.

CraftyG

Seriously though I think you're putting too much pressure on when to have sex. I get that you want to and that's great but moving all your plans around so that you can have sex, what if it gets to that time and then you realise you're too tired or FI has had too much to drink. You won't have the wedding memories and you won't havethe sex memories, and the first time is always so awkward and definitely not how you expect it to be like in the movies.

STARMOON44

Where are you having this wedding that doesn't have any buildings with air conditioning?

climbingsingle

This is what happens when immature teenagers get married. They prioritize boinking for the first time instead of hosting their loves ones. 

Here are some suggestions: 
Don't have an outdoor wedding 
Get married the day of the rehearsal 
Get married the same day inside, host a cake and punch reception, and then go off to your honeymoon. 

banana468

What will you do if it rains??

sparklepants41

OP, I also do not understand why you would not only invite guests to an event but deem them unworthy to host properly, and pick a venue in a town where the only accommodations are good enough for your inferior guests but not good enough for you?

A. You need to tone it down several notches.

B. You are way too immature to get married.

C. This comes off as gift-grabby and selfish - not gracious, appreciative, and respectful.

flantastic

The sex isn't going to be that great, regardless of location. Don't alienate your parents' friends and coworkers and damage theirs and your own relationships because you have to have your first awful sex in a pretty place. Pull it together and be a decent person to your guests.

ETA: I say this as someone who also waited (7 yrs here); was and is still glad I did; and had a great reception with many people I love and a few people that DH's parents love and I had never met, all of whom I tried my best to treat well since they were human beings who had also taken time and money to accept our invitation to see us get married.

anidorikiladra

Knottie83851520 said:

We have waited four years to consummate this relationship, and our first night as a couple will not be spent doing so in one of our hometown's dingy hotels or the bride's room in her parent's house.

Yeah, this is not a good excuse. My fiancé and I have waited over three years, yet we are still hosting our guests properly. You could have planned a lot better.
You could go to the honeymoon destination the next day. There are no nice hotels in your hometown? Then wait one more day and consummate your relationship at the nice honeymoon hotel. Many people don't actually have sex on their wedding night. One more day won't make a difference, it will only compromise the vision you had for your wedding night. But at least you'd be hosting your guests properly. 

climbingsingle

flantastic said:

The sex isn't going to be that great, regardless of location. Don't alienate your parents' friends, coworkers and damage theirs and your own relationships because you have to have your first awful sex in a pretty place. Pull it together and be a decent person to your guests.

This is such a good point. The first time is always awkward. 

OP, have you considered just eloping? Why have all these people take time out of their lives to sit through a rehearsal dinner, and a ceremony that you ditch immediately afterwards? 

lyndausvi

I'm thinking this has to be a MUD. 

I refuse to accept people actually think about visions of consummation and treating their guests like crap.

Of course, I might just be delusional. 

thisismynickname2

Duh guys, they're not going to be too drunk or tired to have sex because they're not having a reception. 

Receptions are for those of us that don't care about sex on the wedding night. OP feels sorry for our husbands. (We didn't do it on the wedding night due to drunkeness/tiredness. Morning after though... hey-oh!)

Ok, snark aside, OP seriously, make Friday night your wedding instead. Have a brunch wedding Saturday instead (brunch receptions are awesome!). Elope instead.  I agree with Lynda 2000% that if the Duggars can host 1000 people in summer in Arkansas after a religious ceremony, then so can you. Skip the rehearsal completely if money is part of the issue. Plenty of other options. 

InLoveInQueens

lyndausvi said:

I'm thinking this has to be a MUD. 

I refuse to accept people actually think about visions of consummation and treating their guests like crap.

Of course, I might just be delusional. 


SITB

I came here to make this exact post, it hurts my heart to think there are people out there this selfish and shortsighted as to prioritize what will almost undoubtedly be an uneventful if not awkward/terrible first serial experience over treating their guests like anything above annoying garbage. 

Seriously, OP if you are a real live human being, read every post in this thread a hundred times and realize the only thing people here want is for you to treat your guests with respect and not sour literally every other relationship you have with these people. If you get married and then don't have some kind of reception, cake and punch in a church basement, you will ruin your future with these people. They won't like you and they'll think you're at best rude and immature. You have so many options but thinking ceremony = finally sex means you have to grow the fuck up and act like the adult your supposedly are instead of a toddler who doesn't understand that other people have feelings too.

If you are real and not just a shitty troll, just elope and do your guests a favor of not inviting them to your pre-sex ritual, that way you don't have to worry about being a good host and can fuck away right after you say "I do" since you obviously don't care about celebrating with your guests afterwards, it's all about you and your new spouse and you finally sticking your stuff together. That's what your wedding is about it seems. 

