Wedding Invitations & Paper

Guest List

2»

Re: Guest List

  • Yep, you can do this for sure. We're all just saying you shouldn't.

    If your venue is more important to you than your guests are, well that's on you.

    The knot main website is a commercial enterprise, it doesn't particularly care if your guests are well treated but it does care that you spend more money in the wedding industry. It is in its best interests to perpetuate the myth that your wedding day is all about you, you, you. On these forums the advice tends to be more focused on encouraging brides to realise that once they invite guests the day stops being just about them.
                 
    MairePoppyspockforprez[Deleted User]
  • Even if I knew other people at a wedding I was invited to, but FI was not, I wouldn't have nearly as much fun if FI was invited. When people are in relationships, they become more than just themselves. It is important to recognize that Person A now comes with Person B because they are dating, engaged, married, whatever.


    The only instance in which I could see the venue coming before the guest list is if you KNOW that you are only inviting immediate family. Even then, you already have a kind-of guest list in your head beforehand. It just doesn't make sense to look at venues without any sort of guest number to go off of.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2015
    We are not inviting my fiancé's god-sisters boyfriend as it is a new relationship as well, we have never met him, and we have to keep our guest list small as we already booked our venue, and it is small. We told her up front that he will not be invited as we have large families and cannot invite every single person's significant other. Just be honest and that's your best bet.
    I haven't read through the whole post, only got this far. I find it hilarious that your screen name is NoNeedToBeRude, when what you're doing to your FI's family friend is EXTREMELY RUDE. 

    MairePoppyJediElizabeth
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    We are not inviting my fiancé's god-sisters boyfriend as it is a new relationship as well, we have never met him, and we have to keep our guest list small as we already booked our venue, and it is small. We told her up front that he will not be invited as we have large families and cannot invite every single person's significant other. Just be honest and that's your best bet.
    I haven't read through the whole post, only got this far. I find it hilarious that your screen name is NoNeedToBeRude, when what you're doing to your FI's family friend is EXTREMELY RUDE. 
    She changed her screen name - it started as her real name and she was given the advice to change it. After things didn't go her way in this post: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1066291/uh-oh-sent-save-the-dates-but#latest she picked a passive-aggressive replacement.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    [Deleted User]
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2015
    TheKnot is part of the wedding industry. They will tell you that it's your day, do whatever you want. You know why? They need to lure you here so you'll read their ads. They present lists of duties for parents and wedding party members, all aimed at convincing everyone that if they love you, the darling bride, they will spend money on their goods and services. TK is not an etiquette expert; it is a service for their paid advertisers. It's like the yellow pages, but fancier.

    If your loved ones have been tolerating inconsiderate behavior from you throughout your childhood, I imagine they will expect no better from you now, as you are planning your wedding. That doesn't mean they're going to like it, it means they don't have the balls to say no to you. 

    Once upon a time, brides and grooms cared about having good manners. They purchased etiquette guides, written by etiquette experts and sought advice from people they admired for their graciousness. They wanted to make their guests feel appreciated and welcome.

    But you do you. Get your advice from people who care about etiquette (treating their guests properly) or people who care about revenue. It's your day. How do you want people to remember it?
                       
    [Deleted User]
  • "If the invitation does not say "and guest" DO NOT bring a guest. Yes, it is unfortunate that you may have to spend an evening apart from your significant other and you may not know anyone else that is attending the wedding, but, think of it as an adventure. The bride and groom are not doing this to be cruel; maybe their dream venue could not hold a large group; maybe their budget was tight. Regardless of their reason, it's their reason and it's their wedding." Copied from an article posted on TheKnot.com. Just saying.
    I had some people I was close to decide that there wasn't enough room to invite my fiance to their wedding along with me. It helped me to see that if they didn't care about my relationship, one of the more important thing in my life, then they probably didn't care that much about me. I ended up not going to the wedding, and I haven't spoken to them since. I am happy for them and their life together, but I realized their friendship didn't mean as much to them as I thought it did after that. Just saying. 
    image
    MairePoppyJen4948[Deleted User]MyNameIsNot
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2015
    justsie said:



    "If the invitation does not say "and guest" DO NOT bring a guest. Yes, it is unfortunate that you may have to spend an evening apart from your significant other and you may not know anyone else that is attending the wedding, but, think of it as an adventure. The bride and groom are not doing this to be cruel; maybe their dream venue could not hold a large group; maybe their budget was tight. Regardless of their reason, it's their reason and it's their wedding."

