• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Wedding Party

Issues with the best man?

So, to make this quick.
the best man and my fiance have been friends for years, they had a few issues back 2 years ago and reconnected before I met my fiance. This past Friday he showed up uninvited to our home, with booze ready for a long night of drinking. I was upset with my fiance because I felt like my privacy had been disturbed, we spoke about it (while we were having a conversation between ourselves, his friend comes back inside grabs all his things)  and his friend was rude and slammed my front door on the way out, after i had told him "I really hope you're not planning on drinking this in my house, I don't want booze in my home." 

I told my fiance to call him back, which he did I went out for a coffee with my mom and when I came back he had parked in the driveway blocking my way in. I called asked if he could move his car, he refused. I was upset and told him to move it or I'd move it myself. 

Bottom line was he left that night, upset and called my fiance the next day. I noticed early the next day he had blocked/deleted me off all social media.  He lives 4 hours away. He asked him if he was going to go down to see him my fiance told him he wasn't going to see him without speaking to me first especially since we hadn't resolved the issue from the night before. He was mad said my fiance wasn't allowed to come see him anymore. My fiance told him that wasn't the case that he was at fault for me being upset, he forgot to tell me he was coming down and he wanted to fix things with me before going down. My fiance said some things he said made him mad, "your picking her over me...." and my fiance said "dont make me choose between you and her...it's going to be her."

He than texted my fiance saying "It was nice knowing you, bud. best of luck with all that."

My question is what do I do? apologize? I asked my fiance he said no, i dont want you to apologize he obviously wasn't a true friend.

Some advice please?
«1

Re: Issues with the best man?

  • my FI knew he was coming, but forgot to tell me (he had a stressful day at work, and the friend called him last minute to tell him as he was leaving work) but he wasn't aware of booze. But my FI didn't like how he said he felt like he was choosing me over him. After all was said and done, my FI doesn't want me to apologize.
  • Between kicking him out for the alcohol and telling him you would move his car yourself when he didn't respond as quickly as you wanted I don't think the friends reacted all that poorly.
    Did he know you are so insecure about alcohol?


    STARMOON44InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2016
    Also the parking in the driveway.... unless your driveway is 5 miles long, having to park on the street while your guest uses the driveway wouldn't logically hurt anyone.

    ETA clarification 


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2016
    Duplicate post, sorry!


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You both owe him a HUGE apology. Also, does he know alcohol is not allowed in  your house? 

    lnixon8InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    My friends and I drop in on each other uninvited frequently. If it isn't a good time we say so - no big deal. But since your fiance knew about it, he wasn't uninvited. You and FI owe BM an apology.
    [Deleted User]
  • You were really rude to FI's friend.  It was not his fault FI didn't give you a heads up and you took out on him. Also, if you are that adamant about alcohol on the house, you need to work that out with your FI, not fly off the handle at his friend who has no idea.

    SP29lc07[Deleted User]
  • I'm team BM. 
                 
    PrettyGirlLostSP29
  • So, to make this quick.
    the best man and my fiance have been friends for years, they had a few issues back 2 years ago and reconnected before I met my fiance. This past Friday he showed up uninvited to our home, with booze ready for a long night of drinking. I was upset with my fiance because I felt like my privacy had been disturbed, we spoke about it (while we were having a conversation between ourselves, his friend comes back inside grabs all his things)  and his friend was rude and slammed my front door on the way out, after i had told him "I really hope you're not planning on drinking this in my house, I don't want booze in my home." 

    I told my fiance to call him back, which he did I went out for a coffee with my mom and when I came back he had parked in the driveway blocking my way in. I called asked if he could move his car, he refused. I was upset and told him to move it or I'd move it myself. 

    Bottom line was he left that night, upset and called my fiance the next day. I noticed early the next day he had blocked/deleted me off all social media.  He lives 4 hours away. He asked him if he was going to go down to see him my fiance told him he wasn't going to see him without speaking to me first especially since we hadn't resolved the issue from the night before. He was mad said my fiance wasn't allowed to come see him anymore. My fiance told him that wasn't the case that he was at fault for me being upset, he forgot to tell me he was coming down and he wanted to fix things with me before going down. My fiance said some things he said made him mad, "your picking her over me...." and my fiance said "dont make me choose between you and her...it's going to be her."

