MIL Wedding Dress Choice

KnotCat2016 · October 2016

Okay, I need some advice beautiful brides-to-be!
Trying to be a laid-back but knows what the wants kind of bride, the whole process has been fairly easy and great with amazing vendors! My dad passed away last December, and our wedding is this year on NYE. Not only have I been balancing being a smiling bride, but also dealing with the emotional loss - and trying to be there for my mom across the country who is all over the place emotionally.

So the dilemma: For my wedding shower, my future mother-in-law got a dress that was a light taupe with a cream overlay. Not quite white, but light enough in pictures that it was cause for an eye-roll however, water off a camel's back and it was a beautiful wedding shower!

To try and steer things in the right direction for our CLASSY, FORMAL WINTER GATSBY wedding, with colors of midnight blue and champagne, we opted for making sure my very sweet future mother-in-law got the idea that she should wear a dark formal dress. We sent color ideas. We said blue was probably best. She just sent this picture below. On the website, first color listed is cream. I'd go ahead and call this a cream/blush hombre. Now, I rolled my eyes again and brushed it off because she is who she is - however, my mother, the main source of funding for our beautiful occasion, just went NUTS. Haven't heard her scream on the phone quite like that since I was in college. She said she refuses to let her be in photos, will kindly ask them to participate as any other guest and not be part of the processional, and that she consulted the wedding planner who thinks the color is entirely too light for a winter wedding where it will be dark and the dress color will be lightened with flash photography. I agree with the color of the dress with an additional not age-appropriate, but again, you can't change people who are really dense. (I'm in marketing. Sometimes, you just can't. And it's not worth the effort.)

I've read blogs and all the community answers where most say, 'leave it be', 'the future mother in law can wear whatever she wants', but this is more so a matter of my mom is on a war path, and I honestly don't know what the answer is since clearly it's not, 'Whatever. Life is too short!

HELP.

The dress: https://poshmark.com/listing/Adrianna-Papell-Collection-Blush-Beaded-Gown-570444f58f0fc4bf820044a6?utm_source=gdm&gdm_bottom=false&campaign_id=664279885&utm_campaign=664279885&gclid=CjwKEAjw-Oy_BRDg4Iqok57a4kcSJADsuDK10qGpdTEu0SQnwM0IHYr2vykGxx_9Sj0MQAoz1J31OxoC5pzw_wcB

redwoodoriginal · October 2016

It's pink. You / your mom / the wedding planner have no right to tell a grown woman who is not a bridesmaid or flower girl what to wear to her son's wedding. Tell your mom and wedding planner your MILs choice is not up for debate and she will wear whatever she wears. End of discussion.

charlotte989875 · October 2016

KnotCat2016 said:

Okay, I need some advice beautiful brides-to-be!
Trying to be a laid-back but knows what the wants kind of bride, the whole process has been fairly easy and great with amazing vendors! My dad passed away last December, and our wedding is this year on NYE. Not only have I been balancing being a smiling bride, but also dealing with the emotional loss - and trying to be there for my mom across the country who is all over the place emotionally.
So the dilemma: For my wedding shower, my future mother-in-law got a dress that was a light taupe with a cream overlay. Not quite white, but light enough in pictures that it was cause for an eye-roll however, water off a camel's back and it was a beautiful wedding shower!
To try and steer things in the right direction for our CLASSY, FORMAL WINTER GATSBY wedding, with colors of midnight blue and champagne, we opted for making sure my very sweet future mother-in-law got the idea that she should wear a dark formal dress. We sent color ideas. We said blue was probably best. She just sent this picture below. On the website, first color listed is cream. I'd go ahead and call this a cream/blush hombre. Now, I rolled my eyes again and brushed it off because she is who she is - however, my mother, the main source of funding for our beautiful occasion, just went NUTS. Haven't heard her scream on the phone quite like that since I was in college. She said she refuses to let her be in photos, will kindly ask them to participate as any other guest and not be part of the processional, and that she consulted the wedding planner who thinks the color is entirely too light for a winter wedding where it will be dark and the dress color will be lightened with flash photography. I agree with the color of the dress with an additional not age-appropriate, but again, you can't change people who are really dense. (I'm in marketing. Sometimes, you just can't. And it's not worth the effort.)
I've read blogs and all the community answers where most say, 'leave it be', 'the future mother in law can wear whatever she wants', but this is more so a matter of my mom is on a war path, and I honestly don't know what the answer is since clearly it's not, 'Whatever. Life is too short!
HELP.
The dress: https://poshmark.com/listing/Adrianna-Papell-Collection-Blush-Beaded-Gown-570444f58f0fc4bf820044a6?utm_source=gdm&gdm_bottom=false&campaign_id=664279885&utm_campaign=664279885&gclid=CjwKEAjw-Oy_BRDg4Iqok57a4kcSJADsuDK10qGpdTEu0SQnwM0IHYr2vykGxx_9Sj0MQAoz1J31OxoC5pzw_wcB

Even though your mother is paying for the wedding that doesn't give her the right to dictate what your FMIL wears.