    Copied from an article posted on TheKnot.com. Just saying.

    I had some people I was close to decide that there wasn't enough room to invite my fiance to their wedding along with me. It helped me to see that if they didn't care about my relationship, one of the more important thing in my life, then they probably didn't care that much about me. I ended up not going to the wedding, and I haven't spoken to them since. I am happy for them and their life together, but I realized their friendship didn't mean as much to them as I thought it did after that. Just saying. 

    I did the same thing. These people won't be invited to my wedding because they took it upon themselves to judge my 3-year relationship as "not important enough" to warrant inviting my SO simply because he hadn't given me a ring. And these were people I'd felt close to because we'd grown up together.
    MairePoppy[Deleted User]
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    "If the invitation does not say "and guest" DO NOT bring a guest. Yes, it is unfortunate that you may have to spend an evening apart from your significant other and you may not know anyone else that is attending the wedding, but, think of it as an adventure. The bride and groom are not doing this to be cruel; maybe their dream venue could not hold a large group; maybe their budget was tight. Regardless of their reason, it's their reason and it's their wedding." Copied from an article posted on TheKnot.com. Just saying.
    Doesn't matter what their reason is - it's rude.  No need to be rude - either invite the couple or don't invite them - but sure as hell don't invite just one of them.  It's quite simple.
    MairePoppyCMGragainlyndausvi[Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    "If the invitation does not say "and guest" DO NOT bring a guest. Yes, it is unfortunate that you may have to spend an evening apart from your significant other and you may not know anyone else that is attending the wedding, but, think of it as an adventure. The bride and groom are not doing this to be cruel; maybe their dream venue could not hold a large group; maybe their budget was tight. Regardless of their reason, it's their reason and it's their wedding." Copied from an article posted on TheKnot.com. Just saying.
    Oh, well, if it's from a TK article, that changes everything! TK is the wedding industry. Many of their articles are full of bad ideas, and quoting them to support your own bad idea just makes it worse.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • She was quite understanding because she is a kind person. I have been invited to my share of weddings where my fiancé, boyfriend at the time, was not invited due to guest limits. It's perfectly understandable to me.

    Also, let's not have this turn into a post about MY decisions. She asked for advice, I'm giving her mine on what I've done in a similar situation.

    I am going to give an example from my real life. After my FI and I had been dating for 4 months, he was invited to a good friend's wedding. She had only met him once, he FI had never met him.

    Within the next year we were living together and had a baby, almost 6 years later, we are getting married. You don't know how and what a relationship is going to progress to and it is not up to you to judge.

    OP, take the PPs advice and wait until invites go out, bean dip until then.
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer


    I didn't say it was good or bad advice, I simply based it off what I am doing. And I actually have pretty good manners, which is why I have been doing just fine in life, thank you for the concern.

    What do you suggest someone do if they have a small venue and absolutely do not have room for someone to invite their significant other? If you are absolutely at your cut off and it's "Invite so-and-so's significant other, or invite your other cousin"... Please tell me... "According to good etiquette"

    If your venue can't hold everyone with their significant others, you have 2 choices:  1. you find a new venue that can accommodate everyone on your list; or 2. you cut down the list, but not by eliminating SO's.

    My venue could accommodate more people, but I wanted a smaller guest list.  I have many cousins, most of whom are married or in relationships.  So, in order to keep my vision of a small, intimate wedding, I chose not to invite ANY of my cousins. But, just because you are related to them, doesn't automatically mean that you HAVE to invite them. I could have stayed within my preferred size range if I had invited cousins without their SO's, but I'm not that rude.

    So, yes, proper etiquette states that you would cut your other cousin from the list (or a friend or whatever other couple is at the bottom of your list) before excluding SO's from those that you have invited.

    image 

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards