Politics v. Love

tigerlily6

Just food for conversation. I feel like I have heard and seen a lot of really heated conversations/ arguments over politics recently, some between people who are very close. I'm always heartened when I see good friendships/ relationships despite different political views, but I have also seen some crash and burn over this lately. FI and I don't see eye to eye on certain issues, and don't shy from sharing our viewpoints. But overall we're roughly in the same political camp. Wondering how many people have SOs/ FIs/ spouses with whom they disagree politically, and how you approach it. 

SP29

DH and I mostly agree. There are some things we think differently about, but those are generally more "superficial" things. For the things that are most important to us, we agree. We also have similar view points in general on life, even if we don't always communicate them in the same way.

lovesclimbing

I'd say we're about halfway between option 3 and option 4 so I chose 4. We disagree on a very small handful of pretty minor things. 

thefanciestbeckler

DH and I agree on most things. Anything we disagree on is minor in the grand scheme of things i.e. not a deal breaker for either of us. Like @SP29 said, we really generally have similar views on most things in life. We each wanted to marry someone who shared values similar to our own. DH is much more eloquent than I am, but we stand for the same things when it really boils down to it. 

bleve0821

When we disagree on something, it's mostly a minor issue, but we will have passionate debates about it. They can get heated if we're not careful, but we always respect each other's differences. At the end of the day, it's never about the politics for us. It's about each other. 

princessleia22

DH and I have very different political views on most things. We basically agree to disagree and just avoid most political talk in our home. I don't even know who he voted for in primary (although I could make a good guess).  We both feel that one of the wonderful freedoms of our country is the right to each have our own political opinions and we respect each other's right for that... That's one of the few things we do agree on. 

spockforprez

We don't so much disagree as place emphasis on different issues. This results in voting for different politicians sometimes. We are both left of center (I'm a bit further left) with libertarian leanings and we agree on the big things. And mostly our discussions of politics involve despising and mocking the hypocrisy of the politicians we hate.

It also helps we are both atheists so our worldviews are compatible. I don't know how couples with different religious views cohabit - THAT is a divide I don't think I could handle!

[Deleted User]

I dated someone with very opposing political leanings and it caused problems.  Not so much the difference in opinion, more so on how we wanted to handle it.  I was keen to avoid the topic, he wanted to discuss it every time we met up for some lively discussion.  Dude, just join a debate club.  Anyways, I started dreading our time together and the relationship sort of flopped.  

FI and I talked about it on our third date, and I held my breath because I didn't want to go through that again.  There's a couple of minor issues we disagree on, and have decided to agree to disagree and not bring it up.  I assume he'll eventually realize he's wrong  

CaitFins

My FI is torn between pursuing a career as a lawyer, a criminologist, or a police officer, so, needless to say his views on politics are very strong and thusfar impossible to dissuade. Luckily, my career is in medicine, and I have few strong feelings about the political topics with which he is passionate. Now if he tries to get me into a political debate surrounding medicine, boy, does my backbone go up quick.  

He thinks debating politics with anyone is "fun," and most of the time I find it entertaining to observe him doing so. Otherwise, I enjoy challenging his rationale. We don't have game-changing differences in our political leanings, and when we do have differences, significant or not, we laugh it off or find a compromise one way or another. At the end of any debate we respect that we have our own opinions.

One of the original reasons that I thought we were an excellent match is that I am shy and do not form opinions on some important things, and his personality encourages me to improve in that (and vice versa, I show him the advantages of moderation with debating and challenge his debates effectively, in short.) We grew up in the same town, went to the same church at times, and started dating at 16/17, so it's also pretty understandable that our political opinions would line up together as we matured.

ETA: As far as political decisions, when we vote personally, we do as we please and don't criticize each other for doing so, even if our opinion is different. If he were to pursue a public political career, I would not oppose his positions that I disagreed with openly, as I am relatively comfortable with them, and more importantly it is his career and not mine.

lembaslover

DH and I both agree on pretty much everything politically and religiously. Where we differ is we both have minor issues that are closer to our hearts so our ranking of the minor issues is a bit different but overall we agree on them. We both agree on the major issues and their order of importance.

