Wedding Woes

Wedding Planner Issue

Hello just want to see if I’m overacting or not. My wedding was this past Saturday and we had hired a planner who was also doing our day of coordination. We’ve had issues with this planner/company through out the process but thought they would at least pull it together on the day of considering they have done weddings at our location before. Our ceremony was set for 5:45pm specifically to account for sunset so the ceremony would not be in the dark (ceremony was outside). They made it a point to have me move the ceremony up 15 min so that we would not lose light. Our ceremony was started 45 min late and most of it was in the pitch dark. We made the best of it and now it’s a funny story but we are still very upset with them for not helping us stay with our timeline. I found out after that they had another assistant with them and they both were re-arranging my flower arrangements my sisters and I had set up!! I never asked them to do the decor or flowers and everything was set up how I wanted it before they even arrived. They also forgot to give me my bouquet to walk down the aisle. Again I made my own bouquet and completely forgot about it since everything was so rushed.

We are having a call with them to discuss the issues because apparently they have no idea why we are upset. Are we overreacting ?


Re: Wedding Planner Issue

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    Hello just want to see if I’m overacting or not. My wedding was this past Saturday and we had hired a planner who was also doing our day of coordination. We’ve had issues with this planner/company through out the process but thought they would at least pull it together on the day of considering they have done weddings at our location before. Our ceremony was set for 5:45pm specifically to account for sunset so the ceremony would not be in the dark (ceremony was outside). They made it a point to have me move the ceremony up 15 min so that we would not lose light. Our ceremony was started 45 min late and most of it was in the pitch dark. We made the best of it and now it’s a funny story but we are still very upset with them for not helping us stay with our timeline. I found out after that they had another assistant with them and they both were re-arranging my flower arrangements my sisters and I had set up!! I never asked them to do the decor or flowers and everything was set up how I wanted it before they even arrived. They also forgot to give me my bouquet to walk down the aisle. Again I made my own bouquet and completely forgot about it since everything was so rushed.

    We are having a call with them to discuss the issues because apparently they have no idea why we are upset. Are we overreacting ?


    That's all super frustrating.  But congrats!  You're married, and I'm glad you can laugh about the ceremony in the dark.  

    What was in their contract?  Did it specify timeline management?  Did you ever spell out that they were not to help with decor?  

    I'd also define a goal for the conversation.  What are you seeking?  An apology, a discount?  If there isn't an end goal in mind, I'm pretty sure the phone call will just leave you more annoyed than you already are.  Afterall, the wedding is done, and they have already been paid.  
    image
    OliveOilsMomMesmrEwecowgirl8238SP29
  • Hello just want to see if I’m overacting or not. My wedding was this past Saturday and we had hired a planner who was also doing our day of coordination. We’ve had issues with this planner/company through out the process but thought they would at least pull it together on the day of considering they have done weddings at our location before. Our ceremony was set for 5:45pm specifically to account for sunset so the ceremony would not be in the dark (ceremony was outside). They made it a point to have me move the ceremony up 15 min so that we would not lose light. Our ceremony was started 45 min late and most of it was in the pitch dark. We made the best of it and now it’s a funny story but we are still very upset with them for not helping us stay with our timeline. I found out after that they had another assistant with them and they both were re-arranging my flower arrangements my sisters and I had set up!! I never asked them to do the decor or flowers and everything was set up how I wanted it before they even arrived. They also forgot to give me my bouquet to walk down the aisle. Again I made my own bouquet and completely forgot about it since everything was so rushed.

    We are having a call with them to discuss the issues because apparently they have no idea why we are upset. Are we overreacting ?


    Why was the ceremony started so late? Were members of the WP or officiant late? The photographer? 
    ShesSoCold
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Hello just want to see if I’m overacting or not. My wedding was this past Saturday and we had hired a planner who was also doing our day of coordination. We’ve had issues with this planner/company through out the process but thought they would at least pull it together on the day of considering they have done weddings at our location before. Our ceremony was set for 5:45pm specifically to account for sunset so the ceremony would not be in the dark (ceremony was outside). They made it a point to have me move the ceremony up 15 min so that we would not lose light. Our ceremony was started 45 min late and most of it was in the pitch dark. We made the best of it and now it’s a funny story but we are still very upset with them for not helping us stay with our timeline. I found out after that they had another assistant with them and they both were re-arranging my flower arrangements my sisters and I had set up!! I never asked them to do the decor or flowers and everything was set up how I wanted it before they even arrived. They also forgot to give me my bouquet to walk down the aisle. Again I made my own bouquet and completely forgot about it since everything was so rushed.

    We are having a call with them to discuss the issues because apparently they have no idea why we are upset. Are we overreacting ?



    I think I need even more information.  What made the ceremony start 45 minutes late?  Were you just sitting around chatting waiting for the wedding planner to come get you?  Were you in the middle of photographs? 

