Invited themselves and skipping ceremony

Re: Invited themselves and skipping ceremony

• ILoveBeachMusic member

  

  April 2019

  Well that is just rude! With hindsight, instead of answering her with jokes you should have told her you were sorry but couldn't invite everyone that you would have liked to but you're sorry that you couldn't invite her. That ship has sailed. If she brings it up this week, I would tell her that though. If it were me and she showed up to the reception, I would have a seat for her and check with the caterer to see if you could have a "stand by" place setting. We were adding numbers to DD's reception within the week before the event. Your only other option is turning her away at the door, but I'm not sure that is a good idea with your boss. Hopefully she was just joking and won't show up at the reception.

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• banana468 member

  

  April 2019

  Can your BFF say, "Look I can tell you where the reception is but if you're not on the list you won't get in." 
  
  Out of curiosity, is your boss....socially inept? 

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  April 2019

  Instead of joking, it's time to be direct. "It's so sweet of you to want to come, but we're not able to invite everyone we'd like." Since she's asking your friend, I would bring it up and let her know that boss is not invited and to deflect and avoid sharing the location. I'm not sure why skipping the ceremony is at all relevant here. She's not invited at all, is she? 
  
  But I agree with PP. While it's incredibly rude of boss to show up and crash the reception, I wouldn't turn her away at the door if she does show up. There are some friends and family that I'd do that to, but I'd be worried about on-going weirdness with my manager. Caterers are used to last minute additions. It won't be a huge problem to add a chair and plate somewhere.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  April 2019

  I would normally tell you to tell an uninvited guest who just shows up that you're sorry but it isn't possible to accommodate that person. If this was someone planning to come with an uninvited child or a +1 for a non-SO, that's how I'd advise you.
  
  But since the person in question is your boss and there could be possible repercussions on your work relationship if you did this, I think you'll have to be prepared to host her (and anyone she brings with her) if she does show up. It sucks because it's incredibly rude, but that's the only safe way I see to navigate this situation.
  
  In the future, don't discuss anything personal with your boss that she doesn't absolutely need to know, and consider looking for another job if that seems warranted.

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• MairePoppy mod

  

  April 2019 edited April 2019

  It's time to take your boss aside and say, "All kidding aside, our wedding guest list was made months ago and we're not able to add any guests. I'm sorry we can't invite you."
  
  Your boss is rude to ask for an invitation, joking or not, but it's best to handle it directly and diplomatically as possible, since you see her every day. Ditto, Jen, on not discussing your wedding, at all, at work.
  
  You should decide, now, how you'd handle the situation if she crashes your reception. Will you have an extra place set up or will you tell her to leave. While you're within your rights to have her ejected by the banquet manager, there may be repercussions at your job. 
  
  

                     

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• MobKaz member

  

  April 2019

  brickstreetmergers said:

  So I've only been at my job 3 months and my boss started inviting herself to my wedding, what I thought was jokingly, about a month ago. I tried to dodge it at first with dumb answers like "oh, are you walking me down the aisle" or things like that just because I thought she was joking. It's now a week before the wedding and she is still talking about it, and now she is even grilling a co-worker of mine for the address (this co-worker is my bff that has worked there a shorter time than me). To make things even more weird, she straight up said she is skipping the ceremony and only coming to the reception. I tried to be like "oh you're just trying to use me for free food" and she didn't get the hint. This is getting so uncomfortable because she's my boss that I see everyday so I can't dodge her for the next week but like she was never invited / given an invite / I've never even brought the wedding up to her lol. Please help!!
  
  Also we're having like 100 people at the wedding so it's not small, but the seating chart is already done and the food is ordered at this point....

  I agree that it would have been best to hit that head on the first time your boss brought it up.  If it comes up again this week, I would say, "It's been fun joking like this.  Obviously our guest list was made long before I even started to work here.  It certainly cannot change a week before the wedding.  I know you understand."  
  
  I would firmly tell your friend/coworker to NOT divulge the address or anything remotely related to the wedding.  Honestly, if she were to actually crash your wedding, I'm not sure I would accommodate her unless this is a DREAM job.  I would not want to work with someone who is either that crass or that obtuse.
  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  April 2019

  Honestly your boss sounds unprofessional here, but so I think were your jokes (at least they would be in my office). I agree with Jen above and to think about the potential ramifications to your job. That sucks, but it would be my first priority. Realistically your wedding is this week and if she doesn’t get an invite hopefully she will take the hint and not come. But I’d be prepared to host her if she does. 

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