Single Friends vs. Married Friends

kvruns

I had a friend, emphasis on had, who basically did this. She wanted to get married and decided that the only way to get her bf to propose was to only hang out with married people so that he'd see that being married was amazing or something and thus want to get married. She dropped any non married friends, even though I was in a 2+ year committed relationship but since I wasn't married I wasn't good enough anymore. It definitely hurt and eventually we stopped any sort of friendship (same with the other 3-4 people she dropped) because at some point why make an effort if I'm suddenly not good enough for someone. After she was married then it was only friends with people with kids because she wanted kids and then had them. This last one is a little better to take because I know that often people who have kids want to hang out with other new moms in similar places, makes sense to me.

As for the rest of the post about inappropriate conversations or whatever that doesn't matter from single to married/committed/whatever. I didn't suddenly get less inappropriate or turn into a prude because I got married.  Sure I have no more crazy dating stories to share but it hasn't stopped me from being friends with single people.  I still have plenty of crazy stories to share and can hold my own just fine.

Maggie0829

@kvruns - So if this ex-friend of yours decides she wants a divorce will she befriend only divorce people in the hopes that her H will get the hint?  

lovegood90

AJC430 said:

soontobesyp said:

I feel like we're being trolled.  I can't put my finger on it, but something about OP screams troll.  Her responses?  The fact that she's all over the boards (seriously, there's something to be said about coming into a community gently...)?   I don't know...  

What? I'm just trying to be active. I don't take kindly to people saying things that aren't true about me. Sorry if I don't shy away. 

What's been said on this thread that's not true?

kimmiinthemitten

lovemesomemonster said:

AJC430 said:

redwoodoriginal said:

Ok, so just to clarify. If Single Sue over here said, omg, i liked (did you mean licked?) StrangerBoy's asshole this weekend! that's unacceptable....

but i'm married.... so if i say, hey AJC! I totally liked (licked?) H's asshole this weekend... that's totally okay bc.... i'm married?

How about, I just don't want to hear about assholes in general. Is that a crime?

so.. no assholes but jiggling boobies in your GIF is totally on the up and up for mature married ladies. 

I feel like Queen B would not want to be her friend and she's married.

I'm about 3 pages too late for this meme but I have to because it clears up the real reason for Kevin Hart's divorce!

kvruns

Maggie0829 said:

@kvruns - So if this ex-friend of yours decides she wants a divorce will she befriend only divorce people in the hopes that her H will get the hint?  

LOL maybe!

TheCheeseWench

lovemesomemonster said:

I cooked FI a steak and then bobbed his nob and swallowed for his birthday.. is that inappropriate for married people? 

Birthday? I call that "Wednesday".

TheCheeseWench

soontobesyp said:

I feel like we're being trolled.  I can't put my finger on it, but something about OP screams troll.  Her responses?  The fact that she's all over the boards (seriously, there's something to be said about coming into a community gently...)?   I don't know...  

Honestly, she sounds like that sunshine chick who posted 33 shades of drama all at once a couple of weeks back and then disappeared. The response style is similar, and just as unimpressive. Also, has anyone else noticed that according to her little countdown widget, she isn't even married yet?

lyndausvi

TheCheeseWench said:

soontobesyp said:

I feel like we're being trolled.  I can't put my finger on it, but something about OP screams troll.  Her responses?  The fact that she's all over the boards (seriously, there's something to be said about coming into a community gently...)?   I don't know...  

Honestly, she sounds like that sunshine chick who posted 33 shades of drama all at once a couple of weeks back and then disappeared. The response style is similar, and just as unimpressive. Also, has anyone else noticed that according to her little countdown widget, she isn't even married yet?

I noticed.   I guess only legally married couples are worth associating with.  

Viczaesar

I have to admit, I'm disappointed in this thread.  I was looking for a good drama-filled thread to read while I took a break from work, but OP's responses were weird and disappointing.

lyndausvi

Viczaesar said:

I have to admit, I'm disappointed in this thread.  I was looking for a good drama-filled thread to read while I took a break from work, but OP's responses were weird and disappointing.

yeah.  The answers had a vibe that someone is doing a research paper or something.

themuffinman16

I had a couple friends who got married and became total duds and gave me such attitude about being single.  I waited and found the right person.  A good friend wants their friends to wait for the right one, not judge them because they haven't found that person, yet.  

   If you can't be supportive of your friends because their life is still a work in progress (as even married people's lives are)  then you probably will have a hard time finding friends... married, single, or anything in between.

Vivandiere8

I get it. I think it's normal for people to want friends that share certain things with them. Just like new mothers some times wish they had more friends who were also new mothers etc. The other day one of my friends who isn't married, but in a long term relationship hung out with me, and said it felt great to hang out with another couple again (we hadn't hung out for a few months) because there were certain things we could relate to. I don't think that's being disrespectful to single people as some people see it, but just a desire to also have more friend who share certain things with you.

huskypuppy14

OP is only engaged, not married. Can't even be friends with herself.

