Moms and Maids

FMIL expects FI (and/or me) to call her several times a week


Re: FMIL expects FI (and/or me) to call her several times a week

  • MesmrEwe said:

    Having just spent a week working on stage stuff, my mentor brought up a good one, "if you're getting something you want for a reaction, go ahead and give it positive feedback and people will give you more of it, if there's something you don't want and want to potentially extinguish, DO NOT give it attention, and it'll go away if you hold your position.."  It sounds simple, and in reality it is, it's just hard to remember sometimes. 

    There are other people involved in the situation at hand that can inform you if you communicate with them.  Your FI needs to handle things with his Mom - Blood talks to blood and set his boundaries for what is and isn't o.k. for communications.  What happens when should you decide to have kids that she wants to be right there in the delivery room with you (NOT the time for you to be entertaining ANYONE - including your FI), really, setting boundaries now is that important - it'll save you tons of heartache later on. 

    This is also the advice that I have gotten when it comes to training dogs... Attention is one of the most basic forms of communication. And in my experience it works on both dogs and MIL's :)
  • My ex's mom was like this. There were 3 people in my relationship: Ex's mom, Ex and myself. In exactly that order. Ex talked on the phone to his mother minimum of 6 times a day and texted all day too. She knew about our problems before I did. They had a weird relationship, hence the reason he is now Ex.
    @chellejayne I'm sorry you had to go through that.  Was she overbearing?  My FI's mom is super overbearing.
    I'm so could she be overbearing? You said early in this thread that she "won't call you even if there's an emergency". How can someone be overbearing if they won't talk to you?
    The way I read it, OP is saying her FMIL threatens to not loop them in on emergencies if they don't keep in contact with her enough the rest of the time. So in the case of a family member going to the hospital, she's threatening to keep that information from them if she doesn't think they've called her enough lately- is that right OP?

    Anyway, I already replied to another one of your posts about your FMIL and just read through the rest... I think everyone has said what they can say on the subject, OP, and there's not much more anyone here can do to help you.

    If you don't want FMIL in your lives, don't marry your FI unless he's completely on board with cutting your FMIL out of your lives- which honestly, it doesn't sound like she's done anything to warrant that extreme of a reaction so I think he'd be in the right to tell you to take a hike. She certainly seems difficult and overbearing, but it's a huge thing to cut ties with a parent.

    Anyway, definitely decline their money for the wedding/rehearsal dinner if you're planning on cutting ties. That's just horrendous.

    Ohhhhhh, ok, that makes sense if that's what's going on! Got it...just trying to follow the narrative.

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