Bridesmaids financial responsibilities

redwoodoriginal

Shelly1324 said:

Sorry I'm a little late!

I read your post and it reminded me of a wedding I was in a year ago. My bride was my boyfriend's sister and both Bride and MOB piled on the work. I ended up being the only one addressing shower invitations, was required to go to cosmetic parties and buy the products, go with the bride and MOB to pick up bridesmaid gifts, pay for shower gift handouts, help set up and clean it, and was told that it was my "job as a bridemaid." I got wonderful advice here to step down and decided not to.

I should have listened, but I didn't.

A year later and the trainwreck wedding is passed, the couple still can't stand each other (they pretty much ignored each other the whole day), but they have a newborn now. Since then I've been roped into painting the nursery, and doing tons of work at the baby shower (passing, and organizing gifts, and handing out food) because "it's not a wedding, but the bridesmaids are going to be helping with the baby shower." And all I've gotten was the return gift of none of my presents to them being good enough for their child, and the fact she chose my boyfriend to be the child's godfather (but not me as the godmother) being rubbed in my face by both her and the MOB constantly. 

I'm so glad you got out! Don't feel bad about dropping out, you don't need to deal with that crap. Whatever backlash you can get won't be as bad as getting roped into doing more things for her, or dealing with whatever else would be coming your way.

Keep us updated, this is getting good!

But why are you still putting up with all this shit?

InLoveInQueens

redwoodoriginal said:

Shelly1324 said:

Sorry I'm a little late!

I read your post and it reminded me of a wedding I was in a year ago. My bride was my boyfriend's sister and both Bride and MOB piled on the work. I ended up being the only one addressing shower invitations, was required to go to cosmetic parties and buy the products, go with the bride and MOB to pick up bridesmaid gifts, pay for shower gift handouts, help set up and clean it, and was told that it was my "job as a bridemaid." I got wonderful advice here to step down and decided not to.

I should have listened, but I didn't.

A year later and the trainwreck wedding is passed, the couple still can't stand each other (they pretty much ignored each other the whole day), but they have a newborn now. Since then I've been roped into painting the nursery, and doing tons of work at the baby shower (passing, and organizing gifts, and handing out food) because "it's not a wedding, but the bridesmaids are going to be helping with the baby shower." And all I've gotten was the return gift of none of my presents to them being good enough for their child, and the fact she chose my boyfriend to be the child's godfather (but not me as the godmother) being rubbed in my face by both her and the MOB constantly. 

I'm so glad you got out! Don't feel bad about dropping out, you don't need to deal with that crap. Whatever backlash you can get won't be as bad as getting roped into doing more things for her, or dealing with whatever else would be coming your way.

Keep us updated, this is getting good!

But why are you still putting up with all this shit?

I agree, this question needs to be asked. Eventually you have to accept that you're part of the problem if you can't say "no". 

levioosa

Shelly1324 said:

Sorry I'm a little late!

I read your post and it reminded me of a wedding I was in a year ago. My bride was my boyfriend's sister and both Bride and MOB piled on the work. I ended up being the only one addressing shower invitations, was required to go to cosmetic parties and buy the products, go with the bride and MOB to pick up bridesmaid gifts, pay for shower gift handouts, help set up and clean it, and was told that it was my "job as a bridemaid." I got wonderful advice here to step down and decided not to.

I should have listened, but I didn't.

A year later and the trainwreck wedding is passed, the couple still can't stand each other (they pretty much ignored each other the whole day), but they have a newborn now. Since then I've been roped into painting the nursery, and doing tons of work at the baby shower (passing, and organizing gifts, and handing out food) because "it's not a wedding, but the bridesmaids are going to be helping with the baby shower." And all I've gotten was the return gift of none of my presents to them being good enough for their child, and the fact she chose my boyfriend to be the child's godfather (but not me as the godmother) being rubbed in my face by both her and the MOB constantly. 

I'm so glad you got out! Don't feel bad about dropping out, you don't need to deal with that crap. Whatever backlash you can get won't be as bad as getting roped into doing more things for her, or dealing with whatever else would be coming your way.

Keep us updated, this is getting good!

You're letting this happen to you.  Say no.  Grow a backbone.  Refuse to do anymore. And if they are treating poorly, and your BF isn't saying anything, then you have bigger problems.  

I also can't get over the fact that apparently to these people, being a BM is a lifelong commitment of work.  Holy shit.  

drunkenwitch

Shelly1324 said:

Sorry I'm a little late!

I read your post and it reminded me of a wedding I was in a year ago. My bride was my boyfriend's sister and both Bride and MOB piled on the work. I ended up being the only one addressing shower invitations, was required to go to cosmetic parties and buy the products, go with the bride and MOB to pick up bridesmaid gifts, pay for shower gift handouts, help set up and clean it, and was told that it was my "job as a bridemaid." I got wonderful advice here to step down and decided not to.

I should have listened, but I didn't.

