Etiquette

Refusing a Plus 1?

245

Re: Refusing a Plus 1?


  • lisakae44 said:
    Perhaps "serious relationship" was not the right phrase. The point being, we are not inviting SO's of under a year, or that we've never met. Though in this case, it's not actually an issue.
    Soooo disrespectful to your guests! It's a day to celebrate love but by doing this you are telling them that their love is only important if it fits some arbitrary mold you've made.

    Invite ALL SO's
    I'm sorry, this is HER wedding, not a couples Valentine's Day party!  It's a celebration of HER love, not the guests!  It has NOTHING to do with her saying their relationship isn't important or their "love" isn't important - it's about I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR ALL OF YOUR SO-CALLED LOVE.  Give me a freakin' break.
    Username100108AroundTheBlock
  • adk19 said:
    delena76 said:
    Uuughhh here we go with this again.  OP:  you can do what you want.  If you don't want to invite someone's SO, then don't.  WHO IS PAYING FOR THE WEDDING?  You or them?  This is exactly how people end up in weddings they cannot afford and the ONLY person left feeling like sh*t is guess who?  YOU and your husband when it's time to look at your drained bank account.

    I'm actually surprised you gave in and sent an invite to someone who you haven't seen in 3 years.  I'm a bit of a tough cookie so my response would have been something like this: "I was hesitant on inviting you to begin with because we haven't been in touch for 3 years.  You bothered one of my bridesmaids about whether or not you were getting an invite which put her in an uncomfortable situation and I'm NOT cool with that.  Now you want to take advantage of me extending an invite to you on MY special day by telling me you're bringing a guest?  You now have a choice:  come alone or don't come at all."

    Let me tell you something, I'll knock down a guest list real quick!  No one is going to have me and my FH arguing over finances the day after our wedding because people were there we didn't really want to be there to begin with!  Remember:  this person is going to be in wedding photos!  Do you REALLY want to see her face in them for all of eternity?
    You're wrong.  Not inviting a guest's Significant Other is basically the worst thing you can do to your guests.  Do you even like your guests?  They're supposed to be your closest friends and family.  Why would you want to treat them like shit?  If you don't want to invite Bob because he skeeves you out, don't invite his wife Mary.  Done.  But you can't invite Mary and tell her to leave Bob home alone.  If you don't like people, you don't have to invite anyone.  Save ALL your money by not having a party.  You don't like anyone anyway.
    YOUR OPINION that I'm wrong doesn't make it fact my dear.  Guess what?  I'm NOT wrong because it's MY wedding and MY rules.  If I can't afford to invite the SO who I have never met before, they're not getting invited - IF I have the room and the funds then they can come.  Go ahead and break your bank account because you want to show off and please EVERYBODY.  I'm not in the pleasing everybody business.  SOMEONE is going to get upset at something.  I have a budget set for my wedding and I'm sticking to it.  Times have changed and this ain't the 1930's honey - traditions change, rules change, ETIQUETTE changes.  I'm inviting the people I love and the people I want to spend 5+ hours with.  I'm NOT spending $110++ a plate for someone I don't know.

    I'm saving money by spending WITHIN MY MEANS.  I'm not having a trailer party.  GTFOH
    Username100108
  • You win a prize.  Some people I am inviting their SO's because we know them.  If I don't know you, you're not coming if I don't have the room.  My bank account, my rules.

    My defensiveness also comes from some of you people telling the OP what she should do with HER money.  At the end of her wedding day she'll have to wake up next to her husband, not any of you.

    Telling her she's rude because she chooses to watch how she spends HER MONEY.  Y'all can miss me with that bull.
    Username100108
  • @delena76 would you feel bad if you were invited to a wedding and your SO was not invited?
    Roamingnome
  • delena76 said:
    You win a prize.  Some people I am inviting their SO's because we know them.  If I don't know you, you're not coming if I don't have the room.  My bank account, my rules.

    My defensiveness also comes from some of you people telling the OP what she should do with HER money.  At the end of her wedding day she'll have to wake up next to her husband, not any of you.

    Telling her she's rude because she chooses to watch how she spends HER MONEY.  Y'all can miss me with that bull.
    Your attitude is utterly disgusting. To the bolded, what does that even mean? 
    And so is your ignorance.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    delena76 said:
    delena76 said:
    You win a prize.  Some people I am inviting their SO's because we know them.  If I don't know you, you're not coming if I don't have the room.  My bank account, my rules.