OliveOilsMom

This is all I can think of after OP's update:

Knottie83851520

Thank you to the few and rare genuinely helpful posts. If there was a way to continue this thread with only those people, I would gladly elaborate further, and explain the ins-and-outs of some of the bizarre situation we've found ourselves in.

With that said, know this - every person we've spoken to (both invitees near the wedding location, and visitors from across the country) have been supportive and complimented the idea posed in the original post. We've been told it's quirky, fun, unique, and modern. I didn't come here to be drug behind a metaphoric bus; I came here looking for creative ideas to make the wedding dinner an effective replacement for a traditional reception.

You have called me rude, immature, selfish, and single-focused... but I would suggest that you are exactly that. Instead of helping, you have been rude and crass in your demeanor, immature in your name calling and assumptions, and can't wrap your minds around the idea of someone doing something differently than the way you think it should be done. Because of you, I refuse to provide any more information for you to utilize as ammunition in your hateful mocking of me and my wedding plans.

Out of all these garbage comments, I have gleaned a few pieces of valuable knowledge. Some of that will find it's way incorporated into our plans for the big day. Most of it will be shared with friends for a good laugh, and then forgotten about. 

And again - to the few people who were kind in their words, and offered genuine insight (beyond, "Screw you, just elope... then people won't hate you as much.") - thank you. I appreciate the wisdom you shared.

glasgowtolondon

Knottie83851520 said:

Thank you to the few and rare genuinely helpful posts. If there was a way to continue this thread with only those people, I would gladly elaborate further, and explain the ins-and-outs of some of the bizarre situation we've found ourselves in.

With that said, know this - every person we've spoken to (both invitees near the wedding location, and visitors from across the country) have been supportive and complimented the idea posed in the original post. We've been told it's quirky, fun, unique, and modern. I didn't come here to be drug behind a metaphoric bus; I came here looking for creative ideas to make the wedding dinner an effective replacement for a traditional reception.

You have called me rude, immature, selfish, and single-focused... but I would suggest that you are exactly that. Instead of helping, you have been rude and crass in your demeanor, immature in your name calling and assumptions, and can't wrap your minds around the idea of someone doing something differently than the way you think it should be done. Because of you, I refuse to provide any more information for you to utilize as ammunition in your hateful mocking of me and my wedding plans.

Out of all these garbage comments, I have gleaned a few pieces of valuable knowledge. Some of that will find it's way incorporated into our plans for the big day. Most of it will be shared with friends for a good laugh, and then forgotten about. 

And again - to the few people who were kind in their words, and offered genuine insight (beyond, "Screw you, just elope... then people won't hate you as much.") - thank you. I appreciate the wisdom you shared.

Ugh, eyeroll. I must have missed where anyone said the words bolded above. The whole point of these forums is that we will tell you what your loved ones won't. Guess what, people you ask to their faces don't want to hurt your feelings! You go right ahead thinking that your garbage plans are oh so quirky, fun, and unique, I'll never understand why people think that treating people kindly is old fashioned, and I highly doubt your situation is so different to anyone elses that you get a pass.

banana468

Knottie83851520 said:

Thank you to the few and rare genuinely helpful posts. If there was a way to continue this thread with only those people, I would gladly elaborate further, and explain the ins-and-outs of some of the bizarre situation we've found ourselves in.

With that said, know this - every person we've spoken to (both invitees near the wedding location, and visitors from across the country) have been supportive and complimented the idea posed in the original post. We've been told it's quirky, fun, unique, and modern. I didn't come here to be drug behind a metaphoric bus; I came here looking for creative ideas to make the wedding dinner an effective replacement for a traditional reception.

You have called me rude, immature, selfish, and single-focused... but I would suggest that you are exactly that. Instead of helping, you have been rude and crass in your demeanor, immature in your name calling and assumptions, and can't wrap your minds around the idea of someone doing something differently than the way you think it should be done. Because of you, I refuse to provide any more information for you to utilize as ammunition in your hateful mocking of me and my wedding plans.

Out of all these garbage comments, I have gleaned a few pieces of valuable knowledge. Some of that will find it's way incorporated into our plans for the big day. Most of it will be shared with friends for a good laugh, and then forgotten about. 

And again - to the few people who were kind in their words, and offered genuine insight (beyond, "Screw you, just elope... then people won't hate you as much.") - thank you. I appreciate the wisdom you shared.

Your friends and loved ones will not tell you that you're being rude.   They'll say words like quirky when they really mean "this is nuts".

You aren't the first two virgins to get married so why do you think you are exempt from hosting your guests properly?    Answer: you're not.   Furthermore, your outdoor event with lack of contingency plan for weather smacks of poor hosting as well.  