JaxInBlue

DH and I swing between choice three and four - depending on the political climate and the hot button issue of the day.  I have a sense he's more fiscally conservative than I am, but not in ways I find disheartening.  We're generally of the same mind on major issues, and able to discuss our political differences in a way that helps us both. We are currently supporting different primary candidates, but within the same party, and have agreed that ultimate nominee with receive both of our votes.

DH's political opinions have changed a lot more than mine have in the time I've known him.  I've typically been more involved in following issues, elections and candidates - it's something I find interesting - but I've also known my own political mindset and values for a while.  It's been interesting to see DH come into his own values; he grew up in a single-issue household, and was not politically active when we first met.

It's been interesting this political season to see how parenthood has changed our individual perspectives on candidates and voters.  I think it's made DH more involved and engaged, and has given me a crisis of confidence that anyone really gets me as a voter.

ahoywedding

Spoonsey said:

I dated someone with very opposing political leanings and it caused problems.  Not so much the difference in opinion, more so on how we wanted to handle it.  I was keen to avoid the topic, he wanted to discuss it every time we met up for some lively discussion.  Dude, just join a debate club.  Anyways, I started dreading our time together and the relationship sort of flopped.  

FI and I talked about it on our third date, and I held my breath because I didn't want to go through that again.  There's a couple of minor issues we disagree on, and have decided to agree to disagree and not bring it up.  I assume he'll eventually realize he's wrong  

I had a similar relationship, which spanned both the 2008 and 2010 elections. I was *mildly* okay with our opposing views, but what bothered me the most was that he couldn't explain WHY he felt the way he did. His only reason was he felt that way because his parents felt that way. I'm very politically involved and read everything I can to educate myself, so that excuse just did NOT fly.

thisismynickname2

I voted that we're on the same page politically. The things we don't necessarily see eye to eye on are actually the stuff more categorized as "women's issues" (though I actually take offense to that term overall for other reasons). 
For instance, he's against abortion; some of his cousins are adopted and he's an only child because his parents struggled with fertility. He truly believes that women who find themselves pregnant should give up the child for adoption if they don't want it, not abort it. My response is always more to point out the various reasons women wouldn't carry a baby to term and that it's far safer from a public health perspective to have abortion options available than to not have them available. 

I dated a guy for 3 years who was my political opposite. Never again. What bothered me was finally coming to the realization that he actually believed he was smarter/better than people who disagreed with him. Like, he's an atheist. God obviously doesn't exist because science doesn't prove it. Uh... you mean to tell me in a world with 6 or 7 billion people, the large majority of whom believe in higher power(s), you are smarter than billions of people because science hasn't proved a higher power exists?  Look, I respect that people disagree with me politically because their values are different from mine. Having different values does not automatically make one less smart, less informed, less whatever. We just choose to achieve human goals in different ways. 

badbnagdway

ahoywedding said:

Spoonsey said:

I dated someone with very opposing political leanings and it caused problems.  Not so much the difference in opinion, more so on how we wanted to handle it.  I was keen to avoid the topic, he wanted to discuss it every time we met up for some lively discussion.  Dude, just join a debate club.  Anyways, I started dreading our time together and the relationship sort of flopped.  

FI and I talked about it on our third date, and I held my breath because I didn't want to go through that again.  There's a couple of minor issues we disagree on, and have decided to agree to disagree and not bring it up.  I assume he'll eventually realize he's wrong  

I had a similar relationship, which spanned both the 2008 and 2010 elections. I was *mildly* okay with our opposing views, but what bothered me the most was that he couldn't explain WHY he felt the way he did. His only reason was he felt that way because his parents felt that way. I'm very politically involved and read everything I can to educate myself, so that excuse just did NOT fly.

I too have an ex who differed from me dramatically. I am very liberal and live in the south, so it's not unusual for me to be surrounded by people who have different viewpoints from me. My ex was a Republican from a conservative family wasn't so much that our political viewpoints differed but that he wasn't always respectful of things I thought were important. For example, he called Obama "Obama-lama-ding-dong". I told him to please not say that but he never stopped. If we really talked about issues it seemed to me he just hadn't really examined his own reasons for thinking the way he did. It was a contributing factor to why I decided he wasn't right for me. 

