or not. And as for inappropriate topics, I'm confused by this as well, what all of a sudden became inappropriate now that you are married? Did you "mature" over night when you said your vows and are now "above" particular types of conversations? I would say if you and your single friends used to have orgies every weekend for fun, then yes, you probably shouldn't do that anymore, but them talking about their sexcapades shouldn't be damaging to your married ears. 

Not what I'm talking about, but okay. 

ShesSoCold

lovemesomemonster said:

I am super confused about this entire post. How does being married or single change who the person is? Either you like having them around or you don't, regardless of if they are married or not. And as for inappropriate topics, I'm confused by this as well, what all of a sudden became inappropriate now that you are married? Did you "mature" over night when you said your vows and are now "above" particular types of conversations? I would say if you and your single friends used to have orgies every weekend for fun, then yes, you probably shouldn't do that anymore, but them talking about their sexcapades shouldn't be damaging to your married ears. 

This, exactly. OP, your post comes across like you think that you're so much better than single people now that you're married and you can't possibly be bothered by their single people conversations because you're above them now. 

lovemesomemonster

AJC430 said:

lovemesomemonster said:

I am super confused about this entire post. How does being married or single change who the person is? Either you like having them around or you don't, regardless of if they are married or not. And as for inappropriate topics, I'm confused by this as well, what all of a sudden became inappropriate now that you are married? Did you "mature" over night when you said your vows and are now "above" particular types of conversations? I would say if you and your single friends used to have orgies every weekend for fun, then yes, you probably shouldn't do that anymore, but them talking about their sexcapades shouldn't be damaging to your married ears. 

Not what I'm talking about, but okay. 

Then why don't you EXPLAIN to the rest of us WHAT you are talking about? 

climbingsingle

AJC430 said:

MairePoppy said:

That doesn't make sense. Some of my friends are now divorced or widowed. They are still the same interesting people they were when they were married. They needed support through the rough times, but that's what friends are for, right?

AJC430 said:

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who exhausting.  Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen! 

Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are. 

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic). 

climbingwife said:

Let me see if I understand. Your single friends talk about dating and sex, and now that you're married, you just can't be listening to that kind of stuff. 

Do your single friends a favor and stop being friends with them. 

I find you completely ridiculous. I have married friends and single friends. 4 of my very best friends are single women. I would never entertain the idea of no longer hanging with them because I'm a married woman now. We still talk about all of the same things we talked about previously. Literally NOTHING has changed. 

Are you 18? You're 18, aren't you?

You are truly assuming that I'm 18? You are truly assuming the worst about me because of my post? You are assuming that I'm immature - because of course, you know everything about me?

This has been an enlightening experience.  

Only an immature person would be posting the things you've posted. So yes, I believe you are either very young, or very imamture. 

ShesSoCold

AJC430 said:

MairePoppy said:

That doesn't make sense. Some of my friends are now divorced or widowed. They are still the same interesting people they were when they were married. They needed support through the rough times, but that's what friends are for, right?

AJC430 said:

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who exhausting.  Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen! 

Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are. 

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic). 

climbingwife said:

Let me see if I understand. Your single friends talk about dating and sex, and now that you're married, you just can't be listening to that kind of stuff. 

Do your single friends a favor and stop being friends with them. 

I find you completely ridiculous. I have married friends and single friends. 4 of my very best friends are single women. I would never entertain the idea of no longer hanging with them because I'm a married woman now. We still talk about all of the same things we talked about previously. Literally NOTHING has changed. 

Are you 18? You're 18, aren't you?

You are truly assuming that I'm 18? You are truly assuming the worst about me because of my post? You are assuming that I'm immature - because of course, you know everything about me?

This has been an enlightening experience.  

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I'mma go ahead and call it a duck. 

AJC430

I see my original post has confused some people and struck a chord with others. Next time I post, I will make sure to be extra clear regarding what I mean.

lyndausvi

You are not doing a good job of explaining yourself.

TrixieJess

AJC430 said:

MairePoppy said:

That doesn't make sense. Some of my friends are now divorced or widowed. They are still the same interesting people they were when they were married. They needed support through the rough times, but that's what friends are for, right?

