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Budget Weddings Forum
annaclark857
member
Honest thoughts on cash registries?
Are cash registries really that taboo? I have read a lot on here about the rudeness of asking for money especially through cash registries like honeyfund, but I do see some of the appeal in having one. I'm not a fan of credit card fees the cash registries have but if i was a guest at a wedding which had a honeyfund i wouldnt think it rude in any sense, I would happily give to the couple's honeymoon. Just looking for some honest opinions here as I begin my registry-planning.
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Re: Honest thoughts on cash registries?
I'm really upset that I can't find a gif of that scene in Grandma's Boy where what's his name goes, "Everything you've heard about me is true".
Anyway, OP, yes, it's rude as shit. People know cash is a good gift and money is something people need. Have a small registry or no registry at all and you will probably receive monetary gifts. IF PEOPLE ASK, you can tell them you're saving for X or Y.
Why would you rather someone give you $100 minus $7 processing fee, when they could just give you $100 in a card?
Your options are to have a small or no gift registry, which gives people the hint. And if anyone asks where you are registered or what you would like, you are free to tell them, "We are saving up for a HM/House/ whatever".
Honeyfund, cash regain rues, and all their varieties are not only asking people for money, which is rude, but they also assume their your friends and family don't know how to shop and/or that money makes a perfectly fine gift. I've never met anyone that didn't know that.
We got lots of cash. We took it on our honeymoon with us. Never once did DH or myself ask for it. We had a registry, and the people who wanted to buy from it bought from it.
Additionally, I like to be smart about my shopping and, sometimes, adjust my gift budget based on travel/hotel/other expenses. I can't do as much with a cash-only registry. So not only do you insist on limiting my options with a cash registry (much more so than a registry of household items), you also insist on knowing exactly how much I spent on your gift.
There's an easy solution to this. Don't register. Most people will most likely give you cash, and you didn't have to look like an ass asking for it.
Additionally, I assume anyone who uses one of those sites where they charge fees is incredibly financially stupid and fiscally irresponsible and I'm pretty hard pressed to willingly give up my hard earned money to people who don't seem to know how best to manage theirs.
If you want to contribute to the couple's honeymoon, you can do what my dad did. He knew we're really frugal, so at the wedding, he gave us some cash and told us we had to spend it all on the honeymoon. We used it to go parasailing:)
I just helped plan a wedding where the bride had a huge registry, and she still got mostly cash. People are going to give you cash. And you're not getting married for the gifts anyway, so it's all good no matter what you get
PS...no one will tell you to your face that they think you're being rude. They'll roll your eyes behind your back plenty though. I just did exactly that yesterday.
I absolutely hate cash registries or honeyfunds. I make a point to give cash directly to the B+G and let them know that I wanted them to receive "x amount of money instead of x-the site's cut". Once or twice, the B+G had no idea that was what happened. Cash is King and I don't need to be told to give cash when really, I don't have to give anything.
If B+G want cash, do not set up a registry and when guests ask about items, you can say you are saving for x/y/z. They will get the hint.
Hate - hate - hate them!!! If you'd really like cash, tell the key players that your family will likely be asking "where are they registered" that you're saving up for living room furniture and could really use the help to pay for that but you're also registered at the hardware store and Sears... If I know someone is actively saving for something important that what I'd give as a gift would be used to make a dent in the cost, I'd likely do that, but otherwise, I'm in general not a fan by any stretch of giving cash gifts for weddings. But, I'm not paying for something to go on my credit card, it's cash or a check, which you're an adult, you can go to the bank and deposit. It's not "more convenient" for your guests to go online to someplace that is going to collect from them and take their cut before it's deposited in your account. The honeyfund sites have to stay in business, they do so by getting a cut of the proceeds, which is rude for guests to pay for when otherwise they could give you money and it be 100% used for its intended purpose. If you can't afford a honeymoon, oh well, most of your guests can't afford to go on a vacation either, it's rude to ask them to pay for yours! Guests want most times to give you a tangible gift that 30 years from now you'll look at and say "this was a wedding gift from..." A honeyfund doesn't have that lasting result.
