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BSC Moments

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Re: BSC Moments

  • edited July 2016
    TwoDimes said:
    I must be absolutely crazy then, because I've done a lot of the stuff here that's listed as "BSC." I've looked at homes online (and in towns where H and I were applying for jobs, i2i @GoldenPenguin), I've searched animal shelters online when we weren't ready for another dog, etc. I'm a planner, and I see that kind of stuff more as research than being crazy.

    There's a HUGE difference between looking at stuff that doesn't make sense for-the-time-being, and actually DOING something that doesn't make sense. Example:

    Normal: Browsing adoptable dogs if you are thinking about getting one in the future.
    Crazy: Going to a pet store and buying a puppy you aren't prepared for.

    Normal: Looking at houses online to see what's available in your price range.
    Crazy: Buying a house you can't afford.

    Normal: Going to a friend's wedding and wondering about your own marriage timeline with your SO.
    Crazy: Buying a wedding dress when you aren't engaged.

    #sorrynotsorry girl, that is CRAZY.
    Trust me.  I know.  I'm not proud of it.

    *Edited because I made a short reply to this before I saw the second post on the next page.*

    Consider the pot stirred.  But you're right--it is not normal.  And I've admitted it before, more than once.  And the more I think about it, the more embarrassed I feel.  There's really no way to "defend" it.  I can think of a few explanations, the most likely one of which is that I was probably in the middle of a manic or hypomanic episode when it happened.  Mania can contribute all sorts of bad decisions.  I've always said that I won't use my bipolar disorder as an excuse, and I don't want to do that here.  But it does fit my pattern: before I was diagnosed and medicated, I was the "impulsive" one or the "spontaneous" one (or, occasionally, the "crazy" one).

    By "mostly at peace," I think I mean that I'm mostly at peace with the embarrassment that comes from buying it in the first place.  We have talked about getting married (in the concrete timeline sense, not the "maybe we'll get married some day" sense).  We're on the same page about the future...but that's now (well--we had our first really serious conversation about timelines the second time he deployed, so since March 2015), and it wasn't true when I bought the dress.  And that's mortifying.

    And you were right--I needed to tell him.  And we happened to be talking when I started writing this reply, so I did.  I don't know how I was expecting him to react (probably running away!), but he was kind and gracious, which is basically how he is in most things.  I'm sure there's a longer conversation to be had, but that will have to wait until we're either on the phone or when he's back for his visit at the end of the month.  iMessage and a 9-hour time difference don't really make a conducive environment for a long, serious conversation.

    Tl;DR: It was stupid, and it can't really be defended, although it makes sense in the context of other stupid, manic decisions I've made in my life.  I'm embarrassed.  I told him about it.


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