Pre-wedding Parties
SoonToBeSmith0512
member
Bachelor Party Conflict
My husband and I have a dilemma and I'd like some outside perspective. Good friends of ours are getting married in June. They sent save the dates a while ago but have not yet sent invitations. Even though we haven't sent a formal RSVP yet, we have told them we will (both) be there. Well my husband is going to be in a wedding in July. This past weekend the groom, my husband's friend, *told* his groomsmen that the bachelor party was the same weekend in June that we have that other wedding.
So now my husband is in a really tough spot. I feel like a verbal commitment is in fact a commitment and that he should plan to attend the wedding and meet up with the guys for the bachelor party on Sunday - the bachelor party is Friday thru Monday. My husband is afraid that his friends will see it differently and that he's a bad friend if he misses the bachelor party. I also think it's ridiculous if the groom expects all the guys to attend no qustions asked when they weren't given the chance to give input on the date. I'm also biased in that I definitely want him to join me for the wedding, but bias aside I also think that's the commitment we've made and he should stick to. But I'm hoping for some outside perspective. Is there a "right" thing to do in this case?!
So now my husband is in a really tough spot. I feel like a verbal commitment is in fact a commitment and that he should plan to attend the wedding and meet up with the guys for the bachelor party on Sunday - the bachelor party is Friday thru Monday. My husband is afraid that his friends will see it differently and that he's a bad friend if he misses the bachelor party. I also think it's ridiculous if the groom expects all the guys to attend no qustions asked when they weren't given the chance to give input on the date. I'm also biased in that I definitely want him to join me for the wedding, but bias aside I also think that's the commitment we've made and he should stick to. But I'm hoping for some outside perspective. Is there a "right" thing to do in this case?!
Re: Bachelor Party Conflict
2) This groom is an asshole. He shouldn't be planning his own party, he shouldn't demand that anyone attend, and he shouldn't have chosen a date without running it by others first. If it weren't the wedding, I would be tempted to make up some other obligation to skip it. If he's this much of an asshole about a party 6 months in advance, the party itself is going to be a nightmare.
Also because I don't tolerate people telling me what to do very well, so I wouldn't be going out of my way for this bachelor party regardless.
"Sorry, I already am attending a wedding that weekend, maybe I can join you guys on Sunday afterwards." That's the only thing he needs to say. Really, an actual wedding (that he's already said he'd be attending) trumps a bachelor party the guest of honor is throwing for himself without even checking his guest's schedules. I mean, wedding > bachelor party anyway, but this is just a pretty obvious choice.
This is what happens when you schedule an event without checking with the VIPs.
FWIW I once turned down being in a wedding because while I committed to be in it the date wasn't given to me until I had committed to being in a completely different state at the time. It was a first come first serve weekend unfortunately. The other wedding came first. Easy peasy.
If the groom having the bachelor party in June cared that much that your husband would be there, he should've checked everyone's schedule first. If he gets pissed at your husband for not being at the bachelor party, he's the one who's the bad friend. Your husband doesn't have anything to feel bad about.
He can ask if it's possible for the groom et al to reschedule the bachelor party or offer some sort of get-together of his own. But he shouldn't skip the wedding to attend a bachelor party.
This is a no-brainer in my book.