A year later and the trainwreck wedding is passed, the couple still can't stand each other (they pretty much ignored each other the whole day), but they have a newborn now. Since then I've been roped into painting the nursery, and doing tons of work at the baby shower (passing, and organizing gifts, and handing out food) because "it's not a wedding, but the bridesmaids are going to be helping with the baby shower." And all I've gotten was the return gift of none of my presents to them being good enough for their child, and the fact she chose my boyfriend to be the child's godfather (but not me as the godmother) being rubbed in my face by both her and the MOB constantly. 

I'm so glad you got out! Don't feel bad about dropping out, you don't need to deal with that crap. Whatever backlash you can get won't be as bad as getting roped into doing more things for her, or dealing with whatever else would be coming your way.

Keep us updated, this is getting good!

Or, you could grow a pair and say no.

Knottie1454083309

That is a lot. The brooch bouquet pushed it over for me, as they are so expensive. 

short+sassy

Shelly1324 said:

Sorry I'm a little late!

I read your post and it reminded me of a wedding I was in a year ago. My bride was my boyfriend's sister and both Bride and MOB piled on the work. I ended up being the only one addressing shower invitations, was required to go to cosmetic parties and buy the products, go with the bride and MOB to pick up bridesmaid gifts, pay for shower gift handouts, help set up and clean it, and was told that it was my "job as a bridemaid." I got wonderful advice here to step down and decided not to.

I should have listened, but I didn't.

A year later and the trainwreck wedding is passed, the couple still can't stand each other (they pretty much ignored each other the whole day), but they have a newborn now. Since then I've been roped into painting the nursery, and doing tons of work at the baby shower (passing, and organizing gifts, and handing out food) because "it's not a wedding, but the bridesmaids are going to be helping with the baby shower." And all I've gotten was the return gift of none of my presents to them being good enough for their child, and the fact she chose my boyfriend to be the child's godfather (but not me as the godmother) being rubbed in my face by both her and the MOB constantly. 

I'm so glad you got out! Don't feel bad about dropping out, you don't need to deal with that crap. Whatever backlash you can get won't be as bad as getting roped into doing more things for her, or dealing with whatever else would be coming your way.

Keep us updated, this is getting good!

And just when bridesmaids everywhere thought their "duties" ended after the wedding, lol.

woodtdm

I finally sent my RSVP for 2 She actually messaged me yesterday to ask if I sent my RSVP yet because they are due and she wants to settle the invoice for the food this weekend. I politely told her that the RSVP was due on March 31st and if she wanted to have the bill settled the last weekend of March she should have put the RSVP deadline March 29 or sooner. She then went into a tangent of how the postal service lost so many invitations and RSVP cards. I personally think it has to do with the lack of stamps. LOL! She also ranted on social media how people are "talking shit" about her wedding and how she doesn't find it fair that there is so much DRAMA. Most of which she creates by posting everything. T minus 52 days :O

laurad75

This bride is unreal.  This is one of my favorite shows right now.  

[Deleted User]

woodtdm said:

I finally sent my RSVP for 2 She actually messaged me yesterday to ask if I sent my RSVP yet because they are due and she wants to settle the invoice for the food this weekend. I politely told her that the RSVP was due on March 31st and if she wanted to have the bill settled the last weekend of March she should have put the RSVP deadline March 29 or sooner. She then went into a tangent of how the postal service lost so many invitations and RSVP cards. I personally think it has to do with the lack of stamps. LOL! She also ranted on social media how people are "talking shit" about her wedding and how she doesn't find it fair that there is so much DRAMA. Most of which she creates by posting everything. T minus 52 days :O

T minus 52 days, but RSVPs are due tomorrow?  God.  This just keeps getting better.

sparklepants41

adk19 said:

woodtdm said:

I finally sent my RSVP for 2 She actually messaged me yesterday to ask if I sent my RSVP yet because they are due and she wants to settle the invoice for the food this weekend. I politely told her that the RSVP was due on March 31st and if she wanted to have the bill settled the last weekend of March she should have put the RSVP deadline March 29 or sooner. She then went into a tangent of how the postal service lost so many invitations and RSVP cards. I personally think it has to do with the lack of stamps. LOL! She also ranted on social media how people are "talking shit" about her wedding and how she doesn't find it fair that there is so much DRAMA. Most of which she creates by posting everything. T minus 52 days :O

T minus 52 days, but RSVPs are due tomorrow?  God.  This just keeps getting better.

T-minus 52 days smells like B-Listing to me.

TrixieJess

sparklepants41 said:

adk19 said:

woodtdm said:

I finally sent my RSVP for 2 She actually messaged me yesterday to ask if I sent my RSVP yet because they are due and she wants to settle the invoice for the food this weekend. I politely told her that the RSVP was due on March 31st and if she wanted to have the bill settled the last weekend of March she should have put the RSVP deadline March 29 or sooner. She then went into a tangent of how the postal service lost so many invitations and RSVP cards. I personally think it has to do with the lack of stamps. LOL! She also ranted on social media how people are "talking shit" about her wedding and how she doesn't find it fair that there is so much DRAMA. Most of which she creates by posting everything. T minus 52 days :O

T minus 52 days, but RSVPs are due tomorrow?  God.  This just keeps getting better.

