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Etiquette

Invited themselves and skipping ceremony

edited April 26 in Etiquette
So I've only been at my job 3 months and my boss started inviting herself to my wedding, what I thought was jokingly, about a month ago. I tried to dodge it at first with dumb answers like "oh, are you walking me down the aisle" or things like that just because I thought she was joking. It's now a week before the wedding and she is still talking about it, and now she is even grilling a co-worker of mine for the address (this co-worker is my bff that has worked there a shorter time than me). To make things even more weird, she straight up said she is skipping the ceremony and only coming to the reception. I tried to be like "oh you're just trying to use me for free food" and she didn't get the hint. This is getting so uncomfortable because she's my boss that I see everyday so I can't dodge her for the next week but like she was never invited / given an invite / I've never even brought the wedding up to her lol. Please help!!

Also we're having like 100 people at the wedding so it's not small, but the seating chart is already done and the food is ordered at this point....

Re: Invited themselves and skipping ceremony

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Well that is just rude! With hindsight, instead of answering her with jokes you should have told her you were sorry but couldn't invite everyone that you would have liked to but you're sorry that you couldn't invite her. That ship has sailed. If she brings it up this week, I would tell her that though. If it were me and she showed up to the reception, I would have a seat for her and check with the caterer to see if you could have a "stand by" place setting. We were adding numbers to DD's reception within the week before the event. Your only other option is turning her away at the door, but I'm not sure that is a good idea with your boss. Hopefully she was just joking and won't show up at the reception.
    OurWildKingdomshort+sassy
  • Can your BFF say, "Look I can tell you where the reception is but if you're not on the list you won't get in." 

    Out of curiosity, is your boss....socially inept? 
    MesmrEwe
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Instead of joking, it's time to be direct. "It's so sweet of you to want to come, but we're not able to invite everyone we'd like." Since she's asking your friend, I would bring it up and let her know that boss is not invited and to deflect and avoid sharing the location. I'm not sure why skipping the ceremony is at all relevant here. She's not invited at all, is she? 

    But I agree with PP. While it's incredibly rude of boss to show up and crash the reception, I wouldn't turn her away at the door if she does show up. There are some friends and family that I'd do that to, but I'd be worried about on-going weirdness with my manager. Caterers are used to last minute additions. It won't be a huge problem to add a chair and plate somewhere.
    MesmrEweOurWildKingdomcharlotte989875
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So I've only been at my job 3 months and my boss started inviting herself to my wedding, what I thought was jokingly, about a month ago. I tried to dodge it at first with dumb answers like "oh, are you walking me down the aisle" or things like that just because I thought she was joking. It's now a week before the wedding and she is still talking about it, and now she is even grilling a co-worker of mine for the address (this co-worker is my bff that has worked there a shorter time than me). To make things even more weird, she straight up said she is skipping the ceremony and only coming to the reception. I tried to be like "oh you're just trying to use me for free food" and she didn't get the hint. This is getting so uncomfortable because she's my boss that I see everyday so I can't dodge her for the next week but like she was never invited / given an invite / I've never even brought the wedding up to her lol. Please help!!

    Also we're having like 100 people at the wedding so it's not small, but the seating chart is already done and the food is ordered at this point....
    I agree that it would have been best to hit that head on the first time your boss brought it up.  If it comes up again this week, I would say, "It's been fun joking like this.  Obviously our guest list was made long before I even started to work here.  It certainly cannot change a week before the wedding.  I know you understand."  

    I would firmly tell your friend/coworker to NOT divulge the address or anything remotely related to the wedding.  Honestly, if she were to actually crash your wedding, I'm not sure I would accommodate her unless this is a DREAM job.  I would not want to work with someone who is either that crass or that obtuse.
    OurWildKingdomdowntondiva
  • Honestly your boss sounds unprofessional here, but so I think were your jokes (at least they would be in my office). I agree with Jen above and to think about the potential ramifications to your job. That sucks, but it would be my first priority. Realistically your wedding is this week and if she doesn’t get an invite hopefully she will take the hint and not come. But I’d be prepared to host her if she does. 
    MesmrEweOurWildKingdom
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