Wedding Woes

Mother in law is mean!!

My fiancé and I are having a small wedding around 10 people. We are then going to a steakhouse afterwards for a nice meal. Unfortunately the whole time that we've been planning my future mother-in-law has not been very supportive. She is very unhappy that we're having a small wedding and I hear that constantly. Tonight we were talking to his brother and his brother's fiancé who just got engaged last week. They were talking about how they're having 150 people wedding at a country club and about her ring which is 2.2 karats. She's very bridezilla and it has only just begun. She was talking about how she had seven weddings to go to next year. Among them was ours. Then my future mother-in-law said oh they're not really having a wedding it is More of a family get together. :( I was caught off guard and didn't know how to respond but felt hurt. Am I wrong to feel this way and how would you ladies have handled the situation??? :(:(

Re: Mother in law is mean!!

  • She has also belittled me this whole time. She told me that she saw the ring that my fiancé had picked out as his wedding ring. She said to me I hope you make good money....wtf. Just to give you guys a concept the ring was $2400 .. And I make 110a year. She has no clue about my financial situation.. And just thinks I'm not making very much because I'm a graphic designer. 
  • If this isn't MUD then your FI needs to learn to stand up for you and you need to learn to let things roll off your shoulders. Also, we don't need to know how much your ring was and how much you make. If your ring was costume jewelry from Walmart and you made 150 a month babysitting, your feelings on her being rude to make snide comments would be just as valid. Good luck. Your wedding sounds nice.





    InLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2015
    How much you make or your wedding rings cost isn't relevant, because comments like "I hope you make good money" aren't appropriate, period.

    That said, your FI needs to be the one to shut down his mother's snide comments toward you. If he doesn't, I would say to her, "I'm sorry you don't like our plans, but FI and I made them together and they're final" and stop talking about your wedding with her.

    I'd also carefully consider whether or not I want to marry someone who doesn't stand up for me with his family, because if he is indifferent to your feelings or unwilling to put a stop to their treatment of you now, it won't get better after the wedding. Counseling might be helpful.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2015

    If this isn't MUD then your FI needs to learn to stand up for you and you need to learn to let things roll off your shoulders. Also, we don't need to know how much your ring was and how much you make. If your ring was costume jewelry from Walmart and you made 150 a month babysitting, your feelings on her being rude to make snide comments would be just as valid. Good luck. Your wedding sounds nice.

    Letting it roll off her shoulders only works for so long. Everyone becomes frustrated when expected to suck up nonstop rudeness.

    The FMIL needs to be told politely to stop it, ideally by the FI, but ultimately by the OP if the FI doesn't. Otherwise, the FMIL will keep running her mouth.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Your fiancé should have told her your wedding is just as much a wedding as anyone else's.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Learn the fine art of "Bean Dip"!  It's going to serve you well because this is something that you're going to deal with in your marriage.

    Chances are there's a reason she's unhappy with your plans.  Whether it's because you never talked to her about her hopes for your day or ???  Once the elephant in the room is uncovered, chances are the issue will die on its own.  This is something only your FI should handle because it's a "Blood talks to blood" issue.  It does need to get dealt with though in the proper setting and time away from others though!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited November 2015
    My sympathies.  My SIL had the most expensive, extravagant wedding Des Moines, Iowa, had ever seen.  She was 18 years old at the time.  The following year, we had a simple church ceremony with a cake and punch reception.  I know some people were disappointed that it wasn't going to be another big bash with open bar, live band, orchids on the tables, etc.  My FMIL was perfectly awful about it.
    Too bad.  We have been happily married for 39 years - very likely happier than my SIL, who has had many challenges in her married life.  That is more important, IMHO, than how fancy your wedding will be.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MesmrEweVicTim328collegechic
  • @Jen4948 and OP-- my apologies if I didn't speak clearly enough. I meant that both should be done in combination, though you're also right that the OP needs to do something if the FI won't. If he does speak to her, things may never be perfect even if they're better. At times she may have to pick her battle.





  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    @Jen4948 and OP-- my apologies if I didn't speak clearly enough. I meant that both should be done in combination, though you're also right that the OP needs to do something if the FI won't. If he does speak to her, things may never be perfect even if they're better. At times she may have to pick her battle.
    I agree that yes, it's important to pick your battles, but I think a battle becomes worth picking if you're expected to repeatedly put up with rude treatment by someone who should have your back but doesn't.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards