Friends acting weird towards you after engagement

futuremrs20

Hi everyone. This is my first time here as I just got engaged on Friday. Still in the "it's all so new" mode but today was my first day back in classes (I am in medical school) and while most of my friends were giddy and happy for me, others were a bit weird towards me, not saying anything, rolling their eyes if others asked about the proposal, or flat out walking away if anything wedding related was brought up.

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how they got over it/through it? It's a bit disheartening to be treated that way simply because it has been a tough few years (my father passed away suddenly, the grief associated with that, etc) and my closest friend said, "If anyone deserves this joy and happiness, it's you." Thank you! 

short+sassy

Congrats on your engagement!

Keep in mind that no one will be as excited about the engagement and wedding planning as yourself and your FI.  But still.  The eye rolling and walking away sounds downright rude.

Is it possible either you and/or your friends were talking ad nauseum about the proposal/wedding?  I'm grasping at straws here, lol.  It does seem like unusual behavior.

Unless someone says something more specific to you, I'd just chalk it up as one of those things and let it roll off my back.  It doesn't make it okay, but some people are grumpy today after a long weekend.  I know I am and I'm not even in college anymore, lol.  Much less the kind of stressful, demanding curriculum of medical school.

Going forward, I would keep the wedding/engagement talk to a minimum.  It's just a good general policy to start now because I'm sure you won't be inviting most of your classmates to your wedding.  Though I don't blame you at all for mentioning the engagement.  That is big news!  It would have been weird to not say something.

futuremrs20

Thank you so much for your quick reply and your kind words. I kept the engagement/wedding talk to a bare minimum since I don't typically like to draw attention to myself and only answered questions when asked. One of my friends actually mentioned that she was concerned that I was not more excited and to "screw the haters." But I've really been priding myself on that because I know not everyone wants to hear EVERYTHING about what's going on. But thank you, I do appreciate it. 

Jen4948

Congratulations and best wishes!

I'm sorry some of your friends have been unenthusiastic for you. 

Is there any possibility that you caught those particular persons at a bad moment for them with your announcement? Have they been going through tough times? That could explain their reactions, although eye-rolling and walking away does sound rude.

futuremrs20

Thank you! I really did not make a big deal with the announcement. A friend posted a picture of us on Facebook that she took after or engagement and obviously people left many comments and likes but I didn't go into school screaming "I AM ENGAGED! COME LOOK AT MY RING!" I really just let people say Congrats if they wanted but expected that those friends who I have been there for and have celebrated for as well wouldn't react that way. 

charlotte989875

Congratulations on your engagement! 

I think it fine to celebrate, and if people ask you of course you can talk about it! Sure not everyone is into weddings, but you don’t have to hide that you’re exited. Now if that’s all you were talking about (and it definitely does not sound like that’s what you were doing) I could see needing to tone it down, but I say there’s enough terribleness in the world, be happy for your engagement! 

Not everyone is going to be excited, or not know what to say, or maybe they were in bad moods, or maybe theyre just rude. I wouldn’t waste anymore time worrying about them, and focus on being excited. 

MesmrEwe

Focus on the positive and as others mentioned, make it a rule to keep the wedding talk to a minimum at work/school because 1)Not everyone is interested in your wedding as you are, but 2) Depending on how the budgeting process goes, many may not be on your guest list.  3) Depending on how things are structured, vacation time, etc. the scheduling of your wedding may be a challenge and even more so if you are still a student/resident.  

Relax and enjoy your engagement - stick around, the crew here is great about so many topics!

levioosa

PPs are spot on with remembering to temper expectations. Med school is full of a lot of big personalities, with some fantastic sexism liberally spread around. I would avoid talking about it at work or school just because it really isn't the time or place. But don't let it get you down and feel free to celebrate with your friends. 

LondonLisa

LuckyL93 said:

Hi everyone. This is my first time here as I just got engaged on Friday. Still in the "it's all so new" mode but today was my first day back in classes (I am in medical school) and while most of my friends were giddy and happy for me, others were a bit weird towards me, not saying anything, rolling their eyes if others asked about the proposal, or flat out walking away if anything wedding related was brought up.

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this and how they got over it/through it? It's a bit disheartening to be treated that way simply because it has been a tough few years (my father passed away suddenly, the grief associated with that, etc) and my closest friend said, "If anyone deserves this joy and happiness, it's you." Thank you! 

Some people just don't like weddings. I honestly find proposal stories a bit cheesy, but I recognise that others like them so I politely sit through them.  The wedding industry makes you feel like this is the biggest thing in the world- but this is key wedding planning advice: no one will care as much about your wedding/ engagement as you. Stay grounded, enjoy your engagement, but maybe limit wedding talk to your friends that are in to it. 

People can still be your friends and not like wedding talk. 

mrsconn23

All of the above advice has been great.  

Remember, most people's reaction may have very little to do with you.  Some people take another person's 'milestones' as a yardstick to what they have going on in their lives and some people find the whole to-do about weddings and the wedding industry utterly ridiculous. 

As an old married hag, I feel the latter has gotten crazier as the years have went on and it was insane when I got married.  MrConn and I do talk about what we would do now vs. what we did then.  The legal part of getting married is a blip compared to the rest of it all, which is a big party for all your friends and family.  Just something to keep in mind as you get into the meat of planning.   

You can't help how they feel and you don't have to apologize for what you've got going on.  Just be aware of their reactions/feelings, and if you discuss your wedding...don't be surprised at their lack of interest.  If you like them otherwise, then be sensitive to the fact that wedding talk isn't their jam.  

And yes, no one will be as excited as you are about your wedding.  If you're lucky, the people nearest and dearest to you will be excited and want to talk about your wedding, share ideas, etc.  But at the end of the day, it's your (as a couple) wedding and it will be most cherished and celebrated by you two.