Save the Dates???

poodledoodleooo · October 2015

@upgirl9190

I am admittedly confused. You and your family and friends typically skip the wedding ceremonies because they are inconvenient. Most of the weddings in your circle have gaps. And yet you haven't put two and two together to realize that ceremonies are really only inconvenient when they do have gaps?! And that most of your friends and family probably, in some way shape or form, find this rude and, you got it, inconvenient?!

I'm glad you aren't having a gap, but please recognize that those that do have gaps are inconviencing you. And that is pretty rude.

Others are also right to say that people might decline your marriage celebration over going to someone else's full wedding. If I were equally close to two couples and I had to chose between a full wedding and just the celebration, I would definitely chose the full wedding. They want me there enough to include me in on EVERYTHING. Witnessing their marriage and celebrating with them after. I would chose that over going to the celebration thing where the couple just wants to party. Because after the wedding day that's really all it is - just a party. You can still definitely do your celebration a week later, just try not to be too butthurt if people decide they can't/don't want to go. You made your choice, they will make theirs.

Also, I wanted to add that Save the Dates are pretty appropriate for many non-wedding instances. It's basically like saying "hey put this in your calendar so you can decide later whether or not you want to go/plan ahead a bit." They can be as formal as a fancy letter or as informal as a text or evite - their purpose is the same. We use more formal postcard-type STD's for work-related events (conferences., training seminars, charity luncheons) These aren't inappropriate or wrong. I do think that your STD should match the formality of the event. As in - if you're hosting a fairly fancy wedding please don't send an eSTD. If you're hosting a girls cocktail hour, an eSTD is 100% appropriate.

simcal18 · October 2015

upgirl9190 said:

As far as the pre marriage counseling, we don't need to discuss what it's going to be like to live together, how we are going to do chores, how finances will work, how many kids we want, we've done that and things are going very well. Even if we wanted counseling, I wouldn't get it from a church. I'd go to a licensed therapist.

That's great. Have you discussed whether you both have the same thoughts about one of your parents moving in with you if they were to become ill? Whether you are open to IVF/adoption/being a foster family? Whether and when you would tell friends or parents that you are having trouble conceiving, or trouble with money? How you would weather long-term unemployment? How you would parent a special needs child?

DH and I are fantastic communicators. We lived with each other for a year before we went to our pre cana. Neither of us are super religious (in fact my DH is a secular semi-Jew who is not super comfortable with organized religion), but we still found parts of our pre cana prep to be really helpful. If you don't want to go to premarital counseling that's fine, but your dismissive attitude (along with your dismissive attitude toward ceremonies in general and your seeming lack of consideration to having a ceremony at your reception site) is what's turning people off.

mollybarker11 · October 2015

missa011 said:

I'm just confused as to why you're getting married in the state park chapel if you are not religious and have no interest in "jumping through hoops" in order to get married in the church?

From what I gather the park chapel is just the building they happened to choose for their venue. Their officiant is a county clerk, it's not a religious ceremony.

Re: Catholic gaps / rude family traditions - Almost every wedding I've ever been to has had a gap AND a cash bar AND a tiered reception where anyone & their neighbour is invited to the post-dinner dance. If I hadn't lurked around these forums I probably could have gone my whole life not knowing this was considered rude by most people.

I do not see this as an excuse to continue that behaviour, I see it as an opportunity to throw the best damn wedding my guests have ever been to (when the time comes). I can't understand the reaction of "Oh no one will mind if I do XYZ," when it could be "Wow think of how stoked everyone will be when I do ABC!"

CMGragain · October 2015

upgirl9190 said:

We are having our ceremony in a small log chapel in a state park with just our parents and grandparents October 2016. A week later we our having our reception with 200+ guest. My family will be local traveling 1hr or less while my fiances family will be traveling ~3hrs and some guest will be coming from out of state. We have already have had several questions asking when and where our reception is and what hotels are in the area. There are also 2 other weddings in my family next fall as well. I wasn't planning on sending save the dates but with all the questions and now 2 more weddings is it something I should do even though it's only for the reception?

