How to decline help

levioosa

@short+sassy great advice, although I’d say more than $1000 is needed. I think we spent $1000 just on window coverings alone. Our tiny house is a flippin’ fish bowl.

NBSquared2017

short+sassy said:

levioosa said:

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

I was told I can claim as head of household because of our status, so that would probably get us a better return. We aren't going on a honeymoon, so after the wedding we can just start to focus on buying a house with our tax refund over the next few years. Plus his parents might help us knowing we could use the help. They know we don't have a lot and they are really generous.

So, a couple things....

1. How much exactly are you hoping to get back in tax returns that would allow you to buy a house with the refund amount? I think you might be over-estimating a return. As a broke AF student who gets max returns back I still wouldn't be able to afford a downpayment for almost a decade or more. I also live in Southern CA, but still. 

2. I don't think you can claim head of household. To qualify for HOH you must pay for 50%+ of household expenses, be unmarried for that year, AND you must have a dependent. A spouse does not qualify as a dependent for HOH. Neither does a bf/gf or fiancé. They are a qualifying dependent, and you can get exemptions for them, but not for HOH. 

3. Seriously, OP, get a financial advisor. 

4. You don't have a lot....so your FI needs to contribute. "Not feeling like it" is no excuse and it will poison your marriage because 10 or 20 years down the line you're going to resent him for sitting around the house because he didn't "feel like working" when you worked your butt off and used YOUR retirement to pay off HIS pre-existing debt. I'm all for single income families when it's done wisely, but this doesn't sound financially sound to me. This isn't a "we save, live frugally, have no debt, and have downsized our needs." I think it's safe to say that most of the adult population would love to quit their jobs and have that free time for hobbies, but that's not how life works. Part of being an adult is realizing that things like a job aren't always enjoyable, but are something you have to do. If you can't even have a conversation about that with your FI, oh honey....

I just wanted to chime in that this is absolutely correct.  My H doesn't work and I'm the sole provider or our household.  No kids either.  I don't get any kind of tax consideration because I support my H and I'm definitely NOT eligible to file as HOH.

I don't have any issue that your FI's parents have gifted you all the wedding, as long as they weren't asked to and there was no "prompting" for this gift.  However, you can't ask them to pay for cleaning to help out the generous aunt, because they haven't offered that.  You DEFINITELY need to provide cleaning for the aunt.  Either out of your own pocket or, after the reception, you and your FI can change out of your all's wedding clothes and get to work.  And do not hint or ask for help from friends.  Accepting help is only okay if it is freely offered. 

You do seem to be putting a lot of weight on factors you don't control, in terms of your house down payment.  Like the old adage, don't count your chickens before they hatch.  But, on the bright side, the only negative if things don't turn out the way you think they will...and I know this will be true for the taxes...is it will just be a longer delay before you can start house hunting.

One more piece of financial advice from a woman who knows all about unexpected house/property repairs.  Don't buy a house with only two dimes to rub together, after closing.  As a homeowner, your responsibilities increase 10-fold.  You need to have reserve funds.  I'd suggest at least $1,000, after everything you need for the house is purchased.  There is an unbelievable amount of stuff to buy after buying your first home.  Appliances, tools, lawnmower, furniture, curtains/rods for EVERY window...this is a starter list to think about and assumes the house is already in perfect condition!

I agree! We are in the process of saving for our first home and did not think about all of these purchases until we sat down and listed everything we thought we would need on our whiteboard. 

There were so many extra expenses! With our first home we obviously want shiny new stuff, so we pushed our timeline back a few months as a result. We love our apartment community, so we are not in a hurry. 

ShesSoCold

...We've lived in our house two years and still haven't bought window treatments.

We have these terrible 90s mauve blinds in the living room. It was the first thing my friend noticed when she walked in for the first time. Oh well! Maybe this summer!

TrixieJess

ShesSoCold said:

...We've lived in our house two years and still haven't bought window treatments.

We have these terrible 90s mauve blinds in the living room. It was the first thing my friend noticed when she walked in for the first time. Oh well! Maybe this summer!

I made ours. However, I just found out that IKEA makes blackout blinds and I have a trip planned for later this summer...

short+sassy

levioosa said:

@short+sassy great advice, although I’d say more than $1000 is needed. I think we spent $1000 just on window coverings alone. Our tiny house is a flippin’ fish bowl.

Agreed!  That's $1,000 (at least) reserve funds AFTER all the new house needs are purchased.

Really, it should grow to more.  But $1,000 to start with would at least be enough to cover emergencies like: a basic new fridge if the old one totally breaks ($600), stopped up sink or toilet that needs a plumber ($150-$300), repairing the HVAC (maybe)...pfft, those repairs start at $300-$400 for minor issues.  Alas, that is a mere small sampling of things homeowners would want to repair immediately if when they break.

