BSC Moments

Swazzle · July 2016

TwoDimes said:

futuremrshistorian said:

Well, I'm, of course, the resident BSC NEY-er who bought a wedding dress without being engaged, so there's that. (I've [mostly] made my peace with it, although I am mortified every time I think about how nuts I was. It's a lovely dress, though, and I haven't gotten that BSC in nearly 3 years. It lives at my parents house, hidden far away in a closet. BF doesn't know it exists, I don't think.)

More recently I've gotten BSC over BF's ex-wife. They have two grown children together, so while I understand that they need to be civil and in contact with each other...she loves to overstep boundaries, especially on social media. They've been divorced for almost 10 years, but she likes to insert herself everywhere, and it makes me crazy.

BF is BSC about kilts. I'm serious. He ordered one to wear to his cousin's wedding next month, and somehow now he owns 5.

I just can't stop thinking about how truly nuts this is.... If I had bought a wedding dress 3+ years before I got engaged to H, he would have gone running for the hills. And rightly so!! So at the risk of being a total bitch, I'm gonna stir the pot on this a bit. You did freely admit this to a bunch of internet strangers, so I guess you're willing to defend it.

You bought a wedding dress THREE YEARS AGO and have successfully hidden it from your BF for THREE YEARS. The hiding parts makes it 10x more nuts, for me. It's crazy enough if you and BF are in agreement that an engagement is imminent, and you go out and buy a wedding dress, and you tell your BF, "I know this is crazy, but I bought a dress since I love it and we're getting engaged soon." It's a whole new level of crazy if you have no immediate plans to get engaged, buy a wedding dress, and then intentionally don't tell your BF about it.

I think Red Flag #1 was buying a wedding dress when you weren't engaged. By doing so, you completely disregarded what BF's opinions are on a wedding (ie the location/size/style/season of the wedding which could all impact a dress style, or even if he WANTS to get married). Red Flag #2 was not telling him about it for THREE YEARS.

I don't buy that you are even "mostly" at peace with it. If you were at peace with it, why have you kept the dress all this time? I assume you have kept the dress because you still believe you'll be engaged soon and will be able to wear it soon. But more importantly, if you are at peace with it, why haven't you told BF?

IMO, open communication is one of the most important parts of healthy relationships, so I'm disturbed by the fact that you are hiding it from him. And I am really really interested to know how he would react if you told him.

+1

[Deleted User] · July 2016

TwoDimes said:

I must be absolutely crazy then, because I've done a lot of the stuff here that's listed as "BSC." I've looked at homes online (and in towns where H and I were applying for jobs, i2i @GoldenPenguin), I've searched animal shelters online when we weren't ready for another dog, etc. I'm a planner, and I see that kind of stuff more as research than being crazy.

There's a HUGE difference between looking at stuff that doesn't make sense for-the-time-being, and actually DOING something that doesn't make sense. Example:

Normal: Browsing adoptable dogs if you are thinking about getting one in the future.
Crazy: Going to a pet store and buying a puppy you aren't prepared for.

Normal: Looking at houses online to see what's available in your price range.
Crazy: Buying a house you can't afford.

Normal: Going to a friend's wedding and wondering about your own marriage timeline with your SO.
Crazy: Buying a wedding dress when you aren't engaged.

#sorrynotsorry girl, that is CRAZY.

Trust me. I know. I'm not proud of it.

*Edited because I made a short reply to this before I saw the second post on the next page.*

Consider the pot stirred. But you're right--it is not normal. And I've admitted it before, more than once. And the more I think about it, the more embarrassed I feel. There's really no way to "defend" it. I can think of a few explanations, the most likely one of which is that I was probably in the middle of a manic or hypomanic episode when it happened. Mania can contribute all sorts of bad decisions. I've always said that I won't use my bipolar disorder as an excuse, and I don't want to do that here. But it does fit my pattern: before I was diagnosed and medicated, I was the "impulsive" one or the "spontaneous" one (or, occasionally, the "crazy" one).

By "mostly at peace," I think I mean that I'm mostly at peace with the embarrassment that comes from buying it in the first place. We have talked about getting married (in the concrete timeline sense, not the "maybe we'll get married some day" sense). We're on the same page about the future...but that's now (well--we had our first really serious conversation about timelines the second time he deployed, so since March 2015), and it wasn't true when I bought the dress. And that's mortifying.

And you were right--I needed to tell him. And we happened to be talking when I started writing this reply, so I did. I don't know how I was expecting him to react (probably running away!), but he was kind and gracious, which is basically how he is in most things. I'm sure there's a longer conversation to be had, but that will have to wait until we're either on the phone or when he's back for his visit at the end of the month. iMessage and a 9-hour time difference don't really make a conducive environment for a long, serious conversation.

Tl;DR: It was stupid, and it can't really be defended, although it makes sense in the context of other stupid, manic decisions I've made in my life. I'm embarrassed. I told him about it.

Swazzle · July 2016

@futuremrshistorian - But did you also keep the aisle runner?

cu97tiger · July 2016

Swazzle said:

@futuremrshistorian - But did you also keep the aisle runner?

And the veil? And the blusher?

buddysmom80 · July 2016

I got to the weird side of TK.....

labro · July 2016

I had a BSC moment last night when H and I were talking to my FIL. He's building a 2 story, Cape Cod style playhouse for H's niece and nephew. And then he was like "I guess when they don't use it anymore I can sell it" and I was thinking NOOOOOOOOOOOOO what if we have babies???? Because I am a child and I want to play in that damn house.

PS this is the playhouse design he's going off of.

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