    My defensiveness also comes from some of you people telling the OP what she should do with HER money.  At the end of her wedding day she'll have to wake up next to her husband, not any of you.

    Telling her she's rude because she chooses to watch how she spends HER MONEY.  Y'all can miss me with that bull.
    Your attitude is utterly disgusting. To the bolded, what does that even mean? 
    And so is your ignorance.
    Please tell me what I'm ignorant about. Your statement about having to somehow answer to her husband regarding fiances is ridiculous. 

    Roamingnome

  • delena76 said:
    adk19 said:
    delena76 said:
    Uuughhh here we go with this again.  OP:  you can do what you want.  If you don't want to invite someone's SO, then don't.  WHO IS PAYING FOR THE WEDDING?  You or them?  This is exactly how people end up in weddings they cannot afford and the ONLY person left feeling like sh*t is guess who?  YOU and your husband when it's time to look at your drained bank account.

    I'm actually surprised you gave in and sent an invite to someone who you haven't seen in 3 years.  I'm a bit of a tough cookie so my response would have been something like this: "I was hesitant on inviting you to begin with because we haven't been in touch for 3 years.  You bothered one of my bridesmaids about whether or not you were getting an invite which put her in an uncomfortable situation and I'm NOT cool with that.  Now you want to take advantage of me extending an invite to you on MY special day by telling me you're bringing a guest?  You now have a choice:  come alone or don't come at all."

    Let me tell you something, I'll knock down a guest list real quick!  No one is going to have me and my FH arguing over finances the day after our wedding because people were there we didn't really want to be there to begin with!  Remember:  this person is going to be in wedding photos!  Do you REALLY want to see her face in them for all of eternity?
    You're wrong.  Not inviting a guest's Significant Other is basically the worst thing you can do to your guests.  Do you even like your guests?  They're supposed to be your closest friends and family.  Why would you want to treat them like shit?  If you don't want to invite Bob because he skeeves you out, don't invite his wife Mary.  Done.  But you can't invite Mary and tell her to leave Bob home alone.  If you don't like people, you don't have to invite anyone.  Save ALL your money by not having a party.  You don't like anyone anyway.
    YOUR OPINION that I'm wrong doesn't make it fact my dear.  Guess what?  I'm NOT wrong because it's MY wedding and MY rules.  If I can't afford to invite the SO who I have never met before, they're not getting invited - IF I have the room and the funds then they can come.  Go ahead and break your bank account because you want to show off and please EVERYBODY.  I'm not in the pleasing everybody business.  SOMEONE is going to get upset at something.  I have a budget set for my wedding and I'm sticking to it.  Times have changed and this ain't the 1930's honey - traditions change, rules change, ETIQUETTE changes.  I'm inviting the people I love and the people I want to spend 5+ hours with.  I'm NOT spending $110++ a plate for someone I don't know.

    I'm saving money by spending WITHIN MY MEANS.  I'm not having a trailer party.  GTFOH
    To the first bolded: You can have whatever opinion you want, but guess what? Your opinion here is, in fact, very wrong.

    To the second bolded: Etiquette is all about doing what makes your guests comfortable. THAT DOES NOT CHANGE with the times. Inviting someone without their SO will make them uncomfortable, as anyone else on here can attest, many from experience. You will lose friends if you do this, so yes - we will call you out on it. If you don't care about losing friends, by all means, carry on with your crappy plans. 
    IF we've never met, I've never been in your home, you've never been in mine THEN THEY WON'T BE UNCOMFORTABLE.  My wedding planning is coming out just fine and my FRIENDS are quite happy.  My FRIENDS whose husband's/SO's I'VE MET are invited and ARE COMING.  Those who I HAVE NOT MET are not coming IF we don't have the room.  I'm suppose to say no to some younger second cousins who I have a semi-close relationship with over a STRANGER?

    YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYBODY!  Someone is going to be pissed off at something and it's too bad.  You can't understand I'm not inviting your man you met at a bar the night before that we've never met because I'd rather invite my FH's cousin Sally's 18 year-old daughter who I met a few times over family BBQ's???  Then BYE FELICIA.

    I'm SO DONE with this thread.  Good luck to your wedding planning ladies and I hope you don't break the bank inviting 100+ people with a +1!

    To the OP:  I stand by what I said.  Tell her NO!  lol
    Username100108
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    I think she means, "At the end of the day she's going to wake up next to her husband and because she's treated her friends and family like shit she's only going to have him so screw you all."