When I bought my first house which, to be fair, was a fixer upper.  The "big" repairs I needed were, in a way, easier to plan and budget for.  Because they were hundreds or thousands of dollars.  But it's the dozens of "little" $20-$50 Home Depot purchases that will leave you wondering, "What?  Where did all my money go?", lol.

charlotte989875

short+sassy said:

levioosa said:

@short+sassy great advice, although I’d say more than $1000 is needed. I think we spent $1000 just on window coverings alone. Our tiny house is a flippin’ fish bowl.

Agreed!  That's $1,000 (at least) reserve funds AFTER all the new house needs are purchased.

Really, it should grow to more.  But $1,000 to start with would at least be enough to cover emergencies like: a basic new fridge if the old one totally breaks ($600), stopped up sink or toilet that needs a plumber ($150-$300), repairing the HVAC (maybe)...pfft, those repairs start at $300-$400 for minor issues.  Alas, that is a mere small sampling of things homeowners would want to repair immediately if when they break.

When I bought my first house which, to be fair, was a fixer upper.  The "big" repairs I needed were, in a way, easier to plan and budget for.  Because they were hundreds or thousands of dollars.  But it's the dozens of "little" $20-$50 Home Depot purchases that will leave you wondering, "What?  Where did all my money go?", lol.

So true. All of our money went to Lowe's for the first year we owned the house. And it didn't need anything major. 

TrixieJess

short+sassy said:

levioosa said:

@short+sassy great advice, although I’d say more than $1000 is needed. I think we spent $1000 just on window coverings alone. Our tiny house is a flippin’ fish bowl.

Agreed!  That's $1,000 (at least) reserve funds AFTER all the new house needs are purchased.

Really, it should grow to more.  But $1,000 to start with would at least be enough to cover emergencies like: a basic new fridge if the old one totally breaks ($600), stopped up sink or toilet that needs a plumber ($150-$300), repairing the HVAC (maybe)...pfft, those repairs start at $300-$400 for minor issues.  Alas, that is a mere small sampling of things homeowners would want to repair immediately if when they break.

When I bought my first house which, to be fair, was a fixer upper.  The "big" repairs I needed were, in a way, easier to plan and budget for.  Because they were hundreds or thousands of dollars.  But it's the dozens of "little" $20-$50 Home Depot purchases that will leave you wondering, "What?  Where did all my money go?", lol.

A month after we moved into our new house, the washing machine and the toilet in the main bathroom had issues. Oy. BTW, it never stops, this year we are redoing our bedroom after a leak in the ceiling, the shower, and parts of the backyard. Thankfully I know people so I get a bit of a discount. 

debbeau

We had no furniture in our living and dining rooms for a year after we moved in. An unexpected new washing machine and refrigerator took priority 

ShesSoCold

We really need to just all ask our in-laws for help.

PrettyGirlLost

short+sassy said:

levioosa said:

@short+sassy great advice, although I’d say more than $1000 is needed. I think we spent $1000 just on window coverings alone. Our tiny house is a flippin’ fish bowl.

Agreed!  That's $1,000 (at least) reserve funds AFTER all the new house needs are purchased.

Really, it should grow to more.  But $1,000 to start with would at least be enough to cover emergencies like: a basic new fridge if the old one totally breaks ($600), stopped up sink or toilet that needs a plumber ($150-$300), repairing the HVAC (maybe)...pfft, those repairs start at $300-$400 for minor issues.  Alas, that is a mere small sampling of things homeowners would want to repair immediately if when they break.

When I bought my first house which, to be fair, was a fixer upper.  The "big" repairs I needed were, in a way, easier to plan and budget for.  Because they were hundreds or thousands of dollars.  But it's the dozens of "little" $20-$50 Home Depot purchases that will leave you wondering, "What?  Where did all my money go?", lol.

Have a home warranty built into your contract- have it in writing that you want the seller to provide a home warranty for a year, and if you can't swing that I'd just invest in one.  Home warranties will cover or partially cover a lot of this.

So far we've had to replace our boiler, water heater, and had the dishwasher repaired twice.

ernursej

Emergency fund 3-6 months of full unreduced expenses taken in to consideration an increase with a house. Also, for any new house purchase 1-5% total house value as extra for unexpected house only related expenses. 

For example: house cost $200000, should have $2000-10000 as extra for house alone extras. Same amount minimum yearly for upkeep (have also heard that 10% is a better amount). Emergency fund would be 3-6x(monthly take home-leftovers once expenses paid).