Fast forward and I am married to a socially liberal, fiscally conservative generally GOP leaning man. The biggest difference is that he listens to my opinions and even is able to see where he is relying too much on a knee jerk reaction and do research instead. He thinks all of the GOP presidential candidates except Kasich are garbage people and plans to vote for Hillary over Cruz or Trump (he likes Bernie as a person and politician but thinks his economic ideas will not work). 

We have very passionate discussions on politics but I do not feel like he is being disrespectful and it helps that we feel the same way about issues like gay marriage and abortion. 

Heffalump

DH and I overlap somewhat politically.  He's a pretty moderate Republican--fiscally conservative, but socially liberal/Libertarian (pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-birth control, pro-separation of church and state, pro-just about everything that conservative Republicans get all worked up over).  I'm a fairly liberal Democrat. But he hates Hillary Clinton, for reasons that I just don't understand.  Not like "I don't know how anyone couldn't love her" but literally like "I don't get it, what is the issue?" and he's like "I CANNOT STAND HER."  Not very constructive.  This is the one topic we just have to avoid.

LuckyStarandHoneyBunny

FI and I agree on just about everything at this point, but when we first got together there were some major political issues between us. I cared too much, he cared too little. I question everything, he just accepted anything. Over time we met somewhere in the middle. 

NavyBlue143

H and I disagree on a lot of things. He was pro death penalty, I'm against, though he has softened a bit there. He's anti gun control,  I'm for sensible gun legislation. He wouldn't ever trust a muslim President, which I find a disgusting attitude. He's socially pretty liberal but has some backwards, wrong ass mentalities that make me rage and honestly have caused me to question our relationship. He also doesn't think people should be paid a living wage "just" because they have a full time job,  because some jobs were designed to be held by teenagers/ young people in college, and $7.25 is fine for them. Or something. This political season has been pretty detrimental to my attraction to my H. 

charlotte989875

We're both political scientists so we're typically pretty engaged, we see eye to eye on most things, but disagree pretty significantly on the process of getting there. We agree on outcomes far more than processss so we have some pretty active discussions. It's one of the things I love about him. 

ahoywedding

badbnagdway said:

ahoywedding said:

Spoonsey said:

I dated someone with very opposing political leanings and it caused problems.  Not so much the difference in opinion, more so on how we wanted to handle it.  I was keen to avoid the topic, he wanted to discuss it every time we met up for some lively discussion.  Dude, just join a debate club.  Anyways, I started dreading our time together and the relationship sort of flopped.  

FI and I talked about it on our third date, and I held my breath because I didn't want to go through that again.  There's a couple of minor issues we disagree on, and have decided to agree to disagree and not bring it up.  I assume he'll eventually realize he's wrong  

I had a similar relationship, which spanned both the 2008 and 2010 elections. I was *mildly* okay with our opposing views, but what bothered me the most was that he couldn't explain WHY he felt the way he did. His only reason was he felt that way because his parents felt that way. I'm very politically involved and read everything I can to educate myself, so that excuse just did NOT fly.

I too have an ex who differed from me dramatically. I am very liberal and live in the south, so it's not unusual for me to be surrounded by people who have different viewpoints from me. My ex was a Republican from a conservative family wasn't so much that our political viewpoints differed but that he wasn't always respectful of things I thought were important. For example, he called Obama "Obama-lama-ding-dong". I told him to please not say that but he never stopped. If we really talked about issues it seemed to me he just hadn't really examined his own reasons for thinking the way he did. It was a contributing factor to why I decided he wasn't right for me. 

Fast forward and I am married to a socially liberal, fiscally conservative generally GOP leaning man. The biggest difference is that he listens to my opinions and even is able to see where he is relying too much on a knee jerk reaction and do research instead. He thinks all of the GOP presidential candidates except Kasich are garbage people and plans to vote for Hillary over Cruz or Trump (he likes Bernie as a person and politician but thinks his economic ideas will not work). 

We have very passionate discussions on politics but I do not feel like he is being disrespectful and it helps that we feel the same way about issues like gay marriage and abortion. 

Hello there, fellow Southern liberal! *high-five GIF here*

madamerwin

H and I are generally on the same page, but we disagree over the implementation of certain policies - mainly, gun control. He is pretty anti-gun control, while I support more regulation. Though we both agree that no private citizen needs access to assault rifles, and the gun show loophole definitely needs to be closed.

