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Wedding Woes

Build a bridge, take a chill pill, smoke a doobie...but do something to get past this.

Dear Prudence,

When my now-wife and I got engaged, the mother of a longtime friend enthusiastically offered to make my wedding outfit. She took my measurements a year out, I offered to pay several times, and I said thank you at every opportunity. She shipped the outfit the day before the wedding, so I never had a chance to try it on in advance. I put it on the day of my wedding and in the rush didn’t realize that it did not fit until after the ceremony. I had a very loose, deep neckline, and my nipples kept falling out. The seam at the seat also busted. My wife had to physically hold the outfit together for me during our first dance.

The outfit-maker attended the wedding and saw everything (along with my whole family). I wrote a thank-you note and offered one last time to pay. I’m a pretty relaxed person, but I’m mortified to know that several hundred of our nearest and dearest saw me half-naked in a way I absolutely did not want or plan for. My parents have mentioned it since the wedding, and while normally I feel very confident in defending choices they don’t agree with, this was not my choice! I’m also upset that my friend’s mom half-assed something so special to me in a way that gave me no way to back out. Any advice for what to say next time a family member mentions my unintentional flashing at my wedding? I’m fine defending life choices they don’t agree with but have a harder time when it’s something I don’t agree with either.

—Accidental Wedding Flasher

Re: Build a bridge, take a chill pill, smoke a doobie...but do something to get past this.

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yet another example of why we suggest brides use professional vendors. I would have been losing my mind if I didn’t have a dress at least the week before. And I feel like there were options OP didn’t even try the day of (safety pin? A quick few stitches in the dress to close up the gap? Tape?).  

  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think she seriously let the ball drop.  I would never bank on wearing a dress to any event with only a day to ensure it fits (and looks good).  This would be especially true if it wasn't coming from an actual professional.

    Who are these family members who are bringing up a nip slip at every opportunity?  How odd.  I guess I would just say, "Sh*t happens" and move on.

  • Why did she not put teeth into this? 

    "I need it by X date"

    And has she never heard of double sided tape? 

    This is not OK but it's in the past now.

    In the future, don't wait until the last minute to try it on and have a backup.   Also, don't take delivery without a fitting.  
  • Jstump2 said:
    I feel like she needs to take some blame/responsibility. As it was getting closer to the wedding and she still didn't have the dress she should have come up with some alternative/back up plan in case it didn't fit. If it was so loose her nipple was slipping, I would think that would have been pretty obvious upon trying on and or some fashion tape could have come in handy if she was aware it was going to be super low cut
    I have to agree. Yes, the person who made the outfit really should have sent it earlier, but knowing that this could go wrong, LW absolutely should have had some sort of backup plan. 

    A lot of couples will tell you that something at their wedding either went wrong or didn't go quite as they expected. It's unfortunate that for LW that happened to be a rather big thing, and I understand why they are disappointed. But in my opinion, they'd be better served by learning to laugh it off and maybe even find some humor in it. I think the only way to get their family to stop bringing it up to stop getting so uncomfortable and defensive about it when they do. If the family sees LW laughing it off and that they can't get a rise out of them about the outfit, maybe they'll eventually let it go.
  • No this is nonsense. You put a camisole on. You safety pin. You tape.  LW decided to wear an outfit that showed off the nips. She should feel bad about that it was inappropriate and shows really poor judgment. 
    And LW needs to accept that she bears the responsibility for showing her own nipples.   You can't blame others for that.   Does everyone else normally fix things for her? 
  • Yes, it's unfortunate.  And yes, there were so many things the LW could have done up to and including on the day of the wedding to at least alleviate the problem.  They chose not to do any of those things, so some of the fault lies on them also.

    With that said, it's in the past now.  They need to stop holding a grudge for the mother of their longtime friend.  The LW doesn't mention that person's experience, but it may have been they bit off a lot more than they could chew and tried their best.  Not that they half-assed it.  Which goes back to, they should have declined this offer way back when.

    I really can't imagine why anyone would bring this up to the LW.  Much less still be bringing it up to the LW.  But she needs to laugh/blow it off.  Say something like, "Yep, that was my wardrobe malfunction! Have you tried this bean dip?  I love the addition of avocado pieces."  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why does LW want  advice on what to say the say the next time a family member brings up the wedding dress? How about advice on insisting on trying something that important on first, or advice on having a backup plan? 
  • I call BS, you decided to wear it without properly ensuring things you wanted covered were actually covered and now that people have said something about it you want to blame the friend. 

    No. You chose to wear, stand by it. Or tell people to mind their own business because that’s all that needs to be said. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    LW needs to accept that they own some responsibility here. They were perfectly ok with an outfit that didn't arrive until the day before the wedding and didn't even have a back up? What would have happened if the shipment was delayed? They should have had a backup ready, and upon learning that the garment didn't fit correctly, opted for the backup. I'm sure the friend's mother would have been disappointed, but she can't argue with "I really appreciate it, but unfortunately I'm not able to wear it because it didn't fit."

    Now, LW just needs to move on. If someone brings up the nip slip, they should say "yes, that was unfortunate, and even more unfortunate that you continue bringing it up to try to embarrass me."

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Yup, when my outfit wasn’t there a day before the wedding - I would have been last minute shopping at that point. 

  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    this is so pixiemoon
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    "My boobs are just so awesome I wanted to have them on full display for our special day.  You don't agree?"

    But seriously, I would have asked for the outfit to be ready a month ahead of time, or at the very least a week, and had a back-up if that timeline wasn't met.  
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    levioosa said:
    Yet another example of why we suggest brides use professional vendors. I would have been losing my mind if I didn’t have a dress at least the week before. And I feel like there were options OP didn’t even try the day of (safety pin? A quick few stitches in the dress to close up the gap? Tape?).  
    This. I was at a wedding in a bridesmaid dress with a high neckline and sleeves. Unless the dress was six sizes too big and literally fell off or  someone slipped with a pair of scissors and stabbed a hole in the boob, there was no way to be inappropriate. Even a few sizes too big would have looked bad, but not been inappropriate. I STILL brought fashion tape and safety pins. I didn't need it, but the MoB used the tape to hide her bra straps. No one had tape or pins or a tank top she could borrow? Even wearing a standard bra that showed would have been better than multiple nip slips. 

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