My fiance and I are getting married June 17 2017 at a small, but beautiful venue that we both love. We have a strict limit to invite 90 guests, this has meant being very particular about who can come, who can have a plus one etc.
When we started finalizing our plans, but after we had already selected our venue and finalized our guest list, my Step-mom asked if we could invite her widowed father, who lives out of state and I have only met once. I immediately said yes, readjusted our list and didn't really think of it since then. (It is also relevant that at this time my Dad offered to help us pay for our wedding).
Yesterday as I was addressing save the dates, I get a text from my Step-mom saying the following "when you make dad's invite, could you pls make it for +1"
My immediate reaction was a little bit of annoyance because not only had she invited her father to my wedding, but now she was asking for another place in our limited guest list. Without thinking too hard about why she may have been asking, I politely informed her that our guest list was full, but I'd be happy to talk about it.
Fast forward to an hour later, she stops by and reminds me her father is elderly and she'd like her brother to come along on the trip to help out. I immediately say yes of course, we can make it work then. Of course he can have a plus one. I mention that our venue is very small and we were just thinking of space concerns. She immediately begins to question our venue choice and since it's causing "so many problems" maybe we should rethink our venue (remember we are 8 month out from our wedding date and are about to send the save the dates, so this is not possible, plus we love our venue! and want to keep our wedding small).
She then proceeds to tell us is very upset and hurt that she has to "justify" why she would ask for a plus one and she asks very little of us, and since Dad is helping pay for the wedding why would we not just pay for a larger venue ...etc etc.
At this point my fiance gets upset and want to defend me so he says "that's not fair", and she starts to storm out. The fight escalates and she and my fiance a yelling at each other and I make the mistake of saying "calm down" which puts her over the edge and she leaves. (saying calm down to a person has never worked in the history of time)
Now I can't sleep, feel sick to my stomach and the excitement of sending out the save the dates, for what is supposed to be a happy day feels tainted...
How should I proceed? I feel like I should just apologize because it's not really worth the drama and I feel bad for not thinking about her father needing help travelling. But I also feel wronged by her actions, especially towards my fiance. Another dimension is this will be the first time her father has come to Minnesota since she married my father in 1998 and I think she's placing a lot of pressure on the event that really has nothing to do with me or my fiance.
Thanks for any thoughts or help!