[Deleted User]

At the moment FI and I have mostly married or engaged friends, not really on purpose.  I was new to the area and joined MeetUp, one of the few MeetUp groups in our town at the time was for couples.  There is something very rewarding about this friendship dynamic, but OP, it's not rewarding because they're married, so you can't base future friendships solely on this.  It's rewarding because FI and I both have loads in common with the couple, both on an individual level but also on a "couple" level -- for want of a better word.  And yes, we share some common interests and experiences because they're married, but that would mean shit if we had nothing else in common.  It sounds like you want to expand your friendship circle, and I recommend basing that on common interests and experiences first.  I imagine there are enough single people who also don't care to discuss butt licking.

In my single days my friend started dating someone new.  She invited everyone in our social circle out to meet him except me, because I was single and she didn't think I could handle it.  It was incredibly hurtful and insulting -- I wasn't aware that my singleness was anything that I should be ashamed of until that moment.  Don't do that to your friends. 

kimmiinthemitten

Vivandiere8 said:

I get it. I think it's normal for people to want friends that share certain things with them. Just like new mothers some times wish they had more friends who were also new mothers etc. The other day one of my friends who isn't married, but in a long term relationship hung out with me, and said it felt great to hang out with another couple again (we hadn't hung out for a few months) because there were certain things we could relate to. I don't think that's being disrespectful to single people as some people see it, but just a desire to also have more friend who share certain things with you.

I think this is different than new moms for 2 reasons.  One and most importantly, the OP basically stated that her single friends are dramatic and immature and now that she's on her way to being married she is no longer interested in hearing about their dating lives or sexcapades.  She's not looking for couples to be friends with so that they have a mix of men and women, she's looking for girlfriends who match her ideal of what a married woman is.

Secondly,  having a baby changes your life drastically so wanting mom friends who have children of a similar age for the babies to play with and women you can commiserate with about breast feeding, child care, products etc makes sense.  If getting married changes your life and personality drastically, you're doing it all wrong LOL.  

sparklepants41

lyndausvi said:

Viczaesar said:

I have to admit, I'm disappointed in this thread.  I was looking for a good drama-filled thread to read while I took a break from work, but OP's responses were weird and disappointing.

yeah.  The answers had a vibe that someone is doing a research paper or something.

It reminds me of those threads earlier last month by the poster who wanted to create a private school system for everyone but couldn't describe how it would work. Except with less drama than that one.

climbingsingle

Vivandiere8 said:

I get it. I think it's normal for people to want friends that share certain things with them. Just like new mothers some times wish they had more friends who were also new mothers etc. The other day one of my friends who isn't married, but in a long term relationship hung out with me, and said it felt great to hang out with another couple again (we hadn't hung out for a few months) because there were certain things we could relate to. I don't think that's being disrespectful to single people as some people see it, but just a desire to also have more friend who share certain things with you.

Being a mother and giving birth and taking care of a child is not the same as being in a relationship. Guess what? Most of my single friends have been in relationships before. That means they understand what it's like to be in a committed relationship. Your post makes no sense to me. 

pinkcow13

Vivandiere8 said:

I get it. I think it's normal for people to want friends that share certain things with them. Just like new mothers some times wish they had more friends who were also new mothers etc. The other day one of my friends who isn't married, but in a long term relationship hung out with me, and said it felt great to hang out with another couple again (we hadn't hung out for a few months) because there were certain things we could relate to. I don't think that's being disrespectful to single people as some people see it, but just a desire to also have more friend who share certain things with you.

What can you relate to with married friends that you can't with single friends? That's what I don't get. Sure, you can double date which is cool. You can still technically do that with a single friend, though. Being in a relationship should not change who you are or what your interests are. I have been with my H for 13 years, and in that time I have maintained friendships with friends whether or not they were single. Their relationship status has no bearing on our friendship. We can still talk about all the same shit, and do the same things. 

arrrghmatey

If getting married makes me want to separate myself from ANY friends, be they single or married, then getting married would be a big mistake that made me a worse person rather than a better person. Not to mention it would make me realize just how much I value those friendships. 

novella1186

I'm way way way way late to this, but I actually prefer my single friends some times. Some of my friends got into serious relationships and became super obnoxious. 

For example, Katie and I were good friends. She gets serious all of a sudden with Stan. I try to have a conversation with her and instead of telling me what's going on with her, it's all "Stan and I, Stan and I think, Stan and I went, Stan says, the other day Stan went..." And then I ask if she's free Friday, just her, because I want a girls' night, and I get "Stan and I will have to check our schedule. Stan and I have been really busy. Stan might want to see me that night. Stan and I will let you know if we're free." 