I am going to revisit the OP's original post. I am disregarding some of the offensive remarks she has made.

1. There is nothing wrong with having your small ceremony in the chapel. You should take your guests out for a nice lunch or dinner immediately afterwards. THIS will be your wedding reception.

2. There is nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate your marriage at a later date. It is NOT your wedding reception. No wedding dress, no wedding traditions. It is a party for your friends and family. It is not a part of your wedding in any way. You get one day, and yours was the day you had your wedding ceremony and your wedding reception with your small number of guests. It is OK to have food, drink, and dancing at your party, but you are not "the bride" and your FI is not "the groom". No "first dance", but you can have a special dance. Do not expect gifts.

3. You can send out STDs, but be very clear that it is a party to which you are inviting people, not your wedding reception. Personally, I think eight weeks time should be enough for people to plan, and you can communicate by word of mouth/family grapevine for out of town guests. Sending STDs for a party seems too pretentious, at least, to me.

onefootinthebayou · October 2015

PoodleDoodleOoo said:
@upgirl9190

I am admittedly confused. You and your family and friends typically skip the wedding ceremonies because they are inconvenient. Most of the weddings in your circle have gaps. And yet you haven't put two and two together to realize that ceremonies are really only inconvenient when they do have gaps?! And that most of your friends and family probably, in some way shape or form, find this rude and, you got it, inconvenient?!

I'm glad you aren't having a gap, but please recognize that those that do have gaps are inconviencing you. And that is pretty rude.

Others are also right to say that people might decline your marriage celebration over going to someone else's full wedding. If I were equally close to two couples and I had to chose between a full wedding and just the celebration, I would definitely chose the full wedding. They want me there enough to include me in on EVERYTHING. Witnessing their marriage and celebrating with them after. I would chose that over going to the celebration thing where the couple just wants to party. Because after the wedding day that's really all it is - just a party. You can still definitely do your celebration a week later, just try not to be too butthurt if people decide they can't/don't want to go. You made your choice, they will make theirs.

Also, I wanted to add that Save the Dates are pretty appropriate for many non-wedding instances. It's basically like saying "hey put this in your calendar so you can decide later whether or not you want to go/plan ahead a bit." They can be as formal as a fancy letter or as informal as a text or evite - their purpose is the same. We use more formal postcard-type STD's for work-related events (conferences., training seminars, charity luncheons) These aren't inappropriate or wrong. I do think that your STD should match the formality of the event. As in - if you're hosting a fairly fancy wedding please don't send an eSTD. If you're hosting a girls cocktail hour, an eSTD is 100% appropriate.

@PoodleDoodleOoo I like you over here! I hope you lurk less & comment more.

upgirl9190 · October 2015

There is nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate your marriage at a later date. It is NOT your wedding reception. No wedding dress, no wedding traditions. It is a party for your friends and family. It is not a part of your wedding in any way. You get one day, and yours was the day you had your wedding ceremony and your wedding reception with your small number of guests. It is OK to have food, drink, and dancing at your party, but you are not "the bride" and your FI is not "the groom". No "first dance", but you can have a special dance. Do not expect gifts.

It will be just like a wedding reception. I am the bride. I will be in my dress. My FI is the groom and will be in his suit. We will have a first dance and the rest of the wedding traditions (cake cutting, garter/bouquet toss, etc). I have absolutely no concern over guest attending. They same people will attend whether or not they got to go to the ceremony and they will bring gifts. I had a cousin do something similar a few years ago and had a full and amazing reception, no complaints. Some out of state family has already booked flights and hotels.

My family respects our decision for a small ceremony because they know that the location we have chosen is truly "us". The park we are having our ceremony at is dedicated to forestry and logging, there is no better place for two foresters to get married. We like the chapel in the middle of the forest because wandering around the woods all day is where we feel happy and most at peace. The silence of the forest is our "church". Our lumberjack theme will be carried over into our reception and those we have shared that with love it and can't wait to come.