Additionally do you really want start your marriage off excluded your husbands mother from photos, the processional, and any other wedding related activity over a dress? Do you think that's going to be a good way to start your relationship with them?

Your mother needs to get over this and you need to stop judging what your MIL is going to wear. She picked a dress she likely feels beautiful in.

climbingsingle · October 2016

KnotCat2016 said:

Okay, I need some advice beautiful brides-to-be!
Trying to be a laid-back but knows what the wants kind of bride, the whole process has been fairly easy and great with amazing vendors! My dad passed away last December, and our wedding is this year on NYE. Not only have I been balancing being a smiling bride, but also dealing with the emotional loss - and trying to be there for my mom across the country who is all over the place emotionally.
So the dilemma: For my wedding shower, my future mother-in-law got a dress that was a light taupe with a cream overlay. Not quite white, but light enough in pictures that it was cause for an eye-roll however, water off a camel's back and it was a beautiful wedding shower!
To try and steer things in the right direction for our CLASSY, FORMAL WINTER GATSBY wedding, with colors of midnight blue and champagne, we opted for making sure my very sweet future mother-in-law got the idea that she should wear a dark formal dress. We sent color ideas. We said blue was probably best. She just sent this picture below. On the website, first color listed is cream. I'd go ahead and call this a cream/blush hombre. Now, I rolled my eyes again and brushed it off because she is who she is - however, my mother, the main source of funding for our beautiful occasion, just went NUTS. Haven't heard her scream on the phone quite like that since I was in college. She said she refuses to let her be in photos, will kindly ask them to participate as any other guest and not be part of the processional, and that she consulted the wedding planner who thinks the color is entirely too light for a winter wedding where it will be dark and the dress color will be lightened with flash photography. I agree with the color of the dress with an additional not age-appropriate, but again, you can't change people who are really dense. (I'm in marketing. Sometimes, you just can't. And it's not worth the effort.)
I've read blogs and all the community answers where most say, 'leave it be', 'the future mother in law can wear whatever she wants', but this is more so a matter of my mom is on a war path, and I honestly don't know what the answer is since clearly it's not, 'Whatever. Life is too short!
HELP.
The dress: https://poshmark.com/listing/Adrianna-Papell-Collection-Blush-Beaded-Gown-570444f58f0fc4bf820044a6?utm_source=gdm&gdm_bottom=false&campaign_id=664279885&utm_campaign=664279885&gclid=CjwKEAjw-Oy_BRDg4Iqok57a4kcSJADsuDK10qGpdTEu0SQnwM0IHYr2vykGxx_9Sj0MQAoz1J31OxoC5pzw_wcB

That's a pink dress. You and your mother need to get a grip. You shouldn't be dictating anything to your FMIL, even colors. Just let her wear whatever she wants. What the hell does it matter if she wears that color??

SP29 · October 2016

I see nothing wrong with the dress your MIL picked- it's pink. I don't see anything about it that is not "age appropriate"- there is no cleavage, no leg, no bum, not even any back showing- not sure what is not appropriate.

And anyway- it is not right for you or your mother, particularly not your coordinator, to tell another adult what to wear. Doesn't matter if your colours are navy, or it's winter- it's a dress. No one has to match your theme.

You should tell your mom, "Mom, MIL's dress is none of our business and she is free to wear whatever she feels comfortable in. This is not something you need to worry about".

I'm wondering though how your mom even knows what your MIL is wearing? Did you show her the dress and say something like, "OMG look what MIL is going to wear!?!?" If so, you've riled your mom up and need to be the one to calm her down. Your mom really should have no idea what your MIL is wearing, unless MIL has told her herself. Heck, you don't even need to know what your MIL is wearing.

geebee908 · October 2016

Gorgeous dress-- your FMIL will look fabulous, I'm sure. You need to have a sit-down with your mom and tell her that it's no one's business what FMIL wears, and a dress shouldn't be the cause of a lifetime of bad feelings between the two families. Focus on what's really important for the day-- your marriage and future life together, not a one-day party.