We aren't going to your wedding, but I guarandamntee you that your guests aren't thrilled by what you're doing.   

And any faith that tells you to wait until marriage also tells you to be good to others.    You don't get to play the "we are good people" because you waited until marriage for sex while you're literally leaving a bunch of guests all dressed up.with nowhere to go.   

Do what you want but if your go with your original plan, expect it to fall flat.  

kimmiinthemitten

Okay sorry you're right and we are all wrong. You managed to find the one really unique and speshul situation that means you get to avoid all sorts of social norms for proper hosting. Your guests are super excited to get dressed up twice and have two days of their weekend monopolized by your plans. And the guests you are inviting out of obligation by no means feel off put by your request to dress up, bring a gift, watch you exchange vows and then take off because you're worth their time but they're not worth yours. 

climbingsingle

Knottie83851520 said:

Thank you to the few and rare genuinely helpful posts. If there was a way to continue this thread with only those people, I would gladly elaborate further, and explain the ins-and-outs of some of the bizarre situation we've found ourselves in.

With that said, know this - every person we've spoken to (both invitees near the wedding location, and visitors from across the country) have been supportive and complimented the idea posed in the original post. We've been told it's quirky, fun, unique, and modern. I didn't come here to be drug behind a metaphoric bus; I came here looking for creative ideas to make the wedding dinner an effective replacement for a traditional reception.

You have called me rude, immature, selfish, and single-focused... but I would suggest that you are exactly that. Instead of helping, you have been rude and crass in your demeanor, immature in your name calling and assumptions, and can't wrap your minds around the idea of someone doing something differently than the way you think it should be done. Because of you, I refuse to provide any more information for you to utilize as ammunition in your hateful mocking of me and my wedding plans.

Out of all these garbage comments, I have gleaned a few pieces of valuable knowledge. Some of that will find it's way incorporated into our plans for the big day. Most of it will be shared with friends for a good laugh, and then forgotten about. 

And again - to the few people who were kind in their words, and offered genuine insight (beyond, "Screw you, just elope... then people won't hate you as much.") - thank you. I appreciate the wisdom you shared.

None of your relatives are going to tell you to your face that your plan sucks. Plain and simple, it's RUDE to have people travel and take time out of their lives to watch you get married, and then to not even host them after the ceremony. We're trying to stop you from treating your loved ones rudely. This is all because you want to have sex for the first time. Guess what? You'll have the rest of your lives to have sex. If you can't understand that, I'm not sure why you're still here.

CraftyG

On a side note losing your virginity in a hotel room or a family home isn't going to ruin your moment. I have a friend who had sex for the first time in her garage, to this day she can't smell petrol or fill up her car without getting turned on.

InLoveInQueens

You know OP isn't going to come back, but one day, probably a few months after her wedding, when her guests start distancing themselves from her, hopefully she remembers that it all could have been avoided. No one cares about "all the ins and outs of [your] bizarre situation", you want to get busy asap and you've made it very clear that you care more about that than hosting your guests properly.

No one is going to tell you when you ask directly how awful your plan really is, they're being polite when put on the spot. Good luck finding anyone to laugh along with you at everyone's advice on how to both treat your guests with respect and get laid. 

The reason you're getting responses like this is because you think you're special and that your situation warrants treating your guests like props and crap, instead of showing them how much you care and appreciate them being in your lives, you are showing them how little they matter and how your plans matter more. People, like me, I admit, are getting like this because we know you're not going to understand just how rude you're being until it's too late and at this point I don't care, you still have time to fix your plans and host your guests properly, but you won't because you're a special snowflake and being a good host is overrated. You're currently actively making your own bed and part of lying in it is hearing how terrible it is. Get out of that bed, it's a death trap for your relationship with these people! Get into this bed, over here, where you get married and then host your guests, not the other way around, because the other way around makes no sense and makes you look selfish and shortsighted. 

InLoveInQueens

CraftyG said:

On a side note losing your virginity in a hotel room or a family home isn't going to ruin your moment. I have a friend who had sex for the first time in her garage, to this day she can't smell petrol or fill up her car without getting turned on

SITB 

B...B...But my perfect wedding night vision! It's got to go exactly as planned! Never mind that most people's first times are awkward and sometimes it just plain old doesn't work, never mind those few guests who I didn't want to invite but still did, so they don't get anything but a great story to tell when people are talking about bad weddings they've been to. I can't compromise and leave the next day or plan an indoor wedding earlier, my vision! 

londinium215

I'm late to this thread but I guess I'm just wondering why, for a 70 person wedding, someone would have a 58 person rehearsal dinner? Why not just add those 12 people to the rehearsal dinner and get married right before it (or during it, whatever).