Our anniversary we will celebrate will be our reception date, not our ceremony date. We already have something to celebrate on our ceremony date, the first day of deer hunting season.

redoryx · October 2015

upgirl9190 said:

There is nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate your marriage at a later date. It is NOT your wedding reception. No wedding dress, no wedding traditions. It is a party for your friends and family. It is not a part of your wedding in any way. You get one day, and yours was the day you had your wedding ceremony and your wedding reception with your small number of guests. It is OK to have food, drink, and dancing at your party, but you are not "the bride" and your FI is not "the groom". No "first dance", but you can have a special dance. Do not expect gifts.

It will be just like a wedding reception. I am the bride. I will be in my dress. My FI is the groom and will be in his suit. We will have a first dance and the rest of the wedding traditions (cake cutting, garter/bouquet toss, etc). I have absolutely no concern over guest attending. They same people will attend whether or not they got to go to the ceremony and they will bring gifts. I had a cousin do something similar a few years ago and had a full and amazing reception, no complaints. Some out of state family has already booked flights and hotels.

My family respects our decision for a small ceremony because they know that the location we have chosen is truly "us". The park we are having our ceremony at is dedicated to forestry and logging, there is no better place for two foresters to get married. We like the chapel in the middle of the forest because wandering around the woods all day is where we feel happy and most at peace. The silence of the forest is our "church". Our lumberjack theme will be carried over into our reception and those we have shared that with love it and can't wait to come.

Our anniversary we will celebrate will be our reception date, not our ceremony date. We already have something to celebrate on our ceremony date, the first day of deer hunting season.

southernbelle0915 · October 2015

upgirl9190 said:
There is nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate your marriage at
a later date. It is NOT your wedding reception. No wedding dress, no
wedding traditions. It is a party for your friends and family. It is
not a part of your wedding in any way. You get one day, and yours was
the day you had your wedding ceremony and your wedding reception with
your small number of guests. It is OK to have food, drink, and dancing
at your party, but you are not "the bride" and your FI is not "the
groom". No "first dance", but you can have a special dance. Do not
expect gifts.

It will be just like a wedding reception. I am the bride. I will be in my dress. My FI is the groom and will be in his suit. We will have a first dance and the rest of the wedding traditions (cake cutting, garter/bouquet toss, etc). I have absolutely no concern over guest attending. They same people will attend whether or not they got to go to the ceremony and they will bring gifts. I had a cousin do something similar a few years ago and had a full and amazing reception, no complaints. Some out of state family has already booked flights and hotels.

My family respects our decision for a small ceremony because they know that the location we have chosen is truly "us". The park we are having our ceremony at is dedicated to forestry and logging, there is no better place for two foresters to get married. We like the chapel in the middle of the forest because wandering around the woods all day is where we feel happy and most at peace. The silence of the forest is our "church". Our lumberjack theme will be carried over into our reception and those we have shared that with love it and can't wait to come.

Our anniversary we will celebrate will be our reception date, not our ceremony date. We already have something to celebrate on our ceremony date, the first day of deer hunting season.

Ok, well I'm finally convinced this is MUD. Thanks for playing.

In case you're not, YOU posted to an etiquette board and asked for advice. You got it. If you choose not yo follow it, whatever. But factually and legally, you will not be a bride (you'll be a wife). And your HUSBAND will not be a groom. And your wedding anniversary will be the day you get married.