STARMOON44 · October 2016

She's wearing pink. Get over it. Tell you mom to calm down and act like an adult.

OliveOilsMom · October 2016

You dug this hole yourself. You should never have dictated any colors to anyone outside of the wedding party, which all parents and siblings are not a part of unless you make them a BM/GM.

That dress is gorgeous and I'm sure will make your FMIL feel glamorous and beautiful. I would even say its Gatsby inspired with all the beading. So again, your fault!

How does your FI feel about excluding his mother in the processional? Because that is really messed up to do to this woman. And seriously, no pictures? Again, does your FI know because I don't think I could marry someone who wanted to exclude my mother over something so petty as a dress.

We had a poster here whose step-mother wore her ACTUAL wedding dress to the poster's wedding. It was sparkly and WHITE. She gives no fucks because she married her H that day. Maybe you should find similar inspiration and tell your mom that she needs to calm down, have a margarita, and leave FMIL's dress choice alone.

I do want to address one of the serious topics in your post though. You are still grieving the loss of your father. Don't try to be the smiling bride because its perfectly ok to hate the fact your father won't be around for your wedding. It's ok to cry over it and lament to others about it. It sounds to me like you and your mom are trying to use this wedding as a distraction, which is fine. But at some point your wedding will be over and your dad will still be gone. Try to focus less on the wedding and more on grieving for your dad. I'd suggest the same to your mom.

Lastly, if you mom is still flipping out over FMIL's dress choice after you ask her to simmer down. Send her here and we will tell her she is being unreasonable, her money comes with strings, but she is try to apply those strings where they do not belong.

levioosa · October 2016

Get a fucking grip. This is a non-issue and you should not be dictating ANYONE'S attire but your own and the BP.

Oh, and re: Gatsby themed wedding--how many deaths are you planning at this wedding? What about affairs? Or domestic violence?

InLoveInQueens · October 2016

Your mother needs to get a grip, why was she even shown the dress in the first place? Do you want to start off your marriage by showing your FMIL you are so petty over a beautiful pink dress that you'll exclude her from her son's wedding?

Get over yourself, you have no right to dictate what dress your FMIL wears. Even if she wanted to wear a big poofy white wedding dress, that's on her. Tell your mom if she doesn't cool it with the hysterics that she's going to be the one excluded because if you let her do this you're going to ruin your marriage before it even starts.

banana468 · October 2016

Your mom wants to dictate who can be in photos?!?

You do have a mother issue but it's with your own.

speakeasy14 · October 2016

I think if your MIL will feel beautiful in that dress, then let her wear it. Tell your mom to have a drink and calm down. A dress is not a huge deal, and does not mean isolating your MIL and causing issues with your new family. She should also not be sharing this information with the event planner.

As a side note, the dress you showed mentions there is a stain in the illusion part on the back. If you're going to say anything to your MIL about the dress, that is the only thing I would bring up. "MIL that dress is gorgeous, but did you notice the listing states it has a stain?"

Heffalump · October 2016

I don't see what's wrong with wearing a pink dress to a wedding. Also, that dress is beautiful.

KnotCat2016 said:

Okay, I need some advice beautiful brides-to-be!
Trying to be a laid-back but knows what the wants kind of bride, the whole process has been fairly easy and great with amazing vendors! My dad passed away last December, and our wedding is this year on NYE. Not only have I been balancing being a smiling bride, but also dealing with the emotional loss - and trying to be there for my mom across the country who is all over the place emotionally.
So the dilemma: For my wedding shower, my future mother-in-law got a dress that was a light taupe with a cream overlay. Not quite white, but light enough in pictures that it was cause for an eye-roll however, water off a camel's back and it was a beautiful wedding shower!

A) I knew what we were in for as soon as I read "laid-back," and b) am I the only one who doesn't understand why wearing a taupe and cream dress to a bridal shower is cause for eye-rolling? And lord knows, I do enjoy a good eye roll. I'm just not seeing it.

You and your mom sound like a pair of Zillas, OP. Thoughts and prayers for your FMIL, who has already committed the mortal sins of wearing a taupe dress to a shower and choosing a pink dress for a wedding, and faces excommunication from the ceremony as a result.