T-minus 52 days smells like B-Listing to me.

...this just gets better and better...

woodtdm

It's a buffet, not a seated course meal.

missfrodo

laurad75 said:

This bride is unreal.  This is one of my favorite shows right now.  

Same here!  I'll have my popcorn ready as we get closer to the actual trainwreck.  

MobKaz

woodtdm said:

It's a buffet, not a seated course meal.

Because this bride has some real insanity going on, I do have to ask for clarification.  Did you mean to say she is having a buffet versus a plated dinner?  It would not surprise me that she planned on having guests stand to eat.

What are the odds this bride is requesting buffet service for 100 yet inviting more guests than that?  I'd make sure I'm at the front of the line when this dinner bell rings!

holyguacamole79

Am I the only one who gets excited whenever there is an update to this thread to see the evolving shitshow?

Sherbie25

holyguacamole79 said:

Am I the only one who gets excited whenever there is an update to this thread to see the evolving shitshow?

Nope I'm right along with you! Can't wait until the wedding day!

drunkenwitch

holyguacamole79 said:

Am I the only one who gets excited whenever there is an update to this thread to see the evolving shitshow?

Not at all.  Can't wait for the shit show, oops, wedding recap.

geebee908

I'll be sad when it's all over and there won't be any more updates.

woodtdm

Sorry, that's exactly what I meant. She is having a buffet style dinner at a Legion, that can only accommodate 100 people max. I can almost guarantee it is going to be over capacity and cramped.

TrixieJess

woodtdm said:

Sorry, that's exactly what I meant. She is having a buffet style dinner at a Legion, that can only accommodate 100 people max. I can almost guarantee it is going to be over capacity and cramped.

Wait? Is this going to be a Cash Bar? Anything I've ever been to at a Legion Hall is Cash Bar, I don't think they do Open Bar events. 

InLoveInQueens

woodtdm said:

Sorry, that's exactly what I meant. She is having a buffet style dinner at a Legion, that can only accommodate 100 people max. I can almost guarantee it is going to be over capacity and cramped.

It gets even better! And by better I mean worse. Much worse.

sparklepants41

woodtdm said:

Sorry, that's exactly what I meant. She is having a buffet style dinner at a Legion, that can only accommodate 100 people max. I can almost guarantee it is going to be over capacity and cramped.

And what happens if/when the local fire department gets wind that it's over capacity? Shit's gonna get shut down.

This just gets juicier and juicier. 

woodtdm

I think I forgot to mention the fact that the future MIL really wanted to purchase wine for the tables but only wanted to purchase it for the grooms side of the family as a wedding gift. Seems a little ridiculous to me. I am honestly not sure how all that DRAMA turned out.

laurad75

woodtdm said:

I think I forgot to mention the fact that the future MIL really wanted to purchase wine for the tables but only wanted to purchase it for the grooms side of the family as a wedding gift. Seems a little ridiculous to me. I am honestly not sure how all that DRAMA turned out.

Shut up.  Are you serious? 

InLoveInQueens

woodtdm said:

I think I forgot to mention the fact that the future MIL really wanted to purchase wine for the tables but only wanted to purchase it for the grooms side of the family as a wedding gift. Seems a little ridiculous to me. I am honestly not sure how all that DRAMA turned out.

Please, never stop posting. That is way more than a little ridiculous, how awful will that look!

ShesSoCold

Is the groom's name Brad?

woodtdm

Not Brad. It is a cash bar but the bride and groom paid for the wine that will be on the tables. I think she said it will only be a bottle of red and a bottle of wine at each table. That's going to be interesting. Everyone I know drinks red. I also avoided more drama, and found out what table I am very pleased she didn't stick me with her witch of a MIL.

TrixieJess

woodtdm said:

Not Brad. It is a cash bar but the bride and groom paid for the wine that will be on the tables. I think she said it will only be a bottle of red and a bottle of wine at each table. That's going to be interesting. Everyone I know drinks red. I also avoided more drama, and found out what table I am very pleased she didn't stick me with her witch of a MIL.

This gets better and better...

banana468

woodtdm said:

Not Brad. It is a cash bar but the bride and groom paid for the wine that will be on the tables. I think she said it will only be a bottle of red and a bottle of wine at each table. That's going to be interesting. Everyone I know drinks red. I also avoided more drama, and found out what table I am very pleased she didn't stick me with her witch of a MIL.

So she intends to run out of alcohol before dinner is over.   Did she at least spring for magnums or are these 750 ml bottles to be shared by a table? 

OliveOilsMom

woodtdm said:

Not Brad. It is a cash bar but the bride and groom paid for the wine that will be on the tables. I think she said it will only be a bottle of red and a bottle of wine at each table. That's going to be interesting. Everyone I know drinks red. I also avoided more drama, and found out what table I am very pleased she didn't stick me with her witch of a MIL.

Maybe you can barter with another table and switch your bottle of white for a bottle of red!  Then your table has 2 bottles of red!