But I kind of like your logic....it means I can throw myself an omg-I'm-21 birthday bash and have it in the spring even though my bday is in the fall. Because my cousin did it so that makes it real.

mollybarker11 · October 2015

Yeah I'm with you on the MUD^

"Lumberjack theme" is what tipped your hand, OP.

upgirl9190 · October 2015

Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

mollybarker11 said:

Yeah I'm with you on the MUD^

"Lumberjack theme" is what tipped your hand, OP.

based on her local board posts, I think she's just a legit bridezilla. Lumberjack is definitely a thing where she's from.

lc07 · October 2015

southernbelle0915 said:

Ok, well I'm finally convinced this is MUD. Thanks for playing. In case you're not, YOU posted to an etiquette board and asked for advice. You got it. If you choose not yo follow it, whatever. But factually and legally, you will not be a bride (you'll be a wife). And your HUSBAND will not be a groom. And your wedding anniversary will be the day you get married. But I kind of like your logic....it means I can throw myself an omg-I'm-21 birthday bash and have it in the spring even though my bday is in the fall. Because my cousin did it so that makes it real.

Agreed. OP sounded like a troll to me from page 1. I don't believe any of this is real life.

CMGragain · October 2015

OMG! If OP is for real, she is one of the most self absorbed posters ever! I will probably see a few little girls dressed up like brides on Halloween night. Maybe OP will be one of them.

mileybangerz · October 2015

But guysssssssssssss, look how awesome this is!

ryanandjoe4 · October 2015

mileybangerz said:

But guysssssssssssss, look how awesome this is!

that bride even looks disgusted...

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

This is my personal favorite line:

They same people will attend whether or not they got to go to the ceremony and they will bring gifts.

Do you think it's included on the invite??

teddygirl9 · October 2015

upgirl9190 said:

Our lumberjack theme will be carried over into our reception and those we have shared that with love it and can't wait to come.

We already have something to celebrate on our ceremony date, the first day of deer hunting season.

*sigh* So romantic

Please post pictures.

photokitty · October 2015

ryanandjoe4 said:

mileybangerz said:

But guysssssssssssss, look how awesome this is!

that bride even looks disgusted...

The url is ILostABet.com

PrettyGirlLost · October 2015

upgirl9190 said:

I'm not asking people to choose one wedding over another, I'm just informing them of the date and location. I find it very rude that you would choose a wedding ceremony over attending just a reception for family or friends. You should be there to support the couple however they choose to arrange their wedding.

As has been stated, the "wedding" is the ceremony, and the "reception" is just a glorified party that is actually thrown in honor and as a thank you to the guests who just attended the ceremony.

So, on the day you have your lumberjack wedding at the cabin, you and your FI need to host everyone who comes to witness that ceremony to some sort of a reception directly following the ceremony. If your ceremony ends around a meal time then you need to host a meal for your guests.

And as PP's have said, if I received two invitations to actual weddings, where I was invited to the ceremony AND the reception, and a third invitation to a party celebrating a wedding that had already happened and I was not initially invited to, and I could only go to one or two of those events, I would choose to go to the actual weddings over the party.

Sorrynotsorry, but the wedding ceremony is the important part of the wedding day, and trumps just a party for me.

upgirl9190 said:

It will be just like a wedding reception. I am the bride. I will be in my dress. My FI is the groom and will be in his suit. We will have a first dance and the rest of the wedding traditions (cake cutting, garter/bouquet toss, etc). I would think all of this as highly inappropriate, foolish and full on AW if I was in attendance of this party. Grown ass adults who are already married parading around acting like they just got married? I'd honestly be embarrassed for you both. I have absolutely no concern over guest attending. They same people will attend whether or not they got to go to the ceremony and they will bring gifts. I had a cousin do something similar a few years ago and had a full and amazing reception, no complaints. Some out of state family has already booked flights and hotels.

My family respects our decision for a small ceremony because they know that the location we have chosen is truly "us". The park we are having our ceremony at is dedicated to forestry and logging, there is no better place for two foresters to get married. We like the chapel in the middle of the forest because wandering around the woods all day is where we feel happy and most at peace. The silence of the forest is our "church". Our lumberjack theme will be carried over into our reception and those we have shared that with love it and can't wait to come. Why not renew your vows on your anniversary in this place, and have an actual wedding and reception someplace else that can accommodate your entire guestlist?