CMGragain · October 2016

There is nothing wrong with your FMIL's choice of dress. It is lovely.

YOUR choice of Gatsby + NYE? Hmmm..... (eyeroll)

short+sassy · October 2016

Is having to wear a dark colored gown to a winter wedding like a don't wear white shoes after Labor Day kind of thing? I've never lived where it snows, so I don't understand these things.

Seriously, though. Like the other PPs pointed out along with all the other places you went online, your mom REALLY needs to let this go. Big time. And, even if you think your FMIL's pink gown is ridiculous also, you need to be the one to bring her back down several notches. Your FMIL is just as much a VIP guest as your mom and should be treated as such. Regardless of whether you and your mom approve of her outfit.

I am very, very sorry you and your mom have lost your dad. I know personally the joy of marrying the love of my life mixed with the deep loss of not having my father there. I apologize the rest of what I am going to say is harsh, but you need to hear it because your mom is gearing up to treat your FMIL atrociously and you need to stop it from happening.

Worse case scenario. It's your and your FI's wedding day. Your mom proceeds with the insulting and disrespectful crusade against your FMIL...because of her OUTFIT. "Kindly asks" her not to be in the processional?!?! There is nothing kind about that! And you let her treat a close member of your new family like that without saying a word.

On the day her son is getting married, your FMIL is going to feel very sad and hurt. Is that what you all want? Just so ALL the pics are (supposedly) perfect? It's your FI's day, too. Do you think he wants no pics with his mom? Of course not. This will cause years of resentment. Or maybe even a screaming match between either you and your new H or your mom and your new H...because he isn't going to stand for his mom being treated like s**t.

Viczaesar · October 2016

You and your mother both need to get a grip. You have no right to dictate how ANYBODY other than the wedding party dresses. The real story here is your mother's overbearing overreaction and control issues. She has no right to dictate who is in pictures or in the processional, and you need to get on that shit now before you alienate your FMIL for absolutely no good reason. Yeesh.

LondonLisa · October 2016

That's a pink dress (I wouldn't even call it blush!) and it will look lovely in photos. It looks nothing like a wedding dress. Your mum needs to get a ruddy grip because she is being very unreasonable and immature!

Also, You might want to stop describing your wedding as "Gatsby"- it's a book about terrible people in horrible marriages and affairs with no sense of love or commitment, overshadowed by a scathing indictment of tacky excess and gross, uncouth behaviour of new money in the 1920s. A Gatsby-themed wedding is the fastest way to convey that you haven't read it! It's 1 step away from having a 'Lolita' themed child's birthday party.

kimmiinthemitten · October 2016

It's fairly obvious that you disliked the dress and took the photo to both your mother and coordinator to snark about it and now that it has snowballed into action you're freaking out.

Tell your mom you overreacted. Tell her the dress is lovely and clearly not white since even in this photo it's clearly white.

It seems especially cruel with the death of your own father to want to exclude another parent from the day. You yourself are grieving his loss and his absence and to do so so grossly to a parent who is still living over a garment is just nasty.

glasgowtolondon · October 2016

What does your FI have to say about this? If I found out my MIL had planned to exclude my mother at my wedding for any reason at all, let alone a dress she felt beautiful in, MIL would no longer be welcome in my house. What a disgusting attitude.

Laid back? Sure thing sweetheart.

missfrodo · October 2016

In addition to everything everyone else has said, I just wanted to add that I had no idea what my mom or FMIL were wearing to the wedding until I saw them day-of. And I would have to look at our wedding pictures to remember.

As for the bridal shower...Not sure why it matters what people wear to that. I couldn't tell you what anyone wore to mine. I suppose if someone showed up in a ballgown and tiara, it would have been weird, but that's because it was a very informal deal. People are allowed to wear white whenever they want.

flantastic · October 2016

What does your FI think about this? It's his wedding, and his mom.

short+sassy · October 2016

missfrodo said:

In addition to everything everyone else has said, I just wanted to add that I had no idea what my mom or FMIL were wearing to the wedding until I saw them day-of. And I would have to look at our wedding pictures to remember.

As for the bridal shower...Not sure why it matters what people wear to that. I couldn't tell you what anyone wore to mine. I suppose if someone showed up in a ballgown and tiara, it would have been weird, but that's because it was a very informal deal. People are allowed to wear white whenever they want.

