Wedding Etiquette Forum

How to deal with being MOH at a PPD?

2»

Re: How to deal with being MOH at a PPD?

  • Thank you for thinking otherwise, I do plan on commenting on  other boards, this caught my eye. :)

    I am very optimistic, I think we can agree to disagree. I am a romantic person, and I want to see people happy.

    I was raised in the South where nuptials and big occasions are valued. I was raised surrounded by military family and friends and have seen people go off to war and not come back. I am a realist that life is too short to live with regrets.

    I find it amusing due to my sense of humor how I am being called names because of my point of view or perhaps my compassion is different than others.

    I prefer to support individuals dreams and to be honest. I don't believe in begrudging others a wedding/celebration/marriage/vow renewal/etc. day if they had to wait.

    I love The Knot which is why I joined up as a member. I hope that my time here will be met with a better reception, pun intended. :) LOL

  • Honestly? Personally I'd just do it. Yeah, I don't like fake weddings, but I really love my sister, even when she is being wrong and hurtful, and if this is what she wants it wouldn't be worth hurting our relationship to me.
  • Thank you for thinking otherwise, I do plan on commenting on  other boards, this caught my eye. :)

    I am very optimistic, I think we can agree to disagree. I am a romantic person, and I want to see people happy.

    I was raised in the South where nuptials and big occasions are valued. I was raised surrounded by military family and friends and have seen people go off to war and not come back. I am a realist that life is too short to live with regrets.

    I find it amusing due to my sense of humor how I am being called names because of my point of view or perhaps my compassion is different than others.

    I prefer to support individuals dreams and to be honest. I don't believe in begrudging others a wedding/celebration/marriage/vow renewal/etc. day if they had to wait.

    I love The Knot which is why I joined up as a member. I hope that my time here will be met with a better reception, pun intended. :) LOL

    Differing opinions, arguing, a little snark is fine on these boards. Name calling and direct attacks are against the TOS. If you were called names, you should report it to the board moderator. I may be missing something, but didn't see name calling.

    You seem to have an odd sense of humor, which is fine. If you want to engage other community members and get to know us, then allow us to get to know you, too. You could start by changing your SN instead of using that anonymous Knottie#s name. 


                       
  • She wasn't called names unless she considers "Boring troll is boring" as being called names.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • edited December 2015

    Thank you. Being called a troll is not a very welcome way to opening doors to new guests, but I don't worry too much about that.  I'm a very forgiving person.

    I tend to handle life with humor, and would love to get to know everyone. :)

    I am trying to be tech savvy and figure out how to change my name, I figured there was a waiting time. I am sure I will learn a lot from everybody. :)

  • edited December 2015
    You weren't being called a name.  Troll = someone who posts  for the sake of annoying others. Also can be used as a verb. @Everafterstar

                       
  • Same. I think it's very condescending to say that "happy people want others to be happy" because it implies anyone here who advises anyone else not to do something that will make them happy is essentially just an unhappy person. It's the passive aggressive way of saying "you're all just bitter and miserable."

    Also, Everafterstar, I truly mean this in the gentlest way possible but I have to say your use of smiley faces is way excessive for the culture of this board. You might want to lurk around some more and you'll see that's just not the way people talk here and it comes across as smug and passive aggressive- and sincerely I'm not suggesting you mean to use them that way, but every social setting including this one has its own norms and its own tone and the use of so many emojis is jarring in this context. Just a little advice for if you are genuinely interested in forming relationships here.
    Yes.  It's like happy to them means "validating every idea I have regardless."    

    That is not how the real world works.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • *breaks out the smelling salts*

    I was only indoctrinated by a very Southern and very Catholic mother who was going to teach her stepsons and daughter manners, dignity and etiquette even if she had to beat it into our idiot teenaged minds some days.

    Otherwise, I am in full agreement.
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2015
    AddieCake said:

    She wasn't called names unless she considers "Boring troll is boring" as being called names.

    If I did call a poster names, I'll take my spanking from the Mods like a big girl. And I will continue to be bored by posters stirring the pot.

    Eta, thank you AddieCake

  • Knottie#s Thank you for letting us know how you worked things out with your sister. No, it's not perfect, but your sister can't change the past. At least she's being honest with her guests.
                       
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2015
    Good for you for standing your ground and being honest. As for your parents, I'd be frustrated as well, but that is their decision, don't waste any energy on it.

    And yes, sometimes it is best to let go of the past and move forward.

    ETA, I was a bridesmaid in "wedding" that I found out later was a PPD. I was hurt and angry for a while. Eventually I decided to let it go because this friend is someone I love very much and I want in my life.

  • Glad you were able to talk with your sister Knottie. 

    Sounds like a fair compromise- all her guests will know the situation and can then make a choice for them self. I like that it is being stated as a "celebration" of marriage. 
  • Its great that you and your sister were able to discuss this, you've done her a great favour whether she realises it or not. At least everyone attending knows it isn't a wedding and can celebrate her marriage without feeling mislead or duped, and you don't have to feel complicit. Glad it worked out for you OP!
                 
  • Honestly? Personally I'd just do it. Yeah, I don't like fake weddings, but I really love my sister, even when she is being wrong and hurtful, and if this is what she wants it wouldn't be worth hurting our relationship to me.
    SO MUCH THIS!
  • I see that this thread has derailed a bit.  These things happen.

    As OP, I want to thank all responders for their insight.  I ended up having a conversation with my sister in which I expressed my concerns re: the feeling of being dishonest to guests.

    Much to my surprise, she was very open to the discussion.  I tried to emphasize that I was happy for her and her husband and wished them the best, but was feeling very uncomfortable about lying to guests (including lying by omission).  We talked about ways to make us both comfortable, the conclusion we came to is to send out marriage announcements to those on the guest list - announcing the marriage and invitations to a celebration to follow.  That way all guests are clear that they are already married and that the planned celebration will be a renewal of the vows/celebration and can make their plans accordingly.

    It's not perfect.  I'm still upset that she's asking my parents to pay for a big PPD which they can't really afford even thought they weren't invited to the actual wedding and still hurt that she didn't care to have us at her actual wedding.   And she's upset that people may not come to the party and that people will know that they got married for financial reasons rather than having the traditional wedding.  But, given where we are, I think we can both live with the situation and move forward.

    Thanks again to everyone!  It really helped to have opinions from folks who weren't personally involved.



    I am glad you both were able to work this out. I understand that this is a difficult conversation to have for you and your family. Kudos to you! :)
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards