Non-Traditional Bridesmaids

holyguacamole79

thisismynickname said:

Oh darn, the French was a TOS violation? I knew I should have gone to Google Translate when I had a chance. 

dyerwise

This reminds me of when I was in High School and a bunch of friends wanted to rent and share a limo for prom and then one girl went crazy telling us we all had to coordinate dresses.

Sherbie25

glasgowtolondon said:

Sherbie25 said:

glasgowtolondon said:

OP, it's just a wedding. Yes, it's a very special day for you and your partner. Yes, friends and family will be happy for you and excited to support you as you make this commitment. But it's not the most important thing that will happen in the history of the world. Your friends are grown ups that will understand they are not in the wp, they don't need reminded that they haven't been selected. Why would you ever have to remind them they will be welcome to your bachelorette? They don't need a dress code or a facebook group either, let things happen organically. Stop trying to micromanage your friends. Basically just calm your tits.

Love seeing English phrases on here! 
Another apt one for this ridiculous situation is 'wind your neck in'!

Ha, I'm Scottish - lets say 'British phrases' and be friends!

Lol of course my mistake! 

glasgowtolondon

thisismynickname said:

Oh darn, the French was a TOS violation? I knew I should have gone to Google Translate when I had a chance. 

Basically she said the big C in french. I kind of liked it.

spockforprez

Holy shit, man. That letter was one of the most cringiest, second hand embarrassing things I have ever seen in my life. A+++++. OP doubling down with the haughty responses made it even better. 

drunkenwitch

Damn, now I'm dying to know what she said.

The rest reads like chapter 1 of the book "How to Make Enemies and Alienate People".  Good luck with those, uhhhh, friendships? Servants? Draftees?  Not sure what to call the ones who receive The Letter.

missfrodo

It's not every day on these boards you get a classy troll who'll swear at you in a foreign language!  Fancy!

MesmrEwe

missfrodo said:

It's not every day on these boards you get a classy troll who'll swear at you in a foreign language!  Fancy!

I was thinking maybe we need to pull out the Bingo cards soon... 

TrixieJess

Damn, I missed the French swearing. 

PS if anyone would ever like to learn how to swear in French, drive with a Quebecois driver for an hour, you will come out with an entirely new vocabulary. Also, a new respect for life.

ETA: Grammar is hard early in the morning

MyNameIsNot

Can someone share these fancy french expressions without directing them at anyone? Would that be a TOS violation? 

I, too, would like to class up my potty mouth. 

Knottie60446931

Would it make sense if I revealed it will be a small wedding? Those that will be invited wouldn't mind if I asked them to dress in neutrals or whatever. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. I will be having around 20 people-- at some point we will get a few pictures with everyone in it. I do not think it is rude to explain a dress code. It's worse to not explain it and have people feel left out. 

redoryx

Knottie60446931 said:

Would it make sense if I revealed it will be a small wedding? Those that will be invited wouldn't mind if I asked them to dress in neutrals or whatever. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. I will be having around 20 people-- at some point we will get a few pictures with everyone in it. I do not think it is rude to explain a dress code. It's worse to not explain it and have people feel left out. 

Size of the wedding doesn't matter. The only time it is appropriate to explain a dress code is when a) the venue requires it (like a country club needing suit and ties a church that requires covered sleeves, etc.) and/or b) the event is white or black tie. 

That's it. At no other time is it okay to tell your adults how to dress. 

floridabride44

Knottie60446931 said:

Would it make sense if I revealed it will be a small wedding? Those that will be invited wouldn't mind if I asked them to dress in neutrals or whatever. I don't think that's an unreasonable request. I will be having around 20 people-- at some point we will get a few pictures with everyone in it. I do not think it is rude to explain a dress code. It's worse to not explain it and have people feel left out. 

Why does it really matter what all of your guests are wearing?  Seriously. Why??
  
Honestly, if I saw a wedding photo where all the guests were dressed alike I would find it super weird. 

Don't be a control freak. Let people be individuals. 

Knottie60446931

It matters because this is what my Fiance and I want. I'm asking how to present these ideas, not if they are good ideas. That's subjective. I'm simply trying to deliver what I want in the nicest way possible. If some guests don't like it, they don't have to come. It may just re-affirm who my true friends are anyways.

charlotte989875

Well I think you just hit all the elements of a special snowflake all in one paragraph. 1) all about what I/we want, no one else's feelings matter, 2) doesn't want to hear opinions except those that validate her own opinions, 3) "if people don't like it, they don't have to come", 4) my true friends will put up with my crappy behavior because they love me. Any more I'm missing?

Look OP this is pretty rude, telling adults what to wear, telling people they are not in the wedding party, but that doesn't seem to matter to you. But, riddle me this OP, if this many strangers think this is a bad idea, what's the probability some of your guests will as well?

Knottie60446931 said:

It matters because this is what my Fiance and I want. I'm asking how to present these ideas, not if they are good ideas. That's subjective. I'm simply trying to deliver what I want in the nicest way possible. If some guests don't like it, they don't have to come. It may just re-affirm who my true friends are anyways.

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie60446931 said:

It matters because this is what my Fiance and I want. I'm asking how to present these ideas, not if they are good ideas. That's subjective. I'm simply trying to deliver what I want in the nicest way possible. If some guests don't like it, they don't have to come. It may just re-affirm who my true friends are anyways.

I think you're totally fine.  When I moved here from another country in HS, I became best friends with a group of girls and we let everyone know our allegiance to each other by dressing alike.  Why wouldn't you do that on the most.important.day. of your life?  I mean, it's not like you're going to get hit by a bus or anything, right?

levioosa

Dictating what people wear is rude.  Saying that you're proceeding with a rude idea makes YOU the shitty friend, not potential guests who either show up in an outfit not to your standards, or the guests who decline based on the inconvenience.  Your wedding is for one day, but by all means, act like a shitty person and alienate everyone around you for it.  

Edit for words.

geebee908

Knottie60446931 said:

It matters because this is what my Fiance and I want. I'm asking how to present these ideas, not if they are good ideas. That's subjective. I'm simply trying to deliver what I want in the nicest way possible. If some guests don't like it, they don't have to come. It may just re-affirm who my true friends are anyways.

You do realize this is a party to THANK your guests for witnessing your wedding? This is how you thank them? Tell them what to wear, make sure everyone knows where they stand (second string and beyond), let them know what you expect they'll do for you. Sounds like everyone will really feel your gratitude that they took time out of busy schedules and spent their hard-earned money to see you and your FI get married. I know how I would feel and I'd be glad to know where I stood in my friendship with you so that I wouldn't feel bad when I let it die.

redoryx

Knottie60446931 said:

It matters because this is what my Fiance and I want. I'm asking how to present these ideas, not if they are good ideas. That's subjective. I'm simply trying to deliver what I want in the nicest way possible. If some guests don't like it, they don't have to come. It may just re-affirm who my true friends are anyways.

Yeahhhhhhhhh "good" ideas aren't really as subjective as some brides seem to think. And if I had a friend try and tell me to wear a certain color to their wedding and they were going to use my unwillingness to do so as an indicator of the strength of our friendship, that's a person I don't need in my life. 

Seriously, you're inviting 20 people to your wedding. That's it, which suggests this is a pretty intimate guest list and people you really and truly want there and yet if a grown ass adult doesn't want to be told what to wear you're gonna go all #byeFelicia on them? Really? 

JediElizabeth

Did anyone catch the SYTTD with the dress registrar? Maybe you should hire your DOC to be a dress registrar for your lady guests too! An added layer of bureaucracy would alleviate all the concern about whether or not they matched your *vision,* and of course your ~*real*~ friends won't judge or even care!

(http://blogs.denverpost.com/style/2012/11/16/yes-dress-episode-includes-denver-debutante-molly-struna/22369/)

Knottie60446931

I actually just sent the letter and I'm getting positive responses. Shows what all of you really know.

ernursej

Knottie60446931 said:

I actually just sent the letter and I'm getting positive responses. Shows what all of you really know.

What was the point of posting your original question when you were just going to do whatever you wanted?

Like many PP have said, you may not be getting honest responses. I've gone along with ridiculous demands from brides and haven't said a word because I don't feel like it is my place to say anything or I was put on the spot. The knotties are comfortable telling you exactly what is going on because we don't have to maintain a relationship with you. I believe that you are overdoing the wedding thinking but are likely a nice person and I'm sure your friends would like to continue being friends with you. I really hope that you will lurk and perhaps something that is said on this post (or something else you read) may influence your wedding day.

crowsgirl15

Knottie60446931 said:

I actually just sent the letter and I'm getting positive responses. Shows what all of you really know.

The people who feel negatively aren't going to call the bride up and tell them. We have the benefit of being impartial observers. Trust me, some of your guests are going to be eye rolling at this.

CMGragain

Knottie60446931 said:

It matters because this is what my Fiance and I want. I'm asking how to present these ideas, not if they are good ideas. That's subjective. I'm simply trying to deliver what I want in the nicest way possible. If some guests don't like it, they don't have to come. It may just re-affirm who my true friends are anyways.

..because it is OUR DAY!!!!!!  We can be rude and insult our guests if we want to because the wedding is all about US!  People who love us will forgive our rudeness.  You don't understand!!!!!!!   (Sarcastic font)

Seriously, you are not a non-traditional bride.  You are what we call a "speshul snowflake", and you are being outright rude to your guests.

MyNameIsNot

Knottie60446931 said:

I actually just sent the letter and I'm getting positive responses. Shows what all of you really know.

Ok, you've convinced me. You're a troll. 

glasgowtolondon

Knottie60446931 said:

I actually just sent the letter and I'm getting positive responses. Shows what all of you really know.

kimmiinthemitten

So since your new color scheme is rainbow, did you assign a color to each lady in waiting or are they allowed to choose which Roy G Biv is most flattering to them?  And if they're allowed to choose, what processes do you have in place to ensure they all don't favor one color over another and ruin your vision?

banana468

If a frind asked me what I thought of the letter before she sent it she'd get a different reaction from me compared to if I was a recipient.   I'd hide my true feelings then but you can bet I'd be complaining to my coworkers about it the following day.  

The  concept that those who like this are your real friends is a terrible thought process.     Abusive people use the same thought process in terrible relationships as a way to manipulate their partner "If you love me then you'll do this for me" is no phrase I'll tolerate.   

MobKaz

Knottie60446931 said:

I actually just sent the letter and I'm getting positive responses. Shows what all of you really know.

Bless your heart.  I believe you.  I would also send a positive response to you.


Dear @Knottie60446931,

I'm quite positive you are asking me to do something that goes beyond the pale of rude.  I'm quite positive you think your day is SO unique and special that no request from you will be deemed inappropriate or unnecessary.  I'm quite positive that you think asking me and the rest of your loved ones to dress in a clone like manner will make or break your special day.  I'm quite positive you seriously need to get a grip.

Yours in a flaming floral print,
@MobKaz

missfrodo

MyNameIsNot said:

Knottie60446931 said:

I actually just sent the letter and I'm getting positive responses. Shows what all of you really know.

Ok, you've convinced me. You're a troll. 

I concur.  Either troll or the machines are trying to mimic human behavior before they take over the world, and failing miserably.  Boo, bad machines!  Isn't this how we got the Terminator?