AJC430 said:

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who exhausting.  Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen! 

Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are. 

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic). 

climbingwife said:

Let me see if I understand. Your single friends talk about dating and sex, and now that you're married, you just can't be listening to that kind of stuff. 

Do your single friends a favor and stop being friends with them. 

I find you completely ridiculous. I have married friends and single friends. 4 of my very best friends are single women. I would never entertain the idea of no longer hanging with them because I'm a married woman now. We still talk about all of the same things we talked about previously. Literally NOTHING has changed. 

Are you 18? You're 18, aren't you?

You are truly assuming that I'm 18? You are truly assuming the worst about me because of my post? You are assuming that I'm immature - because of course, you know everything about me?

This has been an enlightening experience.  

I think you are immature. You can't have single friends because what they talk about is inappropriate? Ummm, what? I can have single and married friends and have pretty much the same conversations with both of them. My single friends are great not because they are single but because they are awesome people, same with my married friends, it's why we're friends. 

You need to be a little more introspective and maybe figure out why your friends are your friends rather than assigning labels to them.

Maggie0829

AJC430 said:

Maggie0829 said:

lyndausvi said:

AJC430 said:

lyndausvi said:

AJC430 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status.  But rather by who that person is on the inside.  H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married.  We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status.  There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it.  If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples. 

Why?  What do you think they provide in means of friendships that single friends don't?

Frankly, my single friends discuss things that I don't want to discuss - topics that I think are inappropriate and I don't want to have those kinds of discussions anymore. 

I have no idea what that means?   What would be considered an inappropraite topic to a married person. 

This.  You apparently found it appropriate or just fine when you weren't married so what could they possibly talk about now that you find inappropriate?  Having random sex with a guy they picked up at the bar?  You know you can still laugh and talk about this stuff when you are married, you just can't offer up any current personal examples.

That's really all I mean. Why would anyone assume that married people don't talk about sex? Of course they do. 

Wait, what?  So what exactly do you find inappropriate now that you didn't when you weren't married?

sarahufl

This post is confusing, at best. I am not sure what you are hoping to get from it.

AJC430

lyndausvi said:

You are not doing a good job of explaining yourself.

You're exactly right. I meant NONE of what people assumed. I'll do better next time.

Maggie0829

AJC430 said:

MairePoppy said:

That doesn't make sense. Some of my friends are now divorced or widowed. They are still the same interesting people they were when they were married. They needed support through the rough times, but that's what friends are for, right?

AJC430 said:

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who exhausting.  Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen! 

Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are. 

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic). 

climbingwife said:

Let me see if I understand. Your single friends talk about dating and sex, and now that you're married, you just can't be listening to that kind of stuff. 

Do your single friends a favor and stop being friends with them. 

I find you completely ridiculous. I have married friends and single friends. 4 of my very best friends are single women. I would never entertain the idea of no longer hanging with them because I'm a married woman now. We still talk about all of the same things we talked about previously. Literally NOTHING has changed. 

Are you 18? You're 18, aren't you?

You are truly assuming that I'm 18? You are truly assuming the worst about me because of my post? You are assuming that I'm immature - because of course, you know everything about me?

This has been an enlightening experience.  

We can only go off by what you post and your posts are making you sound very immature.  You could be 50 but still act very immature.

climbingsingle

AJC430 said:

lyndausvi said:

You are not doing a good job of explaining yourself.

You're exactly right. I meant NONE of what people assumed. I'll do better next time.

So clarify what you meant. 

sparklepants41

But if any of these single friends of yours suddenly starts dating "seriously" or gets engaged, will you all of a sudden want to be friends with them again?

Because I don't think that will go over very well.

thefanciestbeckler

emmaaa

AJC430 said:

MairePoppy said:

That doesn't make sense. Some of my friends are now divorced or widowed. They are still the same interesting people they were when they were married. They needed support through the rough times, but that's what friends are for, right?

AJC430 said:

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who exhausting.  Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen! 

Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are. 

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic). 

climbingwife said:

Let me see if I understand. Your single friends talk about dating and sex, and now that you're married, you just can't be listening to that kind of stuff. 

Do your single friends a favor and stop being friends with them. 

I find you completely ridiculous. I have married friends and single friends. 4 of my very best friends are single women. I would never entertain the idea of no longer hanging with them because I'm a married woman now. We still talk about all of the same things we talked about previously. Literally NOTHING has changed. 

Are you 18? You're 18, aren't you?

You are truly assuming that I'm 18? You are truly assuming the worst about me because of my post? You are assuming that I'm immature - because of course, you know everything about me?

This has been an enlightening experience.  

I didn't realize being 18 would be considered the worst thing about anyone. Some 18 year olds can be very mature. You are not acting mature. You could be 40 and I would still think the same

anjemon

AJC430 said:

lovemesomemonster said:

I am super confused about this entire post. How does being married or single change who the person is? Either you like having them around or you don't, regardless of if they are married or not. And as for inappropriate topics, I'm confused by this as well, what all of a sudden became inappropriate now that you are married? Did you "mature" over night when you said your vows and are now "above" particular types of conversations? I would say if you and your single friends used to have orgies every weekend for fun, then yes, you probably shouldn't do that anymore, but them talking about their sexcapades shouldn't be damaging to your married ears. 

Not what I'm talking about, but okay. 

OP, this usually means you need to provide more details. If you don't give enough detail people are going to assume things. Sometimes they might be wrong, but they will continue to fill in the details until you do.

What has changed about your single friends now that you're engaged? What do you find distasteful?

lyndausvi

Ok - I guess I could see that maybe now, for whatever reason, your single friends seem, IDK, immature to you.    However, this has NOTHING to do with being single or married.   Some people will always be immature, regardless of their marital status.    

Friendships often have Ebb and Flo times.  Or some relationships just fade away.  Generally though it's not because of marital status.     

If you need new friends, then you need new friends.  Just stop pigeonholing them into groups of married and singles.  I know a lot of immature married couples.   I know mature singles

AJC430

AJC430 said:

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who (S loves T but T won't commit, etc. etc.) exhausting. (Therefore, I want more married friends.)  Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen! (which is frustrating regardless of who it is.)

1. Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are. 

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic). Because the married/committed friends that WE have are significantly less dramatic. 

We also live much closer to our single friends than to our married friends. 

The wives/girlfriends of my FI's friends are great people but they have their own group already so I feel like I'm wiggling myself in. I want a group of young committed/married women I can hang with! 

2. Advice, suggestions or thoughts? 

-----

Note: Please don't waste your energy being offended by something that a stranger says on the big WWW. It's not worth it. It was never my intention to offend or say mean things about my single friends. I don't understand why it's assumed that it's anyone's intention to offend based off words on a web page, without knowing the person, having a detailed explanation (which I hope I have now provided) hearing vocal inflections, etc.

The goal of this post is to ask for advice for how to meet other married couples. FI and I are always hanging with friends but sometimes even our single friends don't want to hang because they feel like the third wheel. In addition to that, I do need to expand my group of friends, for friends sake. 

(Separately, my post about Girl Groups was really to get an understanding about what happens after college for some people when it comes to their friend groups. My closest friends from college and after now live far away and I'm attached to them. Sue me.) 

It really isn't a crime to want to become couple friends with couples. I'm not discharging my single friends because of their 'status,' or any other variation of that statement. 

As far as conversations that are inappropriate, no, I don't want to talk about who liked who's asshole over the weekend. Hopefully that clarifies. 

STARMOON44

What is wrong with you? It's a simple question: what exactly are these single people talking about that is inappropriate for you to be hearing as a married person?

If you can't answer that don't bother doing better next time you post. No one wants to hear from you.

AJC430

STARMOON44 said:

What is wrong with you? It's a simple question: what exactly are these single people talking about that is inappropriate for you to be hearing as a married person? If you can't answer that don't bother doing better next time you post. No one wants to hear from you.

Please see above.