Customs and Traditions

Courthouse Marriage but still want the BIG thing

My husband and I recently got married at the courthouse with only our immediate family due to the fact that he is active duty military and it was decided that it was best if we do it sooner than later. We still are planning on doing a big formal ceremony and reception with ALL of our family and friends and it is currently planned for our 1st anniversary. Most of our family and friends know we got hitched and are planning something for everyone to attend. Is it appropriate to have all of the things we would have had if we would have just waited until we had the BIG ceremony (i.e. bridal shower, bridesmaids, save the dates, etc.)

Re: Courthouse Marriage but still want the BIG thing

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Also, agree with PPs. I left that out of my post. You are not a bride, so you should not be having a bridal shower. Totally rude and gift-grabby. You decided to get married at a courthouse, without any pre-wedding events.

    Also, bridesmaids for what? You are a wife. You're already married. 

    InLoveInQueens[Deleted User]MairePoppysparklepants41
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    My husband and I recently got married at the courthouse with only our immediate family due to the fact that he is active duty military and it was decided that it was best if we do it sooner than later. We still are planning on doing a big formal ceremony and reception with ALL of our family and friends and it is currently planned for our 1st anniversary. Most of our family and friends know we got hitched and are planning something for everyone to attend. Is it appropriate to have all of the things we would have had if we would have just waited until we had the BIG ceremony (i.e. bridal shower, bridesmaids, save the dates, etc.)
    No, it isn't.  When you made the decision to get married at the courthouse, you made the decision to forgo all these trappings.

    That said, as PPs note, you can have a "celebration of marriage" party, but it is not a "wedding" or "wedding reception" as you're already married, so omit the ceremony re-enactment, showers, bridesmaids, save-the-dates, wedding gown, etc.
    InLoveInQueensSTARMOON44japrincess24
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A key here is to remember you are a wife, not a bride. And this is just a party, not a wedding. So an easy way to find the balance is to cut out anything with the word "bridal/bridal" or "wedding"
    That includes:
    - Bridal Shower
    - Bachelorette (you are a wife now)
    - Bridesmaids
    - Wedding registry (you just had your wedding, therefore it is inappropriate to register for your upcoming party). 

    Go ahead and have a great dress, cake, champagne, a spotlight dance (not a first dance), toasts. Everyone loves a party. However, no one wants to sit through a redo ceremony. That is pretty AW, especially if it has all the trapings of a wedding ceremony. I find vow renewal ceremonies for anything shorter than 10 years side-eye worthy. 
    YES!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited March 2016

    You did not mention if you were planning on having a religious ceremony for your vow renewal. Before you do anything else, be sure that your church supports any type of larger ceremony. Since religious ceremonies in the US are legally binding, many churches frown upon re-do ceremonies. Some will allow a very small private ceremony and some will only allow the marriage to be blessed during a service.

    Personally, I'm against vow renewals so soon after the wedding. We eloped 3.5 years ago and never had any type of celebration following our wedding. I absolutely do not regret it at all. We've been thrown all sorts of obstacles since the wedding (living apart due to work, sick parent, forced relocation, and two types of cancer for starters) and I would never consider redoing anything before 10 years, if even at all. However, there is nothing wrong with a  party. I love myself a good slice of cake, dancing, and wine!


    ETA since words fail me today

     







    MyNameIsNotOliveOilsMomcowgirl8238
  • No! As a guest, you are married. You didn't care to invite me. I do not now care to celebrate you. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You are already married.  Ditto PPs.  If you absolutely must throw a big party, it will be a "celebration of marriage," and should not have any of the trappings of a wedding (no bouquet toss, toasts, pre-wedding parties etc).  Definitely no bridesmaids or bridal showers/bachelorette parties. Very tacky and gift grabby. 


    image
  • Grow up and accept the consequences of your actions.  Only children play pretend dress-up bride.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    [Deleted User]
  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2016
    A key here is to remember you are a wife, not a bride. And this is just a party, not a wedding. So an easy way to find the balance is to cut out anything with the word "bridal/bridal" or "wedding"
    That includes:
    - Bridal Shower
    - Bachelorette (you are a wife now)
    - Bridesmaids
    - Wedding registry (you just had your wedding, therefore it is inappropriate to register for your upcoming party). 

    Go ahead and have a great dress, cake, champagne, a spotlight dance (not a first dance), toasts. Everyone loves a party. However, no one wants to sit through a redo ceremony. That is pretty AW, especially if it has all the trapings of a wedding ceremony. I find vow renewal ceremonies for anything shorter than 10 years side-eye worthy. 
    QFT.

    Seriously, all of this ^^

    I would be fine with an anniversary party, and you can even have a cake (who doesn't like cake?) and a dance with your husband (obviously not your FIRST dance).  But it shouldn't look or feel like a wedding.

    SaveSave
    SP29InLoveInQueenscowgirl8238
  • I'm with pp, because you opted to get married without the big ceremony you want, you forego many of the traditional things that come with getting married.

    I know you had your reasons for getting married the way you did. But you have to except that by doing that, you don't get to have a do over for a pretty princess day to get all dressed up, the big party and all the gifts. In my opinion, if you want to celebrate with everyone, through a casual BBQ during the summer for a celebration of your wedding. Or you can save your money.  Because honestly, would you rather spend $10,000+ for a party and to play dress up when you are already married, or take that money & put it towards a home or a fabulous vacation or a new car.

  • My husband and I recently got married at the courthouse with only our immediate family due to the fact that he is active duty military and it was decided that it was best if we do it sooner than later. We still are planning on doing a big formal ceremony and reception with ALL of our family and friends and it is currently planned for our 1st anniversary. Most of our family and friends know we got hitched and are planning something for everyone to attend. Is it appropriate to have all of the things we would have had if we would have just waited until we had the BIG ceremony (i.e. bridal shower, bridesmaids, save the dates, etc.)
    Posting from the UK- over here, rules are really strict about where you can get officially married and who can officiate.  Loads of people choose to have a low-key thing at a registry office with just parents or whatever, usually a couple of days before, and then have a second, non-legal ceremony and reception afterwards.

    It's never bothered me, it's about celebrating with the couple.

    Sure, a year might be a little longer than usual, but the guests that matter will be happy to attend and enjoy the wedding, and will understand why you're having it separate from the official ceremony.
    rodigsorangeKnottie6394f6b22a913594Knottie92cc8f565a486725
  • @Knottie 1453745414, this post hasn't been active since last March.  It is considered rude to resurrect an old post like this.  Please check the date before you comment on an older post.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    emmaaa
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