We agree on most, if not all, social issues - we are both very, very liberal on that front. We rarely discuss politics, though, because we agree so much there really is not anything to talk about.

My entire immediate family is very liberal, and most of my extended family is somewhere between liberal and moderate conservative. I do have one politically outspoken cousin who is quite conservative, but we have a "agree to disagree" philosophy and just avoid political discussions. Though I did find out that he supports Bernie Sanders, so we have that in common. In fact, both H and I have some conservative cousins, and we have come to find that regardless of political orientation, pretty much every family member we have under 40 supports Bernie.

Jackie_Jormpjomp

FI and I are both very politically inclined - his career is dependent on it, and my family has a background in politics and it's something I find fascinating. I look at relationships like James Carville and Mary Matalin and am impressed with how they make it work!  I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone that I didn't see eye to eye with on things. 

MyNameIsNot

Talking politics is actually how I met my H. We had mutual friends, but they introduced us because we were passionate about some of the same issues. 

We are generally aligned, but there have been some issues that we disagreed about. One of the things I love about DH is that we can have a logical and rational conversation, and we've even changed our opinions on a few issues after talking them through. (Death penalty for him, minimum wage for me.)

ernursej

FI and I are on the same page but he is much more passionate about politics. We live in Canada though ... I don't think our system is really that exciting.

madamerwin

Priscilla2016 said:

FI and I are both very politically inclined - his career is dependent on it, and my family has a background in politics and it's something I find fascinating. I look at relationships like James Carville and Mary Matalin and am impressed with how they make it work!  I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone that I didn't see eye to eye with on things. 

Me too! Their relationship fascinates me. I really don't think I could marry someone with wildly different political views, without us getting in fights regularly.

madamerwin

Doubt post

LD1970

Oddly, I've always been a left-leaning Democrat, and he's always been an old school Republican (a la Reagan, not today's bible beating brand of Republican), but we actually agree on most issues.  We're both socially liberal and fairly fiscally conservative, but whereas I have always voted based on social issues as those have been most important to me, he was raised to vote money, as in lower taxes, and small government.

In real terms, these days he's a Libertarian, since the Republican party left him when it went to the religious right (he's an atheist) and started wanting to legislate the minutiae of people's lives (big, BIG government - plus, he's a LGBTQ ally and not a misogynist).

This time around, we're both supporting Sanders.  If Sanders doesn't get the nomination, he's voting Gary Johnson.  I may write in Sanders or vote Johnson right along with him; I'm not sure.

MCmeow

I'm a very opinionated Democratic Socialist so if my fiance and I weren't on the same page, we'd have some troubles ha.

glasgowtolondon

We're on the same page 9/10, I'm definitely in the camp where I'd struggle if we differed fundamentally. I could not agree to disagree and I just know I'd pick at the scab all the time. I'd essentially be @Spoonsey 's ex-BF. We are both left of centre in the UK. The EU referendum is in 2 months (voting whether the UK should leave the EU if you don't follow European politics), and we agree completely that we should stay in. I genuinely think we would have struggled if we disagreed on something life changing like that.

lnixon8

Both of our ideas ebb and flow. I'm a teacher (like my Mom and Mamam) and he wants to start his own business (like both of our Dads). When we finally (I mean first in a long time, not a "thank god" sort of finally) got a republican governor and very conservative county executive elected within 5 months my salary was cut by 4k, our contracts would not be honored etc.

So the whole socially liberal/fiscally conservative doesn't fly when you are or are married to and sharing money with a teacher. On the other hand I know as the daughter/future wife of small business owner, taxes and regulations on them aren't my cup of tea either. Both of us are socially liberal (God bless planned parenthood!)

charlotte989875

ernursej said:

FI and I are on the same page but he is much more passionate about politics. We live in Canada though ... I don't think our system is really that exciting.

I don't know about, I'm a big Justin Trudeau fan girl so I find him pretty exciting. 

[Deleted User]

I have a coworker whose husband was born with a silver spoon and is voting for Trump... but she's a diehard Bernie supporter and I just

How does that even work?