    Because spending your money is a reason to treat others poorly.  

    This isn't even good trolling.   Is it spring break somewhere?? 
    it was in Houston yesterday ....  http://m.chron.com/houston/article/Naked-dancing-woman-gets-meme-d-after-blocking-6877002.php#photo-9571697 (NSFW)
  • And its only Monday. I have a lot of travelling to do this week so if we could have some more bsc snowflakes with anger management issues that'd be just peachy.

    OP /  @delena76 thanks for being so ridiculously rude and tacky. It entertains me when people are awful to their friends and family and act like it's everyone else that has the problem. Hope you have an amazing wedding  :)


    Wait, isn't it Tuesday?
    Hahaha, you're right....can I offer the jet lag excuse? 
                 
    madamerwin
  • And its only Monday. I have a lot of travelling to do this week so if we could have some more bsc snowflakes with anger management issues that'd be just peachy.

    OP /  @delena76 thanks for being so ridiculously rude and tacky. It entertains me when people are awful to their friends and family and act like it's everyone else that has the problem. Hope you have an amazing wedding  :)


    Wait, isn't it Tuesday?
    Hahaha, you're right....can I offer the jet lag excuse? 
    I was thinking that your Monday was so Monday that it spilled over into Tuesday.
    [Deleted User]madamerwinsparklepants41wink0erin
  • @geebee908 lets go with that.


                 
    geebee908
  • delena76 said:
    IF we've never met, I've never been in your home, you've never been in mine THEN THEY WON'T BE UNCOMFORTABLE.  My wedding planning is coming out just fine and my FRIENDS are quite happy.  My FRIENDS whose husband's/SO's I'VE MET are invited and ARE COMING.  Those who I HAVE NOT MET are not coming IF we don't have the room.  I'm suppose to say no to some younger second cousins who I have a semi-close relationship with over a STRANGER?

    YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYBODY!  Someone is going to be pissed off at something and it's too bad.  You can't understand I'm not inviting your man you met at a bar the night before that we've never met because I'd rather invite my FH's cousin Sally's 18 year-old daughter who I met a few times over family BBQ's???  Then BYE FELICIA.

    I'm SO DONE with this thread.  Good luck to your wedding planning ladies and I hope you don't break the bank inviting 100+ people with a +1!

    To the OP:  I stand by what I said.  Tell her NO!  lol

    This. This right here. You can't make everyone happy. My fiancé and I have finally come to this.

    To those arguing over Delena's original post, yes, OP posted this on an etiquette board, but that doesn't mean everyone needs to break out arguing over who's right and wrong instead of trying to help the OP...


    I would do the same thing Delena said, politely tell her no in the first place. Our list is finalized. We are inviting the SO's we have met. Period. We have spoken face to face with the 2 guests who's SO's we have not met, and won't be inviting, and both have been very understanding of the situation. Our wedding is small, because of our budget. It is important to us to have our family there, with only our closest friends. We would rather invite my Aunt who lives out of state than invite our friends boyfriend whom we have never met. We explained our finances to these people. One of them did not have a SO at the time we printed invites, they were not included in our guest count. Inviting them would put us over our limit, when everything has already been booked and paid for. If something happens where someone RSVP's that they cannot make it, okay. we will let those 2 guests know it is okay for them to bring their SO's-We have said this to them. One said even if we have room, she wouldn't bring him because he doesn't know us, or anyone else that will be at our wedding, and her SO would be extremely uncomfortable.

    I don't think situations like this mean the bride/groom care any less about their guests. Especially in the case of the OP. Someone else posted along the lines of "weddings are for your closest family and friends"-then why invite complete strangers, especially when the guest is perfectly okay with you not inviting them? And please, don't try to play devils advocate "They probably said it just to make you think it's okay" Because our friends aren't like that, especially these 2. They are very outspoken and have had no problem speaking up about anything else in the past.

    I'm not looking to argue here, I don't particularly care if someone wants to respond to this and give me crap, this is just my opinion. Not arguing, just putting my opinion and experiences out there, right or wrong.

    And if I were in OP's shoes, I wouldn't want Jane as a friend at this point, so being afraid of offending her would be out the window at this point. I would call her out and tell her I feel like she tried to guilt trip me into getting an invite after 3 years of not speaking, and now she's saying she plans to bring a plus 1, when that wasn't on the invite? We are no longer friends, not just because of this situation, but because we have been out of touch for so many years. Consider yourself uninvited. Byeeeeeee

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