As an aside, I wish there were more opportunities in life to wear ballgowns and tiaras.

downtondiva · October 2016

You cannot make anyone besides your bridesmaids and groomsmen dress to the theme or color scheme of your wedding...not even parents. If your mother is the one bothered by this and not you, why did you tell your mother and your wedding coordinator about the dress in the first place?

Frankly, you and your mother both need to grow up. The dress is pretty and perfectly appropriate for a glamorous NYE wedding. Let it go and tell your mother to do the same.

lyndausvi · October 2016

I would have one less FI if their mom banned my mom over a dress color.

Seriously, you and your mom are being ridiculous.

Oh and I attended a wedding a few weeks ago where the MOB wore a cream colored dresses. The bride didn't have an issue because there is no issue to be had.

Oh and add me to the list of people who didn't know you couldn't wear taupe to a bridal shower.

MobKaz · October 2016

KnotCat2016 said:

Okay, I need some advice beautiful brides-to-be!
Trying to be a laid-back but knows what the wants kind of bride, the whole process has been fairly easy and great with amazing vendors! My dad passed away last December, and our wedding is this year on NYE. Not only have I been balancing being a smiling bride, but also dealing with the emotional loss - and trying to be there for my mom across the country who is all over the place emotionally.
So the dilemma: For my wedding shower, my future mother-in-law got a dress that was a light taupe with a cream overlay. Not quite white, but light enough in pictures that it was cause for an eye-roll however, water off a camel's back and it was a beautiful wedding shower!
To try and steer things in the right direction for our CLASSY, FORMAL WINTER GATSBY wedding, with colors of midnight blue and champagne, we opted for making sure my very sweet future mother-in-law got the idea that she should wear a dark formal dress. We sent color ideas. We said blue was probably best. She just sent this picture below. On the website, first color listed is cream. I'd go ahead and call this a cream/blush hombre. Now, I rolled my eyes again and brushed it off because she is who she is - however, my mother, the main source of funding for our beautiful occasion, just went NUTS. Haven't heard her scream on the phone quite like that since I was in college. She said she refuses to let her be in photos, will kindly ask them to participate as any other guest and not be part of the processional, and that she consulted the wedding planner who thinks the color is entirely too light for a winter wedding where it will be dark and the dress color will be lightened with flash photography. I agree with the color of the dress with an additional not age-appropriate, but again, you can't change people who are really dense. (I'm in marketing. Sometimes, you just can't. And it's not worth the effort.)
I've read blogs and all the community answers where most say, 'leave it be', 'the future mother in law can wear whatever she wants', but this is more so a matter of my mom is on a war path, and I honestly don't know what the answer is since clearly it's not, 'Whatever. Life is too short!
HELP.
The dress: https://poshmark.com/listing/Adrianna-Papell-Collection-Blush-Beaded-Gown-570444f58f0fc4bf820044a6?utm_source=gdm&gdm_bottom=false&campaign_id=664279885&utm_campaign=664279885&gclid=CjwKEAjw-Oy_BRDg4Iqok57a4kcSJADsuDK10qGpdTEu0SQnwM0IHYr2vykGxx_9Sj0MQAoz1J31OxoC5pzw_wcB

1. Quit rolling your eyes. They will freeze that way.
2. You really just called your soon to be MIL dense? How is that "laid back" or even nice?
3. Let go of the wheel, dearie......

Image: https://media.makeameme.org/created/JESUS-TAKE-THE-63hr78.jpg

CMGragain · October 2016

I was always taught that "classy" was a very low class word, and that I should never use it.

drunkenwitch · October 2016

Oh my, screaming on the phone about a dress color? A.Dress.Color.

A dress color.

drunkenwitch · October 2016

Did I mention a supposedly grown woman was screaming about a dress color?

climbingsingle · October 2016

But she's LAID BACK HELLO?!?!?!?!?!

banana468 · October 2016

climbingwife said:

But she's LAID BACK HELLO?!?!?!?!?!

Do everything she says and there will be no problems.

That's what laid back means right?

InLoveInQueens · October 2016

Whenever you read the words "laid back" you are almost guaranteed an awesome story in which the OP is in no ways laid back. Unless it was to insert the stick into their butt. This thread went exactly as usual.

I do hope OP can read through the snark and not eff her relationship up over a dress color... Seriously OP, this is all over the color of an item of clothing that you and your mom are throwing tantrums.

MIL Wedding Dress Choice

Re: MIL Wedding Dress Choice

Choose Another Board

Search Boards