She ceases to exist as her own entity and becomes an inseparable unit from Stan, refuses to go anywhere or do anything without him, and can't form her own opinion unless she checks with him first. I then slowly let that friendship die. 

charlotte989875

Wait, wasn't this like a Sex and the City episode? Charlotte gets married to Trey, Samantha says something offensive and Charlotte tries to hang out with all her married sorority sisters because that talk is inappropriate for a married woman. But then she mentions she's frustrated with her (lack of) sex life with Trey, they call her a whore and she runs back to her single friends?

thefanciestbeckler

novella1186 said:

I'm way way way way late to this, but I actually prefer my single friends some times. Some of my friends got into serious relationships and became super obnoxious. 

For example, Katie and I were good friends. She gets serious all of a sudden with Stan. I try to have a conversation with her and instead of telling me what's going on with her, it's all "Stan and I, Stan and I think, Stan and I went, Stan says, the other day Stan went..." And then I ask if she's free Friday, just her, because I want a girls' night, and I get "Stan and I will have to check our schedule. Stan and I have been really busy. Stan might want to see me that night. Stan and I will let you know if we're free." 

She ceases to exist as her own entity and becomes an inseparable unit from Stan, refuses to go anywhere or do anything without him, and can't form her own opinion unless she checks with him first. I then slowly let that friendship die. 

This is literally the worst. I have had friends go down that sad, sad path of nonexistence as an individual before. It is really annoying, and in my opinion really unhealthy as well.

kimmiinthemitten

becklertobe said:

novella1186 said:

I'm way way way way late to this, but I actually prefer my single friends some times. Some of my friends got into serious relationships and became super obnoxious. 

For example, Katie and I were good friends. She gets serious all of a sudden with Stan. I try to have a conversation with her and instead of telling me what's going on with her, it's all "Stan and I, Stan and I think, Stan and I went, Stan says, the other day Stan went..." And then I ask if she's free Friday, just her, because I want a girls' night, and I get "Stan and I will have to check our schedule. Stan and I have been really busy. Stan might want to see me that night. Stan and I will let you know if we're free." 

She ceases to exist as her own entity and becomes an inseparable unit from Stan, refuses to go anywhere or do anything without him, and can't form her own opinion unless she checks with him first. I then slowly let that friendship die. 

This is literally the worst. I have had friends go down that sad, sad path of nonexistence as an individual before. It is really annoying, and in my opinion really unhealthy as well.

I think everyone has friends like this.  I love my FI, and I love spending time with him alone and in groups.  But take away my weekly dinner date with my best friend and my girls nights out and we have to talk!

pinkcow13

charlotte989875 said:

Wait, wasn't this like a Sex and the City episode? Charlotte gets married to Trey, Samantha says something offensive and Charlotte tries to hang out with all her married sorority sisters because that talk is inappropriate for a married woman. But then she mentions she's frustrated with her (lack of) sex life with Trey, they call her a whore and she runs back to her single friends?

YES. Was this the Sushi Samba episode?

thisismynickname2

The bottom line is that it's hard to make true friends rather than mere acquaintances, no matter what.

If someone isn't getting something from a certain group of friends, maybe because you and they are at different phases of life, then maybe they weren't true friends to begin with. I think that's just a fact, not a judgment. 

I've been dear friends with a small group of women for years, but they all have families now. With everyone being so busy, we generally only hang out with our husbands and often their children too. Conversation devolves into the lowest common denominators of topics, which is usually their children. It gets boring to me, and then I love hanging out with single or child-free friends. In fact, when I finally got to have a girls' day with just this small group of women recently, it was like we were able to rekindle our friendship and talk freely without distraction. I miss that. 

It's not about married versus single, it's about what you have in common with people. If relationship status was the only thing you had in common, then don't worry about finding more married people- find more people who just share your interests. 

charlotte989875

pinkcow13 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Wait, wasn't this like a Sex and the City episode? Charlotte gets married to Trey, Samantha says something offensive and Charlotte tries to hang out with all her married sorority sisters because that talk is inappropriate for a married woman. But then she mentions she's frustrated with her (lack of) sex life with Trey, they call her a whore and she runs back to her single friends?

YES. Was this the Sushi Samba episode?

Yes! Wonder if blow jobs under the table at a restaurant is unacceptable married talk?

PrettyGirlLost

MagicInk, is that you?

PrincessofGenovia?  Tony?

thespeshulestsnowflake

PrettyGirlLost said:

MagicInk, is that you?

PrincessofGenovia?  Tony?

I feel more like lildropofsunshine based off of posting style. Posts a bunch of threads in a short amount of time and feels the need to respond to every single person with his/her opinion of what the poster said. Then gets annoyed when he/she doesn't make sense and people ask what they are talking about. And gives no clarifications.

mj8215

PrettyGirlLost said:

MagicInk, is that you?

PrincessofGenovia?  Tony?

That is totally what I thought!!

thefanciestbeckler

mj8215 said:

MagicInk, is that you?

PrincessofGenovia?  Tony?

That is totally what I thought!!

Me too!! and anybody notice that OP just completely stopped posting?