Our anniversary we will celebrate will be our reception date, not our ceremony date. We already have something to celebrate on our ceremony date, the first day of deer hunting season. This makes no sense. And celebrating deer season as if it's as important as a wedding anniversary? Good Lord, seriously?! But you had already lost me at Lumberjack theme. Maybe I'm just sick to death of hipsters and their nasty ass beards and man buns to appreciate your theme though.

upgirl9190 · October 2015

@mileybangerz:

OMG! I love the picture! I haven't really searched our theme because I figured it didn't exists.I guess I need to do that for more ideas!!! My fiance was going to wear a suit but I bet he would like the Carhartts way more, maybe even a flannel shirt!

southernbelle0915 · October 2015

upgirl9190 said:
@mileybangerz:

OMG! I love the picture! I haven't really searched our theme because I figured it didn't exists.I guess I need to do that for more ideas!!! My fiance was going to wear a suit but I bet he would like the Carhartts way more, maybe even a flannel shirt!

Omg!! You didn't think lumberjack was a theme? When hipsters are constantly dressed in flannel with beards and "lumbersexual" is a thing?

Come on. It's basically a youneek twist on the old rustic/mason jar theme.

ryanandjoe4 · October 2015

I was so happy to find this picture, because when people say lumber-sexual I think this every time:

not the stupid hipster look:

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/the-original-lumbersexual.jpg

holyguacamole79 · October 2015

ryanandjoe4 said:

I was so happy to find this picture, because when people say lumber-sexual I think this every time:

not the stupid hipster look:

Am I the only one who watched "Home Improvement" in the 90s and remembers that Al was kind of a dud and finds this ironic?

drunkenwitch · October 2015

Don't half assed the hipster shtick, make sure you go all out and only serve PBR and artesian toast at your reception.

And don't play any obscure bands that have been heard on KEXP, that means they've totally sold out.

TrixieJess · October 2015

upgirl9190 said:
Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!

Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

TrixieJess said:

Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".

Her name is U.P. Girl as in Upper Peninsula (Michigan). She may be a troll, but lumberjack was the main profession in the UP for a while! We should all throw profession themed weddings LOL.

mileybangerz · October 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

TrixieJess said:

upgirl9190 said:
Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".

Her name is U.P. Girl as in Upper Peninsula (Michigan). She may be a troll, but lumberjack was the main profession in the UP for a while! We should all throw profession themed weddings LOL.

-------- Box ------------
In that case, I'm gonna marry an ob-gyn so I can have a vagina themed wedding.

thespeshulestsnowflake · October 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

TrixieJess said:

Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".

Her name is U.P. Girl as in Upper Peninsula (Michigan). She may be a troll, but lumberjack was the main profession in the UP for a while! We should all throw profession themed weddings LOL.

Is it bad that I'm from/in Michigan and totally missed that's where she got her username from?

kimmiinthemitten · October 2015

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

TrixieJess said:

Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".

Her name is U.P. Girl as in Upper Peninsula (Michigan). She may be a troll, but lumberjack was the main profession in the UP for a while! We should all throw profession themed weddings LOL.

Is it bad that I'm from/in Michigan and totally missed that's where she got her username from?

I did too but she posted in a local board that I had previously posted in and that's how I figured it out! She's an oxymoron - a troll from the UP!

thespeshulestsnowflake · October 2015

kimmiinthemitten said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

TrixieJess said:

Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".

Her name is U.P. Girl as in Upper Peninsula (Michigan). She may be a troll, but lumberjack was the main profession in the UP for a while! We should all throw profession themed weddings LOL.

Is it bad that I'm from/in Michigan and totally missed that's where she got her username from?

I did too but she posted in a local board that I had previously posted in and that's how I figured it out! She's an oxymoron - a troll from the UP!

Okay that makes sense. I haven't really posted in any of the Michigan local boards.

Save the Dates???

Re: Save the Dates???

Choose Another Board

Search Boards