Then cancel the party on Saturday and get to the hotel early. There, more time for sex in the pretty hotel room (because after waiting so long, it's clearly more about the surroundings than it is about the person, right?)

thespeshulestsnowflake

londinium215 said:

I'm late to this thread but I guess I'm just wondering why, for a 70 person wedding, someone would have a 58 person rehearsal dinner? Why not just add those 12 people to the rehearsal dinner and get married right before it (or during it, whatever).

Then cancel the party on Saturday and get to the hotel early. There, more time for sex in the pretty hotel room (because after waiting so long, it's clearly more about the surroundings than it is about the person, right?)

banana468

I also want to know what her faith is that thinks that you should not lose your virginity until marriage but that also thinks it's acceptable to not host your guests.

If she's a Christian she should be aware that weddings are so important in the faith that Jesus performed one of his first miracles in one.   Do you think that's a coincidence and that the couple weren't waiting??

Finally, I'll leave with a line from my uncle, "When they're your family members, they're quirky.   When they're anyone else, they're nuts." 

AddieCake

So you spoke to your friends and family and asked them if they were cool if you didn't have a reception after the ceremony so that you could go knock boots in a nicer hotel? I find that difficult to believe. 

I'm also still wondering why you have to check in by a certain time at your hotel, but I'm guessing that info won't be forthcoming. And for that, I will be forced to assume it's because it's bullshit. 

DrillSergeantCat

I have a friend getting married on NYE and she wants to say their I do's at midnight. Instead of having the reception afterwards, she's doing it first. I'm not sure how the other knottie's feel about this, but at least the guests are getting something out of attending the wedding. 

southernbelle0915

OP: "we are planning to do this rude thing, is it a good idea?"

Everyone: "No, because etiquette. Here are some good alternatives so you aren't rude to your guests."

OP: "well I'm doing it anyway because I don't want to wait a couple hours to bone."

Everyone: "Srsly? Mmkay...well here are some alternatives."

OP: "but but but REASONS that support me being rude so I can have sex!"

Everyone: "No"

Take a damn hint OP.

ShesSoCold

southernbelle0915 said:

OP: "we are planning to do this rude thing, is it a good idea?"

Everyone: "No, because etiquette. Here are some good alternatives so you aren't rude to your guests."

OP: "well I'm doing it anyway because I don't want to wait a couple hours to bone."

Everyone: "Srsly? Mmkay...well here are some alternatives."

OP: "but but but REASONS that support me being rude so I can have sex!"

Everyone: "No"

Take a damn hint OP.

Stop being so old fashioned with your caring about others. Don't you know this is HER DAY?

ThisShamanluvsaMage

Knottie83851520 said:

Thank you to the few and rare genuinely helpful posts. If there was a way to continue this thread with only those people, I would gladly elaborate further, and explain the ins-and-outs of some of the bizarre situation we've found ourselves in.

With that said, know this - every person we've spoken to (both invitees near the wedding location, and visitors from across the country) have been supportive and complimented the idea posed in the original post. We've been told it's quirky, fun, unique, and modern. I didn't come here to be drug behind a metaphoric bus; I came here looking for creative ideas to make the wedding dinner an effective replacement for a traditional reception.

You have called me rude, immature, selfish, and single-focused... but I would suggest that you are exactly that. Instead of helping, you have been rude and crass in your demeanor, immature in your name calling and assumptions, and can't wrap your minds around the idea of someone doing something differently than the way you think it should be done. Because of you, I refuse to provide any more information for you to utilize as ammunition in your hateful mocking of me and my wedding plans.

Out of all these garbage comments, I have gleaned a few pieces of valuable knowledge. Some of that will find it's way incorporated into our plans for the big day. Most of it will be shared with friends for a good laugh, and then forgotten about. 

And again - to the few people who were kind in their words, and offered genuine insight (beyond, "Screw you, just elope... then people won't hate you as much.") - thank you. I appreciate the wisdom you shared.

OliveOilsMom

I know OP isn't coming back, but I highly doubt that her parents are A-OK with this plan.  It is their friends that will be getting the shaft (see what I did there - tee hee).  If I were bride's parents, I'd be pissed that my friends are the ones being left out of having a dinner or meal of any kind after the "ceremony" the next day.  So for OP to say that everyone loves their idea, that has to be a big nope.

Another thing I don't get.  OP - are you going to have the sex after the RD wedding?  Or are you waiting until after Jesus says you're married at the church the next day?

flantastic

I have one word. Vaginismus.

I hate saying it because just knowing about it can cause it, but that's one option for how your wedding night can go.