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Moms and Maids

MOTB dress

Hello, my mom and I have been having a difficult time finding a mother of the bride dress. She wants to be comfortable and able to wear a regular bra. She was out of town and stopped at a dress store and fell in love with a dress because of the fit, feel and price. I said no because the colour is too bright (royal blue) and it can't be ordered in another colour. My colour theme includes ivory, champagne, gold and dusty blue. I want a soft grey, blue, taupe or mauve for her. Also this dress is not very fancy and she's supposed to be the second best dressed there! My FMIL is waiting for my mom to pick and they are both running out of time. Do I just give in and let her have the dress?
Thanks 
«13

Re: MOTB dress

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello, my mom and I have been having a difficult time finding a mother of the bride dress. She wants to be comfortable and able to wear a regular bra. She was out of town and stopped at a dress store and fell in love with a dress because of the fit, feel and price. I said no because the colour is too bright (royal blue) and it can't be ordered in another colour. My colour theme includes ivory, champagne, gold and dusty blue. I want a soft grey, blue, taupe or mauve for her. Also this dress is not very fancy and she's supposed to be the second best dressed there! My FMIL is waiting for my mom to pick and they are both running out of time. Do I just give in and let her have the dress?
    Thanks 
    JIC


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    kimmiinthemittenlnixon8[Deleted User]STARMOON44
  • PPs got it. Let your mom wear what she's happiest in, and she will be beautiful. My mom found a blue dress she loves and I told her to go for it even though it doesn't go with any of the colors in my wedding. As for adhering to any traditions: blue is a lucky wedding color. Why not have your mom be part of your "something blue" for the day? 
                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    ernursejthatpreppynerdpinupbride6189thisismynickname2
  • Are we really having this discussion again? OP, you don't get to dictate what either your mother or your FMIL wears. It's fine to offer suggestions or help finding something if they ask you, but they get the final say on their dresses. It's not fair to make someone give up a dress they really like and feel good in just because it doesn't fit some color scheme you came up with. Let your mom wear the dress she found and grow up.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    As a MOB and future MOG, please don't tell your mother what to wear! I spent more on my MOB dress than any dress I've ever owned because my daughter was being picky (she wanted me to stand out as 2nd best dressed too). I will never wear that dress again even though it is beautiful. Let her decide. BTW, I wear a lot of blues (royal blue included) and would be pissed off if I was told I couldn't wear my favorite color.
    OurWildKingdomSP29short+sassylc07
  • Hello, my mom and I have been having a difficult time finding a mother of the bride dress. She wants to be comfortable and able to wear a regular bra. She was out of town and stopped at a dress store and fell in love with a dress because of the fit, feel and price. I said no because the colour is too bright (royal blue) and it can't be ordered in another colour. My colour theme includes ivory, champagne, gold and dusty blue. I want a soft grey, blue, taupe or mauve for her. Also this dress is not very fancy and she's supposed to be the second best dressed there! My FMIL is waiting for my mom to pick and they are both running out of time. Do I just give in and let her have the dress?
    Thanks 
    Is your vision more important than your mom feeling beautiful in her dress? If so, maybe reflect on that for a while and realize that it's kind of awful. If not, tell her you're sorry, she should find a dress she loves and that she is excited to wear, no matter what color it may be. Also, I don't understand why your FMIL is waiting on you to approve/veto your mom's dress choice[s], she is an adult, same as your mom, and can dress herself without your/your mom's input/approval.

    Seriously, please reread this post and realize how much energy and time you've wasted on something that doesn't matter.
    [Deleted User]SP29short+sassy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The MOB and MOG don't have to get the bride's approval on their dresses. It was very selfish to tell your mom not to get the dress that she liked.
                       
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • Geez, people are mean on here! I'm sorry you can't ask for advice without being berated! I understand you would want your mom to be the 2nd best dressed there and, of course, you want her to stand out and look stunning. However, I think, in the end, you'll regret it more if she is sitting down and not enjoying herself because she doesn't like what she is wearing. I think you'll want her to enjoy herself, be comfortable, and feel beautiful :)
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2016
    Geez, people are mean on here! I'm sorry you can't ask for advice without being berated! I understand you would want your mom to be the 2nd best dressed there and, of course, you want her to stand out and look stunning. However, I think, in the end, you'll regret it more if she is sitting down and not enjoying herself because she doesn't like what she is wearing. I think you'll want her to enjoy herself, be comfortable, and feel beautiful :)
    Hm...this is your first post, and it is to criticize us for giving the OP a well deserved correction?  Why am I suspicious?  I think we have an AI.  Nope, not buying it.  Shame on you, OP.


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    CMGragain said:
    Geez, people are mean on here! I'm sorry you can't ask for advice without being berated! I understand you would want your mom to be the 2nd best dressed there and, of course, you want her to stand out and look stunning. However, I think, in the end, you'll regret it more if she is sitting down and not enjoying herself because she doesn't like what she is wearing. I think you'll want her to enjoy herself, be comfortable, and feel beautiful :)
    Hm...this is your first post, and it is to criticize us for giving the OP a well deserved correction?  Why am I suspicious?  I think we have an AI.  Nope, not buying it.  Shame on you, OP.


