Wedding Woes

Coronavirus anxieties

Hello, all, I am getting married on April 4.  A couple weeks ago I was feeling great because we had everything figured out except for a few minor details, but now this coronavirus has knocked me for a loop.  We are getting married in a city park, with an outdoor ceremony and the reception in an onsite cabin.  Our guest list is very small (24 invited; we haven't received all the RSVPs yet but so far there's 100% attendance).  My biggest fear about the coronavirus was that our few out of state guests would not be able to make it, but as the situation has developed I'm also getting concerned the city will not allow us to use the park.  (There are no confirmed cases in our county yet, but there are a few in surrounding counties.)  Right now that doesn't seem likely, but as quickly as things have moved I'm not sure if that will be the case in three weeks.
We discussed it, and we will be getting married on April 4 no matter what.  We already have our license, and we want to be married to one another more than we want the perfect wedding.  It just sucks because although this is a small, budget wedding, it is exactly what we wanted, and it will hurt if we are not able to do what we had planned.
Anyway, this is just a vent, I guess.  Any thoughts/encouragements/commiserations are appreciated.  I am aware that in the grand scheme of things, my wedding not going as planned will not be the worst outcome of this disease.

Re: Coronavirus anxieties

  • It definitely sucks, there is no doubt about that. For what it’s worth I think you have the right attitude of “it’ll be disappointing if it doesn’t work out but we’ll get married anyway”. At the end of the day that’s what really import, but it’s okay to be disappointed if people can’t make it or if your venue closes. Unfortunately I think we’re all in a wait and see time and there’s not much we can do. Vent anytime you need to! 
  • Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I hope everything goes as planned!  But if it doesn't, I promise your all's wedding day will still be amazing and special.

    One silver lining is, even with 100% attendance, your group is small enough that you could easily move your reception to a private room at a restaurant or a meeting room at a hotel, jic the city closes the park.

    If some of your out-of-town guests can't make it, you can live-stream the ceremony for them.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • brightesthourbrightesthour member
    Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited March 12
    Thanks, both of you! @charlotte989875 I think what makes the "wait and see" so nerve-wracking is that there is no deadline at which I can breathe easy.  I won't feel completely secure about it until I am standing in the park on the morning of the 4th.
    @short+sassy Livestreaming is a great idea.  My FI actually brought that up a couple months ago because one of his closest friends is overseas, so I will mention it again.
    charlotte989875
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    @MairePoppy @KnotHolly Vendor alert
    Thank you!

                       
    OliveOilsMom
  • Well, it happened, just one day after I made this post.  It's amazing how quickly everything is falling apart.  We lost the venue on Friday, I was a mess all weekend, but finally I had made peace with the idea that we could basically have the same event in our backyard.  We could even use all the decorations I had bought.
    Then today I texted the caterer to let her know about the change in plans, and she let me know the restaurant owner considering shutting down for a few weeks.  Okay, a lot of the restaurants that are doing that are still delivering, so they might still be able to deliver our food even if they don't want any servers to stay.  But now the Bay Area has instituted a "shelter in place" order. We are a couple hundred miles away, but almost a quarter of the guests are coming from there.  I want to say I trust their judgment not to come, but honestly I don't.  Weddings are important to people and they might consider it a necessary exception to make.
    So now I'm left wondering if it's even worth it to continually modify our plans as more and more things go sideways, or just rip the band-aid off and say that our wedding will be family only.  We can still do the reception we had planned as a "celebration of marriage" later this year (we were not doing any of the wedding traditions such as a first dance, etc., and I'm wearing a short yellow bridesmaid dress instead of a traditional gown so I can even wear that again).
    My FI and I will discuss this further when I get home this afternoon.  But I'm starting to feel like it would be selfish to put my guests' health, and the health of everyone in their lives, at risk for the sake of my wedding.  I'm having a little bit of a self-pity party about everything going so wrong, but I know I'm not the only one affected.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you need to postpone the celebration until later. People shouldn't be getting together in large groups (greater than immediate family). I know you are terribly disappointed but the health of your guests, family and you are more important than a party. Be sad but be glad you are making the right decision.
    MairePoppylevioosaaisfora86STARMOON44
  • Thank you so much for the info about text my guests, I just had to cancel my wedding as well & really don't feel like contacting 125 people right now to let them each know. I love every one of them but right now I just need to focus on staying positive & being asked the same questions over & over isn't helping:(
    MairePoppy
  • When was your wedding scheduled for? 
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I really think you need to postpone your wedding. It's now been suggested to not even have gatherings of more than 10 people. How old are your parents? Aunts and uncles? Do you have grandparents? You could be putting them all at risk. 

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    brighteshour - I commend you for making the best of a bad situation. Best wishes for a beautiful wedding day, even if it's not the day you planned.
                       
    short+sassy
  • brighteshour - I commend you for making the best of a bad situation. Best wishes for a beautiful wedding day, even if it's not the day you planned.
    I agree! I think it’s such a hard time now, but you seem to have a really great perspective about it all! 
    kalinda2MairePoppy
  • My venue canceled on us too and we are also hosting a small backyard event. We're heartbroken. We're not getting a refund but our venue is letting us reschedule. Our vendors have all been great and helpful. I guess our silver lining, which doesn't feel so great right now, is that we get to have two weddings-- one small backyard event where we actually get married and then the bigger reception we really wanted that's now kind of irrelevant.

    I'm so sorry to all the other spring brides who are disappointed right now. I'm right there with you and we're not alone. It's true the important part is getting married and we all still get to do that, at least. 

    We've been saying all along that the day is about us but it's for our guests and that's what we need to keep in mind when we throw the party we originally wanted. It still hurts though. 
    charlotte989875short+sassytiffanynpattMairePoppy
  • @MairePoppy and @charlotte989875, thank you!  I think it's been relatively easy for me to make peace with it (after some initial kicking and screaming) because I was never really one to picture my perfect wedding.  The celebration party we would like to have in a few months can be exactly the reception we had planned without veering into PPD territory because we weren't going to do any kind of wedding traditions (I called it low-key; my FI lovingly called it "no-key.")  I'm sure it's been a lot harder for brides who imagined a more traditional wedding, and I hope they are all able to come up with a plan they are happy with.
    @jmichalakes I'm so sorry you're also going through this.  I'm glad you are able to find a silver lining, and your wedding will still be special no matter how it goes down. At the very least, all this heartache will make an interesting story in a couple years.
    charlotte989875short+sassyMairePoppy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    @jmichalakes best wishes to you, too.

                       
  • I had to cancel wedding 4 days before. Our county is banning any public and  private gatherings which broke my heart after 2 yrs of saving and planning. My fiancee reminded  me that nothing is more important than the health and safety of our loved ones. May  God give us the straight  to get through  these tough times. All my spring  brides you are not alone. 
    ILoveBeachMusicshort+sassyMairePoppy
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