    I'd honestly try and let the floral arrangements part go.  They were probably trying to make everything look their best.

    I also am not sure it is the planner's job to make sure you have your bouquet since you made it and brought it yourself.  I'd probably have a different answer if you had a florist who delivered everything to a central location at your venue and the wedding planner was to bring up your bouquets to you.

    SP29
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Hello just want to see if I’m overacting or not. My wedding was this past Saturday and we had hired a planner who was also doing our day of coordination. We’ve had issues with this planner/company through out the process but thought they would at least pull it together on the day of considering they have done weddings at our location before. Our ceremony was set for 5:45pm specifically to account for sunset so the ceremony would not be in the dark (ceremony was outside). They made it a point to have me move the ceremony up 15 min so that we would not lose light. Our ceremony was started 45 min late and most of it was in the pitch dark. We made the best of it and now it’s a funny story but we are still very upset with them for not helping us stay with our timeline. I found out after that they had another assistant with them and they both were re-arranging my flower arrangements my sisters and I had set up!! I never asked them to do the decor or flowers and everything was set up how I wanted it before they even arrived. They also forgot to give me my bouquet to walk down the aisle. Again I made my own bouquet and completely forgot about it since everything was so rushed.

    We are having a call with them to discuss the issues because apparently they have no idea why we are upset. Are we overreacting ?


    Why was the ceremony started so late? Were members of the WP or officiant late? The photographer? 
    Like PP, I want to know why things were so late. If the photographer was late, there isn't much a DOC can do. as for forgetting your bouquet, I think that is more on you than them. But what does your contract say?

    What are you hoping to gain from contracting them?
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm not entirely sure why it was so late. I was trying my best not to stress, didn't have a watch or my phone around me so I honestly didn't know we were even that behind. We had shuttles picking people up at a nearby hotel and driving to the location since it was up on a hill. I guess there was one shuttle full of people that they were waiting on. This shuttle was ONLY friends no family members (I found this all out after). I guess I"m upset because if this was the reason for starting late we would have liked at least a choice to start the ceremony without those people (again just friends no one in the wedding processional). If given a choice we would have started the ceremony on time instead of late and in the dark. 

    Their contract was for day of timeline execution etc, no decor related services.

     
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm not entirely sure why it was so late. I was trying my best not to stress, didn't have a watch or my phone around me so I honestly didn't know we were even that behind. We had shuttles picking people up at a nearby hotel and driving to the location since it was up on a hill. I guess there was one shuttle full of people that they were waiting on. This shuttle was ONLY friends no family members (I found this all out after). I guess I"m upset because if this was the reason for starting late we would have liked at least a choice to start the ceremony without those people (again just friends no one in the wedding processional). If given a choice we would have started the ceremony on time instead of late and in the dark. 

    Their contract was for day of timeline execution etc, no decor related services.

     
    So when you realized that the sun was setting/ already set, did you ask what the hold up was? 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    kimmiinthemittencharlotte989875cowgirl8238OliveOilsMom
  • I'm still confused, were you at the ceremony location just waiting for someone to tell you to start? I think some of this is on you for not knowing what time it was if you wanted to get married at a specific time. Was there no one for you to ask what time it was?

    If all the vendors were there, on time ready to go, I would assume they fulfilled their responsibility for timeline execution-- they got everyone there, but if you weren't ready to go how is that their fault?
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2016
    How was the coordinator supposed to know what your priorities were? Did you have a conversation about contingencies?

    If you have to take control of transportation to ensure everyone can even arrive at your ceremony location, I think most coordinators would assume you would rather have the guests you are personally shuttling in than the sunset time. Maybe they should have asked. You definitely should have kept some track of the time, if the time were more important than the guests, and spoken up to say you'd go ahead.

    As one of your guests, I'd be pissed if the control for my arrival time were taken from me (e.g. I have to use your shuttle to even get there), and then you started without me.
    OliveOilsMomViczaesarSP29YogaSandy


  • As one of your guests, I'd be pissed if the control for my arrival time were taken from me (e.g. I have to use your shuttle to even get there), and then you started without me.
    ^^^same
    mrsconn23YogaSandy
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    I mean... Here's the thing. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to keep your phone or something on you/near you to keep track of time. I had a DOC who was a wonderful help to me and my bridal party. But I also had a detailed timeline written up. Everyone had a copy of it, including me. If my DOC was hung up somewhere else talking to a vendor or whatever, I still knew what time it was and kept myself on schedule. I don't really see how this is her fault, unless we are missing some huge detail.

    I also second @climbingwife that you should let it go. Stuff happens. You're married now! Enjoy that instead of focusing on what went wrong.


    mrsconn23SP29
  • Yeah, I don't see how this is the planner's fault.  They aren't puppeteers that have to pull your strings in order for you to be able to move.  You don't just get to sit there oblivious to what is going on around you and then blame someone else later.  It sucks that you ran late and it sucks that you forgot your bouquet, but those sound like "you" problems, not "them" problems.

