So I'm who's all having a personal attendant. I was planning on having my little brother's girlfriend (will be wife someday). If they were engaged or married I would have had her as a bridesmaid, but since they aren't I planned on personal attendant. Do people have personal attendants anymore? She'd be there to help decorate (we can't decorate until the day of), take care of vendors and be my go to person the day of.
I wanted to ask her in person, but she is in France until early next year (we are getting married September 2016). Sending something is out of the questions because she is always on the move. Would it be cheesy to send an e-mail?
Re: Personal Attendant
If you really want to "honor" someone by asking them to be more than a guest at your wedding, ask them to be in your wedding party as a bridesmaid/man or MOH. You can do that by email (just be straightforward with no cutesy poems).
Also, if your relationship with her is that close, there's no reason why she couldn't be a bridesmaid. Her marital status to a member of your family should have nothing to do with whether she's involved in the wedding party (what if she and your brother elope suddenly between now and your wedding - are you going to suddenly ask her to be a bridesmaid?). If you personally are close friends with her, make her a bridesmaid. And if you're not that close with her personally, then "guest" is an honor in and of itself. But don't make her be your wedding slave as a way to "honor" her and your relationship. Invite her to get ready with you if you want. Everything else, shell out some money and hire a day of coordinator. That's what their job is and that's what making people decorate for you and intervene with vendors on your behalf is...a job.
This is a very long way of saying don't have your brother's girlfriend be your personal attendant. It's not an honor and it's insulting.
Just don't do it. It is not an honor,
Asking someone to be your personal bitch for the day is an insult, not an honor.
If you are close to her, ask her to be a bridesmaid. Sides don't need to be even if that's a concern at all.
Other honors include:
Asking her to do a reading (assuming she doesn't mind public speaking)
If she is Catholic and it's a Catholic wedding, asking her if she'd care to be a presenter of the gifts during the Eucharist.
Or her just being a guest is fine too. It's way better than asking her to be unpaid labor.
Other things you can do:
You're free to ask her if she'd like to get ready with you before the wedding.
You could always treat for her to have her hair or makeup done by your stylist when you and/or your bridal party are getting it done.
You could make sure she is in several of your wedding pictures.
You could give her a corsage that matches the other wedding flowers.
You could simply tell her in a note or in person how great she is and you hope that she's your sister one day.
Definitely some alternatives to being a PA. Stay away from it. It's icky.
I agree with all of this except the "future SIL" part. If your brother hasn't proposed, I wouldn't take it upon myself to bring it up. In my family, at least, it would not be appreciated.
I suppose you could be right. It would definitely depend on the dynamic of the relationships.
When my SIL got married, I wasn't in the wedding. I had been with my (now) DH for about 6 years at that point, but we weren't engaged yet. I was in no way hurt by this. I had no assignments, though I did follow MIL around most of the day during the prep-work because she was going nuts and I wanted to try to help...DH was in the wedding doing GM pictures anyway, so I had nothing else to do. I also helped MIL pack up the flower arrangements and gifts from the reception, but again, no one asked me to do this, I just did it.
If you are close with this person OUTSIDE of her relationship with your brother (like the two of you go out by yourselves regularly, talk regularly, you'd consider her a close friend even if she broke up with your brother), ask her to be a BM. If not, she can just be a guest.
I personally would be offended as a guest if you asked me to be a personal attendant to do all of those things. Because from a guest point of view this is how it comes across "I know we don't know each other very well, and your spending a nice chunk of money to come to my wedding along with taking vacation (I'm sure they are coming in for more then the weekend) but would you mind dealing with my vendors, setting up the decorations & dealing with any other small stuff, just out of the goodness of your heart?"
Let her come and enjoy your wedding and spend time with your family as she probably doesn't get to see them very often with living in france. If she volunteers to help with decorations, great. But don't ask her.