Even though cash, in the end, goes toward whatever the couple wants like their phone bill, it's nice to know someone gave it to you with the intention of you spending it on something fun. We weren't expecting any gift from my in-laws as they funded a nice chunk of the wedding, but they surprised us with a few hundred extra bucks "for the honeymoon." We decided to use it to reserve black car transport to and from the airport, a splurge we weren't previously comfortable with.
Here is something from the point of a guest.
I need to get Jill a gift for the Bridal Shower, I wonder what store she is registered at. Oh there is nothing on the registry that fits my budget or everything in my budget has already been purchased. Ok, I'll just get her a gift card for the store she registered at because then she can use it to buy something from the list she didn't get.
Time to go to Jill's wedding, nothing on the store appeals to me, or I ran out of time to go pickup a gift off the registry, so I'll just write them a check.
Typically for the actual wedding the majority of guests will give you money because we're lazy and don't want to have to deal with buying a gift, wrapping and the dragging it with us to the wedding & then the reception. Especially if you are traveling for the wedding. It's just easier to give a card with money. For the shower, you should have actual items that people can buy because else the shower is going to be very boring.
I went to a bridal shower & wedding where they had a honeymoon fund. The couple paid for the main portion of the trip. The honeymoon fund (gift cards set up through the travel agency) would be used to pay for extras like spa time, scuba diving, or other activities that resort offers that are extra. But here is the problem I can see with honeymoon funds, if you book a trip expecting to get enough contributed to your honeymoon fund to cover the trip & then you don't get enough, are you going to be screwed trying to come up with the difference. Then on the other side, if it's for extras like the wedding I went to, what if you get so many contributions and you can't use all the "credits" up during the time you are at the location. Then you risk losing some of the gifts that people gave you. In no way am I endorsing Honeymoon funds, I'm just pointing out what could go wrong with them.
With HM registries, I have heard of two scenarios- A) a guest buys an "item" but the B&G actually get the cash amount, minus the fee, or
Say a bunch of guests buy experiences for the B&G- they've got something planned each day. What if B&G can't go scuba diving on the Thursday they were supposed to? Then the guest didn't actually buy them a scuba diving experience. Or, the B&G get the cash equivalent of a scuba diving trip, but never actually go scuba diving- the guest again hasn't gifted the B&G with what they thought they were.
How is that fair to the guest who thought they were doing something so awesome by buying the B&G this great experience gift? In the same token, the guest can give the B&G cash and in the card write, "I hope you can use this on your HM- do something awesome!". B&G are free to use the cash however they like- go scuba diving, great dinner, massage.... or pay their phone bill if they really wish.
People know cash is king, if people want to get a physical gift they will, with or without a registry, and if they don't then they'll give money. The only thing cash registries does is take a part of the gift you'd already be getting. I don't get it.
To answer the OP, my honest thoughts on cash registries is that they work on a level of dishonesty, and that's my biggest problem with them. I had to create a Zola account just to see how it actually works because of the ambiguity of the website. The smoke and mirrors is done purposefully because companies know that asking for cash doesn't go over well with many guests. They then have the audacity to advise couples through a variety of mediums (bridal magazines, their FAQ page) that honeyfunds and cash registries are no longer taboo. So I guess following that logic I would be more okay with a simple paypal account that people could deposit money into.
Would I stop being friends with someone just because of their cash registry? No. Would I think they were horrible and ungrateful people? Absolutely not. But I wouldn't contribute to it because I don't want to put money into frivolous extras manufactured by the wedding industry.
I don't think you need a cash registry, pp have it covered.
ditto pps. And just because you have a cash registry does not mean you won't get physical gifts. My mother is getting married next month and her and her FI are combining 2 households, and paring down. They obviously don't need anything, and tell people as such when they ask where they are registered. My ILs are getting her a crystal vase.
If people want to give you something they will - be it cash or a gift. Just be gracious and accept whatever it is.