    Please pardon my ignorance, but what is an AI?
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    CMGragain said:
    Geez, people are mean on here! I'm sorry you can't ask for advice without being berated! I understand you would want your mom to be the 2nd best dressed there and, of course, you want her to stand out and look stunning. However, I think, in the end, you'll regret it more if she is sitting down and not enjoying herself because she doesn't like what she is wearing. I think you'll want her to enjoy herself, be comfortable, and feel beautiful :)
    Hm...this is your first post, and it is to criticize us for giving the OP a well deserved correction?  Why am I suspicious?  I think we have an AI.  Nope, not buying it.  Shame on you, OP.


    Please pardon my ignorance, but what is an AI?
    In so many words, AI implies an alternate identity/pseudonym.  Often posters, when given advice they disagree with, will create a new/alternate SN to make it appear as if others agree with the OP.
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    CMGragain said:
    Geez, people are mean on here! I'm sorry you can't ask for advice without being berated! I understand you would want your mom to be the 2nd best dressed there and, of course, you want her to stand out and look stunning. However, I think, in the end, you'll regret it more if she is sitting down and not enjoying herself because she doesn't like what she is wearing. I think you'll want her to enjoy herself, be comfortable, and feel beautiful :)
    Hm...this is your first post, and it is to criticize us for giving the OP a well deserved correction?  Why am I suspicious?  I think we have an AI.  Nope, not buying it.  Shame on you, OP.


    Please pardon my ignorance, but what is an AI?
    In so many words, AI implies an alternate identity/pseudonym.  Often posters, when given advice they disagree with, will create a new/alternate SN to make it appear as if others agree with the OP.
    Got it. Thanks!
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Bleve0821 said:

    Not to beat a dead horse, but my mother is currently looking for her dress for my wedding.  She's a larger woman, hates shopping, and is for some reason really cautious of showing off her curves (which I admire to no end).  She's a beautiful woman, and I would love to see her in something that flatters her.  But I would NEVER ask her to wear something she isn't comfortable in, and especially not because of something as silly as a color.

    She's been looking at dresses online for months, and has probably sent me close to a hundred different shapes, styles, and colors, looking for my approval.  I give her my honest thoughts (and sometimes I think she's messing with me with some of the dresses she's picked out), but at the end of every discussion, I say to her, "Mom, if you want to wear white, wear white.  If you want to wear a strapless mini, wear a strapless mini.  My only concern is your comfort.  If you're happy with your dress, I'm happy.  It doesn't matter whether it's a dress I would pick out for you.  I'm not going to be wearing it.  If it's what you want, and it makes you feel amazing, that's what's important.  Order it.  Try it on.  If you don't like it, send it back."

    My concern is not the style or the shape or the color.  It never has been, and it never will be.  She's found some really beautiful dresses.  Will all work perfectly for her?  No.  But will all of them make her feel beautiful?

    Yes. 

    And, for me, there's nothing I want more for my wedding day than a happy, comfortable mom.

    One day, she won't be there anymore.  And I'd much rather look back at pictures of the happiest day of my life and remember how happy and beautiful she was, too.


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    pinupbride6189Heffalumplc07
  • My main wedding color (and bridesmaid dresses) are Tiffany blue, with some light pink and silver accents. My mother is NOT one to wear super bright colors and I knew there's no way she'd be comfortable in a bright Tiffany blue/turquoise dress. She asked me over and over again "what I wanted her to wear," and seemed to have this same idea that I was supposed to pick her dress. We had this conversation probably 10 times.

    Mom: So what do you want me to wear to the wedding?
    Me: I don't know, whatever you want to wear.
    Mom: Well, I don't really want to wear a long dress...
    Me: Then don't wear a long dress.

    (My BM dresses are long, so that may be where she got that idea.) Finally, I convinced her could just go shopping (she wanted me to go) and that black, gray or navy (I knew she'd prefer a dark dress) would all look just fine with the other colors. She picked a knee-length navy dress that looks great on her! I would never have expected her to get a Tiffany blue or pink dress because I know those are not colors she's comfortable in.
    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMomOurWildKingdompinupbride6189
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2016
    Oddly enough, my MIL wanted to know what color she should wear and tried to coordinate with my mom too. I had no idea why. Apparently this is a "thing" for some reason.
    To both of them I said, "Wear whatever." They were really excited about their outfits and looked great. 
    My mom wore bright blue for my sister's wedding (dress and hat) when sis had a black, white, and red theme. Mom wore a hot pink hat for my wedding with a floral dress and my colors were black and white. 

    And you know what? At two weddings I attended in the last year, the mothers of the grooms wore the same taupe beaded dress from David's Bridal. When mothers have some oddball dress code to follow, it tends to show. (But they each looked great, it was a beautiful dress.)

    Anyway, the only acceptable people to whom you may dictate dress are members of the bridal party ('maids, men, ring bearers, flower throwers) (ETA- and that's following the etiquette of asking for budgets and respecting preferences and whatnot). 
    ________________________________


    [Deleted User]OurWildKingdomShesSoCold
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