    He than texted my fiance saying "It was nice knowing you, bud. best of luck with all that."

    My question is what do I do? apologize? I asked my fiance he said no, i dont want you to apologize he obviously wasn't a true friend.

    Some advice please?

     I completely understand your frustration because this is actually a relatively frequent occurrence at my house - FI always forgets to tell me when he invites people over. Yes, it's annoying, but I only ever get cranky with FI about it. If i'm really not in the mood to hang out, I just go upstairs and pretend I'm doing homework lol. Taking it out on the friend isn't really a fair reaction. You should definitely apologize, and you should tell FI that he owes an apology too. 
    OurWildKingdomernursejSP29OliveOilsMom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wow.  All of this is just so immature. BM WAS invited...BY YOUR FI.  He drove four hours to see his best friend, and then he shows up and is met with bitchy comments.  If you didn't know about the plans, that's a FI problem, not a BM problem. It's not like BM came over truly unannounced, drunk, and ready to party all night.  This was a previous agreement between him and FI.  And you made it a complete clusterfuck instead of acknowledging how shitty it was of your FI not to tell you, and then going to your room to read, or asking the guys to take it to another room/garage/wherever.  And, am I assuming correctly, that after all of this, BM made the 4 hour trip home that same night?!?  Jesus, I feel bad for him.  

    You and FI both need to apologize, and then you and FI really need to work on your communication skills.  


    image
    STARMOON44PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • I'm with the others.   Without knowing any more than what was stated, I'm team BM.

    I'm also team your FI needs to be a better communicator.

    Your FI knew this was happening and then didn't tell you and you flew off the handle?   

    I'm curious about why the booze was so awful to be in the house.   Are you both recovering substance abusers?   If that's the case I can have a bit of sympathy.   But regardless, I think you messed up big time. 
    lnixon8PrettyGirlLost
  • You were all immature and all owe each other apologies. You should've reacted more politely when BM showed up. He shouldn't have gotten so nasty and given your FI an ultimatum. And of course, your FI should've told you that BM was coming over. If you're going to be pissed at anyone, be pissed at him for not telling you (I don't care that he had a stressful day at work, you tell people when company is coming). 

    As for the alcohol thing, I am also curious as to why you were so upset that it was brought into the house. Obviously, if you've told this friend before that there was no booze allowed, then I understand your frustration, though you still could've been more polite about it. Anyway, I think you all need to come together and apologize to one another and try to put this behind you.
    image
    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • This one falls on FI for not telling you, however you could have also handled it much better.  Damage control needs to be done but I suspect the damage has been done for the long-haul. 

    Just because there's alcohol doesn't mean that you need to partake.  I'm a teetotaler so I get the WTF with alcohol showing up at my home however, I have wine loving friends and would shrug it off.  Also, it's not as though you've just had a baby that is colicy and hasn't STTN in months and he's showing up unannounced - in which case, a beotchy reception could be argued and justified..  As for your parking spot, take a breath and roll with that type of thing in the future...

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Well well well, looks someone didn't get instant validation so she took her ball and went home. 

    MesmrEweOliveOilsMom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well well well, looks someone didn't get instant validation so she took her ball and went home. 
    The lack of the DD does surprise me though.  Along with the lack of bingo, which I was looking forward to playing.  


    image
    speakeasy14MesmrEwe
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Dammit. I came for the bat signal and there were NO juicy bratty replies from OP!!! I am disappoint.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Greenjinjo speakeasy14MesmrEweSherbie25
  • Funny story... For the longest time, I thought DD meant "drunken drama." Silly me, there's my blonde showing. 
    I like this...we could use this for some of the replies we get back. 
    MesmrEwe
  • I bet her reply would be something about us drunks needing alcohol to have fun.


  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Well, we are just the classiest...


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • Well well well, looks someone didn't get instant validation so she took her ball and went home. 
    R..a...g...r...e...t!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker





    tigerlily6glasgowtolondondrunkenwitch
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards