Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelor Party Conflict

My husband and I have a dilemma and I'd like some outside perspective. Good friends of ours are getting married in June. They sent save the dates a while ago but have not yet sent invitations. Even though we haven't sent a formal RSVP yet, we have told them we will (both) be there. Well my husband is going to be in a wedding in July. This past weekend the groom, my husband's friend, *told* his groomsmen that the bachelor party was the same weekend in June that we have that other wedding.

So now my husband is in a really tough spot. I feel like a verbal commitment is in fact a commitment and that he should plan to attend the wedding and meet up with the guys for the bachelor party on Sunday - the bachelor party is Friday thru Monday. My husband is afraid that his friends will see it differently and that he's a bad friend if he misses the bachelor party. I also think it's ridiculous if the groom expects all the guys to attend no qustions asked when they weren't given the chance to give input on the date. I'm also biased in that I definitely want him to join me for the wedding, but bias aside I also think that's the commitment we've made and he should stick to. But I'm hoping for some outside perspective. Is there a "right" thing to do in this case?!

Re: Bachelor Party Conflict

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In my opinion the wedding would trump a bachelor party weekend. You said they are good friends, so of course you would want to attend their wedding. As far as them not already sending invites - it's too early for a June wedding to have sent them. When the other groom told his groomsmen when the bachelor party is, the correct response was "I'm sorry we already have a commitment that weekend". Of course, if both events are local, your husband could attend parts of the bachelor party.
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensshort+sassysparklepants41
  • The groom is kind of not a great friend, not your husband. First of all, he shouldn't be planning his own party. Second, if he wanted to make sure people were available on that date, it should have been cleared before booking.

    "Sorry, I already am attending a wedding that weekend, maybe I can join you guys on Sunday afterwards." That's the only thing he needs to say. Really, an actual wedding (that he's already said he'd be attending) trumps a bachelor party the guest of honor is throwing for himself without even checking his guest's schedules. I mean, wedding > bachelor party anyway, but this is just a pretty obvious choice.
    ei34short+sassysparklepants41charlotte989875
  • This is easy: "Sorry we already know we have a wedding that weekend and can't make it.  Any chance we can make it the weekend before or after?" 

    This is what happens when you schedule an event without checking with the VIPs.   

    FWIW I once turned down being in a wedding because while I committed to be in it the date wasn't given to me until I had committed to being in a completely different state at the time.   It was a first come first serve weekend unfortunately.  The other wedding came first.   Easy peasy. 
    MobKazei34charlotte989875
  • A wedding absolutely takes priority over a bachelor party.

    If the groom having the bachelor party in June cared that much that your husband would be there, he should've checked everyone's schedule first. If he gets pissed at your husband for not being at the bachelor party, he's the one who's the bad friend. Your husband doesn't have anything to feel bad about.
    image
    InLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Weddings take priority over bachelor parties. So I think your husband needs to tell the groom and his friends that unfortunately, he is already committed to attending the wedding. 

    He can ask if it's possible for the groom et al to reschedule the bachelor party or offer some sort of get-together of his own. But he shouldn't skip the wedding to attend a bachelor party.
    ei34
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My husband and I have a dilemma and I'd like some outside perspective. Good friends of ours are getting married in June. They sent save the dates a while ago but have not yet sent invitations. Even though we haven't sent a formal RSVP yet, we have told them we will (both) be there. Well my husband is going to be in a wedding in July. This past weekend the groom, my husband's friend, *told* his groomsmen that the bachelor party was the same weekend in June that we have that other wedding.

    So now my husband is in a really tough spot. I feel like a verbal commitment is in fact a commitment and that he should plan to attend the wedding and meet up with the guys for the bachelor party on Sunday - the bachelor party is Friday thru Monday. My husband is afraid that his friends will see it differently and that he's a bad friend if he misses the bachelor party. I also think it's ridiculous if the groom expects all the guys to attend no qustions asked when they weren't given the chance to give input on the date. I'm also biased in that I definitely want him to join me for the wedding, but bias aside I also think that's the commitment we've made and he should stick to. But I'm hoping for some outside perspective. Is there a "right" thing to do in this case?!
    The other side of that coin is that H's "groom friend" is the bad friend if he cannot see that the commitment to, and attendance at, the wedding, is the right decision to make.  If your husband were to receive an (hypothetical) invitation to a bachelor party the weekend of "groom friend's" wedding, would "groom friend" be happy that bachelor party took precedence over his wedding?
    This is a no-brainer in my book.
  • Thanks everyone! This was kinda what I was thinking but I wasn't sure if my own bias of wanting my husband at the wedding with me was clouding my judgement. My husband did go ahead and tell the groom he couldn't it until Sunday. So fingers crossed his friend doesn't take it badly. Appreciate the input!
    MobKazshort+sassyei34charlotte989875
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