    I think you should cancel your call and just move on with married life.  Nobody can turn back time and remind you to keep an eye on the clock or remember to grab your bouquet.  It doesn't sound to me like they did anything that would entitle you to a (partial) refund.  Try not to let this eat at you.
    thefanciestbecklerOliveOilsMom
  • If the only reason it started late was because of the shuttle, that's not on your coordinator.  Super annoying yes, but not your planner's fault, and a lesson for other brides here "When you say the wedding starts at 5PM - that means YOU ARE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE at 5PM!" If someone is late, sucks to be them!  If you have a reception on a river boat, it's leaving on time with or without these people who didn't plan accordingly.  As an old teacher used to say "If you're early you're on time, if you're on time you're late, if you're late you're left!".  The not starting on time sadly falls on you because you should have said "no" when you knew what time sunset was and you planned the time of the ceremony accordingly.  Obviously, you're miffed that they were handling your decor when they clearly weren't suppose to be, and I'm guessing there's more to the story there along with your bouquet.  

    I wholeheartedly agree with @kimmiinthemitten that you need to have an "end game" for this meeting since the wedding is over and there are no do-overs here.  
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  • MesmrEwe said:
    If the only reason it started late was because of the shuttle, that's not on your coordinator.  Super annoying yes, but not your planner's fault, and a lesson for other brides here "When you say the wedding starts at 5PM - that means YOU ARE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE at 5PM!" If someone is late, sucks to be them!  If you have a reception on a river boat, it's leaving on time with or without these people who didn't plan accordingly.  As an old teacher used to say "If you're early you're on time, if you're on time you're late, if you're late you're left!".  The not starting on time sadly falls on you because you should have said "no" when you knew what time sunset was and you planned the time of the ceremony accordingly.  Obviously, you're miffed that they were handling your decor when they clearly weren't suppose to be, and I'm guessing there's more to the story there along with your bouquet.  

    I wholeheartedly agree with @kimmiinthemitten that you need to have an "end game" for this meeting since the wedding is over and there are no do-overs here.  

    Except if the B&G arranged the shuttle to the riverboat and the shuttle is late....well I think that's a different situation
  • I think, while it sucks that the ceremony started 45 mins late and you didn't have your bouquet, if those were the biggest issues you had, then you must have had a great party!  Stop worrying about these things, and enjoy the fact that nothing catastrophic went wrong.  

    MesmrEwe
  • I just fail to see what you feel the planner was responsible for here. Either you have missed out a huge chunk of the story or you are blaming the wrong person for what just sounds like some really quite minor slip ups. I didn't have a bouquet at all, I promise you I am still legally married.
                 
  • MesmrEwe said:
    If the only reason it started late was because of the shuttle, that's not on your coordinator.  Super annoying yes, but not your planner's fault, and a lesson for other brides here "When you say the wedding starts at 5PM - that means YOU ARE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE at 5PM!" If someone is late, sucks to be them!  If you have a reception on a river boat, it's leaving on time with or without these people who didn't plan accordingly.  As an old teacher used to say "If you're early you're on time, if you're on time you're late, if you're late you're left!".  The not starting on time sadly falls on you because you should have said "no" when you knew what time sunset was and you planned the time of the ceremony accordingly.  Obviously, you're miffed that they were handling your decor when they clearly weren't suppose to be, and I'm guessing there's more to the story there along with your bouquet.  

    I wholeheartedly agree with @kimmiinthemitten that you need to have an "end game" for this meeting since the wedding is over and there are no do-overs here.  

    Except if the B&G arranged the shuttle to the riverboat and the shuttle is late....well I think that's a different situation
    That translates into PPP on the couple's part then by not planning properly for the shuttles to leave early enough for the last guests to arrive 10-15 minutes before the ceremony was to begin.  Vision trumped logistics if there even needs to be a shuttle anywhere..
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  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    We had to take a train to get to our ceremony location. I had 3 guests almost miss the train. We weren't waiting for them. They literally had to run to catch up and if the train hadn't stopped at the B&G suites to pick us up, they'd have missed the ceremony entirely. 

    When you invite adults to events, you have to allow them to behave as adults would behave which means showing up on time.
    OliveOilsMom
  • mrsconn23 said:
    So instead of addressing all of your very valid points/questions...she deleted her account. 

    Way to take the ball and go home.  :-/ 
    OP wanted validation, not feedback that there was PPP and responsibility on her end to "Start walking" at the start-time...
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    ei34
  • MesmrEwe said:
    mrsconn23 said:
    So instead of addressing all of your very valid points/questions...she deleted her account. 

    Way to take the ball and go home.  :-/ 
    OP wanted validation, not feedback that there was PPP and responsibility on her end to "Start walking" at the start-time...
    Yes, it was a new and refreshing response  :D
                 
    MesmrEwe
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