Wedding Etiquette Forum

Church Members

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Re: Church Members

  • Thank guys for all the advice. 

    We talked it over with everyone and they will still announce the wedding but tell everyone know that the wedding and reception will be invite-only. 
  • I also want to say no one was being pushy about any of this. This whole process has not been fun for me and it was just one more detail that was stressing me out.
  • I understand that. If the wedding were being held in that hotel space (which it doesn't seem to be), I would say the same argument as the church space might apply. I also think that if the church community understood their tradition didn't entitle them to the reception AND OP wanted them there, that this would be okay.

    However, it doesn't sound like OP actually wants them to be there, and she doesn't have to open her ceremony just because it's her community's tradition. Especially because it poses awkward logistical concerns for her non-church guests.
    I apologize. I misinterpreted the hotel location. I thought they were getting married where services are normally held. My mistake. 
  • Thank guys for all the advice. 

    We talked it over with everyone and they will still announce the wedding but tell everyone know that the wedding and reception will be invite-only. 
    To me this is just as bad. You don't walk up to people and say I'm getting married on XX date and you're not invited to it. That is just rude and that is exactly what announcing it is. If people really want to know your wedding date they can ask you and you can tell them if you wish to. I'd either skip the announcement or invite them to the whole thing and skip the apps and just have more cake and punch to save money. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • If they're not invited, what is the point of announcing it? I mean, if someone asks you I think it's fine to say 'Oh yeah we're having a small ceremony in X town' and then bean dip, but I really fail to see the need of an announcement. Maybe afterwards they can announce you are married? I'm not sure how that works in the church but I know people still like to know/congratulate the couple.
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  • When I think of this, I'm imagining Lisa's church in House of Cards.
  • OP, by announcing it do you mean asking for the congregation's acknowledgment. In the Lutheran church (and I think in the Catholic church) a proposed wedding is announced so that if anyone has reason to oppose the wedding they can do so. It is called posting banns of marriage. If this is the case, you can't not(sorry for the double negative) do it. In the announcement, the reception details aren't announced just the date of the wedding and the bride and groom. Perhaps this is what you mean by announcing the wedding.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2016
    OP, I think you have a very good question.  The etiquette about your wedding is confusing.  Times are changing, and etiquette is slow to change.
    In most protestant churches, the "church" is not a building.  It is a congregation of Christian people.  Location is unimportant.  This is very different from the Catholic Church, where it is essential that the marriage is held on sacred ground.
    I think you are coping the best you can.  Good luck with your wedding.
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2016
    CMGragain said:
    OP, I think you have a very good question.  The etiquette about your wedding is confusing.  Times are changing, and etiquette is slow to change.
    In most protestant churches, the "church" is not a building.  It is a congregation of Christian people.  Location is unimportant.  This is very different from the Catholic Church, where it is essential that the marriage is held on sacred ground.
    I think you are coping the best you can.  Good luck with your wedding.
    Yes and no. The space is made important primarily by the fact that it's where the whole community gathers to do specific things. It's where the "Church" of people (i.e. Body of Christ in the Pauline sense) is made present and visible, and since we're people with physical bodies who care about and are connected to physical places, the church building is made sacred. So we've got both things going on.
  • I think people here feel like people are pressuring me to include everyone. I do want everyone there however I can not afford to host everyone. Our parents want the apps but they can only afford to have pay for a certain amount (our current-list). Every cent of our money is tied up on things for after the wedding (like getting apartment, furnishing it and etc) Everyone from the church has been super encouraging and will do whatever we decided.  
    The announcement will not tell anyone details just that we are getting married on this date. No time or location will be given. 
    We actually outgrow our building so that is why we me meet in a hotel. 
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