Church Members

[Deleted User]

Thank guys for all the advice. 

We talked it over with everyone and they will still announce the wedding but tell everyone know that the wedding and reception will be invite-only. 

[Deleted User]

I also want to say no one was being pushy about any of this. This whole process has not been fun for me and it was just one more detail that was stressing me out.

photokitty

Personally, I could not in good conscience let the pastor announce my upcoming wedding when it sounds like it is a 30 or more minute drive AND I am not hosting anything. Thanks for driving an hour round trip, we're headed through these doors for the party...drive safely. Buh Bye.

Pastor and people need to get over the entitlement or save up and buy a building so they can come if they please bc the church is owned by the whole congregation.

ILoveBeachMusic

flantastic said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

flantastic said:

Maggie0829 said:

banana468 said:

scribe95 said:

I didn't know most wedding services were open to church members. How is that not a logistical nightmare if the bride/groom invite at capacity and then a bunch of other people are there? 

FWIW, I've been to a lot of weddings in my own faith (Catholic) and the churches used for them are not in danger of hitting a capacity limit.   Only once did friends of mine use a small chapel that was clearly not used frequently.

At my own wedding we had a random old lady in the church the night of our rehearsal.   She may have been there for Adoration or just to be there to pray.    She saw us rehearsing and asked when we were getting married.   When I told her "Tomorrow at 2," she said "OK I'll be there!"   I looked around and thought it was weird but hey, girlfriend likes weddings.

The next day she came through our receiving line and the church coordinator told us she attends ALL the weddings.

I'm thinking if you're in a church where it's small and you may have an issue then you have your ushers put in a diligent effort to crowd the pews and you tell your VIPs to try to get there early.   

But OP said that her congregation doesn't have an actual church, but rather meets in a hotel.  So this leads me to believe that OP is getting married at a venue of her choosing but it needs to be large enough to hold her entire congregation if they all decide to show up for the ceremony.  I could see how this could cause major planning problems.  

To me if you are getting married in your actual church, then okay have the ceremony be open to the entire congregation, makes sense.  But in OPs case, I think it is kind of crappy of the congregation to demand that her ceremony be open when she is not getting married in the church.

I agree with this. If it's at the parish church and parishioners want to swing by, that's one thing, but if it's offsite (and the reception is at the same location), sorry, but no. It's an invite-only event.

OP, just don't have the announcement made... because people are not welcome to attend the ceremony and not the reception. If people ask, you have a legitimate reason: "The venue's capacity wouldn't allow us to open the ceremony to everyone from church. How did you enjoy the sermon today?"

But, if the church services are normally held in a hotel (a lot of small/new churches rent space until they have a church building) that would be considered the church. I am on the board of a Y, two churches rent space within our facility. That is considered their church "building". I think the OP is ok with doing what the church normally does since all the members understand how it works. I wouldn't say that etiquette should trump a church. That would sit very badly with me. OP also said they wouldn't be over capacity if the members came.

I understand that. If the wedding were being held in that hotel space (which it doesn't seem to be), I would say the same argument as the church space might apply. I also think that if the church community understood their tradition didn't entitle them to the reception AND OP wanted them there, that this would be okay.

However, it doesn't sound like OP actually wants them to be there, and she doesn't have to open her ceremony just because it's her community's tradition. Especially because it poses awkward logistical concerns for her non-church guests.

I apologize. I misinterpreted the hotel location. I thought they were getting married where services are normally held. My mistake. 

lembaslover

wdment2016 said:

Thank guys for all the advice. 

We talked it over with everyone and they will still announce the wedding but tell everyone know that the wedding and reception will be invite-only. 

To me this is just as bad. You don't walk up to people and say I'm getting married on XX date and you're not invited to it. That is just rude and that is exactly what announcing it is. If people really want to know your wedding date they can ask you and you can tell them if you wish to. I'd either skip the announcement or invite them to the whole thing and skip the apps and just have more cake and punch to save money. 

teddygirl9

If they're not invited, what is the point of announcing it? I mean, if someone asks you I think it's fine to say 'Oh yeah we're having a small ceremony in X town' and then bean dip, but I really fail to see the need of an announcement. Maybe afterwards they can announce you are married? I'm not sure how that works in the church but I know people still like to know/congratulate the couple.

flantastic

When I think of this, I'm imagining Lisa's church in House of Cards.

ILoveBeachMusic

OP, by announcing it do you mean asking for the congregation's acknowledgment. In the Lutheran church (and I think in the Catholic church) a proposed wedding is announced so that if anyone has reason to oppose the wedding they can do so. It is called posting banns of marriage. If this is the case, you can't not(sorry for the double negative) do it. In the announcement, the reception details aren't announced just the date of the wedding and the bride and groom. Perhaps this is what you mean by announcing the wedding.

CMGragain

OP, I think you have a very good question.  The etiquette about your wedding is confusing.  Times are changing, and etiquette is slow to change.
In most protestant churches, the "church" is not a building.  It is a congregation of Christian people.  Location is unimportant.  This is very different from the Catholic Church, where it is essential that the marriage is held on sacred ground.
I think you are coping the best you can.  Good luck with your wedding.

flantastic

CMGragain said:

OP, I think you have a very good question.  The etiquette about your wedding is confusing.  Times are changing, and etiquette is slow to change.
In most protestant churches, the "church" is not a building.  It is a congregation of Christian people.  Location is unimportant.  This is very different from the Catholic Church, where it is essential that the marriage is held on sacred ground.
I think you are coping the best you can.  Good luck with your wedding.

Yes and no. The space is made important primarily by the fact that it's where the whole community gathers to do specific things. It's where the "Church" of people (i.e. Body of Christ in the Pauline sense) is made present and visible, and since we're people with physical bodies who care about and are connected to physical places, the church building is made sacred. So we've got both things going on.

[Deleted User]

I think people here feel like people are pressuring me to include everyone. I do want everyone there however I can not afford to host everyone. Our parents want the apps but they can only afford to have pay for a certain amount (our current-list). Every cent of our money is tied up on things for after the wedding (like getting apartment, furnishing it and etc) Everyone from the church has been super encouraging and will do whatever we decided.  
The announcement will not tell anyone details just that we are getting married on this date. No time or location will be given. 
We actually outgrow our building so that is why we me meet in a hotel.