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Wedding Party

Help with a bridesmaid that has DEEPLY hurt me...

24

Re: Help with a bridesmaid that has DEEPLY hurt me...

  • I agree with you her comment about your FI was unkind.


    I agree with her about everything else.

    image
    Heffalumpglasgowtolondonkimmiinthemitten
  • You sound like one of the family from Downton Abbey: "How dare she speak to me in that way? That is out of line!"

    Just because you're not used to someone being blunt with you doesn't mean that they're being mean to you. She's even trying to help you understand what's up by responding with so much explanation. Much like... all of these posts.
    httpss-media-cache-ak0pinimgcom736xbda6d3bda6d35d16526680f54c795acc24d947jpg
    PrettyGirlLostSP29
  • oh my goodness. i don't know how many times i have to say this. they asked ME what i thought about a bach party. jesus. i told them NOTHING EXPENSIVE. NOTHING CRAZY. DON'T SPEND A LOT OF MONEY. 

    WE all agreed on davids bridal. 

    you all seem to think i just chose a dress on my own and chose a bach party on my own and chose a wedding shower on my own. my god. 

    and i am well aware that just because we spent a certain amount on someone else's wedding doesn't mean mine will be the same. of course it won't. 


  • I agree with you her comment about your FI was unkind.


    I agree with her about everything else.

    I like this comment. Straight to the point with no effing about.
                 
    teddygirl9InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLostpinupbride6189
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    oh my goodness. i don't know how many times i have to say this. they asked ME what i thought about a bach party. jesus. i told them NOTHING EXPENSIVE. NOTHING CRAZY. DON'T SPEND A LOT OF MONEY. 

    WE all agreed on davids bridal. 

    you all seem to think i just chose a dress on my own and chose a bach party on my own and chose a wedding shower on my own. my god. 

    and i am well aware that just because we spent a certain amount on someone else's wedding doesn't mean mine will be the same. of course it won't. 


    umm. I pretty sure I have not touched on ANY of those points.

    I simply said there is a misunderstanding on her part and you should clear it up.  What the others think is not relevant.  

    Maybe my posts are invisible. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    SP29
  • oh my goodness. i don't know how many times i have to say this. they asked ME what i thought about a bach party. jesus. i told them NOTHING EXPENSIVE. NOTHING CRAZY. DON'T SPEND A LOT OF MONEY. 

    WE all agreed on davids bridal. 

    you all seem to think i just chose a dress on my own and chose a bach party on my own and chose a wedding shower on my own. my god. 

    and i am well aware that just because we spent a certain amount on someone else's wedding doesn't mean mine will be the same. of course it won't. 


    If you're having a hard time making your posts understood, maybe you could condense them down to 500 words or less?  That would definitely help.
    ShesSoColdYogaSandy
  • Can someone sum up? I couldn't make it through the original post.

    thespeshulestsnowflakeBouxRadleymadamerwin
  • i said this before, we have completely different schedules and it's very difficult to talk on the phone. as far as the being clear part, i apologize if i wasn't from the beginning but i never asked for a bach party. or a shower. i was asked what i wanted and i carefully considered what they could afford. the issue of money never ever came up until the hair and makeup thing. i had emailed them months ago asking about prices and all that and everyone seemed okay. 


    i understand she didn't feel comfortable but the whole way she treated me is what i am bothered by. 

    if she felt like she couldn't afford it then that's OKAY. i wouldn't want her to miss half the morning. my goodness, i would curl her hair for her and pin it up if she wanted. 
  • i said this before, we have completely different schedules and it's very difficult to talk on the phone. as far as the being clear part, i apologize if i wasn't from the beginning but i never asked for a bach party. or a shower. i was asked what i wanted and i carefully considered what they could afford. the issue of money never ever came up until the hair and makeup thing. i had emailed them months ago asking about prices and all that and everyone seemed okay. 


    i understand she didn't feel comfortable but the whole way she treated me is what i am bothered by. 

    if she felt like she couldn't afford it then that's OKAY. i wouldn't want her to miss half the morning. my goodness, i would curl her hair for her and pin it up if she wanted. 

    Okay then. Make time in your difficult schedule and call her to explain this. Crisis over.
                 
    Maggie0829PrettyGirlLost
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    i said this before, we have completely different schedules and it's very difficult to talk on the phone. as far as the being clear part, i apologize if i wasn't from the beginning but i never asked for a bach party. or a shower. i was asked what i wanted and i carefully considered what they could afford. the issue of money never ever came up until the hair and makeup thing. i had emailed them months ago asking about prices and all that and everyone seemed okay. 


    i understand she didn't feel comfortable but the whole way she treated me is what i am bothered by. 

    if she felt like she couldn't afford it then that's OKAY. i wouldn't want her to miss half the morning. my goodness, i would curl her hair for her and pin it up if she wanted. 
    See my previous post. Blunt =/= rude.

    I'm pretty sure you two just aren't good friends and this only sounds "disrespectful" to you because you don't get along that well to begin with and that colored your reading. We are telling you that based on what you have said, she has not treated poorly. You may not have treated her poorly. Clear that up with her, if it's worth it to you. If it's not, stop trying to get everyone to treat you like a martyr.
    PrettyGirlLostpinupbride6189
  • I disagree. $150 is the standard amount at Davids Bridal. My MOH just got married in October and that is the exact amount we paid for the dress she chose.

    She made completely false accusations about my mom, talked about her 'finances', and called her rude. Who the hell is she to talk about my mom that way especially when none of it was ever true?! She was NEVER asked to help pay for a shower. NEVER.  Our MOH's bach party was over $200 and no one had any issue with it. No one, and they were the same girls. I should also mention that no one is taking ANY time off for my bach party, at all. I asked them all if they would rather do it over Memorial Day Weekend so they wouldn't have to take time off and they agreed. I asked them if they would like hair and makeup back over the summer and they agreed. I told them there was no reason to get special shoes, accessories, spray tans, hotel rooms, or anything else. 

    I also never demanded they get hair done!!!!!! or makeup! I would absolutely pay for hair and makeup if I required it!

    No one EVER gave me the chance to say otherwise before she started berating me and insulting my mom. 

    She was not open and honest. She was downright rude, inconsiderate, and mean. This is not the first time she has done this either. I was the one trying to have an open conversation with her and then she just got plain NASTY. 

    again....bach party 150 plus dress 150 = $300. We are not going anywhere far for either and my mom is treating them all to a manicure the day before the wedding.
    AND...

    Maybe that's not within that BM's budget. $150 is a week's worth of groceries in my house. If you had asked me to spend that on a dress, I would have said no. If you had said, "Trixie, hey can you find an emerald green dress for my wedding June 6th". I'd say, "Yes, of course".

    Also, $150 on a Bachlorette party? Nopity. Why are you setting the price? You should have absolutely nothing to do with your bachlorette. 

    I'm team BM here. You need to step out of your wedding bubble and step into your friendship bubble. You might be able to salvage something. If you want to.
    InLoveInQueens[Deleted User]
  • Heffalump said:



    So, your BM is under the impression that you're requiring hair and/or makeup. But that's not right? So tell her that. And then move on. Christ, this is a lot of drama. 

    I believe it's time for this.



    httpiimgurcomwIBDJnSgif


    Well maybe the homosexuals didn't want to watch dumb wedding movies either, did you think of that??? No you didn't.
                 
    [Deleted User]SP29
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2016
    the responses i'm seeing assume that i didn't speak to my girls about their budgets. please believe me when i say, i did. i have made it my first priority to always talk to them about what they feel okay and not okay spending money on. I never, ever meant or intended any of this to happen. my mom only wanted their help with decorating and games. they aren't responsible for paying for the venue. 
    .....

    so please understand, i have taken EVERY measure i can to consider them and their situations. 
    If this were true, you would have defended the 150 DB dress as an agreed upon price, not as the "regular amount". It's pretty clear that you are now making this up.

    Anyway, if you are deeply hurt by that text string, I truly do not understand how you function in society without breaking down into tears. The fact that your FI was infuriated leaves me worried about him as well. There is 100% nothing wrong with what she said or how she said it. It looks like you are looking for a reason to be upset because of some drama from way back that you are keeping alive.
    lnixon8[Deleted User]pinupbride6189
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    i said this before, we have completely different schedules and it's very difficult to talk on the phone. as far as the being clear part, i apologize if i wasn't from the beginning but i never asked for a bach party. or a shower. i was asked what i wanted and i carefully considered what they could afford. the issue of money never ever came up until the hair and makeup thing. i had emailed them months ago asking about prices and all that and everyone seemed okay. 


    i understand she didn't feel comfortable but the whole way she treated me is what i am bothered by. 

    if she felt like she couldn't afford it then that's OKAY. i wouldn't want her to miss half the morning. my goodness, i would curl her hair for her and pin it up if she wanted. 
    Okay then. Make time in your difficult schedule and call her to explain this. Crisis over.
    This.  Make some time to call her.  

    But I feel like what you are really wanting is for us to tell you that it is okay and you should kick her out of your wedding.  

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The only thing your BMs are required to do is to show up, on time, sober, and in good spirits in the agreed attire. That's it.  So your expectations were already out of line.  And how exactly did you ask them about the dress budget?  Because, "I found this dress, it's a $150, which is a great deal for DB and not that expensive, is that okay?" is a lot different than "Please let me know your budgets privately and individually, and I will pick a dress that is within those limits." 

    I was a BM who was pressured to get hair and makeup done and to stay at a cabin with the bride for $100 when I had a place to stay for free the night before the wedding. I had originally planned on staying at a nearby relative's cabin with my parents and BFF (who was also in the wedding), and then doing my hair and makeup there in the morning since there would actually be enough bathrooms and bedrooms to accommodate us.  Bride texted me the Monday before the wedding about how upset she was that I was planning to pull apart the wedding party and separate everyone.  She claimed I was ruining her "bride experience of getting ready together."   She claimed I hadn't done enough with the Bridal Shower (not true).  Any of this sound familiar, OP?  It's very similar to what you are upset about.  

    Oh, and if you want to know about the ending to my experience.  I ended up staying in the stupid girls' cabin the night before with BFF and paying $100 to sleep on the floor, because there weren't enough beds.  Hair and makeup ended up being $125 and it was very much something I could have done myself.  I paid to try to preserve the friendship, but honestly, we don't really talk anymore because the way I was treated like an ATM and personal assistant does not exactly scream friendship and I don't have time for that nonsense in my life.  

    In short, OP: You are being dramatic.  You are mostly in the wrong here.  Get over it.  Kicking your BM out is a friendship ending move.  Try to entertain the thought that you were in the wrong.  


    image
    nerdwifeshort+sassyPrettyGirlLostpinupbride6189
  • So, your BM is under the impression that you're requiring hair and/or makeup. But that's not right? So tell her that. And then move on. Christ, this is a lot of drama. 
    I believe it's time for this.
    httpiimgurcomwIBDJnSgif
    Well maybe the homosexuals didn't want to watch dumb wedding movies either, did you think of that??? No you didn't.
    Probably because they weren't even allowed to get married in many states until recently.  Your comments are making me hysterical.  How dare you speak to me that way?
    glasgowtolondonmadamerwinpinupbride6189
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I also call bullshit on the "cheapest BM dress at DB."  I was just in a wedding, and the BM dresses we got from DB were $99.  So, looks like OP picked the cheapest DB dress that matched her vision.  OP needs to be honest instead of playing the "cheapest dress at DB" like it's a martyr card. 


    image
    spockforprezOliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLost
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    levioosa said:
    I also call bullshit on the "cheapest BM dress at DB."  I was just in a wedding, and the BM dresses we got from DB were $99.  So, looks like OP picked the cheapest DB dress that matched her vision.  OP needs to be honest instead of playing the "cheapest dress at DB" like it's a martyr card. 
    Yup. My last DB dress was $79. They have have some clearance and end of stock ones that go for $39 and $59. 
    spockforprezcowgirl8238
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