Wedding Party

What would you do??

2

Re: What would you do??

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    OP, are your parents around and aware of any of this? I know you and your brother are full grown adults and it's really between you two (or three, as FSIL sounds like she should be involved as your are her bridesmaid, presumably). But as an older sister myself, I think if one of my brothers ever treated me this way when I had a young nursing infant, he'd have more than just an annoyed big sister to deal with. Pretty sure our mom and dad would rip him a new one and tell him to at least let me bring the baby. Pissing off your older sister is one thing, and maybe he doesn't care about that. But he may be getting side-eyed badly by your family in general over this. 

    Oooh, that's sneaky. Usually I wouldn't condone getting parents involved in dispute between adult siblings, but damn, your brother is acting like an inconsiderate ass. I'd tell him it's not possible to attend the wedding without your breast feeding baby. Then I'd call mom and dad to tell them you'll bring the baby to visit another time. I'm sure they'll let brother know how disappointed they are.

                       
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited May 2016
    CMGragain said:
    "Hello, brother, dear.  I am sorry, but I won't be able to attend your wedding, since I am nursing the baby.  Please have a happy day, and I wish you both joy and happiness."
    Keep in mind that these restrictions are probably coming from the bride-to-be, not your brother.  Now let him carry the football.
    Where do you get this? Just pure sexism? 

    There's nothing in the post that suggests that the brother isn't an equal partner. 
    This!  "Any info has come via my brother. Dress, shoes, hair, makeup. I received an invitation to the shower, in the mail. I only knew the bridesmaids were doing a weekend away because I asked my brother. " 
    You don't really think her brother is the one involved in deciding this, do you?  He is not directly involved.  There is no communication from the bride.  Why not?
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  • My parents are aware of the situation! My dad doesn't want to get it involved. My mother ripped him a new ass and is so pissed about the whole ordeal. My mom told him he was ridiculous for expecting me to leave the baby with strangers. 

    His reply was something to the effect of being appreciative of the accomodations being made, but blah blah blah same story about no kids because they could ruin the ceremony with crying, steal the scene at the reception, if my kid comes it's not fair to everyone else who wasn't able to bring their child...

    It's all very ridiculous. If I don't use my ticket I lose it. It's with crappy spirit airlines. Maybe when he looks around and doesn't see me there for a majority of the evening it'll sink in that he's been an unreasonable dick. If not, I'm solid in the fact that I did everything I could.  You can bet your ass though I'll be feeding the baby for WP pics and announcements at the reception. That ought to raise a few eyebrows. Heaven help him if he says one word about it...

    Seriously though, thanks for to all for your advice!! Maybe I should copy the link to this thread and send it to him
    SP29
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    zitiqueen said:
    Another option, since you're insisting on allowing him to treat you this way, would be to drop out of the wedding party now, attend the wedding with your child, and skip the reception all together. 

    In any event, remember that since you are going, you lose the right to complain about his treatment of you ever again because you are the one allowing this treatment.
    QFT - people can only treat you poorly if you allow it.  I cannot believe you are willing to kowtow to his ridiculous demands and think "you'll show him" when you're not around for photos.  He's already fine with your H and other kids not coming and angering your mom.  You are clearly not as important to his vision as you think you are.
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    OliveOilsMomwink0erinPrettyGirlLost
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2016
    CMGragain said:
    CMGragain said:
    "Hello, brother, dear.  I am sorry, but I won't be able to attend your wedding, since I am nursing the baby.  Please have a happy day, and I wish you both joy and happiness."
    Keep in mind that these restrictions are probably coming from the bride-to-be, not your brother.  Now let him carry the football.
    Where do you get this? Just pure sexism? 

    There's nothing in the post that suggests that the brother isn't an equal partner. 
    This!  "Any info has come via my brother. Dress, shoes, hair, makeup. I received an invitation to the shower, in the mail. I only knew the bridesmaids were doing a weekend away because I asked my brother. " 
    You don't really think her brother is the one involved in deciding this, do you?  He is not directly involved.  There is no communication from the bride.  Why not?
    Where do you get that he is not directly involved? He's the one telling her all this! 

    I don't really think her brother is involved in deciding who is invited to his own wedding? Of course I do! Having a penis does not prevent one from making a guest list. 

    Why is there no communication from the bride? Because blood talks to blood. OP barely even knows the bride.
    charlotte989875Knottie1452098987
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Attend the the ceremony as planned, then just show up with the baby at the reception.  What are they going to do? Kick you out?  If they ask, just say "I didn't want to miss anymore of the reception having to go back and forth for feeding the baby."
    OurWildKingdomwink0erin
  • I'm going to echo the others that if this is falling on deaf ears you're better off making a trip to the wedding location with your daughter and not attending the wedding itself.

    But once you agree to be in the wedding and you agreed to leave your child, you have no one but yourself to blame for being absent and running around for half the afternoon.   You can choose to stand up and say, "I'm sorry but your'e creating a logistical nightmare for me and this makes no sense."  Your alternative only starts to turn you into a bit of a drama llama for the reception.

    That doesn't mean that your brother is doing the right thing.   I think he's being very short-sighted and completely lacks an understanding of what it means to have children.   But you're now going to run around to take care of your child to give your brother what he wants.   Is it worth it??

    Like I said above, he'd get one last chance from me and if he still turned me down I wouldn't go.
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited May 2016
    I don't know how a kid would even begin to steal the scene at the reception.  Grab the mic and give a borderline-lewd toast and close by singing Sinatra (badly) off-key?  Better not invite Uncle Mike to the reception, then.  At least misbehaving kids can be put in timeout if they act up...

    ^^^^Sounds like there's a story in there, @Heffalump. Care to share?

  • I don't agree that OP should show up with an uninvited guest (even if that someone is a baby). This just reads like a potentially disastrous situation where people may get upset. Do one of three things 1) have a conversation ahead of time highlighting the issues (which I would highly recommend) 2) Go to the wedding and figure out some sort of way to make it work with baby not going to the wedding 3) Don't go because it is not going to work with your situation.

    I fully believe in Adult Only weddings, but I do think there are always extenuating circumstances. Bad situations most always stem from poor communication and I would hate for this to become a worse situation.

    Knottie1452098987KatCtoKatA
  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Your duties as a "bridesmaid" end once the ceremony is over, and definitely don't include multiple trips back and forth.
    @drglitter Yes. 100%. As a bridesmaid, you're only required to show up in the requisite dress for the ceremony


    k thnx bye

    OurWildKingdom
  • So it's clear your brother has ZERO - ZILCH - NADA understanding of what it means to BF and it's not as easy as saying "give them a bottle" if they're latching and you've been unable to find a way for them to take a bottle/sippy yet (I do know some babies who won't eat anything the entire day of daycare - the refusal of a bottle is that strong!).. 

    Have a talk to state your position with your brother - this isn't a convenience decline, it's a "This is the real world sunshine" decline and accept their decision.  Assume the money for the plane ticket is gone, if you don't go, you won't have the hotel and other travel expenses, by comparison the plane ticket is cheap.  But, it's their choice to not have children attend, including yours.  Does it hurt for someone you love to reject you/your 4mo, absolutely, but it's about necessity here and respecting their boundaries as well.  Who knows, maybe he can hook up a live-stream so you don't miss it. 

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    OurWildKingdom
  • I'm a little late to this post and I didn't really read everything, but I'm going to throw in my two cents anyway!!

    We are having an adults-only wedding (we're not doing the whole bring your kids to the ceremony but not the reception because that's just a pain and can get confusing). I have a ton of cousins that all have kids that range from 4-14 and they are all totally fine with this. However, my fiance's two half-sisters live in South Carolina, which is like 1600KMs away. One has two kids that are around 12 & 14 and the other is due to have a baby this November. We have never even had the adults-only discussion with them because their kids will be invited.

    These kids are welcome because:
    1. They're his nieces and nephews which is more direct relation than the kids in my family which are only second cousins
    2. Two are practically teenagers so they're not like little hellion 3 year olds running around and the other will be about 9 months old, therefore dependant on its mother and also not a hellion
    3. They're travelling from another country to celebrate with us! I would NEVER expect them to leave their kids with family in SC or come all this way to leave their kids with some random babysitter they don't even know up here
    It's kind of just the way it is and your brother needs to realize that. It's not his day (or the bride's), it's a day to celebrate your marriage together with family. Unfortunately, it's kind of an all-or-nothing thing when it comes to family. Sure, I'm not stoked about my super weird uncle being there but you can't pick and choose your family members!
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    short+sassypinupbride6189SP29PrettyGirlLost
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm so sorry about your grandma, but I am happy that your brother came around. 
    PrettyGirlLostYogaSandy
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.  I'm glad your brother realized that your presence was more important than "no kids." 


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    SP29PrettyGirlLostMesmrEwe
  • I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother. But I'm glad your brother came around and apologized to you. That is a rather nice surprise.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm sorry for your loss, Knottie#s I'm glad your brother came to his senses. I was wondering how everything turned out for you. Thank you for the update.
                       
    PrettyGirlLost
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